AT&T National

Sunday in the Park with Tiger

Date Written: July 6, 2009
Culture quiz question of the week: name both the artist AND the technique he uses to paint the picture to the left. Winner is determined by first email answer and gets a sleeve of Pro-VX's or the ball of your choice. Hint...the title of this column has something to do with the artist.

In a more commercial vein, the employees of Nike's marketing department must have been slapping high-fives around the water coolers at the campus headquarters in Beaverton this Monday. From Wimbledon to Washington...Federer to Tiger...to A.K...the "Swoosh" was everywhere.

And the storyline from both the tennis and the golf worlds was eerily similar. Fifteen-time Grand Slam Champion, Roger Federer, vs. "Mr. Dead End Kid" Andy Roddick. Likewise, the golf at Congressional featured another backward, hat-wearing upstart...this one being Anthony Kim, trying to match his aggressive, "bomb-it" millenial style on Sunday against the best player who ever carved a golf ball. The head-to-head match-ups in both sports had it all: "olde school" vs. "wannabe's." Experience vs. youth. All time records vs. pipe dreams. In the golf match, the best player who ever lived, was playing against the hype...his consensus heir apparent. Both telecasts had huge audiences. My guess is that about a gazillion people watched sports from morning to dusk on TV, refusing to do any chores that required them to be out of broadcast range and demanding that they have a chit for another Father's Day pass.

Ultimately in the end, form prevailed. Tiger gave his 24-year old protégé a clinic. Tiger brought his regular "B" game and Kim brought the yips...snapping tee shots early in the round which made him disappear faster than you can say, "Sarah Palin." The only thing worse than watching Kim's early struggle with his swing was having to listen to Peter Kostis trying to explain his errant mechanics. Kostis may be one of the world's best teachers and knows Konica/Biz Hub ad naseum, but I can never see the swing subtleties that he's talking about. When 1/8 of an inch at impact can effect ball flight by 20 yards, why bother trying to explain? Better commentary was provided by Nick Faldo who questioned A.K.'s club selection decisions. Anyway, Tiger's back where he belongs...at the top of the money list. Now that Tiger's orthopod has fixed his left knee, maybe A.K. needs to see a neurologist for some brain re-hab.

Doug B. and I had the good fortune to pick Hunter Mahan who came from six back with a course record of 62 on Sunday and lost by a single shot. Good on us, Doug. Hunter and I share a good Sunday story. I had a wedge/distance lesson from our "Super," Shawn Aicher, at the back of the range before playing our Sunday skins game and miraculously sunk a 55 yard shot for eagle on the par-5 sixteenth hole at Sun Valley to win eighty bucks. It's amazing when one can apply a lesson so quickly and then see results. My wedge shot was about the same distance of the putts that Hunter made on Sunday. For those interested in putting distance math, 140 feet of putts that Hunter made on one day would translate to ten, fourteen foot putts, or seven, twenty foot putts or any combination thereof. In our foursome, we call that "making everything you look at."

The Muffins stay in first place in our funky pool was short-lived because their nag, Stricker, failed to show. Sundali and Winegar jump back into the first two spots. They were two of five who had Kim for a nice third place payday despite Kim's jaunty waywardness. Onward to The Tractor Open (John Deere) where both The Muffins and Sundali have Kenny P, and Winegar has Chad Campbell. We all know who to root against. Two weeks to The British at Turnberry, where double dough will be awarded. Anyone down there in the standings wanna make a run at the leaders, better do it NOW or save your scheckels for next year.

Traveler's Championship

Perryfect

Date Written: June 29, 2009

From Dictionary.com:

perfection
[per-fek-shuhn]
-noun

1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.


I always thought the word perfection was over-used, like when we hear on golf telecasts, "he hit a perfect shot." I thought that perfect, in a literal sense, was when a shot went in...not just on the green, close to the hole, or hit safely out of some impossible lie. Now I am informed by the official wordsmiths of Dictionary.com, that "becoming perfect" is akin to "being perfect."

I'm not sooo stupid as to realize how unattainable it would be to shoot a score of eighteen over 18 holes, but isn't that what words are for...to get to the truth of some matter? Otherwise, what's the point? Perhaps I need to be reminded that we are imperfect people using language that is also imperfect. This week I'm going to take the linguistic liberty to apply my own, "made-up" P word to apply to our weekly subject, Kenny Perry. God knows I've used enough superlatives, including the word perfect, to his eminence, Pope Tiger, The First.

It would be easy to just assign the moniker, "Kenny P." to our hero of the day. It's popular these days amongst the younger set to assign abbreviated nicknames (A-Rod, G-Sauce, T.O., Kenny G.), but Perryfect seems to fit his recent exploits. Kenny's won five times in just over a year, the most of any player on Tour. He has 12 top-10 finishes over that span and has made every single cut. His 258 aggregate total at The Travelers ties him for the fourth-best 72-hole score in tour history. Of lesser importance, he's climbed to the top of the stupid Schmed-Ex list with about a third of the season to go. His streak is nothing short of that other "P" word (that sounds like the "F" word), PHENOMENAL! As long as I'm featuring alliterations, I think he gives us elder hackers hope. At the very least, Kenny P's on a roll for the ages.

From the AP:

There was no Masters-style meltdown Sunday for Kenny Perry. Perry shot 63 to finish with a tournament-record 258 and win the Travelers Championship by three strokes over Paul Goydos and David Toms, two other golfers in their 40s, and leap into first place in the FedExCup standings with 500 points. The 48-year old Perry, whose bogey-bogey finish at Augusta kept him from winning the Masters in April, tied a course record with a 61 Thursday and led after each of the first two rounds here. But he trailed by a stroke to Goydos heading into the final round.

"Everyone kind of asks about the Augusta hangover deal," he said. "I guess I kind of shoved that aside a little bit. So that makes me feel pretty good."

Perry acknowledged he was thinking about the Masters as he played the back nine and told himself to play aggressively. "I knew that I had to keep making birdies," he said. "I wasn't going to let up. I wasn't going to play defensive golf. I learned something from that (Masters) mistake."

I can't remember in our funky pool when there's been such a quantity of near-winning picks. The Beach had a nifty T-2 with David Toms and ten of you scored nearly a quarter of a mil with Hunter Mahan (T-4). But Bob Bruce, Doc 'N Jill and Harry of Miltenberger were not to be un-done. They threw a dead-on strike with their winning pick of Perry, adding over $1 mil and the rare, yellow, highlight color to their respective accounts.

"Around the turn and into the stretch," as they say in horse racing. A bunch of "No-Shows" (even Kenny "P" needs a rest) this week in Washington D.C. where the host course, Congressional has been the site of four major championships over the years. The consensus picks are either Anthony Kim or "Yip" Allenby. The (Toasty) Muffins inched over Bill (The Swami) Sundali (who had an M.C. with In-Cink this past week) into first place. The Muffin's position may be brief because they have a WD this week with Freddie (The Slender) Jacobson. Three of the top six leaders, Sundali, Winegar and Sato, have A.K. so the rest of us know who NOT to root for.

US Open

Who's in Charge?

Date Written: June 22, 2009

MOTHER NATURE (as seen from above, looking down on an abstract golf course), will forever be remembered as the actual winner of the 109th US Open. She was not "officially" in the field but she reminded us that she's in charge. Tiger, along with half the field, had the worst of the weather draw because of HER, having to play in much more difficult conditions than those that went out later. "The leader board after the first two rounds had a big advantage," Mike Weir said. "For half the field to be able to play in nice conditions was huge."

When the rains came, Helen Ross, PGATOUR.COM Chief of Correspondents said:

"Officials hope to finish the third round by 4:30 p.m. The players will then be repaired, and competition in the final round will continue as long as possible Sunday evening and be completed Monday morning."

"Repair the players?" To a man, they did sound exhausted after all the delays over the five full days of a major on a very demanding course.

In the end, Ricky Barnes "unraveled" as most were expecting he would. The more veteran player and sectional qualifier, Lucas Glover, was the unlikely winner. In three prior Opens he had failed to make the cut. His final round 73 yesterday was just good enough to hold off the field. I was reminded by some columnist that Glover left the tour for six months last year out of frustration. To his credit, he figured out a way to not be so hard on himself. I wish I could learn that. Yesterday, he never lost the lead over the last twelve holes. Bill Dwyre of the LA Times summed it up best:

"Lucas Glover didn't just win the U.S. Open on Monday. He won golf's first Bataan Death March. This event took five days to finish, seemed like a month, and left one question burning in the minds of players and fans alike: What day is this again?"

At one point during the third round, Ricky was eleven under. He finished at two under, hanging tough after a bad first nine. He ended up tying for second with Lefty and the charming, comeback surprise of the tournament, David Duval. Welcome back David. You've told us for the longest time that you weren't far off your game. We thought you were either delusional or gonna be just an answer to a stupid Trivia question, "what was your world ranking before the Open?" (Answer, #882.)

From the "Monday Backspin" column on the PGA Tour website crafted by Lauren Deason:

"NO QUIT IN DUVAL: David Duval doesn't quit. He didn't give up over the last decade, when many people assumed he was finished in golf. Once the world's top-ranked golfer, Duval had dropped to 882nd in the Official World Golf Ranking before the week began at Bethpage Black. You heard the stats all week. Duval hadn't earned a top-10 finish since 2002. His last win came at the 2001 British Open. He had missed eight cuts in 14 starts this year. So how could he possibly have tied for second at the U.S. Open? It's easy -- perseverance, determination and a lot of confidence. It may be arrogance, but it's where I feel like I belong, Duval said after his final-round 71. I had no question in my mind I was going to win the golf tournament. Duval's hopes for major glory -- and a major comeback -- appeared to be dashed when he made a triple bogey on the third hole in the final round. But he rebounded with five birdies and just two bogeys over the next 15 holes. Of his performance after that triple bogey, Duval simply said, 'I don't quit.' He proved that more than once this week."

Bill Pennington of the NY Times wrote a charming piece on what I thought, was the biggest story of The Open...Phil's FIFTH, second-place US Open finish. Phil missed two short par putts in the final four holes to lose it. Click on the link to go into the locker room with Lefty after it was all over:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/23/sports/golf/23golf.html?hpw

Thirteen of us blew our Tiger bullet with his T-6 finish. "I striped it this week," he said. "I hit it just like I did [in the victory] at Memorial. Unfortunately, I didn't make anything. My good [putts] were not going in, and my bad ones weren't even close. I left a lot of putts short. And then when I tried to hit it harder, I gunned it past the hole. I gave myself so many chances, and made nothing." Oh well, that's golf!

Glen Marzion jumps into eighth place in our funky pool with his astute, double-money pick of Lefty that paid off like a win. I count ten of you who think that Hunter Mahan will play back to his T-2 finish last year in this coming weeks anti-climactic, Travelers Championship in CT.

Last thought: Paddy's got about a month to find his game for The British where he's going for his third straight title.

The St. Jude Classic

Bad Pants

Date Written: June 15, 2009

Current fantasy pool leader, Bill Sundali, asked me the other day between shots, how I come up with my weekly schtick and attendant photo. I told him most times it takes me through the weekend before the "topic of the week" will be revealed by my golfing muse. But when John Daly's in the field, I don't have to think at all. Some might think I'm either out to get him or I'm queer for him (like his multitude of fans), but I want to assure you it's only because he's such a rich and easy source of copy fodder. He's a perfect cartoon of "Everyman." John was reinstated by the PGA after his latest suspension for being a general embarrassment. In Memphis this week, John made the cut, tied for 59th, and got a bunch of face time and chatter in the press for his Easter-like, public resurrection.

It seems that I feature Big John's exploits in a column once a year. You can scroll back to my past blogs of April 7, 2008 and June 11, 2007 to refresh your memory where he was the main topic of the week. I think I lost a bet to someone because I said that he would be dead by the end of one of the years in question.

On a business level, I'm hoping he forgives my annual rants and picks me to be a staff writer on his new soap opera entitled, "John Daly and His Bad Pants."
I know in my marketing heart that there's big bucks involved in anything John does because in movie business jargon, he's "high concept." His endorsement tie-in with Loudmouth Pants is just more proof. But if I were his agent, I'd tell him to be a bit more careful about his choice of sponsors. He might be skating on that commercial thin ice that will land him in the cold waters called Bad Taste.

It's not a stretch to imagine Big John, after his golfing career is kaput, morphing into Dennis Rodman. The two of them could easily be imagined facing off in a tag-team wrestling match with Mickey Rourke.

When asked by a Inga Hammond of the Golf Channel if this might be his last chance, John said:

"I don't know what a last chance really is. Last chance to me is when you're six feet under. I love this game. I really do. I know deep down in my heart I may never be the No. 1 player in the world, but I know that I love golf and I love to compete. The satisfaction of having that opportunity, knowing I'm prepared to play, I've never been able to see what my best potential is."

Then when asked what motivated him to lose a bunch of weight, our dysfunctional brother replied, "I couldn't catch my breath after bending over and tying one shoe."

So...now I want to know how he did it...lose weight...right? Rather than go on a diet, he made the decision to opt for lap-band surgery. Lap-band surgery? When I first heard the expression, I thought he said "lap dance therapy," which I could immediately visualize. Rather than explain the procedure, click on the link below to learn more about losing weight the easy way:

http://www.obesitylapbandsurgery.com/tecmain.html

If only blindness or cancer could be cured so simply? But alas, Poor John still doesn't realize that what he really needs is brain surgery, not stomach surgery. Having difficulty tying his shoes is only a symptom of the bigger demons that reside between his ears...not around his waist. In my experience, pills and surgery (unless there is structural damage) are mostly palliative...oversold as a way to make us "think" that we'll get better without the work that real change requires.

Some local sage reminded me last week as we were waiting on the tenth tee, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting a different result. Given Big John's myriad, addictive tendencies, it won't be long for Big John to disconnect his lap-band in a drunken stupor. His weight will balloon back up to his normal 300 pound range. My advice to John is to forget the quick fixes, the booze, the sadness that's boiling down below...send me $29.95 for my new book, "THE BRAND NEW, REVOLUTIONARY LITTENBERG 180 DEGREE METHOD OF BEHAVIORAL CHANGE," and I'll change your life forever. Without revealing all my secrets, the gist of the book revolves around the interior stories we all tell ourselves which are mostly untrue and don't serve us well as adults. I'm going to tease you with one of the books secrets...it involves practicing the concept of "flipping your truth." Call me if you figure out what that means. If I tell you any more, you won't buy the damn book. Send cash money with the my solid gold guarantee that this book will change your life...or at the very least, you'll end up in another, less risky form of addiction.

I've got another book in the works that is essentially one line...a really simple idea for those who struggle with their weight...EAT AND DRINK LESS AND EXERCISE MORE! Brilliant! I expect to sell millions of copies of the book to John's adoring and enabling fans who think he is them. My wish is to see John in AA or as a patient in the marvelous HBO series, "In Treatment," rather than shloshing around in his favorite booth on the nineteenth hole, re-telling the same old stories.

All the Daly and Lefty's return coverage overshadowed Brian Gay's remarkable, wire-to-wire, tournament. Brian wears some weird pants too but he has quietly (contrary to Big John) made his mark on tour. Brian's average drive would be 75 yards behind Daly's average drive, but his overall game is soberly solid: middle of the fairway, middle of the green, middle of the hole. He earned an exemption to the US Open this coming week because he qualified as a multiple winner of tour. He has become, in pool parlance, "Steady Eddie."

Only three players in our pool added money to their totals this week, topped by Perry Sato's T-4 pick of the man who's recognized as one of the best ball strikers on tour but can't keep his head still when he putts, Robert Allenby. Everyone's hip to the old addage, "Drive for show, putt for dough," right? It was never more in evidence than this past week. Gay by the way...needed only 100 putts over four rounds. Excuse me for stating the obvious, but that's an average of 25 putts per round. I can't remember when I had less than 28 putts in any one round. Statistically for the year, Gay is 9th in putting and Allenby is 172nd.

It's Father's Day this Sunday. That must mean it's US Open time...double money! Thirteen of us have El Tigre in the fantasy pool. If he loses, it's an upset.

Finally...click on the link below and scroll to the June 10th entry blog written by Peter J. Sanders, founder of www.shotbyshot.com, entitled "How Tough Will Bethpage Black Be?" It's very interesting and timely reading:

http://niblicksoftruth.blogspot.com/

Happy Father's Day, hackers.

The Memorial

Roaring Tiger

Date Written: June 8, 2009

Just when the golf pundits thought Tiger was all washed up, he roars back to win the prestigious Memorial Tournament. Helen Ross, PGA Tour Chief of Correspondents, talks about the clinic Tiger taught yesterday at The Memorial:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r023/06/07/woods.sider.ross/index.html

Half of us have Tiger to win the US Open in two weeks. Now that order is restored in the golf universe, and Tigers leading the parade again, those of us who picked him to win months ago are feeling pretty cocky today.

I felt sorry on Sunday for Jonathon Byrd-Brain. Over the last nine holes, he missed 3 putts inside five feet, chunked an easy chip shot and doubled the last hole to confirm to the planet that the game at this level is played mainly between the ears.

Bill Sundali adds a bit to his lead in our funky pool with his Choi-pick. Scott Winegar jumps over his bunkmate, Pat Moloney into third place but has to suffer Geoff Ogilvy, "blew his wad with a quad" on the short par four fourteenth. Jack Nicklaus admittedly loves to design short par fours and the devilish fourteenth yielded the highest scoring average of any hole on the last day.

Today is the grueling, 36 hole sectional qualifying for the last spots in The Open. Click on the link below to find your favorite hometown player who made it:

http://www.usopen.com/en_US/news/articles/2009-06-05/200906051244212359846.html

Otherwise, the minions travel to Memphis for the St. Jude Classic. Eleven of youse have no one to root for because Trevor Immelmann is a no show! "Lefty" returns for this tournament as his way to tune-up for The Open. Tiger goes direct to Bethpage to practice. What do you think he's thinking? Duh!

Tah, Tah.

The Crowne Plaza

Hamlet Revisited

Date Written: June 1, 2009

To paraphrase Willy Shakespeare's Hamlet: "To be (a winner) or not to be (a winner), that is the question." If it's true that "One bad swing doth not a bad round make," then little, Timmy Clark needs a bigger lead coming home before he figures out how to win. It seems that whenever he imagines himself hoisting the trophy at days end, things go sideways. Even Lady Luck and her merry band of Fates gave him the brushoff once again at the jousting field called Colonial. Given a one shot lead going into the 72nd hole, little Timmy, the world's straightest driver, jerks it into the trees, allowing the two Steve's (Stricker, the eventual winner and Marino) to sneak into a playoff. Then, on the second extra hole, our little Timmy hits the pin flush on his second shot and instead of landing softly a few feet away for an easy birdie, the ball rattles 20 feet away. Clark misses, Stricker makes...end of story.

Methinks one day, Master Timmy might have to undergo a ritual exorcism or a stake burning to rid himself of that insidious inner voice that tells him he's not good enough to win. I seem to be repeating myself at least once a year with Timmy as the heartfelt subject. No matter what insight the commentators try to offer, he remains, "Mr. Second Place." Statistically, he wears the ignominious PGA crown of "most money ever earned without ever winning." Over a ten year, PGA career, he's earned a whopping $13.3 million with nary a win.

Personally, I can offer some solace. If it's worth anything, I'd trade him jobs. I don't like to travel much but I like the money he makes. He can take my place in my lowly foursome here in Sun Valley and I'll guarantee he'll be a winner.

The Bad News Dept: Timmy caused four pool players who picked him this week, major apoplexy. Bright and early Sunday morning, they awoke with hopeful hearts. They mapped out their day carefully. In no order, their mission was to finish all their chores by television tee time, take their phones off the hook, beat their respective wives and children, set out a nice, deli lunch..all in hopes of defying the odds and gaining a giant payday with their pick of Sir Timmy. After it was all over and their finger nails were bitten to the quick, they could only rue the million dollar payday that slipped through their grasp.

The Good News Dept: Bill Sundali, one of the lucky/unlucky ones to have Timmy, creeps over The Muffins into first place. For the record, I play with this guy, Sundali. His predictions in the pool are way better than his reverse-pivot golf swing.

Countdown to the US Open just a few weeks away. Tiger's in the field this week at the Memorial, obviously trying to sharpen his tools for Bethpage Black. Seven of us have the defending champ, Kenny Perry, four have 'Thorny' Rose, and three like the Canadien Weir-wolf. There are no, "no-shows" for the first time this year.

Finally, for your John Daly fix, comes this trivia from the LA Times:

John Daly has taken to wearing the most appallingly garish pants yet seen on a golfer, which is saying something. The Times of London recently offered a sartorial salute with a 10-photo spread, but was less enthusiastic in its commentary. Noting that the trousers come courtesy of a promotional arrangement with a California company, the newspaper said Daly has appeared in bizarre outfits in four European Tour events this year, "each time looking like an escapee from the circus."

The HP Byron Nelson

The Big "C"

Date Written: May 25, 2009

The big story this week in the sporting world was the heartbreaking news that Amy Mickelson has breast cancer. In a way, it's sad that celebrities get emotional headlines while our lowly family members, who suffer this dreadful disease by the millions, go un-recognized. If only Aunt Melinda was as photogenic and lucky to be married to one of the worlds best golfers? So much for our pop-idol culture. Look for Amy's image to be featured at the magazine rack at your local supermarket check out aisle.

Melanie Hauser, PGATour.com correspondent wrote:

In a touching scene, Winner, Rory Sabbatini, wore a pink shirt Sunday in honor of Amy Mickelson's battle with breast cancer and a good friend who's undergoing can treatment. Rory and his Amy stayed up last night making ribbons for players and spectators to wear. Sabbatini's friend, Bill Huseby, is battling Hodgkins lymphoma. Sabbatini hadn't seen him in nearly a year when Huseby came to the Masters. "He looks about 85 years old and pretty much skin and bones,'' Sabbatini said, wiping away the tears and trying to compose himself. "It really puts everything else that we do out here into perspective,'' he finally said. "It's tough. You know it's tough to see someone going through that. You know, that's why when you think about Phil and Amy Mickelson going through, what they're going through." The Sabbatini's have been in touch with Huseby -- he helped introduce the couple -- via text messages over the last few weeks and have convinced him to move to Houston to undergo treatment at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. "I just really hope and pray my buddy pulls through,'' Sabbatini said.

Sabo's game was certainly "in-the-pink," pun intended. He seemed to "gear down" a bit off his typical swing speed and his putting stroke was out of this world. A final round 64 (with a bogey on the last hole, no less) capped off a tournament record 19-under par.

All in all, the effort of the Sabbatini's to call attention to The BIG "C" perhaps took the sting out of some of the bad publicity he's gotten in the recent past. Remember the Ben Crane "slow play" affaire and unexplained WD from Tiger's Target Tourney?

Regular PGA Tour journeyman, Michael Allen, needed a special invitation from the PGA of America to get into the Senior PGA Championship because he had no status on the Champions Tour -- he's still fully exempt on the PGA Tour. Allen showed the invite was deserving as his winning score of 6-under 274 was one of only three under par and won the prestigious event at Canterbury in Cleveland. Allen has been winless for twenty years and he's probably best known for attending Q-School, thirteen times and holding the remarkable record for the most times to successfully make it....seven. "I always thought I was good enough to win," he said. "It has been a struggle, but it's a struggle I enjoy every day."

Therein lays the difference between Allen and most of us mortals. Beyond his superior athletic skills, I think the struggle to compete week in and week out at such a high level is too hard for most mortals. To keep going, year after year, with nary a sniff at a win, let alone some real cash, is either true delusion or belief. Ah, to be just turning fifty and looking forward---as someone on TV said---to being on a first name basis with your bank manager.

Update from last week: Shane Lowry, who won last week's Irish Open as an amateur turned pro last Thursday and will be playing for money this coming week at the European Open.

Mostly No-Shows and Missed-Cuts this week so no movement to report in our funky pool. The best any of us could do was a T-16 with either Justin Leonard or "Veej." The "Texas Swing" continues with The Crowne Plaza event in Fort Worth this week where Amy's husband, Phil, would have been defending champion.

Overheard from the TV tower; there's been some course changes on the venerable Colonial layout. We'll see if it's still "short-knockers" heaven. A course that only Corey Pavin and Scott Verplank could love. Four of us love Rod Pampling, four dig T. Clark and three like Stephan Ames off last year's good finish here.

Valero Texas Open

Beat Your Boss

Date Written: May 18, 2009

Six pool players picked Zach Johnson to win this past week at The Valero Texas Open and struck gold. I can't remember as many winners since a couple of years ago when a bunch of us picked V.J. to win The Mercedes and he did. Three rookies in this here pool are now leading the pack. The Muffins, have taken over the top spot, Bill Sundali slides neatly into second place, just ahead of Tobacco Road who held the lead for quite a few weeks but had a No-Show with DL III. The Muffins and Sundali have now picked the winner of an individual event TWICE. Personally, I haven't sniffed a win since 'ought 8'. I wouldn't know what it smelled like. Those of you who had Justin Leonard or Stephen Ames must have been heartbroken down the stretch at La Cantera Golf Club in San Antonio where they played the Valero. They each had their chances to win. No one, of course, picked Paul Goydos who bogeyed the last two holes to miss the playoff between Zachie and youngster, James Driscoll, by a shot.

Excerpted from Brian Wacker, PGATour.com site producer:

Lance Ten Broeck, Jesper Parnevik's caddie, but a pro in his own right, got word that he would be filling in as an alternate for ailing David Berganio, Jr. So, after caddying for Jesper in the morning in Texas, he played in the tournament itself in the afternoon. One problem. Actually, two. Ten Broeck didn't have his clubs with him. He didn't even have a pair of pants. And he wasn't about to borrow his boss' -- clubs or pants, that is -- so he drove to a nearby Dillards at the Shops at LaCantera, where he bought a pair of pants. He also secured a set of clubs from Richard S. Johnson, a putter from Tag Ridings and a pair of shoes from David Duval. He just missed the cut in Texas with borrowed clubs and clothes when asked to fill-in.

If you want to read a more complete version of, "Beat Your Boss" click below:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/r/05/18/lance.parnevik/index.html

A few other golf news events this week:

PGA Champion and TV analyst Bob Rosburg. passed away. If you are as old as I am, you will remember his dippy, short backswing and terrific ability to get up and down. For years, "Rossie" was the "on course" recognizable voice on ABC golf telecasts.

Aussie, Michael Sim, won for the second time on The Nationwide Tour in less than a month. Three wins in a Nationwide season gets one a "battlefield promotion"...an automatic pass onto the BIG tour. And add another name to add to your memory bank: Some writer said a star was born when local Irish hero,

Shane Lowry, became just the third amateur to win on The European Tour - at The Irish Open on the third extra hole in miserable weather.

Adam Scott has been playing like a dog, and six of you have him this week at the Byron Nelson. I'll just say good luck!

Finally, Charlie Tuna sends along a remarkable YouTube of Fred Astaire tap dancing and hitting golf balls at the same time. You've got to see his remarkable timing:

http://www.stracka.com/golf-blogs/blogs_post.asp?id=3357105

The Player's Championship

Flawless

Date Written: May 12, 2009

I had this week's column all but written in my mind by the end of the third round on Saturday night. It was going to be about Alex Cejka's unbelievable 10-shot victory at The Player's. Normally, I start thinking about what I'm going to write before the weekend and jot down a few notes so I won't forget where I'm going. This week I didn't think I would have to change much because "Cejka-Slovakia" had a five stroke lead going into the last round. The theme for this week was going to be how someone ranked 267th in the world, playing one of the fastest, most difficult courses ever devised, against the best field assembled all year, could win so easily. Chejka had started Tour events 195 times without a victory. The way he was hitting fairways and knocking down putts, I'm thinking beta-blockers. On a more sober note, I'm also thinking to include some dialogue about how his victory might reinforce the theory that there are about a thousands players with a decent-enough game, who can win on the tour on any given week. Well, like all best-laid-plans, I had to trash my notes. It didn't take long into the last round for Cejka to unravel. He played back to his also-ran form and ranking with a last round 79...13 shots worse than the ultimate winner, Henrik Stenson. Imagine the peloton in cycling roaring by him like he was standing still or Wily Coyote getting flattened by a falling boulder.

Ian (The Fashion Plate) Poulter was prescient on Saturday when he suggested in a post game interview:

"It's going to be a difficult day for Alex on Sunday. He's playing with Tiger. He's got a five-shot lead. He's going to be having dinner tonight thinking 11 under par should be good enough."

Stenson lapped the field with a bogey-free, diamond-like, flawless performance that will surely rank as one of the best rounds on tour this year. When asked at the end of the round if he felt as if he had played a different golf course than the rest of the field, Stenson replied: "No, it was still Sawgrass, I promise you." If the golf course wasn't different, his game was certainly different...different substantially than all his peers.

In our funky pool, Pat Moloney and Doug B. won a pile of dough in the huge $9.5 mil purse for their astute pick of Stenson. Pat jumps all the way from tenth to second and Doug B. into sixth. Nice go'n guys. Vijay's final round 67 (T-9), allows Tobacco Road to keep his lead as we pass the halfway point in the season.

The Quail Hollow Championship

The Capitalist Open

Date Written: May 4, 2009

The tournament fka (formerly known as) The Wachovia, was a doozy this past week. A great field, a terrific course with slick, sloping greens that scared the Bee-Jesus out of the players and a stretch of holes at the end that demanded consummate precision. Thirteen guys were within four shots going into the last round, including God hisself.

Bob Harig of ESPN.com summed up Sean O'Hair's victory best. Click on the link below for an interesting take. Y'awl remember Sean's 5-shot lead collapse at Bay Hill in late-March?

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/columns/story?columnist=harig_bob&id=4130841

In our funky pool, the best anyone could do was Bob Bruce and Corn Beef Taco's pick of Jim Furyk for a T-11. Eight of youse had Benny (The Jet) Curtis (T-32) who didn't play back to last year's runner-up finish. Onward to the fifth major...The Player's...this week at TPC Sawgrass where just about everyone on the planet will watch the car wreck known as the 17th hole. Five of us like Sergio to repeat this week and there's only one no-show...Olazabal (John Flynt).

What would this column be if I couldn't make my weekly social rant? The former title sponsor, Wachovia Bank, crashed and burned as the fifth largest financial institution late last year and got swallowed up by Wells Fargo Bank. Wachovia's super-aggressive, go-go, decision-makers were a bunch of real lulus. No financial endeavor they concocted was without a unique profit angle or a wicked tax advantage. Given the backdrop of the seizure that took place here in Ketchum this week of the F.B.I. (First Bank of Idaho), I've been reading up on the on-going bank debacle, which like a giant ball of yarn, is destined to unravel even further. For now, Wachovia wins the award as being the biggest bank miscreant thus far. It's successor, Wells, has been reported by the Associated Press along with the banking behemoths, Bank of America and Citibank, as not being able to pass the government's "financial stress test" to see if they are truly solvent. Are all our banks near bankruptcy? Should you "short" their stock that you hold in your IRA....take out your deposits? The PGA Tour's marketing department scrambled to change the name of the Wachovia tournament to "The Quail Hollow Championship" which doesn't say much to the corporate world. I suppose they'll have to look for a different title sponsor next year. Maybe they'll end up calling the event the "Chapter 11 Championship" or the "FDIC Open"?

Click on the link below to read more about Wachovia:

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/business/companies/wachovia_corporation/index.html?scp=1-spot&sq=wachovia&st=cse

This whole banking debacle reminds me of the Enron scandal of 2001. If you have some extra time, "Netflix" the documentary, "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," or read the book of the same title. If there is an annual award for corporate skullduggery, the two key executives of Enron, Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, would win hands-down. They served up the most remarkable heavy topping of creamy bullshit that all but two little ladies, one of the press (Fortune) and one honest corporate underling. In the end, their proclamations were truly pitiful. But reserve your true pity for the poor employees who had their retirement invested in Enron stock, while Kenny-boy and little-Jeffrey cashed in their stock before the collapse of their worthless company. It's ironic and almost laughable that less than 10 years later, the under-regulated Wall Street boys (who add zilch to the actual, real economy) invented some new instruments called credit default swaps and derivatives which will ultimately end up costing our children about 4 trillion taxpayer dollars.

While on the topic of crooks, for good measure you can throw into my new book, "The Pantheon of Pricks," that good old-fashioned Ponzi-schemer, Bernard Madoff (ironic that his name is pronounced "Made-Off"), who bilked hundreds out of billions while our government regulators, the SEC, fiddled. The message: Don't trust ANYONE...especially large financial institutions, accountants, investment advisors and certainly not your government. I don't! I think it will take at least a generation to regain the trust of our institutions. For now, just put your money in your mattress.

Finally, on a lighter note: Because golf is such a wonderful metaphor and distraction....the following is from a David Brooks' column in the NY Times on May Day:

"The key factor separating geniuses from the merely accomplished is not a divine spark. It's not I.Q., a generally bad predictor of success, even in realms like chess. Instead, it's deliberate practice. Top performers spend more hours (many more hours) rigorously practicing their craft."

If you're not worn out from too much reading, click on the link below to read the full context of Mr. Brooks' comments:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/01/opinion/01brooks.html?em

Now I'm truly worn out but I feel better. Writing is good therapy.

Zurich Classic

The Hurricane Open

Date Written: April 29, 2009

A bunch of guys had chances on the back nine last weekend in New Orleans to win. Jerry Kelly ended up with the victory, but "Three Sticks" (C. Howell, III) could easily claim that he gave it away with two bogies over the last seven holes. It's not the first time that "III" has not finished the deal. The law firm of Sabbatini Wi Marino & Toms had their chances but fell just short.

AVONDALE, La. (AP) - Andres Romero, the defending champion of the Zurich Classic, was disqualified after the first two rounds for signing an incorrect scorecard. Romero shot what he thought was a 3-over-par 75, pushing him to 5 over for the tournament. That score would have missed the cut, projected at 1 under. Romero told officials at the scorers' table he made a five at the par-5 18th. The 2008 PGA Tour Rookie of the Year didn't remember the one-stroke penalty he received for hitting his first shot into the water.

Best showing in our fantasy pool went to Scott Winegar, of Boise (The Meeting Network) fame, who had the smarts to pick local Louisiana fave, David Toms for a T-5 showing. Bottom dwellers, R & R, had their best finish of the year (T-11) with "L.O." (the Lessor Ogilvie...Joe). No one, of course, had the surprise kid on the leaderboard, Aron Watkins, who's a Q-School graduate playing in only his 7th PGA sponsored event. Master Watkins will probably be house hunting this week or paying off his investors with the 200 large he pocketed with his T-7 finish.

AK won this coming week's event at Quail Hollow last year and only one pool player deigned to pick him to repeat this year. Were we collectively figuring he was destined for a better showing this year and picked him to win a Major? That's what I figured. Eight of youse think Benny Curtis, who was runner-up last year, will prevail this week. Go figure.

Finally, If you're like me, you need an occasional fix on the John Daly soap opera called, "In Treatment," click on the link below:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/sports_blog/2009/04/a-slimmer-john-daly-is-back-on-the-course.html

Verizon Heritage

Business-like Brian

Date Written: April 20, 2009

Brian Gay is 5' 10". Tim Wilkinson, his playing partner in the last round this week, tops out at 5' 7''...on a good day. Luke Donald and Briny Baird, who eventually finished T-2, are 5' 10" and 5' 11. None of them weighs more than 170 lbs. or have forearms that would remind you of Popeye, John Henry or J.B. Holmes.

So let's raise our glasses and toast normal-sized guys. They played the big bombers to a standstill on the short (less than 7,000 yards) Harbour Town course. What a unique concept...having to hit it straight...not getting to bomb it over every dogleg.

I loved watching this tournament, because I'm an older short-knocker who hits it mostly straight. Tight fairways, smallish greens, shortsided pin placements, and a gazillion trees. Trees...did I say trees? There are one or two giant carnivorous things that overhang every fairway at every dogleg and eat golfballs that are slightly off line. My kind of course...maybe.

It was amazing to watch Brian Gay go about his business this week. Man was he thorough....like a neuro-surgeon navigating our nerveways. He just quietly excelled at every aspect of the game, demolishing the field by an astounding ten strokes with his combination of straight driving, lights-out putting. and an over 90% scramble factor. His victory was the first double-digit triumph on the PGA TOUR since Phil Mickelson won the 2006 BellSouth Classic by 13 shots.

The most remarkable stats: Gay is 178th on tour in driving length and 4th in driving accuracy. It is surely an overstatement that his skills matched up perfectly with the venue. For further "stat" evidence of Gay's superiorty, click on the link below for an analysis from the PGATour website:

http://www.pga.com/2009/instruction/features/04/19/weaver_verizon_heritage/index.html

Mizuno and Sligo (who's clothes are obviously designed by someone in love with sherbet colors), certainly got their money's worth with Gay's "face time" this week. If I were his agent, I'd opt for a more traditional clothing deal.

"The Big Easy Open" is on tap for this coming week. Six of youse like Andres Romero and four think "Woodhead" Austin will prevail. Otherwise, there's a bunch of No-Shows (NS).

The Masters

Say You, Say Me

Date Written: April 13, 2009

Said Mickelson: "It was fun."

Said Woods: "It was terrible."

Said "Bones" Mackay (Phil's caddy): "This was the most fun I've ever had on a golf course. It was very, very cool."

Said Stevie Williams (Tiger's caddy): "I wouldn't call Mickelson a great player because I hate the . . . ."

Said Kenny Perry: "I'll be OK. Great players get it done, Angel got it done."

Said Angel Cabrera: "I do what I do." (Huh?).

Said Chad Campbell: "I kind of blew it myself."



Say you.....?

Say Me: In the spirit of "Less is More;" I am going to refrain from Masters redundancy. Suffice to say it was magnificent TV. I watched it on TIVO today (Monday), already knowing the results, of course, and it was still terrific. I was busy over the weekend slashing it around Clear Lakes Country Club in lovely Downtown Buhl, Idaho. It weren't no Augusta National or Pebble Beach but it was still fun. Young Jeff Wong knows Buhl. Jeff and I were The Odd Couple When he was living in Idaho and we had a blast playing together.

Eleven of us had Lefty who finished a solo fifth. But for the twelve hole's "sawed-off 9-iron" that he chunked and a couple of missed putts on 15 and 17, he could have easily won his third green jacket. Might have scored about 62 which would have broken the scoring record in any Major

Pool-wise, it was kind of a wash in the first, double-money Major of the year. Our current leader, Tobacco Road, (along with Harry of Miltenberger, and John Flynt), blew their Tiger bullet for the year for a lousy 485K.

Boo or Badds are the consensus picks on the tight little track called Harbour Town Golf Links at Hilton Head this week.

Shell Houston Open

Bogies are Good


Date Written: April 7, 2009

Question: When is "bogey" a good score? Answer: When the Tour is playing in Texas in April, the wind is gusting to thirty five MPH, every round is delayed by weather, and the finishing hole's a bitch. Paul Casey bogies the dreaded eighteenth twice in a row and wins.

Tobacco Road cracks the $3 Mil. mark in our funky pool with his blind-ass pick of J.B. Holmes. But Master Holmes doesn't make it easy for Tobacco. He makes a 14-foot par putt on the dreaded eighteenth to post a score. Then he has to wait nearly three hours to see if anyone can catch him. Luckily for us "also-rans," Casey's bogey on the last hole in regulation was enough to guarantee a playoff. Then J.B. rinses his tee ball on the first playoff hole (the eighteenth, of course) and Casey just needs bogey again to prevail for his first-ever, PGA Tour win. His bogies saves us other pool-players about half-a-million that Holmes/Tobacco could have earned if Holmes, had listened to his own advice and played safe on eighteen.

For those that missed the tournament, eighteen at Redstone's a brutal, long par four over water from tee to green that played to a 5.103 average during the fourth round. There were more double bogies on eighteen on the last day than there were pars. And as if eighteen weren't tough enough, I counted seven professionals who shot 80 or more on the last round. Local favorite, "Boom Boom" Couples bogeyed the last 3 holes to finish two back and cause Corn Beef Taco some major heartburn.

If "Lefty" thought Houston was going to be a good tune-up for The Masters he was mistaken. 77, 76 allowed him to catch an early flight to Augusta. Eleven of us have him to win this coming week. Let's hope he finds a swing for the first of our "Double Money Majors."

Arnold Palmer

He's Baaack

Date Written: March 30, 2009

It was just like old times yesterday. Tiger in the last foursome, so totally focused that it didn't seem to matter who he was playing against.

One could sense from the start that a five shot lead was not going to be enough for his latest victim, young Sean O’Hair. If one were looking for a sign early-on in the match, Master Sean left a few first putts, frighteningly short. Everyone in the gallery must have sensed his nervousness. A stunning graphic statistic was uncovered by an astute underling on the TV staff: of the eighty-odd times that Tiger’s played with the lead in the last foursome, he’s beaten his opponent straight-up, about seventy times. So...playing head-to-head against Tiger, (aka GOD), is not a good thing. But don’t feel too bad for Sean...he's in some good company. There’s a long list of better-known players who have thought they were up to the task.

Johnny Miller reminded us near the end of the thrashing that Tiger’s not only the best ball striker and hardest worker on the planet, he’s the best pressure putter too. Johnny also noted the difference between a champion and a challenger, "He's like the sun and you're like butter." Yes indeed...Tiger's six less putts over the last round would add up perfectly for the difference in the match.

I could only feel for fellow pool players, Perry Sato, Scott Winegar and Charlie Tuna. They had Sean picked for the week and they were looking pretty good with his lead. Fast-forward to the 72nd hole. I can imagine those three guys, in the prone position, peering at their TV’s from under their respective coffee tables as Tiger was contemplating that last putt on eighteen. The bad news was Tiger’s putt cost them about 400 G's...the difference between first and second. The good news was that the boys banked $680,000 for Sean's second place finish. One of our rookie players, Charlie Tuna,(who must think this game is easy), vaults into the money lead heading into the first of the double-money Majors at Augusta in two weeks.

If indeed, that "metaphor is everything," (and God knows, golf is filled with metaphor), I found a very clever and funny little book entitled, “Sum: Forty Tales From the Afterlives.” The Author, David Eagleman, is a neuro-scientist who teaches at Baylor Medical College in Houston. The book is a collection of his unexpected tales of afterlives that we have probably never considered. I’m gonna find his email address and offer to write a story for his next edition about playing endless golf in my next life in God’s foursome. Wouldn’t it be fun to think that when we go to our final resting place….Pebble, Pinehurst, Augusta....in the sky….and we find out that God,(picture Tiger in a long, flowing, red satin robe), has finally broken through to a single digit handicap and he can’t seem to play enough. More importantly, he tells St. Peter to give any golfnuts like us a free pass to join him in his Universal Foursome. We get to play all the famous courses whenever we want…at no expense, of course. I’ve heard there are some great tracks in the Alpha Omega Star System. Forget the idea of a soul, hell, purgatory, etc…let’s just play...for ever!

On to Houston for the warm-up to Augusta. Seven of us like Chad, of Campbell Soup fame.

Think Tiger needs any more practice for the Majors? Only Tobacco Road, Harry of Miltenberger and John Flynt thought to pick Tiger at Augusta. The rest of us probably over-thought his recovery from surgery and guessed he wouldn’t be fit by April. Now we are in double (money) trouble.

Transitions

Copperhead Credit
Date Written: March 23, 2009

You might have thought that Retief Goosen won this week at the Transitions. But I think the golf course itself was the winner. For those of us who thought Florida is as flat as a pancake, we've gotta re-think. The terrain at the Copperhead course at the Innisbrook Resort features up to 70 feet of elevation change. We should genuflect to the genius who picked out this site. Smart course architecture, small, subtle, super-fast, 13-stimp greens, tucked pins, narrow fairways, lots of varied trees, plenty of water and gnarly, sticky rough...a tasty recipe for a great potential venue for a US Open. Even though one doesn't get the true feeling of height, depth and slope watching television, it was fun to see "par" be a good score and to see the BIG BOYS struggle down the home stretch. There must have been 10 guys within two strokes on the last day, most guarding against a big number coming down the stretch. For those stat freaks, the cumulative scoring average for the week was 72.157 on the par-71 layout.

From the ESPN website:

"Retief Goosen made an amazing 55-of-55 on putts 5 feet or less for the week on greens he likened to the sinister surfaces he overcame at a place called Shinnecock Hills -- where he won the 2004 U.S. Open."

From John Maginnes of the PGATour website:

"If you think that the Copperhead course is just another Florida course, think again. It is atypical in every respect. Unlike most courses in the Sunshine State that wind their way through the flat peninsula, Innisbrook sits on a rare and special strip of land. Although it has all the elements of a typical Florida course -- wind, water and sand -- this layout features dramatic elevation changes. From the first hole, a downhill par 5, to the 18th, a sweeping, uphill par 4, every shot possesses its own unique challenge. Many of the holes feature elevated, well-protected greens that are a challenge to hit from the fairway and nearly impossible to hit from the rough."

Goosen apparently ditched his recent experiment with a belly putter just in time and went back to his old, YES! putter. If he keeps his stroke, he's a contender at The Master's in two weeks.

On the flipside of the planet, A Thai-guy named Chapchai Nirat, set what is believed to be the lowest 72-hole score in any tournament ever in this week's Asian Tour event in New Delhi, going 32-under to win by 11 shots. I don't care if you are playing Twin Falls Muni, making birdie on nearly half the holes, is something. You might add "Chap's" name to the list of "wannabe's" to watch on the PGA Tour next year...his dream is to play here.

The best any of us could do in the pool was a mere pittance...T-19 by Kevin Sutherland which allowed Rory "The Dawg" Mitchell to get out of the Dawg House. Otherwise, the course beat us all up. I can't remember there being so many Missed Cuts. Most of our consensus choice's; Senden, O'Hair, and Snoteker (I had him), didn't play back to their past performance. So much for form.

Onward to Arnold's Gig at Bay Hill in Orlando. Tiger's in the field, trying to sharpen his teeth for Augusta.

In deference to the Florida swing, I featured this week's image entitled, "Okefenokee Municipal Golf Course" by an illustrator named Loyal H. Chapman. When you are on his website, you can click on his images to enlarge them and get an idea of his illustrative skill, imagination and playfulness:

http://www.infamousgolfholes.com/OrderPosterPrints.htm

WGC/CA

Rush to Judgement

Date Written: March 16, 2009
Four chip-ins and forty two putts through the first two rounds ought to assure anyone of a win. Add in the fact that "Phil the Thrill" was driving the ball better and his short game was working well, it's no wonder he would win at Doral. Yet, in the end, he still had his hands full with "The Fresno Bulldog," Nick Watney, winning by only a single shot this week. "Fresno" weren't no slouch either. He proved his mettle earlier in the year by coming from five shots back in the last round to win The Buick Invite at Torrey Pines. Except for two shitty bunker shots and a bogey on a closing par five with a four-iron in-hand for his second shot, he could have cashed the winner's check. But alas, Lefty prevailed, despite the Bulldog's tenacity.

Lefty also wins two other subordinate awards for the week: "The Coast-To-Coast Grass Award:" for winning on Kikuyu/Poa Anna at Riviera in L.A. in mid-February and then on Bermuda at Doral this week. He also wins, "The Gut Check Award," for having to endure the stomach flu. Way to tough it out, Phil.

Jim "The Twitch" Furyk, mastered his stuttering putter routine and fired a nifty 31 on the last nine holes to garner a solo 3rd spot which allowed The Muffins to inch over Tobacco Road into first place in our funky pool. Glenn Marzion and Scott Winegar also had Furyk. Four others had Camilo (T-5 ) for a nice bit of gelt.

To quote Shakespeare (of literary, not graphite fame), "What's in a name?" Peppered at the top of the final leader board at Doral were names which we are not familiar: Jeev, Aiken, Wilson, Kjeldsen, Marksaeng, Quiros, Oosthuizen...and of course, "THE WUNDERKID," Rory McIlroy. There's no question that golf is global. And in the spirit of the acceptance of diversity, have you wondered why I de-faced the picture of Rush Limbaugh for this week's lead image? First off, because, all at once, I'm jealous, amazed and discouraged that his audience is so huge. And second of all, because I've been reading this giant book about Albert Speer; Hitler's architect and Minister of Armaments and War Production. Mr. Speer's defense at the WWII trials at Nuremburg was his disclaimer that he was so busy planning and building for The Third Reich and that he didn't know his boss, Adolph Hitler, was gassing millions or planning to conquer Europe. Talk about myopia. If there's a lesson to be learned from history, all of us must be vigilant and pay attention to those who take it upon themselves to foist their agenda/propaganda on us.

Mr. Limbaugh not only plays a lousy game of golf, he plays a lousy game of citizenship. His public wish to have our brand new President "fail" is scary and falls into the category of demagoguery. It's one thing to disagree with policy, quite another to express ill-will for our country. If Rush is "the best voice" that my Republican golfing friends have to offer, they might be inching closer to extinction...IF the electorate is paying attention. I know, I know...you're probably thinking it's bad form to mix politics with fun. But the mission of this-here blog has always been to try to weave related social metaphors into the game we love.

On a lighter note, a funny forward from my favorite golf cartoonist, Roy Doty, which should help us seniors manage our "going" problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TvwhB_2-vs&feature=player_embedded

Honda Classic

The Incredible Shrinking Man

Date Written: March 9, 2009

From the Champions Tour website:

Jim Colbert, who turns 68 on Monday, hobbled through a five-under-par 66 Friday in the first round of the Toshiba Classic at the Newport Beach Country Club.

Give Colbert his due. Shooting one's age is a feat all of us geezers yearn to accomplish. But in a post-round interview, Jim offered the following statement which might qualify for inclusion in my next book, "Athletes Say the Dumbest Things:" Colbert said, "I'm nearly three inches shorter than I once was thanks to three knee surgeries."

WHAT? Does Jim suggest that we are all destined to "shrink" to the dwarf-like size of Billy Barty? That's Billy in the doctored "Miss Vicki" photo above. Who is he you ask? Click on the following link below to tweak your memory:

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy Barty)

Years ago I saw Billy play in the pro-am part of the LA Open and I was amazed at his golfing skills. He had the tiniest little clubs and bag, didn't hit it very far, but he could clearly play and enjoyed himself as any actor would in front of a big audience.

But back to the point at hand. I never knew that our "shrinkage" can be jumpstarted from joint surgeries. I've had four knee operations over the course of my lifetime, plus a knee and hip replaced. My driver's license says I'm 5'7". Does this mean that I'm really only 5'2"? This might explain a whole lot more than my lack of athletic talent. In my shopping dreams, I've always wanted to be able to buy pants off-the-shelf. Most pants come with inseams at 32 inches and I always end up paying extra for them to be tailored to my short-waisted dimensions. Just the other day, I paid $20.00 each to alter three pair of cheap pants. Anyone out there know of a surgical procedue to get to my dream height of 6'2"? In the meantime, should I consider buying shorter clubs? At the very least, I'm seriously thinking of re-gripping about half-way down the shaft and "choking-up" a bit, ala A.K. or Briny B. in order to make better contact. I can't wait 'til the snow melts to try out all the possibilities for my new "real" stature.

In our trusty pool, three players had a chance on the last day of The Honda with Robert Allenby near the lead. Alas and alack, Allenby disappointed with a T-5 showing but still allowed The Muffins to slip into second place. Nearly unknown, Y. E. Yang, held on to win his first ever, PGA event. For those that care, he qualified for the BIG SHOW at Q-School. Very impressive! Might we have witnessed the next, great, male Korean golfer to join K.J. "The Tank" Choi in the top tier of worldwide players? Personally, in my next life, I want to be reincarnated as a young, Korean woman golfer. In case you hadn't noticed, they "populate" the LPGA leader board every week. What's in their diet over there?

Overshadowing The Honda tournament was the prospect of Tiger deciding to appear at Doral this coming week in the WGC/CA Championship. Woods has not finished out of the top 10 in his six appearances at Doral. He won for three straight years (2005-07), the last victory when it became a World Golf Championships event. Naturally, none of us could have forseen his return this early in the year. He's obviously the odds-on favorite to win on The Blue Monster. Four of us have Villegas, four have picked Match Play champ, Geoff Ogilvy, and three of us have "The Goose." NO no-shows this week, which says something about our collective wisdom.

WGC Match Play

Date Written: March 2, 2009

The Iceman Cometh

Four pool players (Tobacco Road, Charlie Tuna, The Muffins and Bill Sundali) were omniscient this past week, garnering the first "golden" first place spots of the year with their pick of G. (Not JOE) Ogilvy in the Match Play. Don't be counting your chickens yet though kiddies...past performance tells us that early pool leads have a tendency to disappear.

Three other pool sharks, Glenn Marzian, Harry Miltenberger and Scott "Oil & Winegar" had the extreme good fortune of watching Stewart Cink splash a bunker shot into the cup on his final hole to add about a "hundert" to their third place total with a win over Ross Fisher.


From the Associated Press
March 2, 2009

"Geoff Ogilvy won the Accenture Match Play Championship for the second time in four years with a 4-and-3 victory over Paul Casey of England to stake his claim Sunday as the best in the world at match play.In a relentless performance at Dove Mountain in Marana, Ariz., the 31-year-old Australian did not trail over the final 63 holes of the tournament and did not have a bogey on his card over the last 57 holes."

Some observations from this perch:

(1) During the last four years, Ogilvy has made the finals of the Match Play THREE times on THREE different golf courses.

(2) Paul Casey could not overcome a slow start and appeared to be no match for Ogilvy's "Iceman" demeanor.

(3) In his first two rounds this week, Ogilvy had to go to the nineteenth hole to advance; first against Kevin Sutherland and then "Cowboy" Katayama. It is oftentimes said that the winner of college basketball's championship, "March Madness," has to have a tight game or two to survive through the brackets.

(4) Did anybody count the number of putts that each player had over the last 36-holes? Geoff looked like he made every putt he needed to make and Casey struggled early with the flat stick.

Another news tidbit:
BY GolfChannel.com Team

Luke Donald may be able to play in next week's Honda Classic, an event he won in 2006, according to a statement released by IMG Golf. Donald, 1 down at the time, conceded his match Friday to Ernie Els on the 18th hole during the third round of the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship.

Donald had aggravated the same wrist he had surgery on last year, which he originally injured during the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines. "Luke was examined last night by the same doctor who performed the surgery on his left wrist last August and was told that the discomfort he felt yesterday was limited to the scar tissue, and not the tendon he injured at the 2008 U.S. Open," said the statement. "It was Dr. Weiland's opinion that with treatment by anti-inflammatory medication, Luke could resume practicing in the next few days and could potentially play in next week's Honda Classic."

Donald played only one event in 2008 after the U.S. Open, but had started strongly in 2009 with back-to-back top-10s entering the Match Play.

Another observation: It isn't often that you see a player default, especially on the eighteenth tee, in match play. Advice from an aging, surgical survivor...whether it's a tendon or scar tissue, take a break, Luke. Let your wrist heal. Mother Nature oftentimes knows best. I offer this bit of advice despite having picked (along with four others) Lukey to win this week at The Honda.

The Tour segues to Florida (and Puerto Rico) for the next month. All those who can putt on Bermuda take one step forward. The next, BIG question...will El Tigre show up at Doral?

And finally, from the Golf Channel, who featured endless commercials for the show featuring the re-make of Charles Barkley's swing:

"Hank Haney, the world’s top golf instructor, is about to meet the biggest challenge of his career: Charles Barkley. The 11-time, All-Star basketball Hall-of-Famer is an NBA MVP and Olympic gold medalist—with one of the most unusual swings on the planet.

Tune in every Monday as Haney’s world-renowned teaching method meets Barkley’s monster swing and legendary charm.

Will Hank’s knowledge and experience be enough to fix Sir Charles’s game, or will the hoopster become his only unconquerable challenge? Find out Mondays at 9 p.m. ET only on Golf Channel."

Northern Trust Open

Date Written: February 24, 2009

Who Are These Guys?

If you can name the golfer's in this picture, you've got to be nearly as old as I am...68.
My answers/guesses are given below.

NEWS BULLETIN! Riviera, formerly known as "Hogan's Alley," has been renamed...it's now known as "Mickelson's Mile." If not for a slip up a couple of years ago on the last hole, "Lefty" would have won the last THREE L.A. Opens. It don't matter that his driver misbehaves. Just put it upside down in your bag, whip out your three metal, keep it in play, and make sure you sink the pressure putts. Voila! Victory!

In the traveling soap opera that is tour golf, there was a story that cried out like the tabloids this week. Sure, Freddy up and shanked one in the trees on eighteen. But how about his estranged wife passing away earlier in the week? What a shock. I was surprised he played at all. To quote an ESPN article:

Couples learned earlier in the week that his estranged wife, Thais Baker, died Tuesday of breast cancer. They never divorced after splitting up nearly four years ago, and Couples said he is not welcome in their home in Santa Barbara. 'She was a nice person,' he said. 'She did everything she could to make it another month.'

If one were to take each sentence in the paragraph above and try and explain what was going on in their relationship, one would have to guess that so much was unsaid.

John Manocheo, Doc 'N Jill and Glenn Marzion made a nice move up the pool standings by their astute, T-3, K.J. Choi pick in the LA Open. Five others added some significant dough with their T-6 for recent, wrist re-habbed, Luke Donald. Jan Jones crawled over Tobacco Road back into first place with a T-6 pick of "Crasher" Holmes.

Did you notice on the other side of the world (Perth, Australia), that Danny Lee, the reigning US Amateur Champ, won the professional "Johnny Walker Classic" on the European Tour. Lee's got an invitation to the Masters and then he's turning pro. Move over Ryo and Rory. Click on the link below to read more about Danny Lee:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/r/02/22/johnnie.walker.ap/index.html

Finally, for anyone who's been on an intergalactic trip over the last week, Tiger announced that he will return to competition in the WGC Match Play. Get your TIVO'S oiled up and pre-set for Wednesday when he faces Brendan Jones in a first round match. From Mike McAllister, Managing Editor of PGATOUR.COM:
There's the knee. There's the rust from his layoff. There's the unpredictability of match play. All are ways that Tiger could lose. But he wouldn't come back if he didn't think he could win. Time for another storybook finish.

It'll be fun to see if Tiger's fit enough and see if he's altered his overwhelmingly physical swing to match the stress on his left leg.

Answer to who's in the picture above: Left to right: Dean Martin, Jackie Burke, Ben Hogan, Jerry Lewis, Byron Nelson, Sam Snead and Julius Boros. Am I right or wrong?

A T & T

A Win is a Win

Date Written: February 16, 2009
PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. (AP) -- Dustin Johnson has won the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am without having to hit a shot over the last two days when rain washed out the final round Monday.

Johnson built a four-shot lead Saturday with a 67 at Poppy Hills. The final round was suspended Sunday because of wind and rain, and officials called the tournament when they found greens under water and a hopeless forecast.

The 24-year-old Johnson joins Anthony Kim as the only players under 25 with two PGA Tour victories. This one comes at a good time, for he moves into the top 50 in the world and qualifies for the Accenture Match Play Championship next week, along with the first two majors.

Yeah...and Mother Nature wrecked my plans for some good Monday television. Damn!

Tobacco Road takes a giant leap into first place in the pool with a big check garnered by his astute pick of the "Little Lefty," Mike Weir. A ton of you blew your V.J. bullet for the year with an MC here. How were you to know that the man voted most diligent range-rat of all time, is starting to feel the effects of working too hard? First Tiger, now V.J...laid low by moving parts that are wearing out. It's kind of comforting, (in a sick way) to know that they are mortal...just like us fellow alumni of Titanium U.

A funny "Dear Abby" forward from fellow pool player, John Manocheo:

Dear Abby: I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: phone rings, I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth.

Last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view when she arrived home from her night out with 'the girls.' When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she then proceeded to take her panties out of her purse and slipped them back on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Finally, in my dreams, before I go on the waiting list at the vast links course in the sky, I want to play Pebble just one time...for free, of course.

Buick Invitational

Uh Oh

Date Written: February 9, 2009

One could make the case that either John Rollins' wheels fell off down the stretch at the Buick Invitational or that Nick Watney's late charge won the day. Watney, who never led until the 72nd hole, trailed Rollins by five shots. He trailed by four shots with 11 holes to play and by three with five holes left. Rollins' collapse surely wasn't a "Van de Velde," but the juxtaposition of the two players made it look eerily similar.

I can't summarize the results from the Buick Invitational any better than the Associated Press (AP), so I'll just quote 'em below:

SAN DIEGO (AP) -- Nick Watney appeared to be along for the ride Sunday until making two birdies over the final three holes to take advantage of a late collapse by John Rollins and win the Buick Invitational.
Watney knocked in a 40-foot birdie putt from the fringe on the par-3 16th, then completed his five-shot rally with a two-putt birdie on the 18th hole to close with a 4-under 68 for his second career victory, earning a trip to the Masters.
Rollins let this one get away.
He had a three-shot lead with five holes to play until making a bogey with a poor chip on the 14th, another bogey from a plugged lie in the bunker on the 16th, and failing to hit the green on the par-5 18th, leading to a par. He closed with a 74.

Best finish of the week in our trusty pool was posted by The Donald who picked Hunter Mahan (T-11). Mahan was 2 shots better than a pack of us who thought Ryuchi Imada (T-19) was ready to play back to last year's 2nd place finish. Doc 'N Jill and Charlie Tuna blew their Mickelson bullet on his home course where he's won three times. Lefty couldn't find his game. I saw him 4-whack on one hole Sunday. He never does that. Watney, by the way, never three-putted during the week.

No-Show-of-the-Week Award goes to Stewart Cink who disappointed seven pool players by skipping the event. Stewie ain't no dummy. He's also skipping this weeks AT&T which now features such stellar-less players such as, John Ellis, Zach Miller, Joel Sjoholm, Jason Schmuhl (not exactly household names) and a bunch of amateur hackers with fat wallets. Can you tell I don't like this part of the season? I just can't wait for the PGA caravan to stop at the oasis called, "Riviera" next week, where men are men and the duffers are relegated to the gallery where they truly belong.

Fashion follow-up: Last week's column featured a spiel about Ryan Moore's fashion choices. According to an article on the PGA Tour website, those fashion choices are his by design. Right now, he doesn't have or want any endorsement deals for equipment and clothing. If this is truly the case, he is not only an iconoclast but a renaissance man. It's a pleasure watching someone who is not a typical, walking corporate billboard. You can read Moore (no pun intended) about the logo-less man by holding your control button and clicking on the PGA Tour link below:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r003/01/30/moore.feature/index.html?eref=sitesearch

Charlie Woods was bornded on Sunday. Now that Watney's in-the-chips, do you think he ought to send Charlie a giant birthday present cuz his dad stayed home?

Last thought: I wonder if "Charlie" Woods was named for "Charlie" Sifford?

Final last thought: Eight of youse are pick'n Veej this week. Buenos Suerte!

FBR Open

Fashion, Foolery or Function

Date Written: February 2, 2009

Are you old enough to remember metal spikes on your golf shoes? The Golf Course Superintendents of America (GCSAA) must be howling this week. For years, they lobbied the world to commit to dippy "Softspikes," making the agronomical argument that greens would heal faster by wearing these plastic thingy's (which are forever falling off my golf shoes).

Here now comes their new "fave," Ryan Moore. Moore was spotted playing in VAN'S! WHAT? You all remember those thick-soled, funky, canvas skateboard shoes that were popular in the '70's? There's NOT a "cleat" on 'em. I wonder what Ryan's thinkin? They certainly can't afford him traction. Then again, maybe that's the point. Maybe Moore thinks that slicked-soled shoes will keep him swinging "within his feet;" a premise fostered eons ago by Sam Snead who sometimes played barefoot to re-establish his balance. Are we ready for this fashion/comfort/functional change?

As far as the rest of Moore's fashion choices, David Feherty likened his image to a "thrift store" customer. Starting from the top: A painter's hat, rumpled button shirt, a vest (Huh?), a skinny tie (Huh, Huh?) and Van's. Moore's dress code now matches his swing which he invented during his intergalactic travels between Earth and Mars.

The scoreboard at the FBR looked, for awhile, like a Nationwide Tour event. The eventual winner was wily, 48 year-old veteran, Kenny Perry, who still hits it (left-to-right, mostly) as far as the youngsters. Twenty of us pool players didn't survive the cut. Eleven of us idiots picked the Kentucky homerun hitter, J.B. Holmes, to repeat. He started out fine...5 under for his first nine holes, then proceeded to go 10-over in his next 27 to totally miss the cut by five. So much for our collective wisdom. He was in good company though. The "Homie," Arizona State grad, Philly M., missed the cut too, as did Stuart (The Rotten) Appleby. Amazingly, that left only 3 pool players who made the cut and had a chance to add to their earnings. Best finish goes to newcomer, Charlie Tuna, with his astute selection of Kevin (Sha Na) Na who picked up a chunk of dough as he missed the playoff by one dinky shot. Nice pick Charlie. In hindsight (of course), Charlie's no dummy. The TPC in Scottsdale obviously suits Sha Na Na. He has finished second, third and fourth here over the last five years. "I'm going to win here someday,'' Na said, jaw out. "Next year. I'm going to win here multiple times when my career is over, that's for sure.''

Onward to the "Wood-less" Torrey Pines/Buick. Tiger's won't be at his favorite venue. He's won five of the past six Buick Invitationals. He won last year's event by eight shots and, of course, followed it up later in the year with his historic, one-legged, playoff win over Rocco in the US Open. Seven of youse thought Stewart Cink was going to show up this week. You forgot to check with either his wife, his caddie or his bookie.

WalterGolf

Bob Hope Chrysler Classic

Computer Crash

Date Written: January 26, 2009

I spent the better part of three days crafting this week's column only to be un-done by a computer crash last night that wiped out my work. My loss, your gain, I suppose. I know this crash took place because all the clocks in the house were stuck flashing on 9:36. My in-house computer geisha, Miss Vicki, informs me for the umpteenth time that if I leave any files, "open" and there is a power interruption, that this might happen. She also reminds me that she has told me this many times. So?

I don't have the recall nor the energy to try and re-create the damn thing. But the gist was about veteran Steve Stricker's "GIANT CHOKE" during the last round of The Hope. Not my little "choke" on my computer.

I actually did a bunch of research on the net during the tournament that any sports shrinks would have loved. It started out to be about how we all seem to get scared by having one good round and how difficult it is to follow-up with another good round, ala the eventual winner, Pat "Never Backoff" Perez. The column was really coming together, if I do say so myself. Now it's lost forever. Sob! I can only hope it's spinning somewhere in the cosmos (along with those random socks which keeps disappearing in the clothes dryer) and will magically reappear on my computer, begging to be published. But for now, you'll just have to imagine my sarcasm and advice about staying in the moment when you are about to hit a shot. It was also about being athletic, not telling ourselves bad internal stories, being worthy, dealing with success, etc. All the topics that sports psychologists love to advance.

As far as the pool itself, the best five of us could do this past week was pick D.J. Trahan who finished T-14.

Onward to the tournament (er "Frat Party") in Scottsdale. I count eleven of us who hope the Kentucky long-knocker, J.B. Holmes, repeats. The general public loves Lefty's chances.

The Sony

Seymour, The Jewish Putter

Date Written: January 19, 2009

Calling Zach Johnson's win yesterday at The Sony and his previous T-6 at The Mercedes the week before "solid" is an understatement. He was 30-under for his last six rounds in the Islands. It seemed like he made every putt when it counted. I'm going online as we speak and ordering one of dem dare,"Seymour" putters and add it to my ever-changing, flat-stick rotation. Maybe that's been my problem...I've never tried a Jewish putter. At the end of last year, my putting stroke got so bad, Doyley told me I might as well putt with my eyes closed. Imagine, being able to actually, "See More"...what a concept.

Welcome to the "BIG SHOW," Tyler Aldridge. The Q-School qualifier from Idaho shot 77, 76 to finish dead last in the field of those who played two rounds. In his defense, it takes awhile to become accustomed to new surroundings, especially on the world's biggest golf stage. I'll bet he needed a few tranq's to settle his nerves. Speaking of "dead last"...imagine that adjacent to every great "tour stop" there's a "golf graveyard"...a quiet, hallowed space littered with thousands of slowly decaying corpses of player's who had big dreams that lasted one full season on tour. When those dreams collided head-on with reality...Kaplowie! End of career. Sometimes I think that the trouble with our culture is that when Hollywood and historians feed us too many heroic stories, it causes our individual and collective fuse boxes to blow. But that said, it's what makes the Tadd Fujikawa story so cool. Even though "Mighty Mouse" went from T-6 to T-32 over the final round, he kept his head in the game and garnered some nice compliments from his peers. And, for good measure, he cashed his biggest pro paycheck...almost 30 G's. I say, "Nice goin' Mighty." If John (The Psychic Mess) Daly can get unlimited sponsor exemptions because he appeals to the forgiveness-conscious, addictive population, then surely we ought to be allowed to see the amazingly refreshing "Mighty Mouse" again on TV somewhere soon.

Finally, if The Tour deigns to call the last six tournaments after the Tour Championship, "The Fall Season," I call 3 of the next 4 West Coast tournaments, "The Silly Season." This week's Bob Hope Pro-Am heads the list. At least, the sponsors had the good sense to enlist Arnold Palmer as host. I thought the previous host, George Lopez, was a "shmegege"...for those not familiar with nearly-dead languages, it's a Yiddish word for "fool." The following week, the frat party called the FBR in AZ with the infamous, rowdy 16th hole. We, after that, get the AT&T celebrity bash in Monterey where it seems the spectators are more interested in getting an autograph from a sitcom star than watching a real professional play on some great golf courses. After thoroughly enjoying reading, "The Match," it's a shame that Cypress is not in the course rotation like it used to be during the Bing Crosby years.

Mercedes-Benz

They're Running...

Date Written: January 12, 2009

In horse racing parlance, "The horses are all in the gate... THEY'RE RUNNING!"

Right out of the gate, a horse called, "Ogilvy" made the field look like they were standing still in the first event of the year. He wobbled as he turned for home but then distanced himself from the field by collecting four birdies and an eagle over the homestretch, to win as they say, "handily" by six lengths.

Here's a little something for us form players to consider for next year: It's the middle of Summer in Australia. The Southern Hemisphere players have just concluded a heavy competitive schedule. Their compatriots, the Northern Hemisphere nags, stashed their saddles in their respective barns after the Tour Championship at the end of September. Watching Ogilvy seemingly hit every shot straight over the flag on the roller-coaster course called Kapalua, in hindsight might validate the choice of any "Aussie" or "So. African" next year at this early season event.

The second best headline of the week could have been, "He's Back!" which would apply to Davis Love who tied with Anthony Kim (aka Mr. Belt Buckle) for a nice (T-2) showing. Being healthy for the first time in a couple of years, might mean "Big Love" (not in the Mormon sense) is in for a "Big Season."

As far as our funky pool goes, the best finish was posted by Ms. Jan Jones of Duchin Room fame who picked the walking belt buckle. Nice goin' Jan. Perennial contenders, Art and Pat got off to a nice start...scoring with Big Ernie, (T-6) who could have been a contender except for a dull third round when he couldn't make a putt.

We now island-hop to Oahu for event number two...the Sony. Seven of us like Stricker, and six have pre-voted for "The Tank" (KJ Choi). Mighty Mouse (Tadd Fujikawa) is not in the field. Darn.

Finally, I funny forward from fellow hack, John Manocheo, entitled:

"Will I Live To See 80?"

"After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, my new primary care doctor said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, fishing or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No, " I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you even give a shit?"

The Tour Championship

V for Victory

Date Written: September 29, 2008

From the PGA Tour website yesterday:
"In a four-man race coming to the final holes, Camillo Villegas caught Sergio Garcia with a 7-iron from 184 yards to 12 feet on the 17th, then twice hit beautiful lag putts from 45 feet for par on the 233-yard 18th -- once in regulation to finish at 7-under 273, then in the playoff to win The Tour Championship."

The two V's (Vijay & Villegas) prospered mightily through the Fed-Ex season which is now, thank God (with a big G), over. Each of the V's win a ton of extra dough because "you-know-who" was on the mend at home. Seven under was good enough to playoff this year on the re-designed East Lake track. "You-Know-Who" was twenty three under last year to win the whole shebang. I think the V's should send Tiger 10% of their winnings for not being able to show up and allowing them to cash in.

If you want to read more about Tiger's absence and dwindling TV ratings and "tweaking" the Fed-Ex format, click on Thomas Bonk's article today in the LA Times:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-golf30-2008sep30,0,1979671.story

With the conclusion of The Tour Championship, we have finished our fantasy pool season. Our three winners will find a chunk of dough in their mailboxes in a couple of days. Lord Arthur of Poppy killed us with his stellar, year-long picks. For his efforts, Lord Arthur takes home roughly 60% of the overall pool money ($2,500.00) for a total of $1,475.00. Second place goes to late charging Perry Sato ($725.00) and third place money to the Boise Flash....Pat Moloney ($300.00). Nice going you guys.

I hope you all enjoyed this past season and my sometimes caustic weekly commentary. It's never too early to start thinking on your picks for next year, at the very least, asking yourselves why you had a bunch of "No-Shows." We should also collectively consider the most controversial element of the pool...awarding double money for the Majors. Tell me via email if you like or dislike that feature and we will act accordingly. First tournament of 2009 will be the Mercedes at Kapalua in early January. Remember, in order to make the field in that first event, your player has to have won a tournament during 2008. I haven't found the official 2009 schedule online yet. There shouldn't be many venue changes (other than the U.S., British and PGA Championships) but the dates will surely be different.

Happy Footballing,

The Deutsche Bank

Vijay 2, Field 0

Date Written: September 2, 2008

Vijay doesn't show much emotion when he's tending to his profession so despite the business-like image to the left, I did actually spot him smiling a couple of times this weekend as he was rolling in long putt after long putt while winning his second straight Schmed-Ex event.

From the PGA Tour website:

"I got on the green and just kept talking to my caddie, 'I'm the best putter in the world,' and he said, 'You're damn right you are, now go ahead and knock it in,' and I made it. That's just a good attitude. Instead of standing there and hoping you're going to get up and down in two, I was trying to make those putts. My unconscious mind had a lot of stored-up bad thoughts in there, and that was the key, to get rid of all that, and I think I've done that,' Singh said."

After Vijay's success with convincing himself that "putting is just attitude," I'm going to do some of the same...tell myself that I'm the best putter in the world. I'll give you a report on how this works after I play in the Idaho State Seniors tournament next week. I'll see if I can fool myself into this major disbelief. Those little putting devils that live in my head are probably laughing their asses off as I write this.

Vijay's made the Schmed-Ex a "done deal" for this year. Short of a miracle, no one can catch him and deny him the 10 million smackers . When the sponsorship renewal hits the negotiating table next year, the PGA and Fed-Ex oughta discuss dumping the whole cockamamie deal. They should come to their senses and realize that their attempt at changing TV viewing habits are too tough to break. There's a reason we like football folks. Beside being a terrific game; it's fall, it's life. You cannot "undo" the magic of the changing seasons.

No one had Vijay this week in our funky pool. Lord Arthur, he of magical picking powers, remains secluded in his lofty, 1.6 million dollar lead with just two events left on our schedule. A question for his Lordship: after you receive the proceeds of first place money, are you going to pay down your credit card debt or are you going to make a dent on your outstanding bar tab? Or, like a good Irishman, give it away to the orphan golfers of County Kerrick?

The Barclays

The First Leg of the Schmed-Ex

Date Written: August 25, 2008
Jason Sobel of espn.com sums up the first week of the Schmed-Ex:

"Up is down. Left is right. In is out. Sergio Garcia and Vijay Singh each made clutch putts under pressure on the first extra hole at The Barclays on Sunday. Welcome to PGA Tour Bizarro World, where the game's most maligned putters each proved their mettle with the flat stick at crunch time during the first FedEx Cup payoffs event.

We're still unsure as to whether these two top talents are consistently inconsistent or inconsistently consistent, but it might be a little of both. Singh's victory on the second playoff hole gave him two wins in the past four weeks -- his first two titles of the season -- sandwiching them around a pair of missed cuts at the PGA and Wyndham. Meanwhile, Garcia continues to pile up runner-up results like Michael Phelps collects gold medals, but he's got to be pleased at ranking first in the field in putting average and second in total putts per round at Ridgewood Country Club."

Couldn't have said it better, Jason. Eleven guys ended up within 2 shots of making the playoff. Pretty good theatre as I fast-forwarded between the thousands of Cialis and Village's commercials to actually see a golf shot.

Congrats to two of our fellow bottom-dwellers, T & A and Doc 'N Jill, for climbing up the standings in our funky pool with their winning pick of V.J. at the Barclay's. Nice goin' kids!

Danny Lee, pictured above. Get used to seeing his face. The young phenom from New Zealand, became the youngest player ever (just over 18 years of age) to win the USGA Amateur Championship which was played at Pinehurst this past week. In the 36- hole final against Drew Kittleson who plays at Florida State, Lee was 11-under for 32 total holes until he won easily, 5 & 4. One of the perks for winning will be to be paired next year at The U.S. Open with one Mr. Tiger Woods. Can you imagine the introduction: "Mr. Woods, shake hands with Mr. Lee, the umpteenth youngster who might succeed you."

To read more about Lee click on the link below:

http://www.usamateur.org/news/sun_lee_final.html

Onward to the second leg of the Schmed-Ex...The Deutsche Bank. Do you think the Germans (along with the Scots, the Chinese, the Saudi's, etc.) want to manage our money? Eight of us (including me, figured that Brett Wetterich would play back to his Deutsche finish of last year. Lo and behold, according to Rotoworld.com, Brett doesn't make the Schmed-Ex field because....

"Brett Wetterich is suffering from tendinitis in his right wrist and has been treating it under doctor's care," his agent, Terry Reilly, said in an email. Wetterich injured his wrist on June 10 while practicing at Torrey Pines and has withdrawn early from all five events since. "We are unsure as to his return," Reilly added. Wetterich did not qualify for the British Open and has committed to next week's concurrent U.S. Bank Championship but that start is in doubt. He's halfway to a minor medical extension (two-month minimum layoff) and will need to make a decision soon if he's going to sit the full four months to qualify for a major medical. That would shelve him through October 1. It's quite possible that the wrist injury will also force a decision to have his shoulder repaired."

Sounds to me like Brett's body parts are going out of warranty. He won over $2 mil in '07 and tied for second at last year's Deutsche. Brett's swing speed has always appeared to me to be way too hard and too fast. A bit of elderly advice to...bring it down a notch pal. When you get older (the only thing I can absolutely guarantee), you'll want to be able to enjoy the game and a cocktail without being in pain.

Wyndham Championship

The Tar Heel State

Date Written: August 18, 2008


One of the biggest intra-state rivalries in collegiate sports takes place within the "Tar Heel State." In Carolina, your blood runs either baby blue or red hot...UNC or NC State. I know what a Wolfpack is (NC State) but I've always wanted to know, what's a "Tar Heel" Do you know? And who's the most famous "Tar Heel Golfer?" I'll provide the answer at the end of this weeks missive. In any event, the Wolfpack prevailed this past weekend at the Wyndham, aka The Greater Greensboro Classic.

If there was ever a case to be made for the gambling theory of, "horses for courses," the Wyndham was it. Swedish-born but locally-raised, Carl Pettersson, who's probably played the course a gazillion times and also played at N.C. State, smoked the field. Transplanted Tim Clark from So. Africa, who also attended N.C. State, finished T-6.

The remarkable news is that seven of our pool players picked Pettersson to win. Not since the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, where twelve of us picked Tiger in his historic, one-legged win, and the Sony in Hawaii where eight pool players picked K.J. Choi, have we seen as many "winners" in one week. The bad news is that our esteemed pool leader, Lord Arthur of Kerrick was one of the seven Pettersson-pickers. Lord Arthur pads his lead to nearly $1.6 Mil over his next closest competitor, his pal, Perry Sato. Master Sato also had Petterssson to add to his extraordinary late run and has now leapt into second place. Lord Arthur and his trusty crystal ball have now picked four outright winners this season. Go direct to Vegas, Art...don't fool around with the peanuts you are going to win in our funky pool. My horse Mayfair was last seen limping into the barn in last place, apparently all tuckered out from putting on the Donald Ross track. Wavy putting strokes do not work on undulating greens.

Another N.C. transplant, Brandon de Jonge, who was bornded in Zimbabwe, but now calls Charlotte home, won the Nationwide event in Rochester, NY. Which brings me to hokey song:

"Nothing Could be Finer
Than the Golf in Caroliner
...in Au-August?"

Onward to the first leg of the SCHMED-EX Cup, starting at the Barclays at a storied venue, Ridgewood C.C., across the river in Paramus, NJ. I blatantly make fun of the "Schmed-Ex" format because, in a word...it's sooo STUPID! Most of you know from my comments last year that I hate the contrived points system. It smacks too much of NASCAR commercialism. Aren't there enough commercials between shots on TV? I once counted two putts and then five commercials. And what about the phony, re-set point system? Would someone write and explain that concept to this witless reporter? If you're having trouble too and don't understand, let's start a letter-writing campaign to our Congressmen! At the very least, do as I do, set your TIVO to fast-forward through the Schmed-Ex commercials. Even though they are funny, they do not deserve our patronage. Ship UPS or DHL.

Finally, from our very own, "Diamond Jim Brady" comes an interesting LA Times article linking sex with good health: Dah!

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-mating18-2008aug18,0,4651977.story

I would have added that five rounds of golf a week is good for the "unit" too!

In answer to the question posed in the first paragraph, what is a "Tar Heel" click on the "Ask Yahoo" link below. And, the most famous Tar Heel Golfer...Davis Love, of course, who also has a second home here in Sun Valley. Maybe Davis will join our pool next year and try his hand at de-throning Lord Arthur?

http://ask.yahoo.com/20040316.html

The PGA

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Date Written: August 11, 2008

"Hear Ye, Hear Ye!" All those who thought Padraig of Harrington was not for real, raise your hand? Paddy has a new mission: he has to hire a finished carpenter to build more cabinetry in his den. Where else to place his new PGA Wanamaker trophy to rest aside his back-to-back Claret Jugs.

Some commentator, somewhere, suggested that there be an asterisk (*) by the name of any major winner if Tiger was not in the field. I don't think so. Winning three majors in a little over one year certainly qualifies Paddy to stand alone as Tiger's "prime contender." Step aside Lefty, Veej, Jimmy Furyk, and any other "wanna-be." Paddy's matching 4-under-par 66's over the final two rounds on the Oakland Hills monster removes any doubt that he's the world's second best player. There's even speculation amongst the media of the possibility of "The Paddy-Slam." The next leg being the '09 Masters. Tiger's return to Major competition and Paddy's emergence will surely be the story next April. Paddy can obviously can handle pressure. His putting down the stretch yesterday at Oakland Hills was the stuff of dreams. The following his from his own lips:

"I know I love the idea of the back nine of a major on a Sunday. I love it so much that I'm actually disappointed I'm seven months away from the next major, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've really focused hard on the majors the last two years. My whole schedule is built around majors. And definitely I've turned up at other events, and unless I get into contention, you know, sometimes it feels like a race, like a sprint, whereas a major feels like a marathon. I feel like I can be patient and take my time. And I love the feeling of knowing that it's going to come down to the back nine; it's going to come down to who can do it under pressure in the last nine holes."

Our very own black Irishman, Lord Arthur of Kerrick, was sweating bullets over the weekend because his horse, Vijay, was last seen stumbling at the halfway mark. On his way to 5-putting one green and failing to make the cut, The Veej was last seen muttering to himself as he slammed his left-hand-low, belly putter into the trunk of his expensive rental car. You can breathe now Lord Arthur, your lead is still intact. Now that "double-payoff" Majors are out of the way, your chances down the stretch appear fairly solid to garner substantial, first place pool money.

Booby Prize poem:

Doc 'N Jill
Ran up a hill
trying to avoid disaster

When they came down
Their Sergio did frown
to have to kiss Paddy's aster...again.

Doc N' Jill make enough "double-money" on Sergio to climb out of the Pool basement, leaving Matt Kendrick alone, looking up. Perry Sato also had Sergio and makes a giant leap from 10th to 4th. That is huge at this late stage of the game!

Speaking of Booby Prizes, anyone remember the Cropper Bros. from years past? They decided to sit out this year, restore their collective egos and try to figure out a better approach to picking guys who will just show-up for a tournament, let alone make the cut. I miss the Cropper's and their wild-ass, off-the-wall picks. Remember the famous cowboy movie in the 50's, "Shane?" The famous line at the end was, "Come back, Shane!" I'm gonna change it to, "Come back, Croppers," if only for the laughs.


And finally, a forwarding laugh from John Manocheo entitled:

When your ball ends up in the 3" rough, here's the club for you!
http://www.bigdaddydriver.com/see-the-video.aspx

WGC/Bridgestone

Putt Like a Dog

Date Written: August 4, 2008


The Associated Press summarized this past week's "Tiger-less" WGC/Bridgestone event as follows:

"With par putts on the final two holes, Singh closed with a 2-under 68 to hold off hard-charging Lee Westwood and Stuart Appleby and the fast-fading Phil Mickelson, who lost a one-shot lead with three bogeys on his final four holes."

The quote above really doesn't tell the full story. Despite Veej making two 4-footers at the end, his putting stroke looked, over the last nine holes, to be as scary as "Sweeney Todd." He missed enough short putts from 4-8 feet to land him a free pass to the seventh floor at Bellevue. If it weren't for his playing partner, "Lefty- Mick," falling all over himself coming in, he loses. Lefty played bogey-free for 14 holes and had a one-shot lead until making bogey from the bunker on three of the last four holes. So much for Lefty's famous, flawless short game.

Veej's 'wavy-gravy' putting stroke reminded me of me. As a kid, I used to make everything. Now if I make a putt, it's headline news. To me, forget reading greens; the hole looks to be the size of a thimble. My young (soon to turn forty) playing partner, Mikey P. says the hole looks as big as a trash can. I wonder if he's just delusional or trying to psyche me out. Veej and I can barely bring it back and through straight on three-footers let alone middle-of-the-green efforts. Veej claimed in a pre-game interview Sunday, that he's gonna stick with his belly putter. I have two belly putters...both have been banished permanently to a very dark closest as punishment for their bad behavior. Belly or no belly, cross-handed or upside-down, whatever Veej needs to be reminded that it's the Indian, not the arrows. He might consider therapy. We both putt like dogs!

Lefty's endgame meltdown caused our Mikey P. to lose a golden chance at winning for the week. Our esteemed pool leader, Master Arthur, padded his lead to over one million smackers with his lucky pick of "The Goose" who tied Lefty for fourth place.

This week, the PGA Championship outside Detroit, is the last Major tournament that will count for double pool money. Someone needs to make a dent in Master Art's million dollar lead. My prediction...Singh's wavy-gravy putting stroke won't work here on greens rolled to 13 on the Stimp. Thankfully, Master Art picked "The Veej" this week. Hah! He will not win in back to back weeks.

HOW WERE THEY TO KNOW DEPT: Mikey P. and Monte Train picked Tiger this week.

Hooray! Boise's Ryan Hietala won the Nationwide Cox Classic event in Omaha. Click on the link to read more:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/459599.html

And finally (I promise), this from the LA Times:

"Michelle Wie failed in her eighth attempt to make the cut on the PGA Tour, shooting a second-round 80 at the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open. A quintuple-bogey nine helped push Wie to nine-over 153 at the par-72 Montreux Golf & Country Club."

Click below for more on Wie-Wie:

http://www.pgatour.com/2008/tournaments/r472/08/01/wie.sider2/index.html
Michelle reminds me of an old Japanese proverb, "Women who drive upside down, have crack-up." I know, bad form, bad joke. Personally, I'd give her one more pass to play a Men's event...but from the Women's tees.

Canadian Open

What's in a Name?

Date Written: July 28, 2008

What in the world does the picture of Cher have to do with Chez Reavie winning yesterday's Canadian Open? Hang in there. Hear me out. I'm guessing that Chez's mother knew her son was going to be famous one day so she gave him a first name that people would instantly recognize...kinda like Cher. (And by the way, does anyone out there know if Cher actually has a last name?) Which brings up another question. Why does the media literally miss-pronounce Chez's name? They say it like it's spelled. Do they think, as an audience, we are unable to match his uncommon name to a tricky pronunciation? I've never heard an announcer explain why his name is not pronounced properly. His name is a common word in French. It is pronounced "Shay" which rhymes with way. "Chez" in French essentially means to be at home. Pronounced in English vernacular..."Chez" might be short for Chester, Chezman or Chezburger. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or a linquist to figure out that the kid must come from a French background. Is Chez's mother a Francophile? Does she have a sign over the porch that announces you are about to enter, "Chez Reavie?" I remember years ago, before he became famous, that "Goosen" was pronounced "Hoosen."

Finally, although I might be beating a dead cheval, (which, by the way, is French for horse), I think "Shay's" last name should properly be pronounced "Ra-vay" not "Ree-vee." Can anybody out there straighten out this French-to-English mess? Should I email his folks who live in Kansas to get a complete genealogical report? Or should I call the Mormons?

As long as I've got too much time on my hands, allow me just a few more moments to rant about politics before I get to the golf business at hand. This "pronunciation" issue is a comment on our collective laziness as a culture. We (TV being main culprit) have this lazy habit in this country of anglicizing names to suit our own understanding. I liken it to refusing to be a part of the larger world. The fervor that accompanies the argument that "English" is our "one-and-only" designated language represents a "dumbing down" of our potential. I think it would be a good idea to have at least 2 languages in this country, especially in the West...since we essentially swiped this half of the country from either the Indian's or the Mexican's. Maybe it would be a good idea to keep their language and some of their culture. It's a healthy idea too to be different and learn a foreign language during one's lifetime. Besides, I read recently that fifty (50%) percent of the surnames in California are now Spanish. Taking my argument to one last extreme, maybe we ought to learn Ebonics and Computer-ease so that, at the very least, we can relate to the next generation. There is no doubt that the "change train" is leaving the station. According to columnist, Frank Rich in the NY Times:

"Obama-branded change is snowballing, whether it’s change you happen to believe in or not."

O.K...I feel much better now that I've expressed myself. Now back to golf. In my next life I want a demeanor like Chez (however you pronounce it), a swing plane like Anthony Kim and bunker instruction from Mike Weir. Chez becomes the first rookie to win on the PGA TOUR in 2008. He's called, "The Little Unit" (5'9", 160 lbs) in Arizona where he went to college, in deference to "The Big Unit" Randy Johnson who pitches for the Arizona Diamondbacks. He doesn't have nearly the swing speed and plane of Mr. Kim, but he kept it down the middle and got the job done on a rough and tough Glen Abbey Golf Club course. His lay-up on the par-5, eighteenth to secure the victory proved that he's got a brain to go with his game. Read more about this 27-year old by clicking on the link below:

http://thesundevils.cstv.com/sports/m-golf/mtt/reavie_chez00.html

Ten pool players were rewarded with a T-6 for their nationalistic zeal-pick of Mike Weir, he of magnificent up-and-down game. Amazingly, included in those ten who picked him were our three top leaders, Artie, Pat and C. B. Taco.

Onward to the next-in-a-series, over-hyped, WGC's...this one at Firestone in Akron...Tiger-less of course. This begs the question, "just how many World Golf Championships can there be in a year?" Can we have one every week? There's one World Series in baseball. One Super Bowl, one NBA Championship. Oh well. Hyperbole, so dominant within our popular culture, will be a subject for another day. More to the point, there's five Sabbatini-lovers, four Rose nose pickers, and only one No-Show...Davis Love III. Everyone else is in attendance because there's lots of cash involved.

Your faithful blogster,

The British Open

When Irish Eyes are Smiling...

Date Written: July 21, 2008

The headline in the NY Times read, "Steadiness Beats Sentiment as Harrington Prevails." Half the crowd where I live was rooting for Greg Norman at The Open. But everyone I talked too was tickled by Paddy's smile. While the rest of the world of professional golfers "grind" there way to stardom or the poor house, Paddy does it with a smile. His key key to victory? Stay in the moment! Here are his words:

"You know, one of the keys to playing well on Sunday is you don't ever get into the consequences of what you're doing." I did that very well today. I never at any stage -- or if I did for a second or two, I stopped myself -- started to think about what it means to win a second Open, defend an Open, win two majors."

Another quote gleaned from a postgame interview with Greg Norman stuck out at me too:

"A lot of people should take stock no matter how old you are. If you really want to chase something and chase a dream, you can go do it."

Well, yes and no, Greg. I would have qualified his quote to include the words, "within reason." From my vantage point, the world is filled with too many "wanna-be" golfer's who think they "have game."

Kenny Perry stayed home and played well (T-6) at Milwaukee and took additional, unending shit for not showing up at The British. Until he wins a major, he's not going to convince me that he's got more than just a one-dimensional game. Anthony Kim played well enough to suggest he'll win
"a biggee" one day. Too bad he finished with three straight bogies.

One commentator during the telecast said that Tiger doesn't watch golf on TV. How does he know that? Does he (the announcer) spend time in Tiger's house? I think Tiger watches TV, just like the rest of us. I think he was lying on his couch with his knee propped up under a bunch of soft down pillows, watching and wishing he was at Royal Birkdale. Three-over wins it??? Come on! Tiger's human, he's competitive, he's as curious as us other mortals. I can only imagine him salivating at what might have been....potentially his fifteenth major win.

Nationwide Notes: Reigning U.S. Amateur champion Colt Knost shot a 10-under 62 Sunday to cap a four-shot victory in the Nationwide Tour's Price Cutter Charity Championship in Springfield, MO and earn his 2009 PGA Tour card. He earned $108,000 for his second win of the season and jumped from 20th on the money list to second. "The Colt" just happened to make two straight eagles in the middle of his round.

In yet another example of the "The Dumb Rules of Golf," click on the link below to read how Michelle Wie was disqualified at this week's LPGA event:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-golf20-2008jul20,0,6218850.story

Best finish in our pool belonged to Jan Jones who picked up a million (double money) with her astute (T-3) pick of Stenson. John Manocheo had Jimmy Furyk and enjoyed a generous payday with his T-5. And Big Ernie, who barely made the cut, shot 141 over the last 36 holes to justify the faith of ten of youse. One more major to go kiddee's. Lord Arthur's lead stretched to about eight hundred grand ahead of Pat Moloney, who jumps into second place. Corn Beef Taco is just a tad behind Pat in third. Canadian Open on tap this week. Ten "homies" love the Weir-wolf.

John Deere Classic

Very Perry

Date Written: July 14, 2008

The headline from the PGA Website calls it, "The Summer of Perry." For yesterday's John Deere win, I would have opted for the headline alliteration, "Perry Putts Perfectly." They (whoever, THEY are), say there's no such thing as a bad putter on tour. So I'm thinking that based on Perry's success this year, he's gotta be high up on the putter rankings. Wrong! Kenny's average of 29 putts per round puts him in 64th place. So now I ask myself, how else can we statistically explain this extraordinary run he's having so far this year, ($4.3 mil)? So campers...here they are, his overall stats: He's 2nd in scoring (duh), 9th in G.I.R., 13th in proximity to the hole, 27th in driving distance, 46th in scrambling and 104th in driving accuracy percentage. But we all know that winning and losing comes down to putting...especially on the last nine holes on Sundays. Yesterday, he made a bunch of crucial, par-saving putts and eeked out an overtime win. He's definitely on a roll...got his Kaintucky, 3-plane swing in gear. He's now won three times this year, (The Memorial and Buick, as well as yesterday's John Deere), finished 2nd at the AT&T Classic and T-3 at the Bob Hope. And for good measure, don't forget that he contended at The Players until a disastrous fourth round.

Plenty has been written about Kenny's decision to NOT play the U.S. Open and The British, so I'll not re-hash his thinking...much. Suffice to say, he's sticking to his guns with his schedule. From what I've gleaned, he likes to play on courses he likes, not play on courses that don't suit his game and he'd rather not play in cold weather. On the other hand, Jerry Kelly (who is as passionate about Wisconsin as Perry is about Kentucky), gets into The British Open as a second alternate and says, "I'm excited to play. I was not going to pass up this chance to play The British even though I consider the Milwaukee Open my fifth major." As the gamblers say, "Go Figure."

Smarter people than I are also questioning Perry's logic. Peter Dawson, British Open Chief said:

"I can't pretend I understand Kenny Perry's decision," stated Dawson. "He's having a great run and we are very sorry he's not here. I find it disappointing. You're not going to win majors if you don't enter and I think the history books show that majors are what you are remembered for."

In our funky, fantasy pool, Denny From Iowa, Bob Bruce and John "Vegas" Manocheo had Kenny to win and collected his prize money of three quarters of a million for their choice. By my count, there are now six pool players who have picked three winners this year. At this stage of the fantasy race, that is amazing. In Bob Bruce's case, he leaps into fourth place. Denny and John move up a couple of spots off the deck.

Double money on tap this week in The British. Alas and Alack dept: Poor Matt Kendrick figured Tiger as a "shoo-in" at Royal Birkdale. I heard Tiger's gonna go over to Matt's house and watch it with him from his couch...explaining to him how he would have played each shot and offer to buy him dinner at Despo's just in case he loses.

Ten of youse think this will be Big Ernie's week and six think Sergio's gonna play back to last year debacle.

Final note: 40 year old Rick Price won the richest Nationwide event ever to clinch a spot on the PGA Tour next year. Rick has been a fixture at Q-School... he's been there nineteen (19) times! Talk about perseverance.

A T & T

Terrific Talent, Bad Belt Buckle

Date Written: July 7, 2008

Superlatives are flying around the golfing planet today. Words like superstar, national treasure, face-of-the-future. All to explain Anthony Kim's solid, second victory of the season at the Tiger-less AT&T. Add to the accolades: Nick "The-Stick" Faldo thinks that the kid has a game to match the remaining two major venues, Royal Birkdale and Oakland Hills.

Methinks it's a bit early in the historical game to liken Kim to that other good young player of ten years ago, but he seems to be learning fast. A great, one-piece swing and an attitude that can only serve him well. One of the commentators on the telecast suggested yesterday that he's the best young player NOT to have won a major. That kind of dialogue used to be reserved for Charles Howell, III, Sergio Garcia, Justin Rose and Adam Scott. I'm rooting for Kim. Young, smallish, from L.A., Asian background. It's obviously clear he has talent, but the best thing is, he's putting that talent to work. My only complaint is his fashion choice of over-sized, sometimes, diamond-studded belt buckles. Talk about tacky.

More about Kim from more-qualified experts:

"Anthony's got such a good looking swing," playing mate, Dean Wilson said. "He hits the ball solidly all the time and hits it hard. He's excited about playing. He plays hard. He wants to be in the limelight. He craves that, as a matter of fact. He's got exceptional skills and I think we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg with this kid, he's got real talent.

Fred Funk, who first met Kim when he was 15 years old and already hitting it 320 yards, agreed.

"He's fearless and he's got tremendous length for a little guy, and he's just got that arrogance, cocky attitude that you need to have when he's in the position that he's in, and he's got the game to back it up," Funk said. "So that's all that really needs to be said."

Mark O'Meara was heard to say that young Mr. Kim's swing is better than his good friend, Tiger's at this age 23.

Three of us pool-players had the good sense to pick Robert Allenby in Tiger's Tourney. One lousy shot kept us from second place and a pile of dough.

Onward to The Tractor (John Deere) Open...being played somewhere in the Heartland that was last seen floating away from the recent floods. Nine Tim Clark's this week.

Finally, from the LA Times:

"Without Woods, the crowd at Sunday's final round of the AT&T National at Congressional was down about 7,000 to 30,000, according to the Washington Post. And Saturday's third-round crowd of 22,311 was down about 15,000 from last year, according to the Baltimore Sun.

In a word: bad. The overnight ratings for Sunday's fourth round of the AT&T National on CBS were down 48%, from a 2.9 to a 1.5. The third-round overnight ratings were down 35%, from a 2.0 to a 1.3."

The Buick Open

Woodhead and Bubba

Date Written: June 30, 2008

Kenny Perry's second victory of the season rested on the putters of the two "W's, "Woodhead" Austin and Watson, Bubba. Austin three-putted for bogey on the last two holes (albeit from distance) and Watson couldn't make a 12-footer for birdie on the 72nd hole to tie so Perry wins his second tournament of the year.

"I threw it away," said "The Woodhead," whose demonstrative ways led him to cup a ball and slam it against the wood board marking the seventh tee. "I didn't hit the ball close enough to the hole the last two holes to counteract my yips. I've got to figure it out or I'd better quit." In Woodhead and Bubba's good company, Dudley "The Dud" Hart collected four bogies over the last seven holes to sub-marine his chances to win.

From the PGA Tour website: "Kenny Perry, winner of yesterday's Buick Open, will honor his commitment to play in the U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee rather than the British Open. He's a former champ at Brown Deer Park, so who knows what might happen there." Which brings into focus, once again, Johnny Miller's critique of Perry's decision NOT to play at Torrey Pines in the U.S. Open. Now, Perry's supporters will have some additional explaining to do. Mr. Weenie, (er, Perry) will not appear in the British Open in a month. Not to beat a dead horse, but this is a guy who wants desperately to play international competition in the Ryder Cup? What would you rather have...a trophy from a minor tour event called Milwaukee or be known as the Open Champion for the rest of your life? No contest from this quarter.

Mikey P. jumps a few spots in the standings with a rare pick of Kenny Perry to win The Buick Open. Miracle dart-throwin' Mikey.

"Woodheads" two three-wacks cost T & A, Perry Sato and Doug B. a shot at a bunch of top money. Perry's eagle from the bunker at 14 didn't help their cause either.

On to the Tiger-less sponsored AT&T in DC. Question of the week: Why do you think that in baseball, they call these, "the dog days?"

The Travelers

'N Cink

Date Written: June 23, 2008

The word among serious journalists is that bloggers are way too harsh. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Please hear my confession. I am guilty...guilty of a lot of things including bad blogging. In my defense though, you must understand...I can't help myself. Sometimes my six year old bathroom humor gets the best of me. I know in my heart that it's cheap to make fun of another because their name happens to be weird. Take "Cink" for example. It's way too easy to conjure up all kinds of bathroom and golf analogies. Can't you see how easy it is to substitute words like tank, drain, toilet, sewer, poo-poo, flush...whatever, to describe one's golf game? 'N Cink hisself would probably be the first to admit that his inablitity to "finish" hasn't been realized. He's blown a bunch of opportunities to win in his career. Because he's been such a highly-regarded player, he must know that he has to endure the bad metaphors to his last name. Hence the photo above might represent all his missed opportunities. Despite my attempts at bad humor, I am really not alone in my opinion. A dry and sober quote from a real journalist affiliated with the Associated Press said, "Stewart Cink has a reputation as a good golfer who just can't finish off a tournament."

Well...Stewie "The Cink" tried hard to live DOWN to his reputation at this past weekend's Traveler's. He hit a couple of shots on the last nine holes that even had the TV commentators scratching their collective heads. He fatted a wedge on a par four that was 40 yards short of his target. Then, on the 72nd hole, leading by one shot, he hit a giant 365 yard, blocked drive that some estimated was 50 yards offline. Luckily, he managed to convert each frightful miscue (read "choke") into an up-and-down par, thereby avoiding a playoff with defending champ, Hunter Mahan and aging Tommy Armour, III. In one last attempt at bad, childish humor; if back-nine stress is the primary cause of hair loss, it's no wonder Mr. Cink's going bald.

T'was a nice payoff for seven of us who just missed with Mahan to repeat...Lord Kerrick being one of the astutes. Corn Beef Taco's standing in third place was also greased a bit.

Onward to the next, Tiger-less tour stop, The Buick Open in Michigan. The field looks like a Nationwide event, with most of the bigger names taking the week off. Now we can begin the countdown to The British. We are only five weeks away from their OPEN which will, obviously, be Tiger-less too. As a matter of fact, the whole next year just might be Tiger-less, given the severity of the damage to his ACL and micro-fractures to the tibia of his left leg.

In this celebrity-driven, market-oriented world, the question arises, what's an event worth without a headliner? The PGA has long known the value of Tiger as it translates to the TV engine that runs their machine. Without question, their ratings will plummet. When and if Tiger ever decides to retire, the Tour will have to renegotiate their TV contract downward. For now, we'll have to endure a different spin that will come from their publicity machine. They will try to somehow convince us that there product is still valuable to watch without Tiger in attendance. I'll just say good luck. Anybody out there want to watch 3 hours of golf to eventually see a playoff between Tim Herron and Dudley Hart?

Lastly this week, I hope Tiger comes to the realization that he doesn't need to kill himself in the gym in order to play well. Slow down pal, you've got a whole life to live. If you need a golfing fix, we've got a skins game on Sundays up here in Idaho which you could play left-handed. I can almost guarantee you can make twenty bucks a week.

U.S. Open

One-Legged Tiger

Date Written: June 17, 2008

Golf on Monday. What could be better? Maybe random sex with Michelle Pfeiffer, but short of that longshot fantasy, how about a playoff for the U.S. Open? The match-up of everyman (Rocco Mediate) against the best player who ever lived playing on one leg.

Rocco was great. Even though I was one of the thirteen in the fantasy pool who was grateful that Tiger squeaked out the win, I was secretly rooting for Rocco. Forty five years old, bad back, one-way ball flight, great attitude, ferocious competitor, shaky putter at times, terrific sense of humor, blah, blah. He was terrific. At the very least, Rocco Mediate is now a national household name.

The tour has figured out how to handicap Tiger...make him play on one leg. I thought at times that he was going to withdraw but he hung tough. Having personally survived 3 left knee operations and finally knee replacement surgery, I want to know what drugs Tiger took to make it through to the end. I would guess there was a cortisone shot somewhere between day three and day four. Roger Maltbie (Johnny Miller's, Ed McMahon) claimed he only used over-the-counter (Advil?) medication. I doubt it. If you want to read more about the possibilities for a long layoff for Tiger, click on the Thomas Bonk article:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-bonk17-2008jun17,0,4051577.column

And if you really have some extra time on your hands, read this David Brooks editorial about Tiger's focus:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/opinion/17brooks.html?hp

Remember the answer to the old golf joke, "How did you make a nine on a hole?" The answer, "Well, I missed my putt for eight" applies to San Diego homie, "Lefty Mick." He's playing the relatively easy par five thirteenth on day three. He misses the fairway with his drive and has to lay up with his second shot. Then he gets too cute with his third shot, an L-wedge to a front hole location just five paces from the edge and spins it off the green. He switches to his 64-degree wedge, but needs three more tries before getting the ball to stay on the green. He then proceeds to three-putt. Voila...NINE! Hackers could be heard harmonically rejoicing around the world.

We have now played exactly two-thirds of the pool schedule. Big time changes were effected what with the massive double money allotted to the majors. Biggest move was at the top where Lord Arthur of Kerrick and Pat Moloney are now leading at over the $7 Mil mark. Move over Vinegar Man, it was a nice run. Personally it feels good to get out of the cellar but in a perfect world I didn't want so much company.

Stanford/St. Jude

Mass Suicide

Date Written: June 9, 2008

"The Mechanic," (Justin Leonard) prevails in a three-way playoff for the Stanford/St. Jude title. Robert Allenby learns what its like to finally lose after winning ten straight playoffs in his pro career. Trevor Immelman has recovered from his all-to-hectic ("tsk, tsk") Master's TV tour. Those could have been the headlines for the week but Yours Truly is always looking for the "under story," the "fuck-up" if you will. The real headline from Memphis should have read, "Mass Suicide" or perhaps, "The Cutters." After the game, Dean Wilson, Gavin Coles, Tim Clark and Marc Turnesa were last seen in the Memphis men's locker room huddled over a package of double-edge razors, deciding who would go first. Two doubles in the last three holes for Dean-O did him in. Little Gavin Coles was just behind him in the futility department...doubling the 72nd hole to miss the playoff by two. Earlier in the day, third-round leader Tim Clark triple-bogeyed the first hole and Marc Turnesa, did him one better; he made a quad on #1. To quote Phillies baseball manager, Danny Ozark, "'Half this game is ninety percent mental."

High winds, hot temperatures, sloping greens running near 15 on the Stimp and tucked pins all added up 4-under being good enough to tie for first. You can add the TPC course in Memphis to the short list of U.S. Open-type courses. Last weeks Muirfield/Memorial was no piece of cake either. But those courses are merely hors d'oeuvres for the main meal that's coming this week, Torrey de la Pines.

So gentlemen, as they say at Indianapolis, "Start Your Engines." Oil up the remote. Make sure your TIVO's set for overtime on Sunday. We get some serious wall-to-wall television starting Thursday. Tiger has thirteen of us wondering if he's fit to go. The dummies who thought at the beginning of the year that he would be a "slamdunk" on his favorite venue, are now re-thinking after his third left knee surgery. Someone told me yesterday that Tiger was still limping. I hope not. If he is, I might have to have my best friend Guido to "rearrange" both his kneecaps...ala Tonya Harding. On a lighter side, maybe it's only fair to the field that he be "handicapped" in some way. Three dreamers will get to see if Philly Mick's up to the task in his backyard sandbox. I heard he's just bringing fourteen wedges.

No movement in the pool. Good on Bob Bruce with his T-8 pick of the pro from Yiddish C.C., Scott Verplunked.