WalterGolf

The Tour Championship

2009-09-29T06:58:00.029-06:00

Whew!
Date Written: September 28, 2009

I'm exhausted! The long, 2009 golf pool season has finally come to an end. Congrats to rookie winner, Charlie Tuna, who despite having two "No-Shows" over the last two tournaments managed to hang on and capture the first prize of $1,400. A few weeks ago he expressed an interest in selling his position for a small percentage of it's potential value. I talked him out of it. He's obviously glad he hung-in.

Doug B. and The Donald had the good fortune to pick Lefty "Mick" to win The Tour Championship, our final event for the pool standings. It was enough to vault Dougie past five players into second place and reward him with $700.00. It was nip and tuck for third, with Glenn Marzion holding off Bill Sundali by an eyelash to win $300.00. Both Glenn and Bill were stymied by No-Shows too. Checks to the three winners will go out in the mail tomorrow. It was the closest pool finish EVER!

Final thought on the Fed-Ex prize of $10,000,000...beyond the complicated format that even the players do not understand, IT IS AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF MONEY. The powers that be would probably argue that the TV ratings doubled this year. Methinks that's because Tiger was in the field, whereas last year, he was on the sidelines recovering from knee surgery. Personally, I would like to meet someone...anyone...outside the commissioner's office, who understands the bloody format.

For you golfing purists who can't get enough competition, we now segue to the 5-tournament, Fall Season, which reminds me of a different kind of Q-School. The "also-ran's" try to find a late-season swing to go along with a new-found putting stroke in an attempt to get inside the exclusive, top 125 money list. In a devilish way, it's more fun to watch this part of the season than the regular weekly tour stops because there's so much on the line for the boys. They won't see the bigger names in most of the fields so they've got to think their chances are better. From Ryan Smithson of PGATOUR.COM:

"Making the top 125 on the money list grows more difficult with each passing year, and the ramifications for missing the magic number are great.Steve Allen and Rich Beem are good examples. Allen and Beem each fell $100,000 short of retaining their cards for 2009, and, as a result, they were forced to sit back and hope for playing opportunities. It's a process of writing letters to tournaments, asking for sponsor exemptions and waiting for players to withdraw. It brings a whole new meaning to the term "vicious cycle."

Thank god our season is over. I think I've run out of things to say. It ain't easy at this end trying to be clever and meet a writing deadline each week. That said, what will I do with all this extra time from October to the start of 2010? Yesterday, the weather lady alliterively suggested that it's time to trade my flip-flops for fleece. Clever, huh? The high on Wednesday will be the low tonight. Figure that out. This means that the last of my real joints will begin to talk back to me in louder tones. I'm obviously too old to reinvent myself as a capable person. What in the world am I going to do? Got any suggestions? Maybe it's time to move to warmer climes.I don't want to hurt myself in the off-season doing anything more strenuous than practice my new, 80% golf swing. Maybe I'll move to fire-ravaged, hoodlum infested, traffic-clogged, vanity-driven L.A. and teach the prodigal grandson a swing. Or maybe I'll just hunker down here for another "Winter of Wishful Thinking." I'll keep you posted. This might be my last stint as editor of the weekly blog. Anybody want to pick up the baton/pen? I might confine my writing efforts to making some money.

For now, I'm going to find a very quiet, remote spot by the Wood River and watch the colored leaves do their final dance into the water. That image is my homage to someone who can actually write, poetess, Mary Oliver.

BMW Championship

2009-09-14T18:55:00.009-06:00

Playoffs?

Date Written: September 14, 2009

Jim Mora had it right... "Playoffs? What playoffs?" Playoffs are for baseball, pro football and basketball. GOLF HAS MAJORS! I will be happy only when Mr. Finchem and the Tour Policy Board dump this ridiculous playoff format. We are told once again to believe in the one-time, points reset feature for the last event in the series. Now ANY of the thirty "others" that have qualified to be in the field of the Tour Championship can win a $10 million dollar prize for winning ONE tournament.

I don't know of a prize ANYWHERE that discounts and/or disregards an entire years worth of work. First off, there ISN'T any more dominant player in any sport than Tiger...PERIOD! He's earned whatever huge bonus might be available by his performance. I say, just give him the money, period. The most glaring example of the inequity of the Schmed-Ex format can be illustrated by the fact that His Majesty's won six tournaments this year and nearly $10 million dollars in legitimate prize money...way more than anyone else. Hardly-knowns, Mark Leischman and Jason (What's in a Name?) Dufner, have won NOTHING, yet could theoretically win the Fed-Ex Cup and 10 mil. So what does Tiger get for his efforts all year....a number one seed? Give me a break! Have the commercial interests who run the stupid BCS, cross-pollinated to the PGA Tour Board? Finally, as long as I'm on my annual rant on this subject; listening to The Tour's lackeys on TV, trying to hype the system is downright nauseating. "Show Me The Money" is what it's about. The obvious theory is put up a big pot of dough and the players will show up. Duh? In my youth, the "$64,000 Question" was big time entertainment. Now it's, "Who Wants to be A Millionaire." Our popular culture's romance with big bucks borders on sickness. Given that The Tour likes to represent itself as a charity sponsor, I say give all the proceeds to the teachers of the world...they are way more important to society than pro golfers.

Last week there were rumblings from the mainstream press that His Majesty had lost his putting stroke. Last year, the same folks thought HE was washed-up because of his knee surgeries. What do you think all the "experts" thought on Saturday at Grog Hill? His Eminence starts with a bogey on the first hole and then proceeds to break the course record? The other lowly serf's that play this game for a living...Leischman, Dufner, Kucher, Snedeker, Harrington to name a few...know who's best. They know they are playing for second place when HE'S in the field. Golf statistics (like GIR) can be terribly misleading but try this astounding stat on for size...His Holiness made something like 40 of 45 putts inside 15 feet in the first three rounds.

I played like a dog in the local Bigwood tournament this past weekend but felt much better about my "yips" after watching Brandt Snedeker four-whack from 14 feet on eighteen to cost himself a spot in the Tour Championship and a small fortune in prize money. I loved Snedeker's candor when confronted by reporters as he was trying to leave the premises. Bob Harig of ESPN.com described Snedeker's meltdown best:

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/columns/story?columnist=harig_bob&id=4470699

In our funky pool, our three top leaders have NO-SHOWS for the final event two weeks hence. The "Boise Boys" (Moloney & Winegar) along with The Muffins must be licking their chops. This could be a wild finish. I can't remember it ever being this close. Enjoy!

The Deutsche Bank

2009-09-08T19:08:00.024-06:00

Worst to First

Date Written: September 8, 2009

Who'd a thunk that a guy named Stricker would be the one to come charging out of the golf peloton to challenge Tiger's run through history? It would be easy to name a half dozen guys who were more likely to threaten His Majesty's supremacy than Stricker. But his one-shot victory in The Deusche, makes him worthy of being included in any 2nd place dialogue.

Do you remember that this is the same guy who couldn't keep his card at the end of the 2005 season? Now he's the two-time reigning Comeback Player of Year who also happens to stand a good chance of cashing a $10 mil check for winning the inexplicable Schmed-Ex Cup. He's grooved a three-quarter swing that looks like he's had his wrists fused with a dead-eye putting stroke. Johnny (The Oracle) Miller, mused that Stricker has this big muscle swing that the next generation of golfer's might want to emulate. We'll see.

To excerpt from Jason Sobel of ESPN.com:

Steve Stricker is fast becoming known as golf's answer to Derek Jeter -- a guy who turns it up a few notches when the playoffs are in full swing. In 10 career FedEx Cup appearances, he owns two wins, six top-10s, no finishes of worse than T-24 and no missed cuts, leaving him as one of only three players to compete in all 40 rounds of the three-year system. It's a record that has some already referring to him as Mr. September. To date, his season includes six top-three finishes, 10 top-10s and more than $6 million in official earnings -- all numbers that have some wondering whether he could surpass Woods in the Player of the Year race.

Closer to home: for fellow jingoists that follow Idaho golf, Boise State grad, Troy (did his parent's go to SC?) Merritt, had a monster week in Mexico at the weekly Nationwide stop. Click on the link to read more:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/h095/09/06/rd4.recap/index.html

What with the field being reduced for the third Schmed-Ex cup event called the BMW (about 20 miles West of Chi-town), our esteemed pool leader, Charlie Tuna, is grateful for his T-23 pick of Mike Weir at The Deutsche, because that's the LAST money Charlie's gonna win. Neither of his picks are in the field for the last two events. Methinks it's a gonna be a dogfight for the top three spots.

The Barclays

2009-09-02T17:38:00.020-06:00

The Statue of Liberty National

Date Written: September 2, 2009

So...as I'm traveling over the weekend in Southern California, I'm catching glimpses of "The Barclays" at various stops and wondering how-in-the-world did this here course, Liberty National, come into being? It looked "manufactured" or out of place or belonging in some other country. So, when I got home, I saddled up my favorite horse, "Internet Browser," to see if I could find out more about the joint. Voila! If you've got a few minutes and want to read a remarkable development tale about building a golf course on a toxic waste site, click on the link below, it's almost as good as the tournament itself:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/27/sports/golf/27pennington.html?scp=1&sq=liberty%20national%20golf%20club&st=cse

I'm left wondering how much it costs to join and/or play Liberty National. I'll bet it's expensive. I wonder if Emma Lazarus (the gal who wrote the slogan at the base of Lady Liberty), "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free," could afford the green fees? More likely, she would have wrote, "Give me your rich, your privileged, your suffering elite" dot, dot, dot. Golf is much more likely to be mentioned on the Republican Party platform...not on the other party's wishlist.

"Heathcliff" Slocum, independent contractor and Republican that he must be, might be up for consideration as a junior member at Liberty Nat'l now that he's 1.35 mil ahead on his green fees. He was the #124 seed out of the 125 players who qualified for the first leg of the contrived Schmed-Ex Cup Series. Heath hadn't won an event in four years. After one terrific week, where he was apparently the only player to feel comfortable on the tricky greens, He lept all the way to #3 on the schtupid points list. Not even Bob Beamon could jump that far. (If you do not know who Bob Beamon is, check below). "Heathcliff" was either real lucky or real smart to make a "take-your-medicine," up-and-down par from a fairway bunker on No. 18...finally drilling a 20-footer to win by one stroke over a quartet of the world's best players: Tiger, Ernie, Padraig and Stricker. I was one of four in the pool who had a shot at winning until S.S. yanked a ten-footer on the final hole and made bogey. Damn it! Our new pool leader, Charlie Tuna, had Stricker too and with his solid T-2 dough, leaps over Glenn Marzapan into first place by about 400 G's. I jump all the way into umpteenth. So much for my golf-picking skills. Three pool rookies continue to hold the top three spots going into the last three events of our season.

This week the field is paired down to the top 100 and plays at the TPC near Boston. Whoever wins will jump into the top five spots. Explain that to me, please Mr. Finchem? How can someone ranked 95 justify a whole season of mediocrity with one good week? In answer to my own question, maybe it's why Pro's play the game...they follow their dream and hope for one good week where their swing gets magically grooved. Five of us like Villegas to play back to his success in this format last year. Charlie Tuna likes the Weir-Wolf so we know who to root against.

Answer to the question, "Who was Bob Beamon?" (From Wikipedia): On October 18 at the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City, Beamon set a world record for the long jump with a jump of 8.90 m (29 ft. 2½ in.), almost two feet longer than the then, existing record.

The Wyndham

2009-08-24T18:01:00.020-06:00

His To Lose

Date Written: August 24, 2009

Remember Sergio, he of vast talent? Missing from the leader board all year, he was seemingly in control at The Wyndham. He made a nice 12-foot birdie putt on the seventh hole on the last day to go three-up. On the next hole, he three whacked from forty feet...missing a 4-footer for bogey. What followed was sickening to watch. Three bogies in a five hole stretch. A bunch of half-hearted, missed six-footers followed by a swing meltdown where he could barely keep his hands glued to his club. My guess is his poor putting led to his full swing demise. Sound familiar? Happens to me just about every day. This "attitudinal breakdown" left Serge one shot out of a three-way playoff that was ultimately won by "The Pro From Mars," Ryan Moore. (See my blog from April 28, 2008 for more on Moore). Maybe "The Serge" was thinking of all the foxy blondes he's yet to meet and seduce instead of concentrating on his putting stroke? Whatever...it was his tournament to lose and he did.

It's semi-comforting to know that mechanically, Sergio suffers from the same putting problem that I have...the death move called "peeking." We both have to learn the same lesson....KEEP OUR HEAD STILL! Give Sergio and me a putt of any length and it's like a geography lesson...our bodies all over the physical map. If Stan Utley or Dave Pelz saw this move, they would probably puke. A frontal lobotomy might be the only cure.

I was really rooting for Sergio's playmate, Chris Riley, who is Sergio's antithesis. Riley, like me, is a "Wal-Mart" (about an acre) behind everyone else off the tee. Even chief clown, "Bozo" Feherty, bubbled that, "Riley doesn't have any muscles." The Master of Confusing Swing Analysis, Peter Kostis, claims that Riley actually plays to his short-hitting strength. I don't think so. Nobody I know likes to be short. To have to hit hybrids where most players are hitting seven irons is O.K. for a few longish par fours, but over the course of eighteen holes, it'll wear you out.

Personally, I think length and putting are both unfair elements of the game. In my next life (I'm on the waiting list for membership at Purgatory C.C.), there will be no greens, just a large manhole at the end of the fairway. And there won't be any hole longer than 300 yards. Either we adopt these changes or us shorter folk will just have to wait to be reincarnated into a larger body. In the meantime, Sergio would take Riley's putting stroke and short game in a heartbeat and vice-versa. (Then of course, just to disprove me, late in the game Riley misses two "gimmees" over the last three holes.)

As long as we're on the subject of hybrids...here's my evolutionary theory of the week: Short of being re-born, how about being able graft ourselves (like a hybrid) into a player of Sergio's length and Riley's short game? We could call this new player, Sergio Riley or Chris Garcia. At the very least, this new person would still be Catholic. Who else could you imagine being "hybridized?" Perhaps "Mr. Mess," John Daly welded over a Freddie Couples demeanor? Or "Lazy" Carlos Franco (he never practices) infused with a work ethic like V.J.'s? Can you come up with some other possible "blendings?" I suppose it would help to know the personalities on tour. Perhaps the media who dutifully follow the caravan known as "The Tour" could come up with a few sample "hybridazations."

Aussie, Michael Sim of the Nationwide Tour earned himself a battlefield promotion with his third win on that tour this year. He's the ninth player to accomplish this feat...the most successful being Chad Campbell. Add Sim to your all-rookie team...IF...and it's a big IF...he can get past his first year at the next level..."The Big Show" as Kevin Costner said in Bull Durham. Let's see if he can come close to the success that the Irish youngster, Rory McIlroy, has accomplished this year.

No movement in the SV Pool this week. This week the top 125 in the goofy Scmed-Ex point system will play at The Barclays, part of which will be played under the Holland Tunnel on the way to Jersey City. Our top three pool players each have a different pick so it should be interesting.

PGA Championship

2009-08-17T19:44:00.025-06:00

The Sky is Falling

Date Written: August 17, 2009

So, what are we to think on this day after Tiger loses a Major with a lead?
Is Chicken Little right, "The Sky is Falling?"

From Wikipedia:

The Sky Is Falling, better known as Chicken Licken, Henny Penny or Chicken Little is an old fable about a chicken (or a hare in early versions) who believes the sky is falling. The phrase, "The sky is falling," has passed into the English language as a common idiom indicating a hysterical or mistaken belief that disaster is imminent.

I thought the Chicken Little metaphor apt because some are asking if Tiger is washed up? Has the order of the golfing universe turned on it's axis? Has the sky truly fallen?

OF COURSE NOT. According to me and the more literate, Brandal Chamblee of The Golf Channel, "Tiger just had a bad day." Angry John Hawkins switched gears nicely and said simply that, "Yang was suberb." Semi-shaven Frank Nobilo came to Yang's defense and said, "Y.E. is not the Jack Fleck of our time. He's a good player." (More on Jack Fleck later). Bow-tied Alex Miceli suggested, "Y.E. WON the PGA as much as Tiger LOST it. Sir Nick Faldo said it best midway through the last round, "Tiger's having a day like all of us have." The merry pranksters (the clown outfit of Feherty & McCord of CBS-TV fame) who have never known the concept of having an "internal editor," wondered aloud if Tiger was lacking an aggressive game plan. NO AGAIN!

Tiger, ever so gracious in defeat, said he hit the ball great all day and just didn't make any putts. "I had plenty of chances and didn't make a thing." 33 putts in the last round pretty much tells it all. I re-watched the telecast on Monday and as they say on Tour, he didn't make shit. It just shows to go that in this stupid game, as in life, anything can happen. As they say, (whoever they are), "You don't play golf on paper." Even Chicken Little might be right one day. And maybe a virtual unknown, in this case a pretty good "unknown" can de-claw a Tiger on any given day. As my young friend Mikey says, "That's golf!"

What happened was that someone...anyone by God...stood up and beat Tiger straight-up and gave him a dose of what he's been dishing out for years. "In this age of Tiger predictability, yesterday was interesting because it was so unpredictable," offered Tim Rosaforte. That "someone" who turned the order of the golf world upside-down, (up until yesterday), was a virtual unknown outside the golf-nut world. I follow this sport like a hawk and I didn't know until yesterday that Y.E. Yang was a three-time Q-school participant, an ex-weightlifter and an actual MALE South Korean. I do know that there's plenty of FEMALE Korean golfers. I see their names peppered in print at the top of the ladies leaderboard, every week.

O.K., O.K., Yang did win The Honda earlier this year but he's not exactly a household name. We are told that the Yangster didn't take the game up until he was nineteen. Tiger started at age two. Now that he's 37 and he's climbed one of the highest mountains in the Golf Kingdom, it would be very dramatic if he should retire. Can you imagine the public response? He's won a Major against the most famous golfer of all time. How's be gonna top that?

Most golf nuts including Tiger thought that the other weightlifting Korean, K.J. Choi, would be the first Asian to hoist a Major trophy. Digressing a bit, what is it with this weightlifting thing? When did time-in-grade in a smelly old gym become a training ground for success on a professional golf tour? Conventional Western wisdom has always suggested that hand-eye games like baseball and hockey were the cauldrons that produced good golfers. I guess I better re-think my stretching routine and start pumping some serious iron. Now where did I put those foam-covered, three pound dumbells? Mr. Yang even "one-upped" Tiger's obnoxious fist-pumping, I-told-you-so routine by bench pressing his golf bag three times in victory. What's next, unzipping your pants and showing your "stuff?"

What was shocking about Yang's emergence was that he wasn't named Els or Singh...Mickelson or Furyk...or Stenson, Paddy or Geoff. Just last year, Tiger spotted "Everyman" Rocco one leg and won the US Open. Now this medium-sized (5'9", 195 lbs), happy-go-lucky, Asian hero-to-be becomes the answer to a new Trivial Pursuit question: "Who was the first golfer to beat Tiger Woods when he was leading or tied for the lead in a Major?" Shades of Jack Fleck? (For those lucky to be born in the 60's, Jack Fleck was the virtual unknown who won the 1955 U.S. Open in an 18-hole playoff by three strokes over his idol, the legendary Ben Hogan, at the Olympic Club in San Francisco.)

Other news of note from the last Major of '09:

The best of the "Wunderkids", Rory McIlroy, finished off a solid year in the Majors ending with a T-3.

Lee Westwood just missed the playoff at The British by one shot. Yesterday he finished T-3.

Lucas Glover backed up his win at the U.S. Open with a nice 5th place finish.

In the spirit of everyone loving a train wreck, I'm sure you all saw the TV show called "Paddy's Weekly Snowman." His "quint" on the par three eighth was a doozy. I loved Paddy's response: "These things happen," said Harrington, managing a smile. "In the course of your career, you're going to mess up sometimes, as I did." Yesterday's blow-up hole reminded us of his triple on the par 5 16th the week before at The WGC/Bridgestone which handed Tiger his 70th PGA tournament win. From the LA Times:

Harrington was six under par when he stepped to the eighth tee, alone in third place. With 167 yards into a strong breeze, he chose a knock-down six-iron, but it landed in the pond, short and right of the green. "If I fly it five more yards, I'm on," Harrington said. He took a drop and hooked his third shot so badly, he nearly beaned playing partner Henrik Stenson, standing near bunkers to the left of the green. Harrington then caught a pitch flush, sending his fourth shot into the water. His sixth shot landed shy of the green. Finally he got up and down for eight, effectively ending his day. He fell to a tie for 11th, dropping five shots. "I've hit plenty of great pitches," he said. "That's the strongest part of my game. I've had plenty where I got up and down to win tournaments, so I'm not going to mull over [this]." A good attitude, but not enough to avoid a bogey here.

Five SV Pool players hit the double-money jackpot with Tiger's second place dough. Glenn Marzion and Charlie Tuna were among the five betting on Tiger but made the most of it with quantum leaps into the two top spots. Longtime Pool leader, Bill Sundali, is now looking up...just a few bucks behind in third. It's going to be a dogfight over the last five events which count for our money title. No-Shows now for the leaders are a definite no-no. The Wyndham in Greensboro, NC is up next. Nine of us made the lazy choice to bet that NC State grad, Carl Petterson, will repeat.

WGC Bridgestone

2009-08-11T17:42:00.014-06:00

Tiger's 70th

Date Written: August 11, 2009

Question: How many times when Tiger's in the final pairing on Sunday has he won and by how much? Answer below.

One would think that if anyone could handle the pressure of playing with Tiger "straight-up" it might be Paddy Harrington, except for the fact that he's been playing like a dog while he works on tweaking his swing. So...Sunday at the WGC/Bridgestone, it was Paddy vs Tiger, face-to-face in the last twosome on a great golf course, Firestone. "Contrasting styles," suggested Nick Faldo. No kidding!

Tiger started three back on day four...definitely his advantage. He's got his putting swerve working and fires 3 birdies and an eagle to jump ahead by two after nine. Then he appears to be human. Viewers around the world start to adjust the focus on their TV sets and wonder about his invinciblity as he bogies twelve and fourteen and Paddy takes the lead by one. Maybe? NOT! Tiger's 8-iron, 3rd shot to the long par 5 sixteenth from 182 yards to a tucked pin over water that spins back to 6 inches will be re-shown a gazillion times from now until we die or stop watching the Golf Channel, whichever is first. Paddy's "snowman" on the same hole gives Tiger a four-shot swing on one hole and his 70th win. End of dialogue. Our Doug B. was last seen diving into the lake on 16, fully clothed. He had Padraig in "The Pool."

Last word on Padraig. He's the defending PGA Champ. Guess who wants the title and his 15th Major? Should he fail to win this week at the nearly 7700 yard venue, Hazeltine...just outside Minneapolis, Tiger would be shut out of majors for the first time since 2004. Unlikely. Five pool players have astutely saved their pick of Woods for the last of the "double money majors."

Answer to the question above: A lot!

The Buick Open

2009-08-03T17:35:00.004-06:00

Tiger's 69th

Date Written: August 3, 2009

I'm thinking that Tiger showed up at The Buick for one of eight reasons:

(1) He was embarrassed by his missed-cut at The British.
(2) He wants to be sharp for the PGA
(3) He likes to play golf.
(4) He likes to win.
(5) He needs the money.
(6) He's winless in the Majors this year.
(7) He still drives a Buick.
(8) He was helping the charities in Michigan.

What do you think?

From Jason Sobel, golf columnist on ESPN.com:

"Tiger's Buick win enhanced his claim as the greatest closer in the history of the game, as he is now 36-1 when holding the outright 54-hole lead at a PGA Tour event and 47-3 when having at least a share of that lead. And let the optimists and pessimists argue semantics at the water cooler. The one thing I'll take from Tiger Woods' latest victory more than anything else is this notion, which has often been repeated throughout his career: His great may be otherworldly, but his good is still better than everyone else, too."

From the A.P.

"Tiger Woods has another trophy for his overflowing collection. Woods shot a three-under-par 69 Sunday at Grand Blanc Township, Mich., and coasted to a three-shot victory with a 20-under 268 at the Buick Open for the 69th PGA Tour title of his career. "This one feels good," he said. He improved to 36-1 when he has the outright lead after 54 holes. Woods has four wins this season in 11 starts since returning from knee surgery."

This was a good week for amateurs. One of the best college players around, Oklahoma State's Ricky Fowler, bogeyed the 72nd hole and lost on the second playoff hole at the Nationwide Tour event this week on the longish, Scarlet Course at Ohio State University. Look for him to follow Anthony Kim's script and bail on his scholarship soon. Unless I'm mistaken, another O.K. State player, Morgan Hoffman, finished T-8 in the same tournament. O.K. State's reputation in college golf is kinda like U.S.C.'s in football...perennial winners. Amateur, Tim Jackson, from Tennessee, deserves a mention for his stellar, record-setting 36-hole score at the U.S. Senior Open. Even though he came back down to Earth in the last two rounds at the demanding Crooked Stick course near Indianapolis, he finished T-11 in a field loaded with the best over-50 players on the planet who happen to play for real money, not just two dollar, weekend Nassau's. Speaking of straight and "Crooked," the Crooked course was not too tough for Freddie Funk-a-Delic who set a tournament record by finishing 20-under par and won his first Major by six strokes. Freddie's on a nice run. For those with short-term memory loss (like ME), he lost in a three-way playoff for the British Senior Open title two weeks ago to Loren Roberts. Go Freddie...fetch Langer! Finally, to prove how fickle this stupid game is, Tom Watson, the runner-up at the "real" British Open, shot even par on Sunday to finish at 2 over amongst his Senior peers and tied for 43rd.

Another WGC event on tap this weekend at Firestone. Lefty's returning after a six-week absence and Tiger's in the field. The "Lessor-Than's" schlep to Reno-Tahoe. I count seven Appleby and six Westwood aficionados this week in da pool. Bill Sundali padded his lead a bit with a nice pick (along with Pat Moloney, Glenn Marzion and Perry Sato) of "Woodhead" Austin at The Buick who finished T-8. Looking ahead to next week's double-money PGA...three bottom-dwellers: Jeff Wong, The Beach and Jan Jones and two wanna-be's: Glenn Marzion and Charlie Tuna, have saved their Tiger bullet for The PGA. How smart/lucky are they?

Canadian Open

2009-07-28T19:22:00.021-06:00

El Nino

Date Written: July 27, 2009

That's me under the umbrella at The Canadian, trying desperately to stay dry. Just kidding. Doesn't it seem like there's been a lot of rain-delayed events this year on tour? Must be El Nino. I'm gonna find my old wet suit and wear it next weekend while I watch The Buick. Given the Toronto deluge, I suppose the organizers were glad to actually finish their country's championship, rue another Mike Weir finish and finally declare a winner: the little Aussie, Nathan Green.

The Goose handed Green the win with two wobbly shoves from six and nine feet in overtime. Doug B. must have felt like a yo-yo. Dougie was alone having Goose-it to win. I imagined Doug jumping up and down as his horse eagled the par five 18th to get into a playoff. Then I imagined poor Dougie splayed-out, face-down, slamming his fist into his shag carpet declaiming his lost first place dough. All in all though, a profitable week for Doug and Charlie Tuna (Kim) who jumped up a few spots in the pool...perhaps close enough where another win would put either of them in the hunt for serious fantasy pool dough.

Random player notes:

Graham DeLaet, who had a successful college career at Boise State, made the cut in his home country's championship and won some change. Read more:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/golf/story/842470.html

Mark Calcevecchia set a PGA Tour record, firing nine straight birdies in round 2. Click on the link below for a hole-by-hole breakdown of his feat:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r032/07/25/calc_birdie_chart/index.html

Tiger's apparently still driving his Buick Enclave and has deigned to appear this week. He must like the track or his Buick or the folks at GM who paid him a fortune for his endorsement. I heard the rumor that GM is not renewing it's sponsorship for this tournament in Michigan. Does that mean that GM is bailing on golf? Oh well, just another corporate sponsor going "south" in this tough economy. First Wachovia, then Stanford Financial...Chrysler??? Now Buick? In a related mess, the head of the LPGA, Carolyn Bivens, stepped down from her job because of a personality conflict AND the loss of 7 host sponsors. Click below for more sponsorship rumor:

http://www.freep.com/article/20090728/SPORTS15/907280310/1063/Tom-Pernice-Jr.-backs-off--nothing-official-on-Buick-Open-s-status

A bunch of "NO-SHOWS" at The Buick. I've got mixed feelings because three of the four top money leaders in our funky pool, including me, picked Bubba to win and he's a No Show. Good/bad?

Mitch Albom, noted sports columnist and author ("Tuesday's with Morrie") spoke for me (I'm paraphrasing here) when he said that he's still wishing that Tom Watson could go back in time and take a "mully" on his second shot on the 72nd hole at The Open. Right on, Mitch.

And lastly, if you have some time on your hands and want to read a more comprehensive and funny "take" on our boy, Tommy Watson at The British, click on: http://www.forerightbob.com/ I just finished Bob Smiley's, "Follow The Roar" and recommend it to anyone who loves a good golf book. I still can't imagine the concept of following Tiger on every hole for an entire (half) season.

The British Open

2009-07-20T20:42:00.012-06:00

T for Tommy

Date Written: July 20, 2009

Here's my current rendition of an old country and western song:

T for Texas,
T for Tennessee,
T for Tommy,
And T for Turn ber-ry.

Everyone I know in my small world in Sun Valley was rooting for Tom Watson yesterday. Were you all too?

To quote my favorite golf writer, Rick Reilly:

"Thank you Tom Watson, for reminding us that a codger can play with a kid, and hold his own. And thank you for making us all feel so much younger this week."

Methinks but for a nuked eight-iron that appeared to be straight online on the last hole of regulation, Tommy Terrific makes sports history. I'm gonna forget that he threw up all over himself on the short second putt.

Tommy Watson, from his own heart, summarized it best of all:

"It would have been a hell of a story, wouldn't it? It would have been a hell of a story. It wasn't to be."

Then, to put the game in perfect perspective, he said later, "This ain't a funeral, you know."

I LOVE THIS GUY!

In the past, I've taken my best shots at Stewart Cink's inability to "close-the-deal." I covered his meltdown at The Travelers in a column I wrote on June 23, 2008. Going further back in time, I remember his three putt from 12 feet to miss a playoff with Retief Goosen and Mark Brooks in the 2001 U.S. Open. Well, if golf is sometimes about redemption, Cink now qualifies as Jesus.

Even though our hero, Huck, clearly ran out of gas in the playoff, one can't deny the obvious...that after all, it's a 72 hole tournament and it was as much a Cink victory as a mini-Watson tank. To me, it was the most memorable British Open of recent memory. Stewart was 3-under over his last five holes, including the dreaded eighteenth TWICE. He crushed Watson by 6 strokes in the playoff, yet it will forever be the story of what might-have-been for Tom. And lest us parishioners forget, Lee Westwood could have easily been in the mix, suffering his own personal meltdown. He bogeyed three of the last four holes, including a three-putt from distance on the final hole thinking that Watson was too experienced to bogey the dreaded 18th.

As far as the pool goes, Bob Bruce and Charlie Tuna's pick of Big Ernie's earned them solid T-8 money.

Turnberry certainly turned out to be one tough test. The R & A should be lauded for their selection and rehabilitation of this storied venue.

Finally, fourteen "homies" are rooting for Mike Weir this coming week in The Canadian, including 4 of the top 5 money leaders. Another oddity...no "No-Shows" this week.

John Deere Classic

2009-07-13T19:47:00.023-06:00

The Tractor Open

Date Written: July 13, 2009

"On a hot summer night
He wrote Billy Bob loves Charlene
In letters 3 foot high
And the whole town said that he should have used red
But it looked good to Charlene
In John Deere green."

Remember, "John Deere Green" by Joe Diffie? I wanted to add music as you opened this blog but Miss Vicki couldn't figure out how to do it. Click on the link and scroll down to listen to music sample #9.

http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Joe-Diffie/dp/B00008PX8V/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1247538937&sr=1-1

Speaking of "John Deere Green," Steve Stricker has a bunch of it in his wallet this morning. Stevie flirted with fifty-nine in the second round and went on to win by three. During that round, he was 9-under through a stretch of eleven holes. When Stricker's on a roll, he's "dead-on" every flag with his irons and putts like a shoulder-triangulated automaton. Stricker's having a hell of a year. He won at Colonial, finished a shot back in L.A. and should have won until a last round 5-over in Palm Springs. Click on the link below for Stricker's four scorecards from the Deere. His last days 7-under wasn't too shabby either:

http://www.pgatour.com/players/00/65/27/scorecards/2009/r030.html

The best finish in our funky pool was garnered by John Manocheo with his solid T-2 pick of nearby, hometown, corndog fave, Zach Johnson.

Big week upcoming...THE OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP! Three of you (Doc 'N Jill, Doug B. and Corn Beef Taco) have saved their Tiger bullet for the British. Eight others of us have Paddy who was last seen scratching his head as he missed the cut at Bethpage. Word is that Poor Padraig was last seen scratching his head as he was trying to re-do the swing that won him three majors. Why would he do that? He should know that only God (Tiger) can re-do a swing. The rest of us mortals are doomed to repeat the "over-the-top" swing we were born with.

AT&T National

2009-07-07T06:45:00.013-06:00

Sunday in the Park with Tiger

Date Written: July 6, 2009
Every Sunday when Tiger's in the mix, seems like just a walk in the park for him. To memorialize his 68th PGA Tour win, let's have a contest: the first person to name both the artist AND the technique he uses to paint the picture to the left, wins a sleeve of Pro-VX's. Hint...the title of the painting has something to do with the artist's name.

In a more commercial vein, the employees of Nike's marketing department must have been slapping high-fives around the water cooler at campus headquarters in Beaverton lately. From Wimbledon to Washington...Federer to Tiger...to Anothy Kim...the "Swoosh" was everywhere. Two weeks ago, the U.S. Open winner, Lucas Glover and the "comeback kid," David Duval, where "all over the bulb" wearing the most recognizable logo ever invented.

And the storyline from both the tennis and the golf worlds was eerily similar. Fifteen-time Grand Slam Champion, Roger Federer, vs. "Mr. Dead End Kid" Andy Roddick. Likewise, the golf at Congressional featured another backward, hat-wearing upstart...this one being A. K., trying to match his aggressive, "bomb-it" millenial style on Sunday against the best player who ever carved a golf ball. The head-to-head match-ups in both sports had it all: "olde school" vs. "wannabe's." Experience vs. youth. All time records vs. pipe dreams. In the golf match, Tiger was playing against the hype...his consensus heir apparent. Both telecasts had huge audiences. My guess is that about a gazillion people watched sports from morning to dusk on TV, refusing to do any chores that required them to be out of broadcast range and demanding that they have a raincheck for last week's Father's Day.

Ultimately in the end, (as it always does), form prevailed. Tiger brought his "B" game and gave his 24-year old protégé a clinic. Kim brought the yips...snapping tee shots early in the round which made him disappear faster than you can say, "Sarah Palin." As someone said, "it was only four strokes in the end but seemed like eight." The only thing worse than watching Kim's early struggle with his swing was having to listen to Peter Kostis trying to explain his errant mechanics. Kostis may be one of the world's best teachers and knows slow motion, Konica/Biz Hub ad naseum, but I can never see the swing subtleties that he's talking about. When 1/8 of an inch at impact can effect ball flight by 20 yards, why bother trying to explain? Better commentary was provided by Nick Faldo who questioned A.K.'s club selection decisions. Anyway, Tiger's back where he belongs...at the top of the money list. Now that Tiger's fixed his left knee, maybe A.K. needs to see a neurologist for some brain work.

Doug B. and I had the good fortune to pick Hunter Mahan who came from six back with a course record 62 on Sunday and lost by a single shot. Good on us, Doug. Hunter and I share a good Sunday story. I had a wedge/distance lesson from our "Super," Shawn Aicher, at the back of the range before playing our Sunday skins game and miraculously sunk a 55 yard shot for eagle on the par-5 sixteenth hole at Sun Valley to win eighty bucks. It's amazing when one can apply a lesson so quickly and then see results. My wedge shot was about the same distance of the putts that Hunter made on Sunday. For those interested in putting distance math, 140 feet of putts that Hunter made on one day would translate to ten, fourteen foot putts, or seven, twenty foot putts or any combination thereof. In our foursome, we call that "making everything you look at."

The Muffins stay in first place in our funky pool was short-lived because their nag, Stricker, failed to show. Sundali and Winegar jump back into the first two spots. They were two of five who had Kim for a nice third place payday despite Kim's jaunty waywardness. Onward to The Tractor Open (John Deere) where both The Muffins and Sundali have Kenny P, and Winegar has Chad Campbell. We all know who to root against. Two weeks to The British at Turnberry, where double dough will be awarded. Anyone down there in the standings wanna make a run at the leaders, better do it NOW or save your scheckels for next year.

Traveler's Championship

2009-06-29T21:00:00.031-06:00

Perryfect

Date Written: June 29, 2009

From Dictionary.com:

perfection
[per-fek-shuhn]
-noun

1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.

I always thought the word perfection was over-used, like when we hear on golf telecasts, "he hit a perfect shot." I thought that perfect, in a literal sense, was when a shot went in...not just on the green, close to the hole, or hit safely out of some impossible lie. Now I am informed by the official wordsmiths of Dictionary.com, that "becoming perfect" is akin to "being perfect."

I'm not sooo stupid as to realize how unattainable it would be to shoot a score of eighteen over 18 holes, but isn't that what words are for...to get to the truth of some matter? Otherwise, what's the point? Perhaps I need to be reminded that we are imperfect people using language that is also imperfect. This week I'm going to take the linguistic liberty to apply my own, "made-up" P word to apply to our weekly subject, Kenny Perry. God knows I've used enough superlatives, including the word perfect, to his eminence, Pope Tiger, The First.

It would be easy to just assign the moniker, "Kenny P." to our hero of the day. It's popular these days amongst the younger set to assign abbreviated nicknames (A-Rod, G-Sauce, T.O., Kenny G.), but Perryfect seems to fit his recent exploits. Kenny's won five times in just over a year, the most of any player on Tour. He has 12 top-10 finishes over that span and has made every single cut. His 258 aggregate total at The Travelers ties him for the fourth-best 72-hole score in tour history. Of lesser importance, he's climbed to the top of the stupid Schmed-Ex list with about a third of the season to go. His streak is nothing short of that other "P" word (that sounds like the "F" word), PHENOMENAL! As long as I'm featuring alliterations, I think he gives us elder hackers hope. At the very least, Kenny P's on a roll for the ages.

From the AP:

There was no Masters-style meltdown Sunday for Kenny Perry. Perry shot 63 to finish with a tournament-record 258 and win the Travelers Championship by three strokes over Paul Goydos and David Toms, two other golfers in their 40s, and leap into first place in the FedExCup standings with 500 points. The 48-year old Perry, whose bogey-bogey finish at Augusta kept him from winning the Masters in April, tied a course record with a 61 Thursday and led after each of the first two rounds here. But he trailed by a stroke to Goydos heading into the final round.

"Everyone kind of asks about the Augusta hangover deal," he said. "I guess I kind of shoved that aside a little bit. So that makes me feel pretty good."

Perry acknowledged he was thinking about the Masters as he played the back nine and told himself to play aggressively. "I knew that I had to keep making birdies," he said. "I wasn't going to let up. I wasn't going to play defensive golf. I learned something from that (Masters) mistake."

I can't remember in our funky pool when there's been such a quantity of near-winning picks. The Beach had a nifty T-2 with David Toms and ten of you scored nearly a quarter of a mil with Hunter Mahan (T-4). But Bob Bruce, Doc 'N Jill and Harry of Miltenberger were not to be un-done. They threw a dead-on strike with their winning pick of Perry, adding over $1 mil and the rare, yellow, highlight color to their respective accounts.

"Around the turn and into the stretch," as they say in horse racing. A bunch of "No-Shows" (even Kenny "P" needs a rest) this week in Washington D.C. where the host course, Congressional has been the site of four major championships over the years. The consensus picks are either Anthony Kim or "Yip" Allenby. The (Toasty) Muffins inched over Bill (The Swami) Sundali (who had an M.C. with In-Cink this past week) into first place. The Muffin's position may be brief because they have a WD this week with Freddie (The Slender) Jacobson. Three of the top six leaders, Sundali, Winegar and Sato, have A.K. so the rest of us know who NOT to root for.

US Open

2009-06-25T07:54:00.010-06:00

Who's in Charge?

Date Written: June 22, 2009

MOTHER NATURE (as seen from above as part of a hazard on an abstract golf course), will forever be remembered as the actual winner of the 109th US Open. She was not "officially" in the field but she reminded us that she's in charge. Tiger, along with half the field, had the worst of the weather draw because of HER, having to play in much more difficult conditions than those that went out later. "The leader board after the first two rounds had a big advantage," Mike Weir said. "For half the field to be able to play in nice conditions was huge."

When the rains came, Helen Ross, PGATOUR.COM Chief of Correspondents said:

"Officials hope to finish the third round by 4:30 p.m. The players will then be repaired, and competition in the final round will continue as long as possible Sunday evening and be completed Monday morning."

"Repair the players?" To a man, they did sound exhausted after all the delays over the five full days of a major on a very demanding course.

In the end, Ricky Barnes "unraveled" as most were expecting he would. The more veteran player and sectional qualifier, Lucas Glover, was the unlikely winner. In three prior Opens he had failed to make the cut. His final round 73 yesterday was just good enough to hold off the field. I was reminded by some columnist that Glover left the tour for six months last year out of frustration. To his credit, he figured out a way to not be so hard on himself. I wish I could learn that. Yesterday, he never lost the lead over the last twelve holes. Bill Dwyre of the LA Times summed it up best:

"Lucas Glover didn't just win the U.S. Open on Monday. He won golf's first Bataan Death March. This event took five days to finish, seemed like a month, and left one question burning in the minds of players and fans alike: What day is this again?"

At one point during the third round, Ricky was eleven under. He finished at two under, hanging tough after a bad first nine. He ended up tying for second with Lefty and the charming, comeback surprise of the tournament, David Duval. Welcome back David. You've told us for the longest time that you weren't far off your game. We thought you were either delusional or gonna be just an answer to a stupid Trivia question, "what was your world ranking before the Open?" (Answer, #882.)

From the "Monday Backspin" column on the PGA Tour website crafted by Lauren Deason:

"NO QUIT IN DUVAL: David Duval doesn't quit. He didn't give up over the last decade, when many people assumed he was finished in golf. Once the world's top-ranked golfer, Duval had dropped to 882nd in the Official World Golf Ranking before the week began at Bethpage Black. You heard the stats all week. Duval hadn't earned a top-10 finish since 2002. His last win came at the 2001 British Open. He had missed eight cuts in 14 starts this year. So how could he possibly have tied for second at the U.S. Open? It's easy -- perseverance, determination and a lot of confidence. It may be arrogance, but it's where I feel like I belong, Duval said after his final-round 71. I had no question in my mind I was going to win the golf tournament. Duval's hopes for major glory -- and a major comeback -- appeared to be dashed when he made a triple bogey on the third hole in the final round. But he rebounded with five birdies and just two bogeys over the next 15 holes. Of his performance after that triple bogey, Duval simply said, 'I don't quit.' He proved that more than once this week."

Bill Pennington of the NY Times wrote a charming piece on what I thought, was the biggest story of The Open...Phil's FIFTH, second-place US Open finish. Phil missed two short par putts in the final four holes to lose it. Click on the link to go into the locker room with Lefty after it was all over:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/23/sports/golf/23golf.html?hpw

Thirteen of us blew our Tiger bullet with his T-6 finish. "I striped it this week," he said. "I hit it just like I did [in the victory] at Memorial. Unfortunately, I didn't make anything. My good [putts] were not going in, and my bad ones weren't even close. I left a lot of putts short. And then when I tried to hit it harder, I gunned it past the hole. I gave myself so many chances, and made nothing." Oh well, that's golf!

Glen Marzion jumps into eighth place in our funky pool with his astute, double-money pick of Lefty that paid off like a win. I count ten of you who think that Hunter Mahan will play back to his T-2 finish last year in this coming weeks anti-climactic, Travelers Championship in CT.

Last thought: Paddy's got about a month to find his game for The British where he's going for his third straight title.

The St. Jude Classic

2009-06-15T18:53:00.016-06:00

Bad Pants

Date Written: June 15, 2009

Current fantasy pool leader, Bill Sundali, asked me the other day between shots, how I come up with my weekly schtick and attendant photo. I told him most times it takes me through the weekend before the "topic of the week" will be revealed by my golfing muse. But when John Daly's in the field, I don't have to think at all. Some might think I'm either out to get him or I'm queer for him (like his multitude of fans), but I want to assure you it's only because he's such a rich and easy source of copy fodder. He's a perfect cartoon of "Everyman." John was reinstated by the PGA after his latest suspension for being a general embarrassment. In Memphis this week, John made the cut, tied for 59th, and got a bunch of face time and chatter in the press for his Easter-like, public resurrection.

It seems that I feature Big John's exploits in a column once a year. You can scroll back to my past blogs of April 7, 2008 and June 11, 2007 to refresh your memory where he was the main topic of the week. I think I lost a bet to someone because I said that he would be dead by the end of one of the years in question.

On a business level, I'm hoping he forgives my annual rants and picks me to be a staff writer on his new soap opera entitled, "John Daly and His Bad Pants."
I know in my marketing heart that there's big bucks involved in anything John does because in movie business jargon, he's "high concept." His endorsement tie-in with Loudmouth Pants is just more proof. But if I were his agent, I'd tell him to be a bit more careful about his choice of sponsors. He might be skating on that commercial thin ice that will land him in the cold waters called Bad Taste.

It's not a stretch to imagine Big John, after his golfing career is kaput, morphing into Dennis Rodman. The two of them could easily be imagined facing off in a tag-team wrestling match with Mickey Rourke.

When asked by a Inga Hammond of the Golf Channel if this might be his last chance, John said:

"I don't know what a last chance really is. Last chance to me is when you're six feet under. I love this game. I really do. I know deep down in my heart I may never be the No. 1 player in the world, but I know that I love golf and I love to compete. The satisfaction of having that opportunity, knowing I'm prepared to play, I've never been able to see what my best potential is."

Then when asked what motivated him to lose a bunch of weight, our dysfunctional brother replied, "I couldn't catch my breath after bending over and tying one shoe."

So...now I want to know how he did it...lose weight...right? Rather than go on a diet, he made the decision to opt for lap-band surgery. Lap-band surgery? When I first heard the expression, I thought he said "lap dance therapy," which I could immediately visualize. Rather than explain the procedure, click on the link below to learn more about losing weight the easy way:

http://www.obesitylapbandsurgery.com/tecmain.html

If only blindness or cancer could be cured so simply? But alas, Poor John still doesn't realize that what he really needs is brain surgery, not stomach surgery. Having difficulty tying his shoes is only a symptom of the bigger demons that reside between his ears...not around his waist. In my experience, pills and surgery (unless there is structural damage) are mostly palliative...oversold as a way to make us "think" that we'll get better without the work that real change requires.

Some local sage reminded me last week as we were waiting on the tenth tee, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting a different result. Given Big John's myriad, addictive tendencies, it won't be long for Big John to disconnect his lap-band in a drunken stupor. His weight will balloon back up to his normal 300 pound range. My advice to John is to forget the quick fixes, the booze, the sadness that's boiling down below...send me $29.95 for my new book, "THE BRAND NEW, REVOLUTIONARY LITTENBERG 180 DEGREE METHOD OF BEHAVIORAL CHANGE," and I'll change your life forever. Without revealing all my secrets, the gist of the book revolves around the interior stories we all tell ourselves which are mostly untrue and don't serve us well as adults. I'm going to tease you with one of the books secrets...it involves practicing the concept of "flipping your truth." Call me if you figure out what that means. If I tell you any more, you won't buy the damn book. Send cash money with the my solid gold guarantee that this book will change your life...or at the very least, you'll end up in another, less risky form of addiction.

I've got another book in the works that is essentially one line...a really simple idea for those who struggle with their weight...EAT AND DRINK LESS AND EXERCISE MORE! Brilliant! I expect to sell millions of copies of the book to John's adoring and enabling fans who think he is them. My wish is to see John in AA or as a patient in the marvelous HBO series, "In Treatment," rather than shloshing around in his favorite booth on the nineteenth hole, re-telling the same old stories.

All the Daly and Lefty's return coverage overshadowed Brian Gay's remarkable, wire-to-wire, tournament. Brian wears some weird pants too but he has quietly (contrary to Big John) made his mark on tour. Brian's average drive would be 75 yards behind Daly's average drive, but his overall game is soberly solid: middle of the fairway, middle of the green, middle of the hole. He earned an exemption to the US Open this coming week because he qualified as a multiple winner of tour. He has become, in pool parlance, "Steady Eddie."

Only three players in our pool added money to their totals this week, topped by Perry Sato's T-4 pick of the man who's recognized as one of the best ball strikers on tour but can't keep his head still when he putts, Robert Allenby. Everyone's hip to the old addage, "Drive for show, putt for dough," right? It was never more in evidence than this past week. Gay by the way...needed only 100 putts over four rounds. Excuse me for stating the obvious, but that's an average of 25 putts per round. I can't remember when I had less than 28 putts in any one round. Statistically for the year, Gay is 9th in putting and Allenby is 172nd.

It's Father's Day this Sunday. That must mean it's US Open time...double money! Thirteen of us have El Tigre in the fantasy pool. If he loses, it's an upset.

Finally...click on the link below and scroll to the June 10th entry blog written by Peter J. Sanders, founder of www.shotbyshot.com, entitled "How Tough Will Bethpage Black Be?" It's very interesting and timely reading:

http://niblicksoftruth.blogspot.com/

Happy Father's Day, hackers.

The Memorial

2009-06-08T21:43:00.012-06:00

Roaring Tiger

Date Written: June 8, 2009

Just when the golf pundits thought Tiger was all washed up, he roars back to win the prestigious Memorial Tournament. Helen Ross, PGA Tour Chief of Correspondents, talks about the clinic Tiger taught yesterday at The Memorial:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r023/06/07/woods.sider.ross/index.html

Half of us have Tiger to win the US Open in two weeks. Now that order is restored in the golf universe, and Tigers leading the parade again, those of us who picked him to win months ago are feeling pretty cocky today.

I felt sorry on Sunday for Jonathon Byrd-Brain. Over the last nine holes, he missed 3 putts inside five feet, chunked an easy chip shot and doubled the last hole to confirm to the planet that the game at this level is played mainly between the ears.

Bill Sundali adds a bit to his lead in our funky pool with his Choi-pick. Scott Winegar jumps over his bunkmate, Pat Moloney into third place but has to suffer Geoff Ogilvy, "blew his wad with a quad" on the short par four fourteenth. Jack Nicklaus admittedly loves to design short par fours and the devilish fourteenth yielded the highest scoring average of any hole on the last day.

Today is the grueling, 36 hole sectional qualifying for the last spots in The Open. Click on the link below to find your favorite hometown player who made it:

http://www.usopen.com/en_US/news/articles/2009-06-05/200906051244212359846.html

Otherwise, the minions travel to Memphis for the St. Jude Classic. Eleven of youse have no one to root for because Trevor Immelmann is a no show! "Lefty" returns for this tournament as his way to tune-up for The Open. Tiger goes direct to Bethpage to practice. What do you think he's thinking? Duh!

Tah, Tah.

The Crowne Plaza

2009-06-01T17:53:00.021-06:00

Hamlet Revisited

Date Written: June 1, 2009

To paraphrase Willy Shakespeare's Hamlet: "To be (a winner) or not to be (a winner), that is the question." If it's true that "One bad swing doth not a bad round make," then little, Timmy Clark needs a bigger lead coming home before he figures out how to win. It seems that whenever he imagines himself hoisting the trophy at days end, things go sideways. Even Lady Luck and her merry band of Fates gave him the brushoff once again at the jousting field called Colonial. Given a one shot lead going into the 72nd hole, little Timmy, the world's straightest driver, jerks it into the trees, allowing the two Steve's (Stricker, the eventual winner and Marino) to sneak into a playoff. Then, on the second extra hole, our little Timmy hits the pin flush on his second shot and instead of landing softly a few feet away for an easy birdie, the ball rattles 20 feet away. Clark misses, Stricker makes...end of story.

Methinks one day, Master Timmy might have to undergo a ritual exorcism or a stake burning to rid himself of that insidious inner voice that tells him he's not good enough to win. I seem to be repeating myself at least once a year with Timmy as the heartfelt subject. No matter what insight the commentators try to offer, he remains, "Mr. Second Place." Statistically, he wears the ignominious PGA crown of "most money ever earned without ever winning." Over a ten year, PGA career, he's earned a whopping $13.3 million with nary a win.

Personally, I can offer some solace. If it's worth anything, I'd trade him jobs. I don't like to travel much but I like the money he makes. He can take my place in my lowly foursome here in Sun Valley and I'll guarantee he'll be a winner.

The Bad News Dept: Timmy caused four pool players who picked him this week, major apoplexy. Bright and early Sunday morning, they awoke with hopeful hearts. They mapped out their day carefully. In no order, their mission was to finish all their chores by television tee time, take their phones off the hook, beat their respective wives and children, set out a nice, deli lunch..all in hopes of defying the odds and gaining a giant payday with their pick of Sir Timmy. After it was all over and their finger nails were bitten to the quick, they could only rue the million dollar payday that slipped through their grasp.

The Good News Dept: Bill Sundali, one of the lucky/unlucky ones to have Timmy, creeps over The Muffins into first place. For the record, I play with this guy, Sundali. His predictions in the pool are way better than his reverse-pivot golf swing.

Countdown to the US Open just a few weeks away. Tiger's in the field this week at the Memorial, obviously trying to sharpen his tools for Bethpage Black. Seven of us have the defending champ, Kenny Perry, four have 'Thorny' Rose, and three like the Canadien Weir-wolf. There are no, "no-shows" for the first time this year.

Finally, for your John Daly fix, comes this trivia from the LA Times:

John Daly has taken to wearing the most appallingly garish pants yet seen on a golfer, which is saying something. The Times of London recently offered a sartorial salute with a 10-photo spread, but was less enthusiastic in its commentary. Noting that the trousers come courtesy of a promotional arrangement with a California company, the newspaper said Daly has appeared in bizarre outfits in four European Tour events this year, "each time looking like an escapee from the circus."

The HP Byron Nelson

2009-05-26T20:31:00.017-06:00

The Big "C"

Date Written: May 25, 2009

The big story this week in the sporting world was the heartbreaking news that Amy Mickelson has breast cancer. In a way, it's sad that celebrities get emotional headlines while our lowly family members, who suffer this dreadful disease by the millions, go un-recognized. If only Aunt Melinda was as photogenic and lucky to be married to one of the worlds best golfers? So much for our pop-idol culture. Look for Amy's image to be featured at the magazine rack at your local supermarket check out aisle.

Melanie Hauser, PGATour.com correspondent wrote:

In a touching scene, Winner, Rory Sabbatini, wore a pink shirt Sunday in honor of Amy Mickelson's battle with breast cancer and a good friend who's undergoing can treatment. Rory and his Amy stayed up last night making ribbons for players and spectators to wear. Sabbatini's friend, Bill Huseby, is battling Hodgkins lymphoma. Sabbatini hadn't seen him in nearly a year when Huseby came to the Masters. "He looks about 85 years old and pretty much skin and bones,'' Sabbatini said, wiping away the tears and trying to compose himself. "It really puts everything else that we do out here into perspective,'' he finally said. "It's tough. You know it's tough to see someone going through that. You know, that's why when you think about Phil and Amy Mickelson going through, what they're going through." The Sabbatini's have been in touch with Huseby -- he helped introduce the couple -- via text messages over the last few weeks and have convinced him to move to Houston to undergo treatment at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. "I just really hope and pray my buddy pulls through,'' Sabbatini said.

Sabo's game was certainly "in-the-pink," pun intended. He seemed to "gear down" a bit off his typical swing speed and his putting stroke was out of this world. A final round 64 (with a bogey on the last hole, no less) capped off a tournament record 19-under par.

All in all, the effort of the Sabbatini's to call attention to The BIG "C" perhaps took the sting out of some of the bad publicity he's gotten in the recent past. Remember the Ben Crane "slow play" affaire and unexplained WD from Tiger's Target Tourney?

Regular PGA Tour journeyman, Michael Allen, needed a special invitation from the PGA of America to get into the Senior PGA Championship because he had no status on the Champions Tour -- he's still fully exempt on the PGA Tour. Allen showed the invite was deserving as his winning score of 6-under 274 was one of only three under par and won the prestigious event at Canterbury in Cleveland. Allen has been winless for twenty years and he's probably best known for attending Q-School, thirteen times and holding the remarkable record for the most times to successfully make it....seven. "I always thought I was good enough to win," he said. "It has been a struggle, but it's a struggle I enjoy every day."

Therein lays the difference between Allen and most of us mortals. Beyond his superior athletic skills, I think the struggle to compete week in and week out at such a high level is too hard for most mortals. To keep going, year after year, with nary a sniff at a win, let alone some real cash, is either true delusion or belief. Ah, to be just turning fifty and looking forward---as someone on TV said---to being on a first name basis with your bank manager.

Update from last week: Shane Lowry, who won last week's Irish Open as an amateur turned pro last Thursday and will be playing for money this coming week at the European Open.

Mostly No-Shows and Missed-Cuts this week so no movement to report in our funky pool. The best any of us could do was a T-16 with either Justin Leonard or "Veej." The "Texas Swing" continues with The Crowne Plaza event in Fort Worth this week where Amy's husband, Phil, would have been defending champion.

Overheard from the TV tower; there's been some course changes on the venerable Colonial layout. We'll see if it's still "short-knockers" heaven. A course that only Corey Pavin and Scott Verplank could love. Four of us love Rod Pampling, four dig T. Clark and three like Stephan Ames off last year's good finish here.

Valero Texas Open

2009-05-18T21:19:00.013-06:00

Beat Your Boss

Date Written: May 18, 2009

Six pool players picked Zach Johnson to win this past week at The Valero Texas Open and struck gold. I can't remember as many winners since a couple of years ago when a bunch of us picked V.J. to win The Mercedes and he did. Three rookies in this here pool are now leading the pack. The Muffins, have taken over the top spot, Bill Sundali slides neatly into second place, just ahead of Tobacco Road who held the lead for quite a few weeks but had a No-Show with DL III. The Muffins and Sundali have now picked the winner of an individual event TWICE. Personally, I haven't sniffed a win since 'ought 8'. I wouldn't know what it smelled like. Those of you who had Justin Leonard or Stephen Ames must have been heartbroken down the stretch at La Cantera Golf Club in San Antonio where they played the Valero. They each had their chances to win. No one, of course, picked Paul Goydos who bogeyed the last two holes to miss the playoff between Zachie and youngster, James Driscoll, by a shot.

Excerpted from Brian Wacker, PGATour.com site producer:

Lance Ten Broeck, Jesper Parnevik's caddie, but a pro in his own right, got word that he would be filling in as an alternate for ailing David Berganio, Jr. So, after caddying for Jesper in the morning in Texas, he played in the tournament itself in the afternoon. One problem. Actually, two. Ten Broeck didn't have his clubs with him. He didn't even have a pair of pants. And he wasn't about to borrow his boss' -- clubs or pants, that is -- so he drove to a nearby Dillards at the Shops at LaCantera, where he bought a pair of pants. He also secured a set of clubs from Richard S. Johnson, a putter from Tag Ridings and a pair of shoes from David Duval. He just missed the cut in Texas with borrowed clubs and clothes when asked to fill-in.

If you want to read a more complete version of, "Beat Your Boss" click below:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/r/05/18/lance.parnevik/index.html

A few other golf news events this week:

PGA Champion and TV analyst Bob Rosburg. passed away. If you are as old as I am, you will remember his dippy, short backswing and terrific ability to get up and down. For years, "Rossie" was the "on course" recognizable voice on ABC golf telecasts.

Aussie, Michael Sim, won for the second time on The Nationwide Tour in less than a month. Three wins in a Nationwide season gets one a "battlefield promotion"...an automatic pass onto the BIG tour. And add another name to add to your memory bank: Some writer said a star was born when local Irish hero,

Shane Lowry, became just the third amateur to win on The European Tour - at The Irish Open on the third extra hole in miserable weather.

Adam Scott has been playing like a dog, and six of you have him this week at the Byron Nelson. I'll just say good luck!

Finally, Charlie Tuna sends along a remarkable YouTube of Fred Astaire tap dancing and hitting golf balls at the same time. You've got to see his remarkable timing:

http://www.stracka.com/golf-blogs/blogs_post.asp?id=3357105

The Player's Championship

2009-05-12T07:11:00.015-06:00

Flawless

Date Written: May 12, 2009

I had this week's column all but written in my mind by the end of the third round on Saturday night. It was going to be about Alex Cejka's unbelievable 10-shot victory at The Player's. Normally, I start thinking about what I'm going to write before the weekend and jot down a few notes so I won't forget where I'm going. This week I didn't think I would have to change much because "Cejka-Slovakia" had a five stroke lead going into the last round. The theme for this week was going to be how someone ranked 267th in the world, playing one of the fastest, most difficult courses ever devised, against the best field assembled all year, could win so easily. Chejka had started Tour events 195 times without a victory. The way he was hitting fairways and knocking down putts, I'm thinking beta-blockers. On a more sober note, I'm also thinking to include some dialogue about how his victory might reinforce the theory that there are about a thousands players with a decent-enough game, who can win on the tour on any given week. Well, like all best-laid-plans, I had to trash my notes. It didn't take long into the last round for Cejka to unravel. He played back to his also-ran form and ranking with a last round 79...13 shots worse than the ultimate winner, Henrik Stenson. Imagine the peloton in cycling roaring by him like he was standing still or Wily Coyote getting flattened by a falling boulder.

Ian (The Fashion Plate) Poulter was prescient on Saturday when he suggested in a post game interview:

"It's going to be a difficult day for Alex on Sunday. He's playing with Tiger. He's got a five-shot lead. He's going to be having dinner tonight thinking 11 under par should be good enough."

Stenson lapped the field with a bogey-free, diamond-like, flawless performance that will surely rank as one of the best rounds on tour this year. When asked at the end of the round if he felt as if he had played a different golf course than the rest of the field, Stenson replied: "No, it was still Sawgrass, I promise you." If the golf course wasn't different, his game was certainly different...different substantially than all his peers.

In our funky pool, Pat Moloney and Doug B. won a pile of dough in the huge $9.5 mil purse for their astute pick of Stenson. Pat jumps all the way from tenth to second and Doug B. into sixth. Nice go'n guys. Vijay's final round 67 (T-9), allows Tobacco Road to keep his lead as we pass the halfway point in the season.

The Quail Hollow Championship

2009-05-04T18:09:00.033-06:00

The Capitalist Open

Date Written: May 4, 2009

The tournament fka (formerly known as) The Wachovia, was a doozy this past week. A great field, a terrific course with slick, sloping greens that scared the Bee-Jesus out of the players and a stretch of holes at the end that demanded consummate precision. Thirteen guys were within four shots going into the last round, including God hisself.

Bob Harig of ESPN.com summed up Sean O'Hair's victory best. Click on the link below for an interesting take. Y'awl remember Sean's 5-shot lead collapse at Bay Hill in late-March?

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/columns/story?columnist=harig_bob&id=4130841

In our funky pool, the best anyone could do was Bob Bruce and Corn Beef Taco's pick of Jim Furyk for a T-11. Eight of youse had Benny (The Jet) Curtis (T-32) who didn't play back to last year's runner-up finish. Onward to the fifth major...The Player's...this week at TPC Sawgrass where just about everyone on the planet will watch the car wreck known as the 17th hole. Five of us like Sergio to repeat this week and there's only one no-show...Olazabal (John Flynt).

What would this column be if I couldn't make my weekly social rant? The former title sponsor, Wachovia Bank, crashed and burned as the fifth largest financial institution late last year and got swallowed up by Wells Fargo Bank. Wachovia's super-aggressive, go-go, decision-makers were a bunch of real lulus. No financial endeavor they concocted was without a unique profit angle or a wicked tax advantage. Given the backdrop of the seizure that took place here in Ketchum this week of the F.B.I. (First Bank of Idaho), I've been reading up on the on-going bank debacle, which like a giant ball of yarn, is destined to unravel even further. For now, Wachovia wins the award as being the biggest bank miscreant thus far. It's successor, Wells, has been reported by the Associated Press along with the banking behemoths, Bank of America and Citibank, as not being able to pass the government's "financial stress test" to see if they are truly solvent. Are all our banks near bankruptcy? Should you "short" their stock that you hold in your IRA....take out your deposits? The PGA Tour's marketing department scrambled to change the name of the Wachovia tournament to "The Quail Hollow Championship" which doesn't say much to the corporate world. I suppose they'll have to look for a different title sponsor next year. Maybe they'll end up calling the event the "Chapter 11 Championship" or the "FDIC Open"?

Click on the link below to read more about Wachovia:

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/business/companies/wachovia_corporation/index.html?scp=1-spot&sq=wachovia&st=cse

This whole banking debacle reminds me of the Enron scandal of 2001. If you have some extra time, "Netflix" the documentary, "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," or read the book of the same title. If there is an annual award for corporate skullduggery, the two key executives of Enron, Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, would win hands-down. They served up the most remarkable heavy topping of creamy bullshit that all but two little ladies, one of the press (Fortune) and one honest corporate underling. In the end, their proclamations were truly pitiful. But reserve your true pity for the poor employees who had their retirement invested in Enron stock, while Kenny-boy and little-Jeffrey cashed in their stock before the collapse of their worthless company. It's ironic and almost laughable that less than 10 years later, the under-regulated Wall Street boys (who add zilch to the actual, real economy) invented some new instruments called credit default swaps and derivatives which will ultimately end up costing our children about 4 trillion taxpayer dollars.

While on the topic of crooks, for good measure you can throw into my new book, "The Pantheon of Pricks," that good old-fashioned Ponzi-schemer, Bernard Madoff (ironic that his name is pronounced "Made-Off"), who bilked hundreds out of billions while our government regulators, the SEC, fiddled. The message: Don't trust ANYONE...especially large financial institutions, accountants, investment advisors and certainly not your government. I don't! I think it will take at least a generation to regain the trust of our institutions. For now, just put your money in your mattress.

Finally, on a lighter note: Because golf is such a wonderful metaphor and distraction....the following is from a David Brooks' column in the NY Times on May Day:

"The key factor separating geniuses from the merely accomplished is not a divine spark. It's not I.Q., a generally bad predictor of success, even in realms like chess. Instead, it's deliberate practice. Top performers spend more hours (many more hours) rigorously practicing their craft."

If you're not worn out from too much reading, click on the link below to read the full context of Mr. Brooks' comments:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/01/opinion/01brooks.html?em

Now I'm truly worn out but I feel better. Writing is good therapy.

Zurich Classic

2009-04-30T17:55:00.007-06:00

The Hurricane Open

Date Written: April 29, 2009

A bunch of guys had chances on the back nine last weekend in New Orleans to win. Jerry Kelly ended up with the victory, but "Three Sticks" (C. Howell, III) could easily claim that he gave it away with two bogies over the last seven holes. It's not the first time that "III" has not finished the deal. The law firm of Sabbatini Wi Marino & Toms had their chances but fell just short.

AVONDALE, La. (AP) - Andres Romero, the defending champion of the Zurich Classic, was disqualified after the first two rounds for signing an incorrect scorecard. Romero shot what he thought was a 3-over-par 75, pushing him to 5 over for the tournament. That score would have missed the cut, projected at 1 under. Romero told officials at the scorers' table he made a five at the par-5 18th. The 2008 PGA Tour Rookie of the Year didn't remember the one-stroke penalty he received for hitting his first shot into the water.

Best showing in our fantasy pool went to Scott Winegar, of Boise (The Meeting Network) fame, who had the smarts to pick local Louisiana fave, David Toms for a T-5 showing. Bottom dwellers, R & R, had their best finish of the year (T-11) with "L.O." (the Lessor Ogilvie...Joe). No one, of course, had the surprise kid on the leaderboard, Aron Watkins, who's a Q-School graduate playing in only his 7th PGA sponsored event. Master Watkins will probably be house hunting this week or paying off his investors with the 200 large he pocketed with his T-7 finish.

AK won this coming week's event at Quail Hollow last year and only one pool player deigned to pick him to repeat this year. Were we collectively figuring he was destined for a better showing this year and picked him to win a Major? That's what I figured. Eight of youse think Benny Curtis, who was runner-up last year, will prevail this week. Go figure.

Finally, If you're like me, you need an occasional fix on the John Daly soap opera called, "In Treatment," click on the link below:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/sports_blog/2009/04/a-slimmer-john-daly-is-back-on-the-course.html

Verizon Heritage

2009-04-21T07:34:00.019-06:00

Business-like Brian

Date Written: April 20, 2009

Brian Gay is 5' 10". Tim Wilkinson, his playing partner in the last round this week, tops out at 5' 7''...on a good day. Luke Donald and Briny Baird, who eventually finished T-2, are 5' 10" and 5' 11. None of them weighs more than 170 lbs. or have forearms that would remind you of Popeye, John Henry or J.B. Holmes.

So let's raise our glasses and toast normal-sized guys. They played the big bombers to a standstill on the short (less than 7,000 yards) Harbour Town course. What a unique concept...having to hit it straight...not getting to bomb it over every dogleg.

I loved watching this tournament, because I'm an older short-knocker who hits it mostly straight. Tight fairways, smallish greens, shortsided pin placements, and a gazillion trees. Trees...did I say trees? There are one or two giant carnivorous things that overhang every fairway at every dogleg and eat golfballs that are slightly off line. My kind of course...maybe.

It was amazing to watch Brian Gay go about his business this week. Man was he thorough....like a neuro-surgeon navigating our nerveways. He just quietly excelled at every aspect of the game, demolishing the field by an astounding ten strokes with his combination of straight driving, lights-out putting. and an over 90% scramble factor. His victory was the first double-digit triumph on the PGA TOUR since Phil Mickelson won the 2006 BellSouth Classic by 13 shots.

The most remarkable stats: Gay is 178th on tour in driving length and 4th in driving accuracy. It is surely an overstatement that his skills matched up perfectly with the venue. For further "stat" evidence of Gay's superiorty, click on the link below for an analysis from the PGATour website:

http://www.pga.com/2009/instruction/features/04/19/weaver_verizon_heritage/index.html

Mizuno and Sligo (who's clothes are obviously designed by someone in love with sherbet colors), certainly got their money's worth with Gay's "face time" this week. If I were his agent, I'd opt for a more traditional clothing deal.

"The Big Easy Open" is on tap for this coming week. Six of youse like Andres Romero and four think "Woodhead" Austin will prevail. Otherwise, there's a bunch of No-Shows (NS).

The Masters

2009-04-13T20:29:00.023-06:00

Say You, Say Me

Date Written: April 13, 2009

Said Mickelson: "It was fun."

Said Woods: "It was terrible."

Said "Bones" Mackay (Phil's caddy): "This was the most fun I've ever had on a golf course. It was very, very cool."

Said Stevie Williams (Tiger's caddy): "I wouldn't call Mickelson a great player because I hate the . . . ."

Said Kenny Perry: "I'll be OK. Great players get it done, Angel got it done."

Said Angel Cabrera: "I do what I do." (Huh?).

Said Chad Campbell: "I kind of blew it myself."

Say you.....?

Say Me: In the spirit of "Less is More;" I am going to refrain from Masters redundancy. Suffice to say it was magnificent TV. I watched it on TIVO today (Monday), already knowing the results, of course, and it was still terrific. I was busy over the weekend slashing it around Clear Lakes Country Club in lovely Downtown Buhl, Idaho. It weren't no Augusta National or Pebble Beach but it was still fun. Young Jeff Wong knows Buhl. Jeff and I were The Odd Couple When he was living in Idaho and we had a blast playing together.

Eleven of us had Lefty who finished a solo fifth. But for the twelve hole's "sawed-off 9-iron" that he chunked and a couple of missed putts on 15 and 17, he could have easily won his third green jacket. Might have scored about 62 which would have broken the scoring record in any Major

Pool-wise, it was kind of a wash in the first, double-money Major of the year. Our current leader, Tobacco Road, (along with Harry of Miltenberger, and John Flynt), blew their Tiger bullet for the year for a lousy 485K.

Boo or Badds are the consensus picks on the tight little track called Harbour Town Golf Links at Hilton Head this week.

Shell Houston Open

2009-04-07T20:02:00.013-06:00

Bogies are Good

Date Written: April 7, 2009

Question: When is "bogey" a good score? Answer: When the Tour is playing in Texas in April, the wind is gusting to thirty five MPH, every round is delayed by weather, and the finishing hole's a bitch. Paul Casey bogies the dreaded eighteenth twice in a row and wins.

Tobacco Road cracks the $3 Mil. mark in our funky pool with his blind-ass pick of J.B. Holmes. But Master Holmes doesn't make it easy for Tobacco. He makes a 14-foot par putt on the dreaded eighteenth to post a score. Then he has to wait nearly three hours to see if anyone can catch him. Luckily for us "also-rans," Casey's bogey on the last hole in regulation was enough to guarantee a playoff. Then J.B. rinses his tee ball on the first playoff hole (the eighteenth, of course) and Casey just needs bogey again to prevail for his first-ever, PGA Tour win. His bogies saves us other pool-players about half-a-million that Holmes/Tobacco could have earned if Holmes, had listened to his own advice and played safe on eighteen.

For those that missed the tournament, eighteen at Redstone's a brutal, long par four over water from tee to green that played to a 5.103 average during the fourth round. There were more double bogies on eighteen on the last day than there were pars. And as if eighteen weren't tough enough, I counted seven professionals who shot 80 or more on the last round. Local favorite, "Boom Boom" Couples bogeyed the last 3 holes to finish two back and cause Corn Beef Taco some major heartburn.

If "Lefty" thought Houston was going to be a good tune-up for The Masters he was mistaken. 77, 76 allowed him to catch an early flight to Augusta. Eleven of us have him to win this coming week. Let's hope he finds a swing for the first of our "Double Money Majors."

Arnold Palmer

2009-03-30T20:08:00.018-06:00

He's Baaack

Date Written: March 30, 2009

It was just like old times yesterday. Tiger in the last foursome, so totally focused that it didn't seem to matter who he was playing against.

One could sense from the start that a five shot lead was not going to be enough for his latest victim, young Sean O’Hair. If one were looking for a sign early-on in the match, Master Sean left a few first putts, frighteningly short. Everyone in the gallery must have sensed his nervousness. A stunning graphic statistic was uncovered by an astute underling on the TV staff: of the eighty-odd times that Tiger’s played with the lead in the last foursome, he’s beaten his opponent straight-up, about seventy times. So...playing head-to-head against Tiger, (aka GOD), is not a good thing. But don’t feel too bad for Sean...he's in some good company. There’s a long list of better-known players who have thought they were up to the task.

Johnny Miller reminded us near the end of the thrashing that Tiger’s not only the best ball striker and hardest worker on the planet, he’s the best pressure putter too. Johnny also noted the difference between a champion and a challenger, "He's like the sun and you're like butter." Yes indeed...Tiger's six less putts over the last round would add up perfectly for the difference in the match.

I could only feel for fellow pool players, Perry Sato, Scott Winegar and Charlie Tuna. They had Sean picked for the week and they were looking pretty good with his lead. Fast-forward to the 72nd hole. I can imagine those three guys, in the prone position, peering at their TV’s from under their respective coffee tables as Tiger was contemplating that last putt on eighteen. The bad news was Tiger’s putt cost them about 400 G's...the difference between first and second. The good news was that the boys banked $680,000 for Sean's second place finish. One of our rookie players, Charlie Tuna,(who must think this game is easy), vaults into the money lead heading into the first of the double-money Majors at Augusta in two weeks.

If indeed, that "metaphor is everything," (and God knows, golf is filled with metaphor), I found a very clever and funny little book entitled, “Sum: Forty Tales From the Afterlives.” The Author, David Eagleman, is a neuro-scientist who teaches at Baylor Medical College in Houston. The book is a collection of his unexpected tales of afterlives that we have probably never considered. I’m gonna find his email address and offer to write a story for his next edition about playing endless golf in my next life in God’s foursome. Wouldn’t it be fun to think that when we go to our final resting place….Pebble, Pinehurst, Augusta....in the sky….and we find out that God,(picture Tiger in a long, flowing, red satin robe), has finally broken through to a single digit handicap and he can’t seem to play enough. More importantly, he tells St. Peter to give any golfnuts like us a free pass to join him in his Universal Foursome. We get to play all the famous courses whenever we want…at no expense, of course. I’ve heard there are some great tracks in the Alpha Omega Star System. Forget the idea of a soul, hell, purgatory, etc…let’s just play...for ever!

On to Houston for the warm-up to Augusta. Seven of us like Chad, of Campbell Soup fame.

Think Tiger needs any more practice for the Majors? Only Tobacco Road, Harry of Miltenberger and John Flynt thought to pick Tiger at Augusta. The rest of us probably over-thought his recovery from surgery and guessed he wouldn’t be fit by April. Now we are in double (money) trouble.

Transitions

2009-03-23T18:30:00.003-06:00

Copperhead Credit
Date Written: March 23, 2009

You might have thought that Retief Goosen won this week at the Transitions. But I think the golf course itself was the winner. For those of us who thought Florida is as flat as a pancake, we've gotta re-think. The terrain at the Copperhead course at the Innisbrook Resort features up to 70 feet of elevation change. We should genuflect to the genius who picked out this site. Smart course architecture, small, subtle, super-fast, 13-stimp greens, tucked pins, narrow fairways, lots of varied trees, plenty of water and gnarly, sticky rough...a tasty recipe for a great potential venue for a US Open. Even though one doesn't get the true feeling of height, depth and slope watching television, it was fun to see "par" be a good score and to see the BIG BOYS struggle down the home stretch. There must have been 10 guys within two strokes on the last day, most guarding against a big number coming down the stretch. For those stat freaks, the cumulative scoring average for the week was 72.157 on the par-71 layout.

From the ESPN website:

"Retief Goosen made an amazing 55-of-55 on putts 5 feet or less for the week on greens he likened to the sinister surfaces he overcame at a place called Shinnecock Hills -- where he won the 2004 U.S. Open."

From John Maginnes of the PGATour website:

"If you think that the Copperhead course is just another Florida course, think again. It is atypical in every respect. Unlike most courses in the Sunshine State that wind their way through the flat peninsula, Innisbrook sits on a rare and special strip of land. Although it has all the elements of a typical Florida course -- wind, water and sand -- this layout features dramatic elevation changes. From the first hole, a downhill par 5, to the 18th, a sweeping, uphill par 4, every shot possesses its own unique challenge. Many of the holes feature elevated, well-protected greens that are a challenge to hit from the fairway and nearly impossible to hit from the rough."

Goosen apparently ditched his recent experiment with a belly putter just in time and went back to his old, YES! putter. If he keeps his stroke, he's a contender at The Master's in two weeks.

On the flipside of the planet, A Thai-guy named Chapchai Nirat, set what is believed to be the lowest 72-hole score in any tournament ever in this week's Asian Tour event in New Delhi, going 32-under to win by 11 shots. I don't care if you are playing Twin Falls Muni, making birdie on nearly half the holes, is something. You might add "Chap's" name to the list of "wannabe's" to watch on the PGA Tour next year...his dream is to play here.

The best any of us could do in the pool was a mere pittance...T-19 by Kevin Sutherland which allowed Rory "The Dawg" Mitchell to get out of the Dawg House. Otherwise, the course beat us all up. I can't remember there being so many Missed Cuts. Most of our consensus choice's; Senden, O'Hair, and Snoteker (I had him), didn't play back to their past performance. So much for form.

Onward to Arnold's Gig at Bay Hill in Orlando. Tiger's in the field, trying to sharpen his teeth for Augusta.

In deference to the Florida swing, I featured this week's image entitled, "Okefenokee Municipal Golf Course" by an illustrator named Loyal H. Chapman. When you are on his website, you can click on his images to enlarge them and get an idea of his illustrative skill, imagination and playfulness:

http://www.infamousgolfholes.com/OrderPosterPrints.htm

WGC/CA

2009-03-16T18:24:00.008-06:00

Rush to Judgement

Date Written: March 16, 2009
Four chip-ins and forty two putts through the first two rounds ought to assure anyone of a win. Add in the fact that "Phil the Thrill" was driving the ball better and his short game was working well, it's no wonder he would win at Doral. Yet, in the end, he still had his hands full with "The Fresno Bulldog," Nick Watney, winning by only a single shot this week. "Fresno" weren't no slouch either. He proved his mettle earlier in the year by coming from five shots back in the last round to win The Buick Invite at Torrey Pines. Except for two shitty bunker shots and a bogey on a closing par five with a four-iron in-hand for his second shot, he could have cashed the winner's check. But alas, Lefty prevailed, despite the Bulldog's tenacity.

Lefty also wins two other subordinate awards for the week: "The Coast-To-Coast Grass Award:" for winning on Kikuyu/Poa Anna at Riviera in L.A. in mid-February and then on Bermuda at Doral this week. He also wins, "The Gut Check Award," for having to endure the stomach flu. Way to tough it out, Phil.

Jim "The Twitch" Furyk, mastered his stuttering putter routine and fired a nifty 31 on the last nine holes to garner a solo 3rd spot which allowed The Muffins to inch over Tobacco Road into first place in our funky pool. Glenn Marzion and Scott Winegar also had Furyk. Four others had Camilo (T-5 ) for a nice bit of gelt.

To quote Shakespeare (of literary, not graphite fame), "What's in a name?" Peppered at the top of the final leader board at Doral were names which we are not familiar: Jeev, Aiken, Wilson, Kjeldsen, Marksaeng, Quiros, Oosthuizen...and of course, "THE WUNDERKID," Rory McIlroy. There's no question that golf is global. And in the spirit of the acceptance of diversity, have you wondered why I de-faced the picture of Rush Limbaugh for this week's lead image? First off, because, all at once, I'm jealous, amazed and discouraged that his audience is so huge. And second of all, because I've been reading this giant book about Albert Speer; Hitler's architect and Minister of Armaments and War Production. Mr. Speer's defense at the WWII trials at Nuremburg was his disclaimer that he was so busy planning and building for The Third Reich and that he didn't know his boss, Adolph Hitler, was gassing millions or planning to conquer Europe. Talk about myopia. If there's a lesson to be learned from history, all of us must be vigilant and pay attention to those who take it upon themselves to foist their agenda/propaganda on us.

Mr. Limbaugh not only plays a lousy game of golf, he plays a lousy game of citizenship. His public wish to have our brand new President "fail" is scary and falls into the category of demagoguery. It's one thing to disagree with policy, quite another to express ill-will for our country. If Rush is "the best voice" that my Republican golfing friends have to offer, they might be inching closer to extinction...IF the electorate is paying attention. I know, I know...you're probably thinking it's bad form to mix politics with fun. But the mission of this-here blog has always been to try to weave related social metaphors into the game we love.

On a lighter note, a funny forward from my favorite golf cartoonist, Roy Doty, which should help us seniors manage our "going" problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TvwhB_2-vs&feature=player_embedded

Honda Classic

2009-03-08T19:16:00.020-06:00

The Incredible Shrinking Man

Date Written: March 9, 2009

From the Champions Tour website:

Jim Colbert, who turns 68 on Monday, hobbled through a five-under-par 66 Friday in the first round of the Toshiba Classic at the Newport Beach Country Club.

Give Colbert his due. Shooting one's age is a feat all of us geezers yearn to accomplish. But in a post-round interview, Jim offered the following statement which might qualify for inclusion in my next book, "Athletes Say the Dumbest Things:" Colbert said, "I'm nearly three inches shorter than I once was thanks to three knee surgeries."

WHAT? Does Jim suggest that we are all destined to "shrink" to the dwarf-like size of Billy Barty? That's Billy in the doctored "Miss Vicki" photo above. Who is he you ask? Click on the following link below to tweak your memory:

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy Barty)

Years ago I saw Billy play in the pro-am part of the LA Open and I was amazed at his golfing skills. He had the tiniest little clubs and bag, didn't hit it very far, but he could clearly play and enjoyed himself as any actor would in front of a big audience.

But back to the point at hand. I never knew that our "shrinkage" can be jumpstarted from joint surgeries. I've had four knee operations over the course of my lifetime, plus a knee and hip replaced. My driver's license says I'm 5'7". Does this mean that I'm really only 5'2"? This might explain a whole lot more than my lack of athletic talent. In my shopping dreams, I've always wanted to be able to buy pants off-the-shelf. Most pants come with inseams at 32 inches and I always end up paying extra for them to be tailored to my short-waisted dimensions. Just the other day, I paid $20.00 each to alter three pair of cheap pants. Anyone out there know of a surgical procedue to get to my dream height of 6'2"? In the meantime, should I consider buying shorter clubs? At the very least, I'm seriously thinking of re-gripping about half-way down the shaft and "choking-up" a bit, ala A.K. or Briny B. in order to make better contact. I can't wait 'til the snow melts to try out all the possibilities for my new "real" stature.

In our trusty pool, three players had a chance on the last day of The Honda with Robert Allenby near the lead. Alas and alack, Allenby disappointed with a T-5 showing but still allowed The Muffins to slip into second place. Nearly unknown, Y. E. Yang, held on to win his first ever, PGA event. For those that care, he qualified for the BIG SHOW at Q-School. Very impressive! Might we have witnessed the next, great, male Korean golfer to join K.J. "The Tank" Choi in the top tier of worldwide players? Personally, in my next life, I want to be reincarnated as a young, Korean woman golfer. In case you hadn't noticed, they "populate" the LPGA leader board every week. What's in their diet over there?

Overshadowing The Honda tournament was the prospect of Tiger deciding to appear at Doral this coming week in the WGC/CA Championship. Woods has not finished out of the top 10 in his six appearances at Doral. He won for three straight years (2005-07), the last victory when it became a World Golf Championships event. Naturally, none of us could have forseen his return this early in the year. He's obviously the odds-on favorite to win on The Blue Monster. Four of us have Villegas, four have picked Match Play champ, Geoff Ogilvy, and three of us have "The Goose." NO no-shows this week, which says something about our collective wisdom.

WGC Match Play

2009-03-02T18:17:00.008-07:00

Date Written: March 2, 2009

The Iceman Cometh

Four pool players (Tobacco Road, Charlie Tuna, The Muffins and Bill Sundali) were omniscient this past week, garnering the first "golden" first place spots of the year with their pick of G. (Not JOE) Ogilvy in the Match Play. Don't be counting your chickens yet though kiddies...past performance tells us that early pool leads have a tendency to disappear.

Three other pool sharks, Glenn Marzian, Harry Miltenberger and Scott "Oil & Winegar" had the extreme good fortune of watching Stewart Cink splash a bunker shot into the cup on his final hole to add about a "hundert" to their third place total with a win over Ross Fisher.

From the Associated Press
March 2, 2009

"Geoff Ogilvy won the Accenture Match Play Championship for the second time in four years with a 4-and-3 victory over Paul Casey of England to stake his claim Sunday as the best in the world at match play.In a relentless performance at Dove Mountain in Marana, Ariz., the 31-year-old Australian did not trail over the final 63 holes of the tournament and did not have a bogey on his card over the last 57 holes."

Some observations from this perch:

(1) During the last four years, Ogilvy has made the finals of the Match Play THREE times on THREE different golf courses.

(2) Paul Casey could not overcome a slow start and appeared to be no match for Ogilvy's "Iceman" demeanor.

(3) In his first two rounds this week, Ogilvy had to go to the nineteenth hole to advance; first against Kevin Sutherland and then "Cowboy" Katayama. It is oftentimes said that the winner of college basketball's championship, "March Madness," has to have a tight game or two to survive through the brackets.

(4) Did anybody count the number of putts that each player had over the last 36-holes? Geoff looked like he made every putt he needed to make and Casey struggled early with the flat stick.

Another news tidbit:
BY GolfChannel.com Team

Luke Donald may be able to play in next week's Honda Classic, an event he won in 2006, according to a statement released by IMG Golf. Donald, 1 down at the time, conceded his match Friday to Ernie Els on the 18th hole during the third round of the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship.

Donald had aggravated the same wrist he had surgery on last year, which he originally injured during the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines. "Luke was examined last night by the same doctor who performed the surgery on his left wrist last August and was told that the discomfort he felt yesterday was limited to the scar tissue, and not the tendon he injured at the 2008 U.S. Open," said the statement. "It was Dr. Weiland's opinion that with treatment by anti-inflammatory medication, Luke could resume practicing in the next few days and could potentially play in next week's Honda Classic."

Donald played only one event in 2008 after the U.S. Open, but had started strongly in 2009 with back-to-back top-10s entering the Match Play.

Another observation: It isn't often that you see a player default, especially on the eighteenth tee, in match play. Advice from an aging, surgical survivor...whether it's a tendon or scar tissue, take a break, Luke. Let your wrist heal. Mother Nature oftentimes knows best. I offer this bit of advice despite having picked (along with four others) Lukey to win this week at The Honda.

The Tour segues to Florida (and Puerto Rico) for the next month. All those who can putt on Bermuda take one step forward. The next, BIG question...will El Tigre show up at Doral?

And finally, from the Golf Channel, who featured endless commercials for the show featuring the re-make of Charles Barkley's swing:

"Hank Haney, the world’s top golf instructor, is about to meet the biggest challenge of his career: Charles Barkley. The 11-time, All-Star basketball Hall-of-Famer is an NBA MVP and Olympic gold medalist—with one of the most unusual swings on the planet.

Tune in every Monday as Haney’s world-renowned teaching method meets Barkley’s monster swing and legendary charm.

Will Hank’s knowledge and experience be enough to fix Sir Charles’s game, or will the hoopster become his only unconquerable challenge? Find out Mondays at 9 p.m. ET only on Golf Channel."

Northern Trust Open

2009-02-24T19:15:00.003-07:00

Date Written: February 24, 2009

Who Are These Guys?

If you can name the golfer's in this picture, you've got to be nearly as old as I am...68.
My answers/guesses are given below.

NEWS BULLETIN! Riviera, formerly known as "Hogan's Alley," has been renamed...it's now known as "Mickelson's Mile." If not for a slip up a couple of years ago on the last hole, "Lefty" would have won the last THREE L.A. Opens. It don't matter that his driver misbehaves. Just put it upside down in your bag, whip out your three metal, keep it in play, and make sure you sink the pressure putts. Voila! Victory!

In the traveling soap opera that is tour golf, there was a story that cried out like the tabloids this week. Sure, Freddy up and shanked one in the trees on eighteen. But how about his estranged wife passing away earlier in the week? What a shock. I was surprised he played at all. To quote an ESPN article:

Couples learned earlier in the week that his estranged wife, Thais Baker, died Tuesday of breast cancer. They never divorced after splitting up nearly four years ago, and Couples said he is not welcome in their home in Santa Barbara. 'She was a nice person,' he said. 'She did everything she could to make it another month.'

If one were to take each sentence in the paragraph above and try and explain what was going on in their relationship, one would have to guess that so much was unsaid.

John Manocheo, Doc 'N Jill and Glenn Marzion made a nice move up the pool standings by their astute, T-3, K.J. Choi pick in the LA Open. Five others added some significant dough with their T-6 for recent, wrist re-habbed, Luke Donald. Jan Jones crawled over Tobacco Road back into first place with a T-6 pick of "Crasher" Holmes.

Did you notice on the other side of the world (Perth, Australia), that Danny Lee, the reigning US Amateur Champ, won the professional "Johnny Walker Classic" on the European Tour. Lee's got an invitation to the Masters and then he's turning pro. Move over Ryo and Rory. Click on the link below to read more about Danny Lee:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/r/02/22/johnnie.walker.ap/index.html

Finally, for anyone who's been on an intergalactic trip over the last week, Tiger announced that he will return to competition in the WGC Match Play. Get your TIVO'S oiled up and pre-set for Wednesday when he faces Brendan Jones in a first round match. From Mike McAllister, Managing Editor of PGATOUR.COM:
There's the knee. There's the rust from his layoff. There's the unpredictability of match play. All are ways that Tiger could lose. But he wouldn't come back if he didn't think he could win. Time for another storybook finish.

It'll be fun to see if Tiger's fit enough and see if he's altered his overwhelmingly physical swing to match the stress on his left leg.

Answer to who's in the picture above: Left to right: Dean Martin, Jackie Burke, Ben Hogan, Jerry Lewis, Byron Nelson, Sam Snead and Julius Boros. Am I right or wrong?

A T & T

2009-02-16T16:29:00.008-07:00

A Win is a Win

Date Written: February 16, 2009
PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. (AP) -- Dustin Johnson has won the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am without having to hit a shot over the last two days when rain washed out the final round Monday.

Johnson built a four-shot lead Saturday with a 67 at Poppy Hills. The final round was suspended Sunday because of wind and rain, and officials called the tournament when they found greens under water and a hopeless forecast.

The 24-year-old Johnson joins Anthony Kim as the only players under 25 with two PGA Tour victories. This one comes at a good time, for he moves into the top 50 in the world and qualifies for the Accenture Match Play Championship next week, along with the first two majors.

Yeah...and Mother Nature wrecked my plans for some good Monday television. Damn!

Tobacco Road takes a giant leap into first place in the pool with a big check garnered by his astute pick of the "Little Lefty," Mike Weir. A ton of you blew your V.J. bullet for the year with an MC here. How were you to know that the man voted most diligent range-rat of all time, is starting to feel the effects of working too hard? First Tiger, now V.J...laid low by moving parts that are wearing out. It's kind of comforting, (in a sick way) to know that they are mortal...just like us fellow alumni of Titanium U.

A funny "Dear Abby" forward from fellow pool player, John Manocheo:

Dear Abby: I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: phone rings, I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth.

Last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view when she arrived home from her night out with 'the girls.' When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she then proceeded to take her panties out of her purse and slipped them back on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Finally, in my dreams, before I go on the waiting list at the vast links course in the sky, I want to play Pebble just one time...for free, of course.

Buick Invitational

2009-02-09T20:12:00.002-07:00

Uh Oh

Date Written: February 9, 2009

One could make the case that either John Rollins' wheels fell off down the stretch at the Buick Invitational or that Nick Watney's late charge won the day. Watney, who never led until the 72nd hole, trailed Rollins by five shots. He trailed by four shots with 11 holes to play and by three with five holes left. Rollins' collapse surely wasn't a "Van de Velde," but the juxtaposition of the two players made it look eerily similar.

I can't summarize the results from the Buick Invitational any better than the Associated Press (AP), so I'll just quote 'em below:

SAN DIEGO (AP) -- Nick Watney appeared to be along for the ride Sunday until making two birdies over the final three holes to take advantage of a late collapse by John Rollins and win the Buick Invitational.
Watney knocked in a 40-foot birdie putt from the fringe on the par-3 16th, then completed his five-shot rally with a two-putt birdie on the 18th hole to close with a 4-under 68 for his second career victory, earning a trip to the Masters.
Rollins let this one get away.
He had a three-shot lead with five holes to play until making a bogey with a poor chip on the 14th, another bogey from a plugged lie in the bunker on the 16th, and failing to hit the green on the par-5 18th, leading to a par. He closed with a 74.

Best finish of the week in our trusty pool was posted by The Donald who picked Hunter Mahan (T-11). Mahan was 2 shots better than a pack of us who thought Ryuchi Imada (T-19) was ready to play back to last year's 2nd place finish. Doc 'N Jill and Charlie Tuna blew their Mickelson bullet on his home course where he's won three times. Lefty couldn't find his game. I saw him 4-whack on one hole Sunday. He never does that. Watney, by the way, never three-putted during the week.

No-Show-of-the-Week Award goes to Stewart Cink who disappointed seven pool players by skipping the event. Stewie ain't no dummy. He's also skipping this weeks AT&T which now features such stellar-less players such as, John Ellis, Zach Miller, Joel Sjoholm, Jason Schmuhl (not exactly household names) and a bunch of amateur hackers with fat wallets. Can you tell I don't like this part of the season? I just can't wait for the PGA caravan to stop at the oasis called, "Riviera" next week, where men are men and the duffers are relegated to the gallery where they truly belong.

Fashion follow-up: Last week's column featured a spiel about Ryan Moore's fashion choices. According to an article on the PGA Tour website, those fashion choices are his by design. Right now, he doesn't have or want any endorsement deals for equipment and clothing. If this is truly the case, he is not only an iconoclast but a renaissance man. It's a pleasure watching someone who is not a typical, walking corporate billboard. You can read Moore (no pun intended) about the logo-less man by holding your control button and clicking on the PGA Tour link below:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r003/01/30/moore.feature/index.html?eref=sitesearch

Charlie Woods was bornded on Sunday. Now that Watney's in-the-chips, do you think he ought to send Charlie a giant birthday present cuz his dad stayed home?

Last thought: I wonder if "Charlie" Woods was named for "Charlie" Sifford?

Final last thought: Eight of youse are pick'n Veej this week. Buenos Suerte!

FBR Open

2009-02-02T19:23:00.008-07:00

Fashion, Foolery or Function

Date Written: February 2, 2009

Are you old enough to remember metal spikes on your golf shoes? The Golf Course Superintendents of America (GCSAA) must be howling this week. For years, they lobbied the world to commit to dippy "Softspikes," making the agronomical argument that greens would heal faster by wearing these plastic thingy's (which are forever falling off my golf shoes).

Here now comes their new "fave," Ryan Moore. Moore was spotted playing in VAN'S! WHAT? You all remember those thick-soled, funky, canvas skateboard shoes that were popular in the '70's? There's NOT a "cleat" on 'em. I wonder what Ryan's thinkin? They certainly can't afford him traction. Then again, maybe that's the point. Maybe Moore thinks that slicked-soled shoes will keep him swinging "within his feet;" a premise fostered eons ago by Sam Snead who sometimes played barefoot to re-establish his balance. Are we ready for this fashion/comfort/functional change?

As far as the rest of Moore's fashion choices, David Feherty likened his image to a "thrift store" customer. Starting from the top: A painter's hat, rumpled button shirt, a vest (Huh?), a skinny tie (Huh, Huh?) and Van's. Moore's dress code now matches his swing which he invented during his intergalactic travels between Earth and Mars.

The scoreboard at the FBR looked, for awhile, like a Nationwide Tour event. The eventual winner was wily, 48 year-old veteran, Kenny Perry, who still hits it (left-to-right, mostly) as far as the youngsters. Twenty of us pool players didn't survive the cut. Eleven of us idiots picked the Kentucky homerun hitter, J.B. Holmes, to repeat. He started out fine...5 under for his first nine holes, then proceeded to go 10-over in his next 27 to totally miss the cut by five. So much for our collective wisdom. He was in good company though. The "Homie," Arizona State grad, Philly M., missed the cut too, as did Stuart (The Rotten) Appleby. Amazingly, that left only 3 pool players who made the cut and had a chance to add to their earnings. Best finish goes to newcomer, Charlie Tuna, with his astute selection of Kevin (Sha Na) Na who picked up a chunk of dough as he missed the playoff by one dinky shot. Nice pick Charlie. In hindsight (of course), Charlie's no dummy. The TPC in Scottsdale obviously suits Sha Na Na. He has finished second, third and fourth here over the last five years. "I'm going to win here someday,'' Na said, jaw out. "Next year. I'm going to win here multiple times when my career is over, that's for sure.''

Onward to the "Wood-less" Torrey Pines/Buick. Tiger's won't be at his favorite venue. He's won five of the past six Buick Invitationals. He won last year's event by eight shots and, of course, followed it up later in the year with his historic, one-legged, playoff win over Rocco in the US Open. Seven of youse thought Stewart Cink was going to show up this week. You forgot to check with either his wife, his caddie or his bookie.

WalterGolf

Bob Hope Chrysler Classic

2009-01-26T17:05:00.008-07:00

Computer Crash

Date Written: January 26, 2009

I spent the better part of three days crafting this week's column only to be un-done by a computer crash last night that wiped out my work. My loss, your gain, I suppose. I know this crash took place because all the clocks in the house were stuck flashing on 9:36. My in-house computer geisha, Miss Vicki, informs me for the umpteenth time that if I leave any files, "open" and there is a power interruption, that this might happen. She also reminds me that she has told me this many times. So?

I don't have the recall nor the energy to try and re-create the damn thing. But the gist was about veteran Steve Stricker's "GIANT CHOKE" during the last round of The Hope. Not my little "choke" on my computer.

I actually did a bunch of research on the net during the tournament that any sports shrinks would have loved. It started out to be about how we all seem to get scared by having one good round and how difficult it is to follow-up with another good round, ala the eventual winner, Pat "Never Backoff" Perez. The column was really coming together, if I do say so myself. Now it's lost forever. Sob! I can only hope it's spinning somewhere in the cosmos (along with those random socks which keeps disappearing in the clothes dryer) and will magically reappear on my computer, begging to be published. But for now, you'll just have to imagine my sarcasm and advice about staying in the moment when you are about to hit a shot. It was also about being athletic, not telling ourselves bad internal stories, being worthy, dealing with success, etc. All the topics that sports psychologists love to advance.

As far as the pool itself, the best five of us could do this past week was pick D.J. Trahan who finished T-14.

Onward to the tournament (er "Frat Party") in Scottsdale. I count eleven of us who hope the Kentucky long-knocker, J.B. Holmes, repeats. The general public loves Lefty's chances.

The Sony

2009-01-19T17:28:00.005-07:00

Seymour, The Jewish Putter

Date Written: January 19, 2009

Calling Zach Johnson's win yesterday at The Sony and his previous T-6 at The Mercedes the week before "solid" is an understatement. He was 30-under for his last six rounds in the Islands. It seemed like he made every putt when it counted. I'm going online as we speak and ordering one of dem dare,"Seymour" putters and add it to my ever-changing, flat-stick rotation. Maybe that's been my problem...I've never tried a Jewish putter. At the end of last year, my putting stroke got so bad, Doyley told me I might as well putt with my eyes closed. Imagine, being able to actually, "See More"...what a concept.

Welcome to the "BIG SHOW," Tyler Aldridge. The Q-School qualifier from Idaho shot 77, 76 to finish dead last in the field of those who played two rounds. In his defense, it takes awhile to become accustomed to new surroundings, especially on the world's biggest golf stage. I'll bet he needed a few tranq's to settle his nerves. Speaking of "dead last"...imagine that adjacent to every great "tour stop" there's a "golf graveyard"...a quiet, hallowed space littered with thousands of slowly decaying corpses of player's who had big dreams that lasted one full season on tour. When those dreams collided head-on with reality...Kaplowie! End of career. Sometimes I think that the trouble with our culture is that when Hollywood and historians feed us too many heroic stories, it causes our individual and collective fuse boxes to blow. But that said, it's what makes the Tadd Fujikawa story so cool. Even though "Mighty Mouse" went from T-6 to T-32 over the final round, he kept his head in the game and garnered some nice compliments from his peers. And, for good measure, he cashed his biggest pro paycheck...almost 30 G's. I say, "Nice goin' Mighty." If John (The Psychic Mess) Daly can get unlimited sponsor exemptions because he appeals to the forgiveness-conscious, addictive population, then surely we ought to be allowed to see the amazingly refreshing "Mighty Mouse" again on TV somewhere soon.

Finally, if The Tour deigns to call the last six tournaments after the Tour Championship, "The Fall Season," I call 3 of the next 4 West Coast tournaments, "The Silly Season." This week's Bob Hope Pro-Am heads the list. At least, the sponsors had the good sense to enlist Arnold Palmer as host. I thought the previous host, George Lopez, was a "shmegege"...for those not familiar with nearly-dead languages, it's a Yiddish word for "fool." The following week, the frat party called the FBR in AZ with the infamous, rowdy 16th hole. We, after that, get the AT&T celebrity bash in Monterey where it seems the spectators are more interested in getting an autograph from a sitcom star than watching a real professional play on some great golf courses. After thoroughly enjoying reading, "The Match," it's a shame that Cypress is not in the course rotation like it used to be during the Bing Crosby years.

Mercedes-Benz

2009-01-14T07:26:00.007-07:00

They're Running...

Date Written: January 12, 2009

In horse racing parlance, "The horses are all in the gate... THEY'RE RUNNING!"

Right out of the gate, a horse called, "Ogilvy" made the field look like they were standing still in the first event of the year. He wobbled as he turned for home but then distanced himself from the field by collecting four birdies and an eagle over the homestretch, to win as they say, "handily" by six lengths.

Here's a little something for us form players to consider for next year: It's the middle of Summer in Australia. The Southern Hemisphere players have just concluded a heavy competitive schedule. Their compatriots, the Northern Hemisphere nags, stashed their saddles in their respective barns after the Tour Championship at the end of September. Watching Ogilvy seemingly hit every shot straight over the flag on the roller-coaster course called Kapalua, in hindsight might validate the choice of any "Aussie" or "So. African" next year at this early season event.

The second best headline of the week could have been, "He's Back!" which would apply to Davis Love who tied with Anthony Kim (aka Mr. Belt Buckle) for a nice (T-2) showing. Being healthy for the first time in a couple of years, might mean "Big Love" (not in the Mormon sense) is in for a "Big Season."

As far as our funky pool goes, the best finish was posted by Ms. Jan Jones of Duchin Room fame who picked the walking belt buckle. Nice goin' Jan. Perennial contenders, Art and Pat got off to a nice start...scoring with Big Ernie, (T-6) who could have been a contender except for a dull third round when he couldn't make a putt.

We now island-hop to Oahu for event number two...the Sony. Seven of us like Stricker, and six have pre-voted for "The Tank" (KJ Choi). Mighty Mouse (Tadd Fujikawa) is not in the field. Darn.

Finally, I funny forward from fellow hack, John Manocheo, entitled:

"Will I Live To See 80?"

"After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, my new primary care doctor said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, fishing or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No, " I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you even give a shit?"

The Tour Championship

2008-09-29T20:32:00.002-06:00

V for Victory

Date Written: September 29, 2008

From the PGA Tour website yesterday:
"In a four-man race coming to the final holes, Camillo Villegas caught Sergio Garcia with a 7-iron from 184 yards to 12 feet on the 17th, then twice hit beautiful lag putts from 45 feet for par on the 233-yard 18th -- once in regulation to finish at 7-under 273, then in the playoff to win The Tour Championship."

The two V's (Vijay & Villegas) prospered mightily through the Fed-Ex season which is now, thank God (with a big G), over. Each of the V's win a ton of extra dough because "you-know-who" was on the mend at home. Seven under was good enough to playoff this year on the re-designed East Lake track. "You-Know-Who" was twenty three under last year to win the whole shebang. I think the V's should send Tiger 10% of their winnings for not being able to show up and allowing them to cash in.

If you want to read more about Tiger's absence and dwindling TV ratings and "tweaking" the Fed-Ex format, click on Thomas Bonk's article today in the LA Times:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-golf30-2008sep30,0,1979671.story

With the conclusion of The Tour Championship, we have finished our fantasy pool season. Our three winners will find a chunk of dough in their mailboxes in a couple of days. Lord Arthur of Poppy killed us with his stellar, year-long picks. For his efforts, Lord Arthur takes home roughly 60% of the overall pool money ($2,500.00) for a total of $1,475.00. Second place goes to late charging Perry Sato ($725.00) and third place money to the Boise Flash....Pat Moloney ($300.00). Nice going you guys.

I hope you all enjoyed this past season and my sometimes caustic weekly commentary. It's never too early to start thinking on your picks for next year, at the very least, asking yourselves why you had a bunch of "No-Shows." We should also collectively consider the most controversial element of the pool...awarding double money for the Majors. Tell me via email if you like or dislike that feature and we will act accordingly. First tournament of 2009 will be the Mercedes at Kapalua in early January. Remember, in order to make the field in that first event, your player has to have won a tournament during 2008. I haven't found the official 2009 schedule online yet. There shouldn't be many venue changes (other than the U.S., British and PGA Championships) but the dates will surely be different.

Happy Footballing,

The Deutsche Bank

2008-09-02T21:31:00.011-06:00

Vijay 2, Field 0

Date Written: September 2, 2008

Vijay doesn't show much emotion when he's tending to his profession so despite the business-like image to the left, I did actually spot him smiling a couple of times this weekend as he was rolling in long putt after long putt while winning his second straight Schmed-Ex event.

From the PGA Tour website:

"I got on the green and just kept talking to my caddie, 'I'm the best putter in the world,' and he said, 'You're damn right you are, now go ahead and knock it in,' and I made it. That's just a good attitude. Instead of standing there and hoping you're going to get up and down in two, I was trying to make those putts. My unconscious mind had a lot of stored-up bad thoughts in there, and that was the key, to get rid of all that, and I think I've done that,' Singh said."

After Vijay's success with convincing himself that "putting is just attitude," I'm going to do some of the same...tell myself that I'm the best putter in the world. I'll give you a report on how this works after I play in the Idaho State Seniors tournament next week. I'll see if I can fool myself into this major disbelief. Those little putting devils that live in my head are probably laughing their asses off as I write this.

Vijay's made the Schmed-Ex a "done deal" for this year. Short of a miracle, no one can catch him and deny him the 10 million smackers . When the sponsorship renewal hits the negotiating table next year, the PGA and Fed-Ex oughta discuss dumping the whole cockamamie deal. They should come to their senses and realize that their attempt at changing TV viewing habits are too tough to break. There's a reason we like football folks. Beside being a terrific game; it's fall, it's life. You cannot "undo" the magic of the changing seasons.

No one had Vijay this week in our funky pool. Lord Arthur, he of magical picking powers, remains secluded in his lofty, 1.6 million dollar lead with just two events left on our schedule. A question for his Lordship: after you receive the proceeds of first place money, are you going to pay down your credit card debt or are you going to make a dent on your outstanding bar tab? Or, like a good Irishman, give it away to the orphan golfers of County Kerrick?

The Barclays

2008-08-26T07:34:00.011-06:00

The First Leg of the Schmed-Ex

Date Written: August 25, 2008
Jason Sobel of espn.com sums up the first week of the Schmed-Ex:

"Up is down. Left is right. In is out. Sergio Garcia and Vijay Singh each made clutch putts under pressure on the first extra hole at The Barclays on Sunday. Welcome to PGA Tour Bizarro World, where the game's most maligned putters each proved their mettle with the flat stick at crunch time during the first FedEx Cup payoffs event.

We're still unsure as to whether these two top talents are consistently inconsistent or inconsistently consistent, but it might be a little of both. Singh's victory on the second playoff hole gave him two wins in the past four weeks -- his first two titles of the season -- sandwiching them around a pair of missed cuts at the PGA and Wyndham. Meanwhile, Garcia continues to pile up runner-up results like Michael Phelps collects gold medals, but he's got to be pleased at ranking first in the field in putting average and second in total putts per round at Ridgewood Country Club."

Couldn't have said it better, Jason. Eleven guys ended up within 2 shots of making the playoff. Pretty good theatre as I fast-forwarded between the thousands of Cialis and Village's commercials to actually see a golf shot.

Congrats to two of our fellow bottom-dwellers, T & A and Doc 'N Jill, for climbing up the standings in our funky pool with their winning pick of V.J. at the Barclay's. Nice goin' kids!

Danny Lee, pictured above. Get used to seeing his face. The young phenom from New Zealand, became the youngest player ever (just over 18 years of age) to win the USGA Amateur Championship which was played at Pinehurst this past week. In the 36- hole final against Drew Kittleson who plays at Florida State, Lee was 11-under for 32 total holes until he won easily, 5 & 4. One of the perks for winning will be to be paired next year at The U.S. Open with one Mr. Tiger Woods. Can you imagine the introduction: "Mr. Woods, shake hands with Mr. Lee, the umpteenth youngster who might succeed you."

To read more about Lee click on the link below:

http://www.usamateur.org/news/sun_lee_final.html

Onward to the second leg of the Schmed-Ex...The Deutsche Bank. Do you think the Germans (along with the Scots, the Chinese, the Saudi's, etc.) want to manage our money? Eight of us (including me, figured that Brett Wetterich would play back to his Deutsche finish of last year. Lo and behold, according to Rotoworld.com, Brett doesn't make the Schmed-Ex field because....

"Brett Wetterich is suffering from tendinitis in his right wrist and has been treating it under doctor's care," his agent, Terry Reilly, said in an email. Wetterich injured his wrist on June 10 while practicing at Torrey Pines and has withdrawn early from all five events since. "We are unsure as to his return," Reilly added. Wetterich did not qualify for the British Open and has committed to next week's concurrent U.S. Bank Championship but that start is in doubt. He's halfway to a minor medical extension (two-month minimum layoff) and will need to make a decision soon if he's going to sit the full four months to qualify for a major medical. That would shelve him through October 1. It's quite possible that the wrist injury will also force a decision to have his shoulder repaired."

Sounds to me like Brett's body parts are going out of warranty. He won over $2 mil in '07 and tied for second at last year's Deutsche. Brett's swing speed has always appeared to me to be way too hard and too fast. A bit of elderly advice to...bring it down a notch pal. When you get older (the only thing I can absolutely guarantee), you'll want to be able to enjoy the game and a cocktail without being in pain.

Wyndham Championship

2008-08-18T17:19:00.011-06:00

The Tar Heel State

Date Written: August 18, 2008

One of the biggest intra-state rivalries in collegiate sports takes place within the "Tar Heel State." In Carolina, your blood runs either baby blue or red hot...UNC or NC State. I know what a Wolfpack is (NC State) but I've always wanted to know, what's a "Tar Heel" Do you know? And who's the most famous "Tar Heel Golfer?" I'll provide the answer at the end of this weeks missive. In any event, the Wolfpack prevailed this past weekend at the Wyndham, aka The Greater Greensboro Classic.

If there was ever a case to be made for the gambling theory of, "horses for courses," the Wyndham was it. Swedish-born but locally-raised, Carl Pettersson, who's probably played the course a gazillion times and also played at N.C. State, smoked the field. Transplanted Tim Clark from So. Africa, who also attended N.C. State, finished T-6.

The remarkable news is that seven of our pool players picked Pettersson to win. Not since the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, where twelve of us picked Tiger in his historic, one-legged win, and the Sony in Hawaii where eight pool players picked K.J. Choi, have we seen as many "winners" in one week. The bad news is that our esteemed pool leader, Lord Arthur of Kerrick was one of the seven Pettersson-pickers. Lord Arthur pads his lead to nearly $1.6 Mil over his next closest competitor, his pal, Perry Sato. Master Sato also had Petterssson to add to his extraordinary late run and has now leapt into second place. Lord Arthur and his trusty crystal ball have now picked four outright winners this season. Go direct to Vegas, Art...don't fool around with the peanuts you are going to win in our funky pool. My horse Mayfair was last seen limping into the barn in last place, apparently all tuckered out from putting on the Donald Ross track. Wavy putting strokes do not work on undulating greens.

Another N.C. transplant, Brandon de Jonge, who was bornded in Zimbabwe, but now calls Charlotte home, won the Nationwide event in Rochester, NY. Which brings me to hokey song:

"Nothing Could be Finer
Than the Golf in Caroliner
...in Au-August?"

Onward to the first leg of the SCHMED-EX Cup, starting at the Barclays at a storied venue, Ridgewood C.C., across the river in Paramus, NJ. I blatantly make fun of the "Schmed-Ex" format because, in a word...it's sooo STUPID! Most of you know from my comments last year that I hate the contrived points system. It smacks too much of NASCAR commercialism. Aren't there enough commercials between shots on TV? I once counted two putts and then five commercials. And what about the phony, re-set point system? Would someone write and explain that concept to this witless reporter? If you're having trouble too and don't understand, let's start a letter-writing campaign to our Congressmen! At the very least, do as I do, set your TIVO to fast-forward through the Schmed-Ex commercials. Even though they are funny, they do not deserve our patronage. Ship UPS or DHL.

Finally, from our very own, "Diamond Jim Brady" comes an interesting LA Times article linking sex with good health: Dah!

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-mating18-2008aug18,0,4651977.story

I would have added that five rounds of golf a week is good for the "unit" too!

In answer to the question posed in the first paragraph, what is a "Tar Heel" click on the "Ask Yahoo" link below. And, the most famous Tar Heel Golfer...Davis Love, of course, who also has a second home here in Sun Valley. Maybe Davis will join our pool next year and try his hand at de-throning Lord Arthur?

http://ask.yahoo.com/20040316.html

The PGA

2008-08-11T21:39:00.014-06:00

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Date Written: August 11, 2008

"Hear Ye, Hear Ye!" All those who thought Padraig of Harrington was not for real, raise your hand? Paddy has a new mission: he has to hire a finished carpenter to build more cabinetry in his den. Where else to place his new PGA Wanamaker trophy to rest aside his back-to-back Claret Jugs.

Some commentator, somewhere, suggested that there be an asterisk (*) by the name of any major winner if Tiger was not in the field. I don't think so. Winning three majors in a little over one year certainly qualifies Paddy to stand alone as Tiger's "prime contender." Step aside Lefty, Veej, Jimmy Furyk, and any other "wanna-be." Paddy's matching 4-under-par 66's over the final two rounds on the Oakland Hills monster removes any doubt that he's the world's second best player. There's even speculation amongst the media of the possibility of "The Paddy-Slam." The next leg being the '09 Masters. Tiger's return to Major competition and Paddy's emergence will surely be the story next April. Paddy can obviously can handle pressure. His putting down the stretch yesterday at Oakland Hills was the stuff of dreams. The following his from his own lips:

"I know I love the idea of the back nine of a major on a Sunday. I love it so much that I'm actually disappointed I'm seven months away from the next major, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've really focused hard on the majors the last two years. My whole schedule is built around majors. And definitely I've turned up at other events, and unless I get into contention, you know, sometimes it feels like a race, like a sprint, whereas a major feels like a marathon. I feel like I can be patient and take my time. And I love the feeling of knowing that it's going to come down to the back nine; it's going to come down to who can do it under pressure in the last nine holes."

Our very own black Irishman, Lord Arthur of Kerrick, was sweating bullets over the weekend because his horse, Vijay, was last seen stumbling at the halfway mark. On his way to 5-putting one green and failing to make the cut, The Veej was last seen muttering to himself as he slammed his left-hand-low, belly putter into the trunk of his expensive rental car. You can breathe now Lord Arthur, your lead is still intact. Now that "double-payoff" Majors are out of the way, your chances down the stretch appear fairly solid to garner substantial, first place pool money.

Booby Prize poem:

Doc 'N Jill
Ran up a hill
trying to avoid disaster

When they came down
Their Sergio did frown
to have to kiss Paddy's aster...again.

Doc N' Jill make enough "double-money" on Sergio to climb out of the Pool basement, leaving Matt Kendrick alone, looking up. Perry Sato also had Sergio and makes a giant leap from 10th to 4th. That is huge at this late stage of the game!

Speaking of Booby Prizes, anyone remember the Cropper Bros. from years past? They decided to sit out this year, restore their collective egos and try to figure out a better approach to picking guys who will just show-up for a tournament, let alone make the cut. I miss the Cropper's and their wild-ass, off-the-wall picks. Remember the famous cowboy movie in the 50's, "Shane?" The famous line at the end was, "Come back, Shane!" I'm gonna change it to, "Come back, Croppers," if only for the laughs.

And finally, a forwarding laugh from John Manocheo entitled:

When your ball ends up in the 3" rough, here's the club for you!
http://www.bigdaddydriver.com/see-the-video.aspx

WGC/Bridgestone

2008-08-04T21:43:00.013-06:00

Putt Like a Dog

Date Written: August 4, 2008

The Associated Press summarized this past week's "Tiger-less" WGC/Bridgestone event as follows:

"With par putts on the final two holes, Singh closed with a 2-under 68 to hold off hard-charging Lee Westwood and Stuart Appleby and the fast-fading Phil Mickelson, who lost a one-shot lead with three bogeys on his final four holes."

The quote above really doesn't tell the full story. Despite Veej making two 4-footers at the end, his putting stroke looked, over the last nine holes, to be as scary as "Sweeney Todd." He missed enough short putts from 4-8 feet to land him a free pass to the seventh floor at Bellevue. If it weren't for his playing partner, "Lefty- Mick," falling all over himself coming in, he loses. Lefty played bogey-free for 14 holes and had a one-shot lead until making bogey from the bunker on three of the last four holes. So much for Lefty's famous, flawless short game.

Veej's 'wavy-gravy' putting stroke reminded me of me. As a kid, I used to make everything. Now if I make a putt, it's headline news. To me, forget reading greens; the hole looks to be the size of a thimble. My young (soon to turn forty) playing partner, Mikey P. says the hole looks as big as a trash can. I wonder if he's just delusional or trying to psyche me out. Veej and I can barely bring it back and through straight on three-footers let alone middle-of-the-green efforts. Veej claimed in a pre-game interview Sunday, that he's gonna stick with his belly putter. I have two belly putters...both have been banished permanently to a very dark closest as punishment for their bad behavior. Belly or no belly, cross-handed or upside-down, whatever Veej needs to be reminded that it's the Indian, not the arrows. He might consider therapy. We both putt like dogs!

Lefty's endgame meltdown caused our Mikey P. to lose a golden chance at winning for the week. Our esteemed pool leader, Master Arthur, padded his lead to over one million smackers with his lucky pick of "The Goose" who tied Lefty for fourth place.

This week, the PGA Championship outside Detroit, is the last Major tournament that will count for double pool money. Someone needs to make a dent in Master Art's million dollar lead. My prediction...Singh's wavy-gravy putting stroke won't work here on greens rolled to 13 on the Stimp. Thankfully, Master Art picked "The Veej" this week. Hah! He will not win in back to back weeks.

HOW WERE THEY TO KNOW DEPT: Mikey P. and Monte Train picked Tiger this week.

Hooray! Boise's Ryan Hietala won the Nationwide Cox Classic event in Omaha. Click on the link to read more:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/459599.html

And finally (I promise), this from the LA Times:

"Michelle Wie failed in her eighth attempt to make the cut on the PGA Tour, shooting a second-round 80 at the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open. A quintuple-bogey nine helped push Wie to nine-over 153 at the par-72 Montreux Golf & Country Club."

Click below for more on Wie-Wie:

http://www.pgatour.com/2008/tournaments/r472/08/01/wie.sider2/index.html
Michelle reminds me of an old Japanese proverb, "Women who drive upside down, have crack-up." I know, bad form, bad joke. Personally, I'd give her one more pass to play a Men's event...but from the Women's tees.

Canadian Open

2008-07-28T18:29:00.009-06:00

What's in a Name?

Date Written: July 28, 2008

What in the world does the picture of Cher have to do with Chez Reavie winning yesterday's Canadian Open? Hang in there. Hear me out. I'm guessing that Chez's mother knew her son was going to be famous one day so she gave him a first name that people would instantly recognize...kinda like Cher. (And by the way, does anyone out there know if Cher actually has a last name?) Which brings up another question. Why does the media literally miss-pronounce Chez's name? They say it like it's spelled. Do they think, as an audience, we are unable to match his uncommon name to a tricky pronunciation? I've never heard an announcer explain why his name is not pronounced properly. His name is a common word in French. It is pronounced "Shay" which rhymes with way. "Chez" in French essentially means to be at home. Pronounced in English vernacular..."Chez" might be short for Chester, Chezman or Chezburger. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes or a linquist to figure out that the kid must come from a French background. Is Chez's mother a Francophile? Does she have a sign over the porch that announces you are about to enter, "Chez Reavie?" I remember years ago, before he became famous, that "Goosen" was pronounced "Hoosen."

Finally, although I might be beating a dead cheval, (which, by the way, is French for horse), I think "Shay's" last name should properly be pronounced "Ra-vay" not "Ree-vee." Can anybody out there straighten out this French-to-English mess? Should I email his folks who live in Kansas to get a complete genealogical report? Or should I call the Mormons?

As long as I've got too much time on my hands, allow me just a few more moments to rant about politics before I get to the golf business at hand. This "pronunciation" issue is a comment on our collective laziness as a culture. We (TV being main culprit) have this lazy habit in this country of anglicizing names to suit our own understanding. I liken it to refusing to be a part of the larger world. The fervor that accompanies the argument that "English" is our "one-and-only" designated language represents a "dumbing down" of our potential. I think it would be a good idea to have at least 2 languages in this country, especially in the West...since we essentially swiped this half of the country from either the Indian's or the Mexican's. Maybe it would be a good idea to keep their language and some of their culture. It's a healthy idea too to be different and learn a foreign language during one's lifetime. Besides, I read recently that fifty (50%) percent of the surnames in California are now Spanish. Taking my argument to one last extreme, maybe we ought to learn Ebonics and Computer-ease so that, at the very least, we can relate to the next generation. There is no doubt that the "change train" is leaving the station. According to columnist, Frank Rich in the NY Times:

"Obama-branded change is snowballing, whether it’s change you happen to believe in or not."

O.K...I feel much better now that I've expressed myself. Now back to golf. In my next life I want a demeanor like Chez (however you pronounce it), a swing plane like Anthony Kim and bunker instruction from Mike Weir. Chez becomes the first rookie to win on the PGA TOUR in 2008. He's called, "The Little Unit" (5'9", 160 lbs) in Arizona where he went to college, in deference to "The Big Unit" Randy Johnson who pitches for the Arizona Diamondbacks. He doesn't have nearly the swing speed and plane of Mr. Kim, but he kept it down the middle and got the job done on a rough and tough Glen Abbey Golf Club course. His lay-up on the par-5, eighteenth to secure the victory proved that he's got a brain to go with his game. Read more about this 27-year old by clicking on the link below:

http://thesundevils.cstv.com/sports/m-golf/mtt/reavie_chez00.html

Ten pool players were rewarded with a T-6 for their nationalistic zeal-pick of Mike Weir, he of magnificent up-and-down game. Amazingly, included in those ten who picked him were our three top leaders, Artie, Pat and C. B. Taco.

Onward to the next-in-a-series, over-hyped, WGC's...this one at Firestone in Akron...Tiger-less of course. This begs the question, "just how many World Golf Championships can there be in a year?" Can we have one every week? There's one World Series in baseball. One Super Bowl, one NBA Championship. Oh well. Hyperbole, so dominant within our popular culture, will be a subject for another day. More to the point, there's five Sabbatini-lovers, four Rose nose pickers, and only one No-Show...Davis Love III. Everyone else is in attendance because there's lots of cash involved.

Your faithful blogster,

The British Open

2008-07-21T21:42:00.008-06:00

When Irish Eyes are Smiling...

Date Written: July 21, 2008

The headline in the NY Times read, "Steadiness Beats Sentiment as Harrington Prevails." Half the crowd where I live was rooting for Greg Norman at The Open. But everyone I talked too was tickled by Paddy's smile. While the rest of the world of professional golfers "grind" there way to stardom or the poor house, Paddy does it with a smile. His key key to victory? Stay in the moment! Here are his words:

"You know, one of the keys to playing well on Sunday is you don't ever get into the consequences of what you're doing." I did that very well today. I never at any stage -- or if I did for a second or two, I stopped myself -- started to think about what it means to win a second Open, defend an Open, win two majors."

Another quote gleaned from a postgame interview with Greg Norman stuck out at me too:

"A lot of people should take stock no matter how old you are. If you really want to chase something and chase a dream, you can go do it."

Well, yes and no, Greg. I would have qualified his quote to include the words, "within reason." From my vantage point, the world is filled with too many "wanna-be" golfer's who think they "have game."

Kenny Perry stayed home and played well (T-6) at Milwaukee and took additional, unending shit for not showing up at The British. Until he wins a major, he's not going to convince me that he's got more than just a one-dimensional game. Anthony Kim played well enough to suggest he'll win
"a biggee" one day. Too bad he finished with three straight bogies.

One commentator during the telecast said that Tiger doesn't watch golf on TV. How does he know that? Does he (the announcer) spend time in Tiger's house? I think Tiger watches TV, just like the rest of us. I think he was lying on his couch with his knee propped up under a bunch of soft down pillows, watching and wishing he was at Royal Birkdale. Three-over wins it??? Come on! Tiger's human, he's competitive, he's as curious as us other mortals. I can only imagine him salivating at what might have been....potentially his fifteenth major win.

Nationwide Notes: Reigning U.S. Amateur champion Colt Knost shot a 10-under 62 Sunday to cap a four-shot victory in the Nationwide Tour's Price Cutter Charity Championship in Springfield, MO and earn his 2009 PGA Tour card. He earned $108,000 for his second win of the season and jumped from 20th on the money list to second. "The Colt" just happened to make two straight eagles in the middle of his round.

In yet another example of the "The Dumb Rules of Golf," click on the link below to read how Michelle Wie was disqualified at this week's LPGA event:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-golf20-2008jul20,0,6218850.story

Best finish in our pool belonged to Jan Jones who picked up a million (double money) with her astute (T-3) pick of Stenson. John Manocheo had Jimmy Furyk and enjoyed a generous payday with his T-5. And Big Ernie, who barely made the cut, shot 141 over the last 36 holes to justify the faith of ten of youse. One more major to go kiddee's. Lord Arthur's lead stretched to about eight hundred grand ahead of Pat Moloney, who jumps into second place. Corn Beef Taco is just a tad behind Pat in third. Canadian Open on tap this week. Ten "homies" love the Weir-wolf.

John Deere Classic

2008-07-14T19:03:00.004-06:00

Very Perry

Date Written: July 14, 2008

The headline from the PGA Website calls it, "The Summer of Perry." For yesterday's John Deere win, I would have opted for the headline alliteration, "Perry Putts Perfectly." They (whoever, THEY are), say there's no such thing as a bad putter on tour. So I'm thinking that based on Perry's success this year, he's gotta be high up on the putter rankings. Wrong! Kenny's average of 29 putts per round puts him in 64th place. So now I ask myself, how else can we statistically explain this extraordinary run he's having so far this year, ($4.3 mil)? So campers...here they are, his overall stats: He's 2nd in scoring (duh), 9th in G.I.R., 13th in proximity to the hole, 27th in driving distance, 46th in scrambling and 104th in driving accuracy percentage. But we all know that winning and losing comes down to putting...especially on the last nine holes on Sundays. Yesterday, he made a bunch of crucial, par-saving putts and eeked out an overtime win. He's definitely on a roll...got his Kaintucky, 3-plane swing in gear. He's now won three times this year, (The Memorial and Buick, as well as yesterday's John Deere), finished 2nd at the AT&T Classic and T-3 at the Bob Hope. And for good measure, don't forget that he contended at The Players until a disastrous fourth round.

Plenty has been written about Kenny's decision to NOT play the U.S. Open and The British, so I'll not re-hash his thinking...much. Suffice to say, he's sticking to his guns with his schedule. From what I've gleaned, he likes to play on courses he likes, not play on courses that don't suit his game and he'd rather not play in cold weather. On the other hand, Jerry Kelly (who is as passionate about Wisconsin as Perry is about Kentucky), gets into The British Open as a second alternate and says, "I'm excited to play. I was not going to pass up this chance to play The British even though I consider the Milwaukee Open my fifth major." As the gamblers say, "Go Figure."

Smarter people than I are also questioning Perry's logic. Peter Dawson, British Open Chief said:

"I can't pretend I understand Kenny Perry's decision," stated Dawson. "He's having a great run and we are very sorry he's not here. I find it disappointing. You're not going to win majors if you don't enter and I think the history books show that majors are what you are remembered for."

In our funky, fantasy pool, Denny From Iowa, Bob Bruce and John "Vegas" Manocheo had Kenny to win and collected his prize money of three quarters of a million for their choice. By my count, there are now six pool players who have picked three winners this year. At this stage of the fantasy race, that is amazing. In Bob Bruce's case, he leaps into fourth place. Denny and John move up a couple of spots off the deck.

Double money on tap this week in The British. Alas and Alack dept: Poor Matt Kendrick figured Tiger as a "shoo-in" at Royal Birkdale. I heard Tiger's gonna go over to Matt's house and watch it with him from his couch...explaining to him how he would have played each shot and offer to buy him dinner at Despo's just in case he loses.

Ten of youse think this will be Big Ernie's week and six think Sergio's gonna play back to last year debacle.

Final note: 40 year old Rick Price won the richest Nationwide event ever to clinch a spot on the PGA Tour next year. Rick has been a fixture at Q-School... he's been there nineteen (19) times! Talk about perseverance.

A T & T

2008-07-08T21:34:00.011-06:00

Terrific Talent, Bad Belt Buckle

Date Written: July 7, 2008

Superlatives are flying around the golfing planet today. Words like superstar, national treasure, face-of-the-future. All to explain Anthony Kim's solid, second victory of the season at the Tiger-less AT&T. Add to the accolades: Nick "The-Stick" Faldo thinks that the kid has a game to match the remaining two major venues, Royal Birkdale and Oakland Hills.

Methinks it's a bit early in the historical game to liken Kim to that other good young player of ten years ago, but he seems to be learning fast. A great, one-piece swing and an attitude that can only serve him well. One of the commentators on the telecast suggested yesterday that he's the best young player NOT to have won a major. That kind of dialogue used to be reserved for Charles Howell, III, Sergio Garcia, Justin Rose and Adam Scott. I'm rooting for Kim. Young, smallish, from L.A., Asian background. It's obviously clear he has talent, but the best thing is, he's putting that talent to work. My only complaint is his fashion choice of over-sized, sometimes, diamond-studded belt buckles. Talk about tacky.

More about Kim from more-qualified experts:

"Anthony's got such a good looking swing," playing mate, Dean Wilson said. "He hits the ball solidly all the time and hits it hard. He's excited about playing. He plays hard. He wants to be in the limelight. He craves that, as a matter of fact. He's got exceptional skills and I think we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg with this kid, he's got real talent.

Fred Funk, who first met Kim when he was 15 years old and already hitting it 320 yards, agreed.

"He's fearless and he's got tremendous length for a little guy, and he's just got that arrogance, cocky attitude that you need to have when he's in the position that he's in, and he's got the game to back it up," Funk said. "So that's all that really needs to be said."

Mark O'Meara was heard to say that young Mr. Kim's swing is better than his good friend, Tiger's at this age 23.

Three of us pool-players had the good sense to pick Robert Allenby in Tiger's Tourney. One lousy shot kept us from second place and a pile of dough.

Onward to The Tractor (John Deere) Open...being played somewhere in the Heartland that was last seen floating away from the recent floods. Nine Tim Clark's this week.

Finally, from the LA Times:

"Without Woods, the crowd at Sunday's final round of the AT&T National at Congressional was down about 7,000 to 30,000, according to the Washington Post. And Saturday's third-round crowd of 22,311 was down about 15,000 from last year, according to the Baltimore Sun.

In a word: bad. The overnight ratings for Sunday's fourth round of the AT&T National on CBS were down 48%, from a 2.9 to a 1.5. The third-round overnight ratings were down 35%, from a 2.0 to a 1.3."

The Buick Open

2008-06-30T19:58:00.007-06:00

Woodhead and Bubba

Date Written: June 30, 2008

Kenny Perry's second victory of the season rested on the putters of the two "W's, "Woodhead" Austin and Watson, Bubba. Austin three-putted for bogey on the last two holes (albeit from distance) and Watson couldn't make a 12-footer for birdie on the 72nd hole to tie so Perry wins his second tournament of the year.

"I threw it away," said "The Woodhead," whose demonstrative ways led him to cup a ball and slam it against the wood board marking the seventh tee. "I didn't hit the ball close enough to the hole the last two holes to counteract my yips. I've got to figure it out or I'd better quit." In Woodhead and Bubba's good company, Dudley "The Dud" Hart collected four bogies over the last seven holes to sub-marine his chances to win.

From the PGA Tour website: "Kenny Perry, winner of yesterday's Buick Open, will honor his commitment to play in the U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee rather than the British Open. He's a former champ at Brown Deer Park, so who knows what might happen there." Which brings into focus, once again, Johnny Miller's critique of Perry's decision NOT to play at Torrey Pines in the U.S. Open. Now, Perry's supporters will have some additional explaining to do. Mr. Weenie, (er, Perry) will not appear in the British Open in a month. Not to beat a dead horse, but this is a guy who wants desperately to play international competition in the Ryder Cup? What would you rather have...a trophy from a minor tour event called Milwaukee or be known as the Open Champion for the rest of your life? No contest from this quarter.

Mikey P. jumps a few spots in the standings with a rare pick of Kenny Perry to win The Buick Open. Miracle dart-throwin' Mikey.

"Woodheads" two three-wacks cost T & A, Perry Sato and Doug B. a shot at a bunch of top money. Perry's eagle from the bunker at 14 didn't help their cause either.

On to the Tiger-less sponsored AT&T in DC. Question of the week: Why do you think that in baseball, they call these, "the dog days?"

The Travelers

2008-06-23T19:43:00.012-06:00

'N Cink

Date Written: June 23, 2008

The word among serious journalists is that bloggers are way too harsh. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Please hear my confession. I am guilty...guilty of a lot of things including bad blogging. In my defense though, you must understand...I can't help myself. Sometimes my six year old bathroom humor gets the best of me. I know in my heart that it's cheap to make fun of another because their name happens to be weird. Take "Cink" for example. It's way too easy to conjure up all kinds of bathroom and golf analogies. Can't you see how easy it is to substitute words like tank, drain, toilet, sewer, poo-poo, flush...whatever, to describe one's golf game? 'N Cink hisself would probably be the first to admit that his inablitity to "finish" hasn't been realized. He's blown a bunch of opportunities to win in his career. Because he's been such a highly-regarded player, he must know that he has to endure the bad metaphors to his last name. Hence the photo above might represent all his missed opportunities. Despite my attempts at bad humor, I am really not alone in my opinion. A dry and sober quote from a real journalist affiliated with the Associated Press said, "Stewart Cink has a reputation as a good golfer who just can't finish off a tournament."

Well...Stewie "The Cink" tried hard to live DOWN to his reputation at this past weekend's Traveler's. He hit a couple of shots on the last nine holes that even had the TV commentators scratching their collective heads. He fatted a wedge on a par four that was 40 yards short of his target. Then, on the 72nd hole, leading by one shot, he hit a giant 365 yard, blocked drive that some estimated was 50 yards offline. Luckily, he managed to convert each frightful miscue (read "choke") into an up-and-down par, thereby avoiding a playoff with defending champ, Hunter Mahan and aging Tommy Armour, III. In one last attempt at bad, childish humor; if back-nine stress is the primary cause of hair loss, it's no wonder Mr. Cink's going bald.

T'was a nice payoff for seven of us who just missed with Mahan to repeat...Lord Kerrick being one of the astutes. Corn Beef Taco's standing in third place was also greased a bit.

Onward to the next, Tiger-less tour stop, The Buick Open in Michigan. The field looks like a Nationwide event, with most of the bigger names taking the week off. Now we can begin the countdown to The British. We are only five weeks away from their OPEN which will, obviously, be Tiger-less too. As a matter of fact, the whole next year just might be Tiger-less, given the severity of the damage to his ACL and micro-fractures to the tibia of his left leg.

In this celebrity-driven, market-oriented world, the question arises, what's an event worth without a headliner? The PGA has long known the value of Tiger as it translates to the TV engine that runs their machine. Without question, their ratings will plummet. When and if Tiger ever decides to retire, the Tour will have to renegotiate their TV contract downward. For now, we'll have to endure a different spin that will come from their publicity machine. They will try to somehow convince us that there product is still valuable to watch without Tiger in attendance. I'll just say good luck. Anybody out there want to watch 3 hours of golf to eventually see a playoff between Tim Herron and Dudley Hart?

Lastly this week, I hope Tiger comes to the realization that he doesn't need to kill himself in the gym in order to play well. Slow down pal, you've got a whole life to live. If you need a golfing fix, we've got a skins game on Sundays up here in Idaho which you could play left-handed. I can almost guarantee you can make twenty bucks a week.

U.S. Open

2008-06-18T07:59:00.005-06:00

One-Legged Tiger

Date Written: June 17, 2008

Golf on Monday. What could be better? Maybe random sex with Michelle Pfeiffer, but short of that longshot fantasy, how about a playoff for the U.S. Open? The match-up of everyman (Rocco Mediate) against the best player who ever lived playing on one leg.

Rocco was great. Even though I was one of the thirteen in the fantasy pool who was grateful that Tiger squeaked out the win, I was secretly rooting for Rocco. Forty five years old, bad back, one-way ball flight, great attitude, ferocious competitor, shaky putter at times, terrific sense of humor, blah, blah. He was terrific. At the very least, Rocco Mediate is now a national household name.

The tour has figured out how to handicap Tiger...make him play on one leg. I thought at times that he was going to withdraw but he hung tough. Having personally survived 3 left knee operations and finally knee replacement surgery, I want to know what drugs Tiger took to make it through to the end. I would guess there was a cortisone shot somewhere between day three and day four. Roger Maltbie (Johnny Miller's, Ed McMahon) claimed he only used over-the-counter (Advil?) medication. I doubt it. If you want to read more about the possibilities for a long layoff for Tiger, click on the Thomas Bonk article:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-bonk17-2008jun17,0,4051577.column

And if you really have some extra time on your hands, read this David Brooks editorial about Tiger's focus:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/opinion/17brooks.html?hp

Remember the answer to the old golf joke, "How did you make a nine on a hole?" The answer, "Well, I missed my putt for eight" applies to San Diego homie, "Lefty Mick." He's playing the relatively easy par five thirteenth on day three. He misses the fairway with his drive and has to lay up with his second shot. Then he gets too cute with his third shot, an L-wedge to a front hole location just five paces from the edge and spins it off the green. He switches to his 64-degree wedge, but needs three more tries before getting the ball to stay on the green. He then proceeds to three-putt. Voila...NINE! Hackers could be heard harmonically rejoicing around the world.

We have now played exactly two-thirds of the pool schedule. Big time changes were effected what with the massive double money allotted to the majors. Biggest move was at the top where Lord Arthur of Kerrick and Pat Moloney are now leading at over the $7 Mil mark. Move over Vinegar Man, it was a nice run. Personally it feels good to get out of the cellar but in a perfect world I didn't want so much company.

Stanford/St. Jude

2008-06-10T07:17:00.013-06:00

Mass Suicide

Date Written: June 9, 2008

"The Mechanic," (Justin Leonard) prevails in a three-way playoff for the Stanford/St. Jude title. Robert Allenby learns what its like to finally lose after winning ten straight playoffs in his pro career. Trevor Immelman has recovered from his all-to-hectic ("tsk, tsk") Master's TV tour. Those could have been the headlines for the week but Yours Truly is always looking for the "under story," the "fuck-up" if you will. The real headline from Memphis should have read, "Mass Suicide" or perhaps, "The Cutters." After the game, Dean Wilson, Gavin Coles, Tim Clark and Marc Turnesa were last seen in the Memphis men's locker room huddled over a package of double-edge razors, deciding who would go first. Two doubles in the last three holes for Dean-O did him in. Little Gavin Coles was just behind him in the futility department...doubling the 72nd hole to miss the playoff by two. Earlier in the day, third-round leader Tim Clark triple-bogeyed the first hole and Marc Turnesa, did him one better; he made a quad on #1. To quote Phillies baseball manager, Danny Ozark, "'Half this game is ninety percent mental."

High winds, hot temperatures, sloping greens running near 15 on the Stimp and tucked pins all added up 4-under being good enough to tie for first. You can add the TPC course in Memphis to the short list of U.S. Open-type courses. Last weeks Muirfield/Memorial was no piece of cake either. But those courses are merely hors d'oeuvres for the main meal that's coming this week, Torrey de la Pines.

So gentlemen, as they say at Indianapolis, "Start Your Engines." Oil up the remote. Make sure your TIVO's set for overtime on Sunday. We get some serious wall-to-wall television starting Thursday. Tiger has thirteen of us wondering if he's fit to go. The dummies who thought at the beginning of the year that he would be a "slamdunk" on his favorite venue, are now re-thinking after his third left knee surgery. Someone told me yesterday that Tiger was still limping. I hope not. If he is, I might have to have my best friend Guido to "rearrange" both his kneecaps...ala Tonya Harding. On a lighter side, maybe it's only fair to the field that he be "handicapped" in some way. Three dreamers will get to see if Philly Mick's up to the task in his backyard sandbox. I heard he's just bringing fourteen wedges.

No movement in the pool. Good on Bob Bruce with his T-8 pick of the pro from Yiddish C.C., Scott Verplunked.

The Memorial

2008-06-01T19:41:00.015-06:00

Miller Lite

Date Written: June 2, 2008

Seven pool players picked Kenny Perry to win The Memorial. Nice dart throwing kiddees. Y'all pad your accounts by over a million smackers and tighten up the race for second place. Kenny joins Tiger as only the second player to win Jack's tourney three times. Quite an feat! The win will surely guarantee Kenny's presence on Paul Azinger's Ryder Cup team. "Zinger" couldn't possibly leave him off the team which will play at Valhalla in Perry's home state of Kentucky after this win. Kenny has had such a nice run over the last month, first at The Player's and then his overtime loss at the AT&T in Atlanta. Perry has clearly proven his mettle.

From Dave Shedloski, of the PGA Tour:
"Long grass and long faces. Furrowed sand in the bunkers and furrowed brows. Fast greens and blue moods. The Muirfield Village course's ankle-deep rough swallowed up errant shots and its greens were as slick as glass. Only three players broke 70 in round two. Twenty players couldn't break 80."

From Tom Lehman:
"Mr. Nicklaus is getting exactly what he's hoping for. He's got a major championship-type feel to this place. The place is like a U.S. Open. We were talking about that on the first tee. The greens, the pins, the rough, the speed of the fairways ... it's not over the top, but it's very tough."

Now campers, back to the reason that Johnny Miller's mug shot is the featured image of the week. I actually tried to manipulate my computer to graphically put a foot in his mouth but I couldn't do it...I don't have any Adobe skills. To those of us who question from time to time if Johnny's comments are suspect; I offer the following: Johnny opined at The Player's that Kenny couldn't win on any US Open type course because he's only got a right-to-left game. Johnny has proven to many over time that he sometimes doesn't know from whence he speaks. As per Tom Lehman's comments above, Muirfield was just about as tough as any course the boys have seen this year and Master Perry was flawless. So once again, Johnny's "expert" testimony comes into question.

From the college ranks:
WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. (AP) -- UCLA's Kevin Chappell shot a 76 on Saturday to wrap up the NCAA men's individual golf championship and help the Bruins hold off Pac-10 rivals Stanford and Southern California for the team title.

Locally, in the, "This Is Your Year" department: our blind-lucky pool leader, Scott Winegar of Boise fame, one-hopped a 6-iron into the eleventh hole at Elkhorn Golf Course during last week's 2-day, Sun Valley Pro-Am. This was no cheap shot...166 yards over water onto a skinny green surrounded by nearly "Muirfield" rough in semi-rainy conditions.

Six Toms, four Austin's and four Snedeker's in Memphis this coming week. Then, on to Tiger's return to Torrey.

Finally, finally: In fairness, if "Hoof 'n Mouth Miller" wanted to further pursue his "ball flight" argument against Mr. Perry, he would surely point to Kenny's postgame Memorial announcement that he has never played well at Torrey Pines and that he's going to skip it. Maybe I'm too harsh on Miller Lite?

The Colonial

2008-05-30T06:32:00.005-06:00

Lefty's Magic

Date Written: May 26, 2008

Call him by his rightful name, "Houdini" Mickelson. Lefty, "chained" to a wayward drive, deep in the trees, pulls the proverbial live rabbit out of his hat with a wedge shot on the 72nd hole to deny Rod Pampling and Tim Clark a chance at a playoff. Pool players, Jimbo Brady, Mikey P. and Louie/Margaret must have been on the edge of their couch, licking their collective chops, when they saw his second shot dilemma. Then they were left on the carpet...totally deflated by Lefty's luck/pluck. By the bye, six of us got zilch with Verplunk's MC on a course suited to his game. Drat!

Thank god for TIVO. There were some difficult choices to make on the bulb Sunday. The Clayton Kershaw Era finally arrived at Dodger Stadium, the Lakers were playing the dreaded Spurs, and, of course, the golf. It took me well into Monday to finally view all the outcomes. And...I had to play eighteen holes too at Sun Valley. To paraphrase Hemingway, "Life is full." I can only add, "When's dinner ready Honey?"

Seven "Perry's" and six "O'Hair's at "Jack's" Memorial this week. No Tiger. Apparently not enough rehab yet on the ailing knee. If he decides that he's not one hundred per cent before the US Open, there will be twelve of us who will be pissed.

AT&T Classic

2008-05-19T19:52:00.014-06:00

The 18th at Sugarloaf

Date Written: May 19, 2008

Try hitting a shot from a downhill lie with a five wood that requires a carry of 270 yards over water to a tucked pin with the wind howling in your face. Add in the fact that you are in a sudden-death playoff with a $300,000 difference in prize money and 20,000 screaming fans. In the, "What Was He Trying to Accomplish Scenario," Kenny Perry tried to pull off this miracle shot against the youngster, Ryuchi Imada. He blocked it, hit a tree that boomeranged the ball back over the green and into the drink. End of dialogue. Master Doyle contends he was just trying to hit it right so he would have a lot of green to work with for his third shot and was unlucky to hit the tree. I don't know about that.

Hindsight is very cheap but a lot of fun. If I had been Perry, hitting first, I would have been thinking "lay-up" and let the kid go for it and die. He obviously didn't listen to me yelling at him through my TV. Great drama turned to tragedy. It's been an expensive two weeks that have cost Kenny a pile of dough. But that's football.

To his credit, Ryuchi looked unflappable during the last nine holes. He said in a post game interview that he never believed in destiny, but now that he has won this event, (after losing in a playoff last year to Zach Johnson), he might change his mind. Ryuchi's definitely got game. In addition to winning for the first time yesterday, he's got two second-place finishes at The Buick and The Pods and a fifth at L.A. this year. Pencil him in Paul for a Ryder Cup spot.

News of note: The telecast started with Honolulu's own, Parker McLachlin, he of horrible, Oakley golf pants fame, consterned over a 75 foot bunker shot on the driveable 13th. He hits the perfect shot and splashes it into the cup for an eagle and a three stroke lead. At the time, he had this incredible round going...8-under. Poor kid...like most of us, he couldn't stand success. From then on, he appeared to be thinking, "way too much." He took an inordinate amount of time over every shot and proceeded to bogey three of the last 5 holes. He took so much time to figure out what to do on the eighteenth that I was thinking of nick-naming him, "Part-Time." He was slower than Glen "All" Day or Ben "Forever" Crane. Anyway, "Part-Time" took what seemed like half an hour waiting for wind conditions to change on his second shot. I took a short nap on the couch, I went to the refrigerator three times and the bathroom twice before he eventually decided to lay up on the treacherous par five. He makes bogey anyway. Whatever happened to the PGA's 45 seconds per shot rule?

Seven of us, including our esteemed pool leader, Scott Winegar, won substantial third place loot with our pick of the "Ice Cream Man," Mr. "Vee-Jay-Gas." For those that care about fashion, Camillo wore all-white which is, in most cases, a definite fashion no-no. But he shot a nifty 31 on the last nine holes to miss the playoff by one shot. Drat! I had him in the pool. I'm finally able to creep out of the cellar, but could have done alot better. The marvelous team of T & A gets to ponder the view from the Cropper (last place).

In the, "So You Fancy Yourself a Player and You Think It's Easy to be a Pro Department:" Idaho's own, young Tyler Aldridge, who qualified for the Nationwide Tour through Q-School, has now played in eight tournaments and won a grand total of $1,845.00. That's barely meal money. It's a steep learning curve, no matter the endeavor, when one ventures outside their small neighborhood in search of fame. Click on the link below to read about another young Idaho golfer, Troy Merritt, who's gonna follow his dream:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/sports/story/384802.html

"The Big Show" meanders back to Fort Worth, Texas for the Crowne Plaza Invitational, formally known as, "The Colonial." It's played on an old-style course that is consistently rated as one of the best courses in the country. The par-70 track favors us old foggie's who are short and who can shape a shot. Corey "The Gutty Little Bruin" Pavin loves it and has always played well here. Corey is said to have never "envisioned" a straight shot to a pin...my kind of guy. If you are interested in reading about the history of Colonial click on:

http://www.colonialfw.com/Default.aspx?p=DynamicModule&pageid=255398&ssid=115072&vnf=1

Six of us think Scott Verplank's got the perfect game for Colonial and four voted for Jerry Kelly.

The Players

2008-05-12T08:00:00.015-06:00

Sergio Finds "The Love"

Date Written: May 12, 2008

SV Fantasy Pool players Jan Jones and Doug B. get off the deck and Mike Mundell leaps from fifteenth to third in the standings by their stellar pick of Sergio to win at The Players. It was the biggest payoff of the year....$1,710,000.

To paraphrase my plumber, my Cink went in the toilet! So...what else is new?

For the rest of the planet, it was terrific TV. Personally, I was rooting for the underdog; he of dippy, guided swing, Paul Goydos. Paul missed a couple of ten footers down the stretch and bogeyed the tough eighteenth to allow Sergio to join him in a playoff at five under. First up on the first extra hole at Sawgrass, the dreaded seventeenth; a gust of wind caused Goydos' ball to balloon in the drink. But we shouldn't feel too sorry for him...he wins over one million smackers for finishing second. Besides, he won the hearts of most sportsmen with his graciousness in defeat. After the round, he said that no one could deny Sergio's ball-striking advantage on the very tough course. The part of Sergio's game that did need some attention over the past couple of years, his putting, improved immensely during the final round. Judging from the picture above, he has certainly found, "The Love."

According to T.J. Auclair, a PGA interactive partner (whatever that is), Sergio holed a combined 126 feet, 10 inches worth of putts, about 30 feet more than anyone else in the field. Contrary to Johnny Miller's, "putt faster" advice, kudos must go to Stan Utley, the putting guru, for helping Sergio with his mechanics. I wish Stan would come to Sun Valley and give me a tip or twelve.

At least Johnny was right about Kenny Perry's, one-dimensional, right-to-left ball flight. Poor Kenny, leading the whole shebang going into round four, shot a nifty 81. So much for not being able to "shape" the ball on a course that demands more creativity.

Finally, in the segment I call, "So You Want to go to Dinner With Your Hero?" You better re-think extending an invitation to a formal dinner party to our very own, "Gomer Pyle," Boo Weekley. "Gomer" can flush a golf ball but if your mother or your girlfriend happens to be an English teacher and they are seated next to "Gomer" at dinner, look out! When asked if he watched the Players Championship on television when he was growing up, he said, "I didn't watch no golf. I didn't even know who done won. I reckon Phil won it last year... there you go." This begs a question...was our hero Boo, asleep down 'dare in Milton, FLA during Mrs. Barrett's English class? I figure he most prob'ly needed a little shut eye after staying up all night with his friends drinking bourbon shooters and shooting turkeys.

Wachovia Championship

2008-05-05T18:34:00.005-06:00

The Year of the Kid

Date Written: May 5, 2008
I'm writing most of this before the last round of The Wachovia because after watching "The Kid," Anthony Kim, play round three, there's no way he loses. He's got a swing plane to die for, a swing speed that approaches 130 M.P.H. which allows hime to hit it a mile and he putts the eyes off the ball. He's the perfect gamblers definition of "chalk," which in the slang dictionary is, "the expected outcome, especially in a sporting event. The term is derived from, "you can chalk that up right now, we don't even have to see it!" To add to the story, in the process of winning, "The Kid" breaks Tiger's tournament record on a very tough course by three shots.

For those who have been on another planet for the last two years and are in need of some background on "The Kid," I've gleaned the following from the PGA Tour website:

Anthony Kim turned professional in August, 2006 after three years at the University of Oklahoma. He received a sponsor exemption into the Valero Texas Open and finished T-2 in his PGA Tour debut, earning an exemption into the following week's Southern Farm Bureau Classic. In just two starts, Kim earned $338,067. He also competed in two Nationwide Tour events. As an amateur, he was a three-time All-American (2004-2006) and NCAA Freshman of the Year (2004) at Oklahoma. He was one of three finalists for 2006 Ben Hogan Award. He garnered two victories as a junior and was a four-time American Junior Golf Association All-American. He finished his last college season as the seventh-ranked golfer by Golfweek. Kim was a member of the victorious 2005 United States Walker Cup team along with J.B. Holmes, Nicholas Thompson and Jeff Overton, all rookies on the TOUR in 2006. He lists winning The Walker Cup as his biggest thrill in golf, thus far.

Here's the back story I remember. Young hotshot Kim figures he's bigger and better than the program at Oklahoma and squabbles with his coach. He decides to leave college after his junior year and turn pro...a typical big ego story that's usually associated with high school basketball players who think they can skip college and start in the NBA. In Kim's case, he was right. He's got a game that can match his ego. One can only hope that he will mature and cool his jets a bit, emotionally.

If you want to know more about "The Kid" and his relationship with his overbearing, "Little League" father, click on the link below for an in-depth bio written August 3, 2007, by GolfWorld writer, John Strege:

http://www.golfdigest.com/golfworld/2007/08/gw070803kidswagger

One of the TV commentators suggested on Saturday that a big talented rookie comes along about every ten years. Well...it's been about ten years since a kid named Tiger burst on the scene. We'll see if Kim is the second "Korean Komet" (K.J. Choi being the first). In any event, he's the eighth "under-30 year old" to win this year and it's only May.

Last tidbit (I promise) from the PGA website about, "The Kid:"

"The best way to describe how Kim has changed was not the long drives and six birdies Saturday, it was a short punch out on the third hole, when he decided not to try a low-percentage shot to reach the green. Six months ago I would tried to go for it, and there was double or triple bogey written all over that," Kim said. "I chipped out, saved par, and that kept my round going. Little things like that have added to some good play."

Onward to The Players (and the dreaded 17th hole) where a bunch of money's at stake. Five of youse think Adam Scott will win. Adam's on a roll. He followed up his win at the Lord Byron with a T-8 at Wachovia.

Nothing new...it's either Cink or swim for me.

EDS Byron Nelson

2008-04-28T17:32:00.014-06:00

The Pro From Mars

Date Written: April 28, 2008

Ryan Moore has the weirdest swing I've ever seen. It's beyond, "homemade." Maybe he's really from some other planet? Do they play golf on Mars? His "action" makes Jim Furyk's "loop-de-loop" takeaway look conventional by comparison. At least Furyk has his feet aimed at the target at address. Ryan's almost "perpendicular" left. His set-up makes me wonder if he has ever suffered from the dreaded disease called, "double cross." You know that shot. The one where you aim left to hit a fade and then cross over and actually hook it out-of-bounds? How Ryan finally "gets" to the ball from the top is a minor physical miracle and how he replicates this action is equally astounding. If I had to bet, I'd put my money on someone else every time. That said, he's finished twice, four times on tour and he more than held his own before bowing to Adam Scott in a four-hole playoff at the Lord Byron Open. Way-to-technical, Peter Kostis, with his slow-action, Konica-Bizhub-Bullshit swing analyzer, had the good sense not to criticize Ryan's unique action. He did a fairly good job of explaining the swing-angle adjustments that he has to make to get square to the ball at the bottom.

One last comment on Ryan Moore's fashion choices: join Jesper and Shingo and shitcan the dippy chapeau.

Me and Cropper didn't do too well in the Oasis Best Ball in Twin Falls this past weekend. If they had a category for oldest players in the field, we would have won. As it was, we finished in the middle of the pack of 40 teams in the championship division. I'll just keep fooling myself with the explanation that it's still early in the season and my game has yet to round into form.

A bunch of Cink's and Oberholser's this week in The Wachovia. I read somewhere that Oberholser's entire body needs repair and he only played The Masters because it's what it is...The Masters. He's going to quit playing for awhile, until he's healed. And sure enough, he's a No Show and five of us are out of luck this week. How am I ever going to get out of the basement?

Toughest courses on tour???? Click on the link if you think it's Augusta:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-bonk26apr26,1,333384.story

The Heritage

2008-04-22T06:49:00.013-06:00

Back-to-Back Boo, Boo

Date Written: April 21, 2008

Boo "The Chew" Weekley repeats at The Heritage. This is a tough thing to do, having only been done twice before by Mssrs. Payne Stewart and DL III. Mr. Boo, looks just like a compilation of the guys I used to play with in the fifty's at Rancho Park in L.A. (read Rick Reilly's masterpiece, "Missing Links" for a sense of the characters I grew up with.) Occasionally wearing army surplus pants, an oversized shirt that's definitely not on any color chart and what looks like old-style tennis shoes, Boo has set fashion back to the dark ages. Add a big wad of chew oozing sticking through his cheek and dribbling down his chin, a limited, good-ole-boy vocabulary and a strong left hand grip, and Boo will never be mistaken for the a player from the country club set. But unbeknownst to the golfing population at large, our loveable, homegrown Florida Panhandle hustler has figured out how to repeat his dippy, "shut" muni swing and beat-up on the Polo-wearing set. The truth is he has more of arrows in his quiver than most of his stuffy peers. He was mostly straight off the tee which killed half the competition. Then, he unveiled a low punch shot that he could deftly move left or right under the tall, moss-hanging trees that guarded greens as small as postage stamps. In truth, he was a tad bit lucky...chipping in twice from awkward spots on the last day to maintain his comfortable lead. But, as it turned out, he was never threatened...ahead all day long. Remember last year when he chipped in twice on the last two holes to squeek by Big Ernie? He ought to think about building another house on the course or at least buying a power boat to host a beer cruise every year in good Carolina coastal fashion.

Boating aside, Boo "The Chew" makes "Pat M." and "The Donald" almost millionaires for their heady pick of him to repeat. "The Donald" (last year's pool winner), jumps from 9th to 4th in the standings and Pat closes the gap on his associate, Scott Winegar. Artie, Monte Train and Bob Lutz hustled up the standings with a T-2 on the back of "The Aaron of Baddeley." They added nearly half mil to their totals. In my next life, I don't care how many winners I can pick, I just want to putt like Badds.

The Tour schleps back to Texas this coming week. Seven Donald's, five Sabbo's and three Campbell's are the consensus picks at the EDS-Byron Nelson at the TPC in Irving. T&A and Doc 'N Jill think the Yiddish pro, Scott Verplunked, will repeat.

Stating the obvious, yours truly, has been in a holding pattern for the entire season...DEAD LAST! "Steady as a Cropper" I've been for weeks now. Y'all remember the dreaded Cropper Bros? I used to make fun of them on a weekly basis when they were mired miles behind the pack. Oh well! My current standing is probably just cosmic pay-back for my years of witless sarcasm aimed at the them.

P.S. In the "Miracles Can Happen" category, I did learn one thing from Peter Kostis' "Konica Bizhub Swing Analysis" feature. But I'm not going to tell you in case we meet in the semi's of the club championship.

P.P.S. Anyone see Jeff Wong's name on the leader board this past week?

The Masters

2008-04-14T19:55:00.006-06:00

Trevor Forever

Date Written: April 14, 2008

It was refreshing to watch Trevor Immelman hold off the best player on the planet and win his first major yesterday. Reams have already been written about the outcome, so I won't bore you. God missed a few short putts and finished in second place, three back. It would have been five if Trevor didn't have a brain freeze on the par three sixteenth.

Gary Player, Immelman's idol, gave him some nice advice before the last round. He told the kid to be tough! Player even went public to liken Trevor's swing to Ben Hogan's. Player's been around so long he probably played in the 40's and 50's with Bantam Ben. Still, the compliment was not trivial. Even Tiger admitted "post game" that Trevor is a fine player and should win a few majors in years to come.

Mr. Tiger's not only chasing Nicklaus' record of eighteen winning majors, but nineteen major second-place finishes. And for those that care, nine third place major finishes. Now, those are staggering numbers. Tiger's gaining in all categories. He finished second yesterday for the second year in a row at Augusta. The question of the day is...how many times now has he finished second in a major? Answer below.

In our trusty pool, eight of you, including our esteemed leader, Scott Winegar, had Tiger for a double payoff of $1,620,000. Scotty extended his lead to roughly 1.7 mil over his business partner, Pat Moloney. These two dudes run an event management business, headquartered in Boise, which begs the question, what's in the water over there? Both Scott and Pat play a decent, single digit game but they appear to be "scratch" players when it comes to picking winners. They also run a very nifty, "Boys On Tour" annual golf tournament that travels the West each year. Scotty does throw us a bone this coming week...he has Adam Scott who's a No Show. Poor Adam got a slight cold and cancelled.

Back to reality this week at the Heritage...DL III's favorite digs. Longtime golfing buddy and semi-scratch, Jeff Wong, now hangs there with the cutest Kelly on the planet. The Wonger was last seen tending bar at Sea Pines and playing a lot of golf. Mother Fudder!

In answer to the question, Tiger has been second five times in majors, including three times in the last five and four in the last 12.

The Shell Open

2008-04-10T08:07:00.006-06:00

The "Hooters" Open

Date Written: April 7, 2008

Johnson (Two Last Names) Wagner held it together to win in Houston. He gets his first win on tour, a two year exemption and best of all, he gets to play at Augusta this coming week. What a week for the 29-year old.

Doug B's stellar (T-2) pick of Chad Campbell jumps him to over a mil in the fantasy pool standings. John M. closed the gap a bit at the top of the standings with a solid (T-11) Stricker finish. The nine of us in the pack who picked Appleby (T-26) are still waiting for him to mount a charge.

Other reports from various golf websites in italics. Author's comments in red:

• John Daly withdrew from the Houston Open on Friday after a double bogey on the par-3 16th hole, his seventh hole in the second round. Citing a back injury. Daly was playing on another sponsor exemption. He opened with a 78 and would've missed the cut. Daly was making his ninth start in an already dismal year. He backed out of the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic with a rib injury, missed four cuts and was kicked out of the Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by MasterCard after missing his pro-am tee time. That same day, he found out swing coach Butch Harmon had fired him.

And this from Dave Kaplan, AT&T Tournament Director said. "I think people want to see John, whether they are going to come to see him as a train wreck, or to see him as a golfer, that's in their minds, but I think John would add to our tournament."

I think train wreck. Is it weird that as part of the human race we have an interest in watching someone kill themselves? Ask any substance abuse veteran and they will tell you that Big John's in Big Trouble.

• Adam Scott, with a second-round 76, was 13-strokes higher than his 63 in his first round. That is the largest number for Scott since following up a 67 in Round Two of the 2006 PLAYERS Championship with an 82 in Round Three. According to the PGA, he got strep throat.

I'd get a cough too, shooting a 13-shot differential from day one to day two. Methinks he wanted to scoot over to Augusta and get in some practice licks.

• When play was called on the second day, the par-4 18th hole was ranked as the most difficult in Round Two, more so for none other than Alejandro Canizares. When he got to the 18th tee, he was 3 under for the tournament. When he left the 18th, he was 9 over for the tournament. Four consecutive balls in the water off the tee lead to a 12.

Another "mahvelous" train wreck. When I read this the first time I wondered how one could go from 3 under to 9 over on one hole. That's actually more than a twelve on the hole but rather a 12-shot swing on one hole. The author of the blurb didn't do the math. In reality, he shot 3 under (69) the first day and was 13 over (85) on day two, including his stellar 12 on eighteen, which he was playing as his ninth hole. He blew 4 shots in the water. Whatever the large number, we can all relate to a giant blow-up hole.

Buenos Suerte!

Zurich Classic

2008-03-31T08:51:00.012-06:00

Voodoo Time

Date Written: March 31, 2008

Artie, Lutzie, Mikey P. and Pat M. were about to make a ton of money on Woody Austin at the Zurich Classic. This caused for some creative thinking at this end because there was too much money at stake for us also-rans in the pool. I sprang into action.

I put the TV on pause and went to find Maudie, my trusted "Nawlins" voodoo doll. I found her buried deep in a hallway closet, resting upside down in her miniature pine coffin. I pryed open the coffin and found the long straight pins that allow her to do her long-distance magic. I returned to my easy chair and re-started the telecast. I waved "Maudie" three times in front of Woody Austin who was on the eighteenth tee and stuck four pins in crucial locations in her body that have long been known by voodoo experts to cause erratic behavior. May God forgive me but I had to do this.

"Woodhead," probably had no idea of the power of voodoo. He promptly though proceeded to totally butcher the tough par five. He hit one shot out of the rough a grand total of about twenty yards and then dunked his next shot in the water. It ultimately cost him and the four of you who picked him, a ton of money. I felt bad but I felt good. If "Woodhead" makes par on eighteen, y'all win about half a mil. If he makes birdie, you tie for the lead and go into a playoff with Andres Romero to potentially win over a mil. As it turns out, you end up sharing fourth place which is worth about a quarter mil. Now that ain't bad but ain't great. If you happen to run into "Woodhead" (aka Aquaman), don't tell him what I did. He thinks he just "choked his guts out." He has no idea of the power of Maudie. Worst of all for Pat M., he cost him the lead in our pool. Man! It's hard work keeping the leaders in sight.

In a more earthly comment after the telecast, David Cropper, former pool player and 2-handicapper, wondered why Woodhead just didn't hit a three wood off the tee, hit his second shot to wedge distance and maybe make a short putt to send the game into extra innings. We'll never know....but Maudie do.

I count nine Appleby aficionados, three Scott's and three Bubba's as the favorite picks among the faithful this coming week at the Shell in Houston. The Master's, double money and great theatre in less than two weeks.

WGC/CA

2008-03-26T08:22:00.010-06:00

Le Roi est Mort

Date Written: March 25, 2008

"The King is dead, long live the King." [1] Or better yet, the streak is dead but long live the feat. It was a good run and fun to speculate on how long it would last. There was some serious talk that he could break Lord Byron's record of eleven straight. It ended being Tiger's first defeat in eight events worldwide since Sept. 3rd. That's LAST YEAR folks! His majesty just missed by in back of the ultimate winner, GOgilvy. A putt here, a putt there...blah, blah. The final leaderboard at the "Blue Weenie" looked like a major. Singh, Furyk, Goosen, Woods...the best players in the world fighting it out down the stretch.

Congrats to the astute twosome of Scott Winegar who jumps into first place and Bob Bruce into fourth place in our funky pool for their pick of GOgilvy. "Mahvelous" John Manocheo relinquishes the top spot, which he held for about ten weeks. GOgilvy, played ridiculously steady...he had only one bogie over 72 holes.

Many tour players consider the Florida part of the Tour the most difficult stretch they will face during the year. By my calculations, playing par golf in FLA during the last four weeks would have made the following dough:

Honda....... $88,000
Pods.......... $127,200
Palmer...... $31,513
WGC/CA.. $42,500
TOTAL......$289,213

Yippee Ki Yo! Arnold Palmer has agreed to host next year's Bob Hope Chrysler Classic. Good riddance to "The Mugger," George Lopez.

If you want a laugh, click on the link below forwarded by local Valley Club legends, Shawn Aicher and Dick Shelton:

http://www.golf.com/golf/video/article/0,28224,1720077,00.html?xid=forecast031008_story4

On to "Nawlins" this week. Not many of the top players in attendance. They're thinkin'..... MASTERS! Five Glover-Lovers and three Tom-Toms.

[1] "The King is dead. Long live the King!"[1] is a traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch in various European and North American countries, particularly in the United Kingdom and Canada. The original phrase was translated from the French Le Roi est mort. Vive le Roi!, which was first declared upon the coronation of Charles VII following the death of his father Charles VI in 1422. In France, the declaration was traditionally made by the Duc d'Uzès, a senior Peer of France, as soon as the coffin containing the remains of the previous king descended into the vault of Saint Denis Basilica. The phrase arose from the law of le mort saisit le vif—that the transfer of sovereignty occurs instantaneously upon the moment of death of the previous monarch.

Arnold Palmer

2008-03-17T12:56:00.006-06:00

Ho Hum

Date Written: March 17, 2008

Tiger wins again...YAWN!

As the Jews would say, "So what else is new?"

When he was a mere seven shots behind the Veej after two rounds, was he out of it? NOPE! When he 3-putted from seven feet at ten on Sunday to drop into a tie for the lead, should we have worried? NO AGAIN! He merely had to have a brief talk with himself. He proceeded to calmly grind out par after par before draining a long putt on the eighteenth to win his fifth Palmer title. Not like he hasn't done this before. HO HUM!

I do have one minor complaint to express to Tiger when he calls me later today. I'm gonna tell him to shit-can the fist-pumping/cap-slamming act. It's not very classy.

Corn Beef Taco jumps a spot and Jan and Matt get off the deck with their astute pick of Veej. As I'm writing this weekly drivel, I'm wondering if anyone has ever done the Tiger vs. V.J., head-to-head math. Tiger seems to beat him like a drum when they are both in the mix on Sundays. Luke and Sergio disappointed a bunch of youse. Lukey, by missing the cut by one stroke. Sergio is still on his quest for a repeatable putting stroke. I can relate.

Onward to another WGC (The venue is Doral's Blue Monster course) which, of course, Tiger will win....DUH! Then it'll be on to conquer The Masters and the other majors later this Summer. It's looking more likely that he'll bat 1.000 this year. YAWN!

Walter Littenberg

The Pods Championship

2008-03-10T09:47:00.016-06:00

A Severe Headache

Date Written: March 10, 2008

To say that golf's a "head game" is an obvious understatement. The mental part of the game is about as painful as running the last six miles of a marathon. When I step on the first tee, I can almost be guaranteed that I'll metaphorically puke over two bad decisions that I'll make during the round. Golf to me is, at the very least, a love/hate relationship. Sometimes it feels like working for a stupid boss. And then, of course, I realize that the stupid boss is ME! Now I got to figure out how to fire ME! On the other hand, it's comforting to know that I have good company. The pro's were puking all over themselves at The Pods this past weekend. Wily vet, Jeff Maggert, goes 8-under in his first 27 holes and then 10-over in his next 27 holes. Rookie of the Year, Brandt Snedeker has a four shot lead early in round three, 3-whacks from twelve feet and "unwinds." Calc breaks 3 hearts (Art, Lutzie & Corned Beef Taco) by finishing 3 over on his last 6 holes. And most suck-CINK-ly, Stewart does a nifty swan dive down the toilet on the last nine holes to hand the whole she-bang to steady, green-hitting Sean O'Hair. Sink has failed to win eight of the nine times he has been leading going into a final round. It's apparent that in order to succeed as a player at this level, one can NEVER get too high or too discouraged because the ultimate pain of the game can happen at any time. I'm reminded of the "Migraine Headache Art" feature in the New York Times about a week ago. If you have the time, click on the link below and try and visually relate to your own story of how you felt when last you hit some stupid, ill-thought-out, ego-driven shot.

http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/03/migraine-art-slideshow/?

The tough Copperhead Course at the Innisbrook Resort in Tampa didn't make it any easier. As a matter of fact, all the courses in the Florida rotation are tough. 4-under gets the job done yesterday and 6-under was good enough at The Honda last week. Last year, 8-under won for Veej at Bay Hill (Arnold's gig) which is coming up this week and Doral's renovated Blue Monster course is no piece of cake in two weeks. I'll add it up after Doral, but my guess is that if you go "even par" in FLA you make a pile of dough. And that's not counting the dreaded TPC at Sawgrass which will be played in May.

Bob Bruce gets off the deck and Scott Winegar leaps a spot near the lead with their fortunate pick of John Senden at The Pods. Senden was one of six players who tied for 2nd, two shots from tying for the win. Nice going boys. Sometimes (especially in my case), it's fun to root against the field. Five Garcia's and five Donald's this week at Arnie's. Garcia's putting like a dog and Luke's already won over a million smackers this season. Only one NS...Stenson...sorry Dougie.

The Honda Classic

2008-03-03T17:18:00.012-07:00

The Bear Trap

Date Written: March 3, 2008

The Bear Trap comprises holes fifteen thru seventeen at The PGA National in Palm Beach Gardens and is more than just a reference to its re-designer, Jack Nicklaus and some well- placed bunkers. There's some serious-ass water in play that would bring any mortal hacker to his knees. If you think the seventeenth at TPC Sawgrass (The Players Championship) is deadly, the Bear Trap's finishing holes are worse. As a matter of fact there's water on sixteen of the eighteen holes. Might as well throw a snorkle or an aqua lung in your bag in exchange for one of your wedges if you plan to play there.

The last man standing above water Sunday was Big Ernie who garnered his first victory in nearly four years on tour. He survived "The Trap" by going only one over. Ernie burned a number of edges on the back nine with his flat stick, and he avoided the water, otherwise it would have been a runaway. Maybe now he can play back to his form of being number three in the world.

In our funky pool, Denny from Iowa gets off the deck with a nice second place pick of Luke Donald. Master Art, Jim Brady and Scott Winegar helped themselves with a T-4 from Robert Allenby and Monte Train scored with Calc. Seven of us, thinking that Camo-wearing, Boo Boo Weakly would play back to last year, were dead wrong. Boo Boo fires a nifty 8-0 on the last round. "Boo has the flu," should have been his headline. Another young Nationwide grad, Matt Jones, made his sixth straight cut of the year. You gotta give the kid credit for chutzpah. He was one down going into the dreaded par three 17th and took a line straight at a sucker pin that ballooned into the water. An easy double bogie ensued. Johnny Miller (who sees things I can't see) thinks his swing is to drool over. Matt hisself thinks he can compete at this level. We'll see.

Onward to Florida's other coast for the PODS Championship. I remember hearing somewhere that the PODS folks were ending their sponsorship next year. Maybe Public Storage or Waste Management can sign on. Nine "no shows" this week. Six of us picked KJ who is not in the field. I'm calling his agent, his wife, his caddy and his banker! Three think Calc will repeat.

FBR

2008-02-04T19:31:00.001-07:00

King Kong Course Management

Date Written: February 4, 2008

In the beginning there was George Bayer. For those who are not old enough to remember Big George, he was this huge guy who played on tour in the fifties and hit the ball a mile. Legend has it that he didn't start playing golf until he was twenty nine. He won 3 times on tour, playing wound balls and "real" woods, pounding it around 300 yards. He reminds me of the old gorilla joke where the beast steps up on the first tee and hits a drive 525 yards onto the green. And then, of course, when handed his putter, he hits it another 500 yards. Fast forward to the 90's. Big John Daly comes out of Nowhere, Arkansas with a bad mullet and a dramatic over swing. The masses were drooling over his extraordinary length. Nowadays... Bubba Watson, "Spiderman" Villegas, and J.B. Holmes the winner of yesterday's FBR, represent the current generation of "King Kong's" who never met a dogleg they couldn't fly. They have never suffered like most of us mortals from having to devise an actual course management plan. Golf course architects hate them. There thinking goes something like, "where's the flag, hand me my driver." Tiger might even be included in this group because his "fairways hit" stat is very low, yet his scoring ability is unparalleled. But that's another story which touches on the "square groove" controversy that has yet to be resolved by the USGA.

From Wikipedia, the expert on everything:

John B. Holmes, along with fellow 2006 rookies such as Camilo Villegas and Bubba Watson, is known for hitting the ball long distances, in excess of 300 yards (312.7 yards, ranking him number 2 in driving distance, only 6 yards behind the leader, Watson). As such, he plays courses by routinely hitting his driver as far as he can, reminiscent of John Daly's "Grip it and Rip It" philosophy, and using his distance advantage to put him closer to the green and in position for a wedge or short iron to the green. While the style of play is not new, many critics have complained that J.B. Holmes's style has ushered in a new wave of golfers dedicated to smashing the ball as far as they can, assisted by the newer golf equipment offered by golf club companies and hacking the ball out of the rough onto the green, effectively eliminating the equalizing effect that the sport of golf usually affords shorter, accurate hitters.

An interesting aside: Holmes began to play on the Taylor County High School (Campbellsville, KY) varsity golf team when he was in third grade. Holmes is not that big now; 5'11', 190 lbs. When asked how he hits it so long, he said he doesn't have a clue.

The FBR was pretty good theatre what with Holmes blowing a big lead early then making birdies on the 18th twice to redeem himself. But the best TV on Sunday was earlier from Dubai on the Golf Channel where, His Eminence, "Pope Woods," added another chapter to his legendary bio by firing 6 birdies on the last nine holes to nip Big Ernie at the wire. "The Pope" is two for two in tournaments entered and tournaments won thus far this year. To keep his mini-streak alive, the question now becomes, where does he show up next? At Riviera for the L.A. (Northern Trust) Open, where he's never won or the Match Play at La Costa?

Congrats to "Monte Train," who jumps from eighth to second in our pool with his Mickelson pick. This week at the AT&T there six Love's and four Singh's.

Doug B. has volunteered to do next week's editorial from his perch at Pebble. He will be assisted, stat-wise, by Lord Arthur of Kerrick, who calls Poppy Hills his castle. Hopefully, I will be in L.A. watching my daughter, Frances gift me with a grandson...my first.

Finally, It's always fun to have one's behavioral instincts confirmed. John Hawkins, Senior Writer of GolfWorld Magazine, devoted the last page of the current issue of Golfworld Magazine to John "The Big Dope" Daly. I've excerpted the following:

For all the "truthoholics" across America who are fond of wrapping their arms around John Daly, he now has no exempt status, no equipment contract and no clue. He hasn't had a top-10 finish in almost two and one-half years. He's withdrawn 7 times in his last 21 starts. He has become an accidental marketing genius; the only multiple major champion with a grease monkey's sensibilities to match his countless fragilities.

WalterGolf

Buick Invitational

2008-01-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Pining Away

Date Written: January 28, 2008

A pine is a coniferous tree in the genus Pinus, in the family Pinaceae. They make up the monotypic subfamily Pinoideae. There are about 115 species of pine. For all you arborists out there, click on the link below if you want to know more about the, "Torrey Pine."

http://www.torreypine.org/parks/torrey-pine.html

What does all this pine tree shit have to do with golf? Well...all the superlatives in the English language have been exhausted in praise of Tiger's golf game, so I thought that rather than lob my verbal golf balls over your head this week, I would practice my metaphors on you. So...let's talk trees. They're big, they're different, they're solid, they provide shade and sometimes fruit, they live a long time, they're beautiful, they provide us with a building material called WOOD...get it? There's even a specie of maple called, "Tiger" which is prized for its exotic appearance. Tiger Maple is used frequently in the manufacturing of musical instruments, such as violins, and fine furniture. How am I doing? At the very least, I'll bet you'll never forget why they put that name on the golf course.

O.K., O.K., I know when to quit. Back to golf. For all those who have been out of the country for the last two years, Tiger's now won 16 times in his last 32 starts. To make matters worse for his competition, during a taped interview he suggested that winning the four majors this year is "doable." DOABLE? And he said, "I'm getting better." GETTING BETTER! Jesus! Mr. Faldo chimed in and suggested that even "His Majesty's" game suits all the major venues this year, (Augusta, Royal Birkdale and Oakland Hills.) So...it's not too bold to think he might win them all. That leaves only the U.S. Open which will be played at...duh...Torrey Pines!

The bad news for us fantasy pool players is that the house dago, John Manocheo, has picked two winners in the first four tournaments. WOW!

The good news is that John has blown his "Tiger-bullet." There's a bunch of us who picked Tiger to win the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines come Father's Day, who will hopefully reap a double payoff. Don't get discouraged if you are trailing in the pool thus far. Remember Woody/Doyle started out real fast last year, only to end up in the middle of the pack at the end. The message is that four tournaments do not a season make. There's lots of golf to play, so no need to get too "down"...just yet. At least that's my rationale for starting out like a dog.

None of us picked any of the MDF's at Torrey which limited the field a bit. Some players (JD of course, who doesn't open his mail and is too hung-over on meeting days to pay attention) were heard grumbling about the new rule. Tiger suggested that his colleagues should play BETTER instead of complaining about the cutline. DOUBLE OUCH!

Tiger's skipping the frat party in Arizona known as the FBR and going half-way around the world to play in Dubai this coming week. He's doing this so that someone...anyone...can win a tournament and fill out the field in next year's Mercedes. Rumor has it that his appearance fee is more than the prize money.

A rarity in golf pool annals, there are NO, No-Shows this week. Hopefully, instead of talking about trees next week, I might be able to ruminate about a golf tournament where the conclusion is not foregone because Tiger's in the field. Tiger's no schedule dummy either. He'll obviously skip the AT&T Pro-Am at Pebble the following week. Why would he want to play with mortals? For that matter, there aren't any Gods who can keep up either. I'm going to dash off an email to the PGA Tour after I finish this rant and suggest that there ought to be a handicap tournament on the pro schedule where Tiger gives strokes to his peers. Would two shots a round be fair?

Finally, Idaho's own, young Tyler Aldridge, made the cut on the number and made money in the first Nationwide event of the year which was held in Panama. It's fun to root for any hometown kid.

The Hope

2008-01-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

The Theory of Repitivity

Date Written: January 22, 2008

First the news: Long-hitting D.J. Trahan, four down with 10 holes to play, fires a nifty 3-under on the last nine holes and cleans Justin (Mr. Robot) Leonard's clock at "The Lopez."

Now the story: Justin's swing has always reminded me of Iron Byron. Before I go any further, I ought to tell y'all who are not golf equipment junkies, exactly who this character, "Iron Byron" is:

Iron Byron is actually a robot named after the great Byron Nelson, whose swing was so consistent and perfect that legend has it that only a mechanical man could replicate it. Iron Byron can be adjusted to repeat the same swing ten thousand times which is useful for comparing the relative properties of clubs and balls. If such-and-such a new model of golf ball is submitted by a manufacturer for approval by the USGA, it gets smacked a few hundred times by the machine and the average distance the ball travels forms the basis of whether it conforms to acceptable limits of carry and roll for a given swing velocity. The story goes that until the USGA moved their testing indoors, Iron Byron's swing was so consistent that they had to replace the center line of the test fairway every two years because of the turf damage caused by golf balls landing in the same spot over and over again.

So back to Justin. The "Theory of Repitivity," a term I just made up as it applies to the golf swing, goes something like this: "It don't matter what your swing path might look like, just get the club head square at the bottom and repeat it, machine-like, every time." (The actual mathematical formula for the Theory of Repitivity is YNS=2/7, but don't ask me to explain further.) Most savvy, teaching-types will tell you that the gazillion variant swings they see on the driving range which can qualify as ugly, un-athletic, un-gainly, reverse weight-shifting, mechanical, wavy, whatever; can still work, scoring-wise, if they are able to be repeated. To my eye, there's nothing smooth or graceful about Justin's swing. He looks like a linebacker who has never touched a football and has been recruited to play quarterback. Even his shoulder-driven putting stroke appears to be stiff and mechanical. It's almost as if he had his wrists and shoulders surgically fused. Justin's "robotic" action makes me wonder how he fu#ks, but that's a story for another day. I read somewhere long ago that he lines up his shirts in his closet...all headed North. Don't all our swings match our personality? Not to beat a dead robot, but have you noticed how Justin even folds his glove in his back pocket? O.K., O.K.

Like all machines, the human robot broke down yesterday. Maybe I should go back to the lab and factor emotion into my equation.

It would only be fair here to admit that my own life and my own closet looks more like Allen Doyle's backswing than Justin's closet. But my guess is that no matter their disparate swings, Allen's and Justin's mindset is the same: find the fairway off the tee, aim for the middle of the green with your second shot, sink a few putts. Duh! I understand the thinking, I just don't like the watching. It seems to lack a sense spontaneity and athletic grace. Neither would be mistaken for the smooth swing action of a Steve Elkington or Tom Purtzer. But one certainly can't argue with economic success. Justin and Allen have been consistent winners over the years and have a much better relationship with their CPA and banker than I do.

A couple of other story lines to come out of "The Lopez:" Boom Boom makes a cut, albeit finishing at the end of the pack and Dustin (Another) Johnson, the youngest kid to survive Q-School, finishes T-12. Best finish for this weeks fantasy pool pickers belongs to T & A who picked "Blondie" (Charlie Hoffman) who finished T-8. Charlie loves the low desert, having won here in '07 and majored in golf and blackjack in the high desert at UNLV.

For those ten of you who figured Justin Rose would show-up at The Lopez, I offer this quote gleaned from some busy reporter:

Tim Petrovic and his amateur partners reached the turn, went into the clubhouse, read the newspaper and sat on the porch and waited for four groups to tee off on the tenth hole. Their round took SIX HOURS! Petrovic said some of the tour players don't enter the tournament because they don't like the pro-am format.

No one I know likes slow play, especially our hometown pro and fellow pool player, Doyle Corbett. If Doyle had his wish, golf would be played in under 3 hours. Playing six hour rounds...with actors no less, has got to rival water boarding as torture. To paraphrase an old line about actors from "The Producers," you wouldn't want to eat with 'em...why would you play a six-hour round with 'em.

Six Howell's, Five Bubba's, four Calc's and one Tiger (John Manocheo) are the "chosen few" in San Diego this coming week. What's Manocheo thinking? The U.S. Open, in mid-June pays double and it's played on the same course, Torrey Pines. Maybe John's thinkin' a win's a win? Maybe he wasn't 'thinkin?

Only one no show this week...Oberholser. I read this morning that Lefty was having some breathing problems and was told by his doctor to go home and rest. He might not show up, which would break two other hearts.

Does Anyone Care Department: John Daly withdrew from another tournament...he bailed after the third round.

And finally, "The Barclay's" may or may not be played this year (August 21-24) at Westchester C.C. Click on the link below to read the PGA's vague explanation of the problems. I read where Tiger doesn't like Westchester's Poa Anna greens, so if the venue is changed, he might actually show. Remember Tiger and Lefty each chose to skip one event of last years, final-four Fed-Ex's?

http://www.thegolfchannel.com/core.aspx?page=15101&dv=7351724&select=24768

The Sony

2008-01-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

"Fok Choi"

Date Written: January 14, 2008

According to Wikipedia, "Bok Choy" is a Chinese leaf vegetable commonly used in Chinese cuisine. The vegetable is related to the Western cabbage and of the same species as the common turnip. "Fok Choi" is an expression of frustration used by seventeen of us "others" who didn't have the sense to pick KJ in the Sony and who now trail the pool money leaders by a bunch of serious American cabbage.

The eight of you who had Choi as their pick, set a SV Golf Pool record for most winners in one week. Not only does Choi lead from start to finish, which is a rare thing to do on tour, he has now won at least one tournament every year for the last 5 years. My only consolation is that he gives some hope to all of us of shorter stature.

Steady as a rock was "Bok." He kept it mostly in the tight fairways of Waialae Country Club and putted "lights-out" with his giant, $50.00 Super-Stroke grip.
http://www.superstrokegrip.com/. When he wasn't seen draining two 12-footers early to save par, his putting pace on the small greens was amazing. He had me rooting for the nimrod, Sabbatini. Just in case you are not familiar with the word "nimrod" it is a pejorative term meaning idiot, doofus, fathead, lamebrain, or numbskull.

Mighty Mouse (Tadd Fujikawa) missed the cut. It appears he's peaked too soon in his professional career and is now over-the-hill at seventeen. Remember last year as an amateur he was the youngest player in 50 years to make a cut? To quote Ron Sirak, executive editor of Golf World magazine: "Fujikawa opted for instant gratification in the form of endorsement deals and overseas appearance fees, when he turned pro." Click on:
http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/columns/story?columnist=sirak_ron&id=3194985
for Sirak's complete story. Mighty Mouse has yet to make a check in nine starts on The Tour. Back to Moanalua High School kid! His 15 seconds of golfing fame appear to be history.

Rather than try to explain the new PGA 36 hole cut line rules (money-earned without finishing 72 holes), click on the link below to get the official PGA's explanation: http://www.pgatour.com/2008/tournaments/r006/01/11/cut_rule/index.html
If, under the aforementioned rules, your pick is a designated "MDF" (which means "made cut, did not finish") we will assign that dollar amount to your account. This week, four of youse picked 3-Sticks (Howell, III) in the Sony and he fell into this category...he wins money but doesn't play on the weekend. For the week, I have highlighted his name in puce.

A bunch of no shows for the Bob Hope! Justin Rose decided not to show up, breaking ten, pool-playing hearts.

-WalterGolf

Mercedes-Benz

2008-01-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Form Fails

Date Written: January 7, 2008

"Form" is a slang word most commonly used in the horse racing world. Roughly translated, it means which horse is "most likely" to win against all the other horses in the field on any particular day, given past performance history. There's even a publication aptly called, "The Racing Form" which is published each day which provides all that information on every horse in every race at just about every track throughout the country.

One would think that past performance would make sense when picking a particular golfer to win on a particular golf course...like in the Mercedes tournament just concluded. Based on the form premise of, "horses for courses," The Veej or Furyk (who has a house on the premises) should be a lock to win at Kapalua because they not only have played the course a gazillion times, but they have great "track records" there. They were clearly the form players in the field.

Well...so much for racing form and golf form. Daniel Chopra, part Indian, part Swede, part transvestite; who's only played the course on a video game, WINS! Basically, he does it by putting his ass off on huge, very difficult, sloping, grainy greens. He's only the third player in 20 years (and the second at Kapalua after Sergio Garcia in 2002) to win the Mercedes-Benz Championship in his debut. The bad news for eight of us form players who picked the "Veej" and the two who picked "Back-off" (Furyk) is that we have now blown them as picks for the rest of the year. Well...like Mikey P. says, "That's golf!"

Obviously, no one in our pool had Chopra. But "Boise's Best," Pat Moloney had the good insight/blind-ass luck to pick Steve Stricker, who finishes second by an eyelash to the fruitcake, Chopra, for a nice piece of change.

Onward to the second Hawaiian tour stop this week...The Sony in Honolulu. One more week of oogling perfect tropical weather, swaying palm trees, god-awful Hawaiian shirts and listening to ukelele music. Remember "Mighty Mouse" (Tadd Fujikawa) from last year? He was the sixteen year old local kid who finished inside the top 20. He turned pro after his remarkable showing and hasn't made a dime since. It'll be fun to see if he can repeat his form on one of his home tracks...now that he's matured to the ripe old age of seventeen. Eight of youse like Choi to win, four for Howell, III in the pool.

The Tour Championship

2007-09-17T09:48:00.001-06:00

Tiger as God

Date Written: September 17, 2007

Now that the FedEx points business is over, we can all genuflect on Tiger's true ascension to "Golf-Godliness."

My head aches are finally starting to diminish from trying to understand FedEx points and money not actually earned. Methinks I really didn't need to re-learn the actuarial concept of the "future worth of present dollars." Because, in the end, the whole FedEx business didn't matter. Tiger (Duh!) wins. When asked during a press conference after the tournament if he thought he was in his prime,

Tiger said:

"When all is said and done, when you rack the cue and go home and retire, you can honestly say these were my best years, when I was at my peak. But when you're in it, you're always trying to improve that a little bit to get to the next level."

Tiger added that his daddy taught him that winning solves everything.

No Shit! By any standard, when Tiger enters a tournament the "field" is playing for second place. If he's not god, he's golf's first billionaire. For now, Tiger's going to take the next three months off. His offspring, "Baby Moses" (er Sam Woods) is now officially a major trust-funder, thanks to the FedEx annuity and the $100 million dollar Gatorade contract her daddy's about to sign. Watch for Tiger on your TV screens soon, sweating orange Gatorade.

Contrary to popular belief, The PGA Tour does not end with The Tour Championship. The PGA Tour has invented another segment called, "The Fall Series," whereby the "have-nots" can make some cash to keep playing next year without Tiger in the field. He's only scheduled to appear in two events for the rest of the year, next week's President's Cup and his own Target Championship in December.

Just like Tiger, I need some rest too. The leaves are doing their colorful death dance in the Northwest and it's time to start layering on the long underwear and trying to find my Winter golf gloves. Lucky you.....for a couple of months you all won't have to read my "weekly golf drivel." I'll email/fax you the PGA Tour schedule for 2008 sometime in December. Pass the word along if you know anyone who would like to join us for next year.

Congratulations to our three winners. Well done! Your checks are in the mail!

WalterGolf

BMW Championship

2007-09-10T09:04:00.000-06:00

D-Cup Size

Date Written: September 10, 2007

Excerpted from Dave Schedloski of PGATour.Com:

"Superlatives in all the world's languages long ago were exhausted on behalf of Tiger Woods, so attempts to apply worthy adjectives to his golfing exploits seem as futile as trying to beat him."

Suffice it to say, when Tiger's in his groove and hitting it straight at the pin all day and then has his Rembrandt-like putting schwerv working, he makes the game look simple and easy. Kinda like an Oscar Robertson or Jerry West jump shot. Yesterday was one of those days. He must have thought he was putting at a hole that had a 10-foot diameter. He had 11 one-putts. When I putt, no matter the distance, the hole looks about as wide as a thimble.

It's almost mathematically impossible for anyone to overtake our fantasy pool leaders at the top three positions going into the last "real" tournament of the year. Our top three, "nose-pickers" are so far ahead that their positions won't be threatened even though they all have N0-SHOWS this coming weekend at The Tour Championship. Master Art, who's in fourth place with Sergio as a pick this week, has the slimmest chance to take over third if the Spaniard wins. The rest of us also-rans can only hope to throw better darts next year.

So, as they say in the debt collection business, "the checks almost in the mail." Based on nineteen pool players at $100 entry fee each, $1,100 goes to "The Donald" for his stellar win, $500 to Jim Brady for second place and maybe $300 to Scott Winegar for third.

WalterGolf

Deutsche Bank

2007-09-04T10:10:00.000-06:00

Target Putting

Date Written: September 4, 2007

23-putts will do it every time. Lefty plays head-to-head with Tiger and whups 'em with the flat stick. If Tiger or Brett Wetterich could have have putt like Lefty, it might have been a different outcome. But HEY!...putting is 50% of the game. With that thought in mind, I've decided to change my company name from Target Promotions to Target Putting. My first book is on the "SECRET" of putting. The text and graphics were conceived during endless group therapy sessions with my fellow inmates at The Putting Sanitarium, located in Yip, AZ. I had to check myself in last year and admit, like any other addict, that my name was Walter and I had a problem. I'll save you the expense and the hours of therapy that led me to publish this tome. The entire book can be boiled down to seven words:

DON'T LET YOUR LEFT WRIST BREAK DOWN!

But now, back in the real world. Our esteemed pool leader, "The Donald," once again throws a dart and picks Wetterich (T-2) and wins a pile of cash to increase his money lead to almost 1 mil. What is it with this guy? Two events to go and it's a dogfight between Jim Brady and Scott Winegar for place and show dough. Brady, along with 3 other also-rans, had the cosmic good sense to pick Robert Allenby who finished 8th alone for a solid payday.

The FedEx, SchmedEx soap opera plot got thicker with the following that I excerpted from the PGA Tour website:

"Mickelson, Steve Stricker and Woods are now 1-2-3 in the first FedEx Cup playoffs, but Mickelson said he might not play in the BMW Championship in Lemont, Ill., because of an undisclosed tiff with PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem. Mickelson didn't say when he would decide if he's playing the third of four playoff events."

So....now that Phil's leading the FedEx chase for the $10,000,000 annuity (with compound interest that will probably be $40,000,000 by his retirement age,) we'll see if a little spat with The Commish is just that...little. Tiger skips The Barclays, Lefty's thinking he'll skip the BMW? I don't think the heavyweight players in the game like being told when and where to show up. Personally, I still can't imagine giving anyone but Tiger, who had the most incredible year, any giant prize. Though I don't care much anyway. I won all ways on a $3.00 Nassau yesterday from John Manocheo, and I'm feeling pretty flush.

Also from Golfweek Magazine, I have attached for your perusal: http://www.golfweek.com/business/tours-associations/story/fedexmainbiz_news_082107 , an article by Adam Schupak entitled, "Deferred Delivery." It's all about the financial workings and development of the FedEx scheme and the PGA Tours retirement plan that was implemented by former commissioner, Deane Beman. Needless to say, we don’t have to worry about the finances of our favorite players. They (or their heirs) are all going to be filthy rich!

Lastly, also from Golfweek Magazine, the report that Richard J. Ferris has resigned his position as chairman of the PGA Tour Policy Board, effective Dec. 31. His resignation ends a 20-year tenure with the Policy Board, including the past 14 as chairman. His successor has yet to be named. I wonder if it's a coincidence what with the FedEx baloney?

WalterGolf

The Barclays

2007-08-27T16:37:00.000-06:00

Birdies Abound

Date Written: August 27, 2007
The following is paraphrased from the PGA Website because I've been distracted by the forest fire which is causing havoc in my hometown of Ketchum, Idaho and interrupting my golf game:

"Steve Stricker birdied four of his last five holes to close with a 2-under 69, turning a one-shot deficit into a two-shot victory over The Tank (K.J. Choi) with Tiger Woods sitting out this first FedEx, SchmedEx event. Choi was going after his third victory of the year, and everything was falling his way. He took a share of the lead with a 45-foot birdie putt on No. 12, dropping his putter in surprise, then took the lead again with a 50-foot birdie putt on the 15th. Stricker hung his head, but not for long. He answered with a 12-foot birdie on the par-3 16th to regain a share of the lead, then hit wedge that stopped 4 feet from the cup for birdie on the 17th that gave him a one-shot margin. Choi hit his approach left of the par-5 18th green and could chip no closer than 15 feet, from which he made par. End of story as Stricker makes another birdie from 8 feet for his eventual 2-shot cushion."

Other golf news of note: A first-ever, 7-man playoff on the Senior Tour with Denis Watson prevailing. On the Junior Tour, Parker McLachlin blows a 7-shot lead going into the last day to allow Jimmy Walker to win.

Otherwise, in our funky pool, Sweet Kelli Miller and Kevin LeDuc garnered top honors this week with their T-9 finish with the tour's favorite cross-dresser, Ian Poulter. Otherwise, seven Missed Cuts and our top three leaders stay in place with only three tournaments to go. A rarity this coming week...all players are in attendance. Four of youse have Allenby.

WalterGolf

Wyndham Championship

2007-08-22T07:11:00.000-06:00

FedEx, SchmedEx

Date Written: August 22, 2007

Brandt Snedecker captures The Wyndham Championship (aka The Greater Greensboro) in North Carolina with a stellar 63 in the last round over a bunch of second-tier player's angling for cash (which is good) and FedEx points (which are suspect).

The emphasis during the entire Wyndham telecast was the hype setting up the four FedEx tourneys, which will begin this coming week with The Barclays. Does anyone care who might be included in the ridiculous, reverse-point, re-shuffling format? Imagine being on the first tee at your home club and you decide amongst your foursome to play a 14-hole match. On the 15th tee, all the strokes and money you’ve earned or lost now doesn’t mean anything. It is replaced by an arbitrary, reverse-sliding, points formula with any money that you might win being paid when you are dead. A brand new game is created for each subsequent hole. Now, holes 15-18 are worth twice what each previous hole (tournament) was worth. So if you have played well for the first nine months of the year (or in this case, the first 14 holes), it doesn't count...much. If this is not confusing enough, throw in the prospect of being eliminated on each of the last four holes if you don’t accumulate enough points. I could go on…and I will. One stupid question to the format designers: what’s the deal with the arbitrary number (86) of FedEx point-getters being guaranteed entry for only two weeks?

The Commish of the PGA, Tim (Mr. Smooth) Finchem, put on his happiest face when trying to explain it to us on CBS-TV. But obvious to all who have been paying attention to the FedEx sponsorship deal, it's really about The Tour trying to find a way to cut into the TV audience shift that takes place in September when football starts and baseball finishes. The whole thing smacks of "design-by-committee." And a bad committee at that.

Did you think, for a moment, that the advertised $10,000,000 that's supposed to go to the ultimate winner will be in cash? Nope! The winner will get an annuity...like the Schwab deal on the Senior Tour. My experience in creating different impulse products has been that if you have to educate your audience, you are in BIG trouble. And boy do we need some education understanding the FedEx format. The best player on the planet either can't figure it out, doesn’t need the money, doesn’t care or he's a mathematical genius because he won't even show up for the first leg.

As the Jews would say, "FedEx, SchmedEx." I say let's just play "whip-out," which is an old expression meaning pull out your wallet at the end of the game and pay up!

On the Nationwide Tour, a clutch 30-foot birdie putt on the 72nd hole gave another, talented young Australian, Nick Flanagan, an improbable one-shot victory. He began the final round trailing by seven shots. That means Flanagan, who has won three “Nationwide” events this year, will get what they call a "battlefield promotion" to the PGA TOUR for the stretch run in 2007 as well as all of 2008. No small feat...it's only been done eight times.

Finally, only four weeks to go in our funky fantasy pool and unless one of us also-rans gets "blind lucky," the top three spots look secure. Unless of course, we agree that the whole season doesn’t count and we change all our rules like the "SchmedEx. "

Walter Littenberg

PGA Championship

2007-08-13T09:15:00.000-06:00

What's Your Deodorant?

Date Written: August 13, 2007
It's a wonder nobody died of the heat in Tulsa this past week, either player, fan or pet. My guess is the boys are grateful to get out of town...anywhere...even to the next event in North Carolina, where the humidity is awful but not nearly as bad as Oklahoma in August.

The obvious headline from the PGA Championship..."Tiger prevails." He played "smart golf." Playing head to head against him over the final two days, Scott Verplank and Stephen Ames folded like Bedouin tents. Tiger's had a remarkable year. Ties for second at The Masters and The U.S. Open and a T-12 at Carnoustie. All nicely sandwiched around the birth of his first child. Not too shabby.

Yesterday marked the two month anniversary of my prediction that John Daly would kill himself within sixty days. My prediction was wrong. He's still alive. An interesting TV moment occurred when Daly was spotted by the CBS cameras kissing his steak knife-wielding bride in the parking lot while she was pushing a baby stroller. Which begs the question; have they made up? Has he forgiven her and dropped all the criminal charges? What's next in the saga of the people's choice, "Big John?"

In our funky pool, our money leaders, The Donald (Ogilvy) and Scott Winegar (Immelman) pad their totals. Time is getting short to make up ground for us "also-rans."

-WalterGolf

WGC/Bridgestone

2007-08-06T10:48:00.000-06:00

Steamrolling...

Date Written: August 6, 2007
Yesterday, the outcome of the WGC/Bridgestone reminded me of the old James Taylor cover song, "Steam Roller." It wasn't that Mr. Roar-y Sabbatini played so bad, it's just that Tiger (aka GOD) steam rolled him and the field with a stellar, last round 65 that featured NO BOGIES on an Open-type course.

I have no idea what Mr.
Roar-y was thinking when he suggested a couple of months ago that Tiger was beatable. He was certainly guilty of that WWII adage, "loose lips sink ships." Maybe he's a fool like everyone of us who engages mouth before brain. Maybe he was just trying to pump himself up...add to the gate. WHATEVER! He ought to have learned a little something yesterday. Like the principle of backing up one's words with action. For now Roar-y my man, my advice is to take your substantial T-2 earnings and go shopping (with a fashion consultant, not your wife) for a better Sunday outfit and........................KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

In our funky pool, the pick of the week was John Manocheo's nifty selection of Peter Lonard who tied for fourth in the WGC.

Remember the song from the play, Evita, "Don't Cry for me Argentina?" Can it be that the South American country is suddenly becoming the hotbed of golf? First, Angel Cabrera in the US Open. Then, Andres Romero in the British, Deutche Bank and yesterday's good finish in the WGC. In the Nationwide event in Wichita, another gaucho named, Fabian Gomez (huh?) finishes second. Que hay en la agua?

Onward to the last major of the year, the PGA at Southern Hills in Tulsa, OK.

-WalterGolf

The Canadian Open

2007-07-30T09:13:00.000-06:00

'Roids or Yoga?

Date Written: July 30, 2007
Jim (Back-Off) Furyk captured his second straight Canadian Open with a last round 64 that featured a hole-in-one. In contrast to Furyk's birdie-birdie-birdie-eagle success (5 under par) at the 4th hole, Vijay Singh, who finished second by one shot, went bogey-bogey-par-bogey (3 over par) on that hole during the four days.

Our Jim Brady re-takes second place in our funky pool with his T-10th pick of Camillo "Vee-Jay-Gas." Last evening, in an informal poll after a nifty skins game that featured a bunch of local assistant pro's, Camillo was voted most-likely pro on tour to be taking steroids. Either that or massive overdoses of that ancient Eastern drug called "Yoga." I say give 'em all a blood test.

Other tour news:

Aussie youngster, Jason Day, fires a 62 and a 63 on his last two rounds in the Nationwide event in Cleveland to finish one back of two-time winner, Roland Thatcher. My prediction: we are going to hear a lot from Day next year on the PGA Tour. He looks the part.

Natalie Gulbis (who's also fun to look at, but for different reasons than young, Master Day) finally earned her first LPGA Tour title, getting a birdie on the first hole of a playoff against South Korea's Jang Jeong to win the Evian Masters in Evian-Les-Bains, France.

Tom Watson redeemed himself (somewhat) from the back nine debacle at the Senior U.S. Open a couple of weeks ago at Whistling Straigts to outlast his peers and capture the British Senior Open.

And, Andres Romero won his first title on the European Tour at the Deutsche Bank Players' Championship on Sunday, a week after his near miss at the Open Championship.

Keep your eye on the two tournaments that count in the money standings this week; another WGC and the Reno-Tahoe.

The British Open

2007-07-23T10:02:00.000-06:00

Paddy's Day

Date Written: July 23, 2007

What if you hit it in the water TWICE on your last hole? What if you then make a miracle, up-and-down for double bogey? Do you still win 2 bucks from Uncle Willy? I don't think so...but it happened at The British Open. Paddy, of Harrington fame, dodges a bullet with his already-famous, TWO, 18th hole flubs; one a mis-directed drive and the other a solid chunk. For a time, it looked like a replay of Jean Van de Velde's '99 "Fiasco at Carnasty." To quote Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN.com, "Carnoustie's 18th is harder than taking the LSAT with a hangover. The hole should come with a warning label."

I was sad for Sergio who could have won it outright with a par on 18. Another guy from the hotbed of golf...Argentina??? named Andres Romero snuck into the mix on the last day with a scorecard that looked more like scribbling....10 birdies and two doubles. He goes into #17 at nine under with a two-shot lead, then finishes double bogey, bogey to miss the playoff by a shot. A wild finishing hole, to be sure. And then, for all us golf-junkies, an almost anti-climactic four-hole playoff. The eventual champion, Mr. Harrington, seemed so perfectly charming and overwhelmed by his victory, claiming to be just a journeyman player. Sergio was semi-gracious in defeat, biting his lip while he accepted the second place silver. But somehow he blamed the long delay on 18 for his failure to finish the deal. "It seemed to take a long time to rake two bunkers, a very long time," Garcia said. "It's not fun, not fun standing there."

In our little funky pool, Scott Winegar's smart pick of Sergio made just enough to inch him into second place, pennies ahead of Jim Brady who was one of nine who picked Big Ernie and made a nice piece of change.

In the companion Milwaukee tourney, Doug B. had the best result with Kenny Perry's tie for fifth. Another "teenage phenom" surfaced in Milwaukee. Remember this name....Tony Kinau. He's a strapping pup of 17 who rather than go to college, turned pro and made the cut. On Friday, he drove the ball 369 yards over water and onto the green at the par-4 16th hole. Steve Flesch said, "I saw him hit some balls on the range, he's phenomenal. It's a cannon. It's cool. Good for him."

Walter Littenberg

The John Deere

2007-07-16T08:14:00.000-06:00

The "C" Word

Date Written: July 16, 2007

I was rooting for the South African, Tim Clark, down the stretch at The John Deere because he's short, out-of-shape and a non-winner on Tour. He's also got a bad neck, putts with a broomstick, reminds me of me....yada yada. So...he's got a three stroke lead with four holes to play in this past weeks tractor classic. There's a added bonus too for the winner of The Deere....he gets an invite to The British...no small perk. Clark looks solid and in control on Sunday. He's been through the pressure cooker a few times on tour and even though he's won a ton of money on tour, he must be familiar with pressure. Geez...he's been on two President's Cup Teams. All he's got to do is play smart down the stretch. So...here's what he does. He's five-under through 14 on the last day. Now guess what he do? He hits it into 3 bunkers in the last four holes...bogeying two of them to lose to Jonathan Byrd by one shot. To Byrd's credit, he fires a nifty 4-under on the last nine and wins by one. But it was clearly Tim Clark's tournament to lose, and he did. Rarely, does any golfer at any level admit to the dreaded "C" word...CHOKING! And Clark was true to form. He denied it....offering up other excuses, like getting plugged in the trap. HELLO! Why are you in the trap in the first place?

A BIGGEE this week, The British Open. I count 9 "Big Ernie's" at Carnoustie. Must be conventional wisdom of some sort. Our esteemed pool leader, "The Donald" has hit a bad patch, not winning a dime for the last six weeks. This is good, but he's got Els this week too so most of youse will not gain any ground if Ernie wins.

The companion Milwaukee Tournament counts in the standings too. Twelve "No Shows" among us make it difficult to make headway on the leaders.

An historic event on the Nationwide Tour this week....an amateur, BYU senior, Daniel Summerhays wins the weekly event. Now he gets to decide in the next 60 days if he wants to turn pro and earn an exemption on the Nationwide through 2008.

Walter Littenberg

AT&T National

2007-07-09T21:14:00.000-06:00

Tank Flattens Another Aussie

Date Written: July 9, 2007

Remember last month when "The Tank" (K.J. Choi) ran over the "Aussie" Rod Pampling in the last round to win at The Memorial? Well, it happened again yesterday. This time, Choi's victim was Stuart Appleby. They played in the final twosome and Choi "schmushed" Stuart by 8 shots. Seems like he loves to give playing lessons to the boys down under. Appleby was last seen at the end of the telecast, muttering to himself as he was pushed into a waiting ambulance for the short trip to Bethesda Naval Hospital to have the tank treads on his back sutured-up.

"The Tank" was probably licking his chops when he read the news that another Aussie might be on his menu in the near future. Jason Day, became the youngest player ever (19 years old, 7 months and 26 days)to win a PGA-sponsored event. Young Day won this weeks Nationwide "Legend Financial Group" tourney in Ohio. One can only hope that "The Kid" doesn't meet up with "The Tank" anytime soon....it might wreck his self-image.

I put some serious miles on my TIVO yesterday, flipping between Tiger's AT&T bash and the U.S. Senior Open. They didn't name the senior venue, "Whistling Straits" for nothing! When you have to replace the flags every nine holes because they are shredding, you know its "Whistling." But the major question left unanswered was: did Brad Bryant win it with his stellar play or did legendary wind player Tom Watson lose it with a blow-up back nine (43)? "Huck" Watson looked like every other hacker we play with who tries to match a good front nine with a debacle nine coming in. Hip surgery or a Club Car is next on Watson's agenda. I would suggest throwing in some putting-brain surgery and a prescription for beta-blockers to cure his four-piece, putting stroke. I can certainly relate!

Two weeks to go "til "The Open." Mostly "lessor-than's" tee it up this week in The John Deere in search of some Fed-Ex points and a payday to keep the little woman back home happy.

Lastly, a dictionary golfing quiz: A "Carnoustie" is:

1. A chemical that neutralizes the scent of "Jack & Coke" from inside your car.

2. A handicap system press based on the number of times you have been married.

3. A small town at the mouth of the Barry Burn on the east coast of Scotland.

4. A card game wherein every player can change the rules on every hand.

The correct answer will be provided next week.

Walter Littenberg

The Buick Open

2007-07-02T09:05:00.000-06:00

It's A Buick!

Date Written: July 2, 2007
Is this picture "A Buick" or what? For those out there who are not familiar with the word "Buick" as a figure of speech; in hipster lingo, "A Buick" is a beautiful thing. Tiger, not only endorses the "Buick" brand but lives a "Buick" life. He's got a "Buick" wife" and now a little, sub-compact "Buick" named, Sam Alexis. Aren't we all lucky to watch it unfold? It is definitely a "Buick!"

As for the "actual" Buick Open, at one time on the back nine on Sunday, about 12 players had a chance to win. Journeyman, Brian Bateman made "up-and-down" pars on 16 and 17 and birdied 18 with a perfect putt from 12 feet to beat 4 guys in the clubhouse who were warming up, waiting for a playoff. In our funky pool, 6 of youse had either Furyk, Verplank or Pernice and had a chance to win on the last day. Alas and alack.

Onward to Tiger's new signature tournament, The AT&T National in D.C. It's a Tiger "invite-only" (that's a whole other story) that takes the place of The International -- the dipsy Stableford-scoring tourney which was played outside Denver that could never get a title sponsor. Partly because of this venue change, nine of nineteen pool-players are No-Shows for the event. Money (and the Tiger Foundation) talks!

The Travelers

2007-06-25T08:51:00.000-06:00

Mano y Mano

Date Written: June 25, 2007
Hand to hand. Punch for punch. The Kid (Hunter Mahan) and the Vet (Jay Williamson) battled down the stretch at The Travelers. The Kid builds a two stroke lead going into the last four holes and looks like a winner. Then he bogies 16 and 17 to actually relinquish the lead. The Vet hits a terrific shot to 11 feet on 18 and looks like he's gonna lift the trophy and hug the kids at the end. With everything on the line on the 72nd hole, The Kid sends a giant, rain-making 9-iron to within 7 feet and holes it to force a playoff. 15 minutes later, on the same hole in the playoff, he hits a giant wedge shot from 137 to 2 feet. The Vet is knocked-out by two, big, unlikely, game-ending, hay-making punches.

The Vet, as it turns out, played some serious hockey and baseball at nearby Trinity College. Both of those sports are supposed to "translate" well to golf. Hand/eye, blah, blah. The story goes that The Vet didn't play much golf until one year at college when the school needed a player to fill-in at a fall tournament. He did so well that he surprised himself and his coach. Voila!...a career was born. But the even better back-story is that it's been a tough road. A wife and three kids. Major doubts about thinking that he was good enough. Bouncing around on different tours. Foot problems. Well, he can probably forget all that now. He didn't win this week but he sure made a public name for himself with his pant-tugging grit. And a bunch of 2nd place cash that will, no doubt, make the family thing easier. In any event, he gets into The Buick this coming week and will probably be exempt on tour next year. Nice going Jay! The country was rooting for you....especially those of us who struggle to "get-off-the-deck."

To continue this here boxing metaphor a bit further....In our funky pool, The Wonger beats a 10-count with a nice pick of Aussie, Nick O'Hern who finished alone in third. And, but for a mediocre second round, 3 of us (me, Art and Perry) woulda scored some points with local, defending champ, J.J. Henry.

From Thomas Bonk of the L.A. Times, June 21, 2007:

..."Tim Finchem had remained steadfast in his opposition to testing for drugs on the PGA Tour, citing a lack of evidence of drug usage by PGA Tour players and also scarcity of data that would show that drugs could actually enhance performance in professional golf.However, Dr. Gary Wadler, a New York University medical school professor and advisor to WADA, said Wednesday that there are at least two instances in which drugs could help pro golfers improve their play.Wadler mentioned anabolic steroids and beta-blockers."Steroids enhance strength, which enables you to swing a club with greater acceleration," he said. "You're going to have more force and more distance. Beta-blockers calm the nerves and if you get your heart rate sufficiently slow, you could theoretically putt between heartbeats."Wadler also said that beta-blockers could treat hand tremors when putting. He said Finchem should be praised for his most recent stance."

Well...I gotta go right now. The nearby Rite-Aid opens at 8:00 A.M. and I don't want to be late. I've drained my bank account. I'm gonna buy a carload of those-there "beta-blockers." I've been suffering the "yips" for too long. Now that I know that if I take a handful of these pills (along with a bunch of Advil) and learn to "putt between my heartbeats" I might have stumbled onto the magic putting cure. On a grander scale, imagine if Ben Hogan and Johnny Miller had this information...back-in-the-day? They were the most notable "yippers" of their time and the story goes that they both had to quit playing competitive golf because of this affliction.

U.S. Open

2007-06-18T10:03:00.001-06:00

Miniature Golf

Written: June 18, 2007
The national organization (the USGA) that tends to amateur golf has run the U.S. Open, the most prestigious tournament on the planet, for 107 years. Their stated demand is that the golf course that is selected each year to host The Open, will challenge each player to use every shot in their bag and to make "par" a difficult score to achieve. This year, as in years past, they missed their goal. The average score for the field was 5.72 over par. I thought the course set-up at Oakmont was akin to creating a miniature golf course. The only thing missing was the proverbial "clown's mouth." If the overall scores and the reaction from the majority of players doesn't prove my point, then consider the following: ridiculous pin placements on rock-hard, wildly rolling greens that read over 13 on the Stimp. If you have to guess and hit a putt or chip virtually 'sideways' to get anywhere near the hole, then my miniature golf metaphor is not far off. Players only slightly exaggerated that the greens were as fast as putting on linoleum. The primary rough was so deep that if it weren't for an army of forecaddies, it would have been impossible for any player on his own to find his ball. I'm watching this train wreck on TV and thinking that even though I carry a two-handicap at my home course, and I am basically straight off the tee, I wouldn't break ninety at Oakmont. Does that make me a 20 handicap if I played there?

Golf is supposed to be a fair game, not a joke. Errant shots should not be rewarded but good shots should not be so penal. I couldn't help but think that watching the Open at Oakmont was like going to the Indy 500....if only to watch for a spectacular, high-speed car wreck. Having a 300-yard par three, a 307-yard par four, a 500-yard par 4 and a 667-yard par five are only the obvious examples. And the USGA even tried to calm the course down on Sunday by using what they call "corrective" watering on all 18 greens.

I could go on....and I will. I don't blame the Welshman, Bradley Dredge, who took a lot of shit amongst his peers, for not even wanting to bother and try and qualify for the event. I have two suggestions: either hold next years Open on a glacier or let the professionals (The PGA) do what they do best, set up The Open course so that it is fair. There is a difference between making a course smart and difficult or just being stubborn in order to prove that they (the USGA) are the true "keepers" of the game. Methinks the leadership of the USGA always likes to think that they know more about golf than the professionals do. I don't think so. I liked Jim Furyk's comment at the end of the tournament the best. Asked how Winged Foot and Oakmont compare, Furyk replied, with noted sarcasm, "I don't know. They both stink." Major cross-dresser, Ian Poulter added that, "it's laughable."

In our funky pool we had 7 near-winners: 4 Tiger's and 3 Furyk's. Baddeley was Saddeley. He triples the first hole and then never makes a putt the rest of the way. Our Jim Brady leaps into second place and the world will have a difficult time remembering the name of the actual winner at the 2007 Open. We will probably remember only the crashes (Baddeley), the dented fenders (Woods and Furyk); and the blown engines, (Casey, Ames and Stricker).

Stanford/St. Jude

2007-06-11T09:20:00.002-06:00

Seek Help!

Date Written: June 11, 2007

What's the old expression....A picture's worth a thousand words? The story (for me) out of this weeks tournament was not golf, per se, but the embarrassment that is known as John Daly. The TV commentators couldn't wait on day one to tell us the latest chapter in Big John's life which occurred the night before. Our big, loveable, everyman, docile, Popeye-like character claimed in a press release that his wife tried to kill him as he slept at home...with a steak knife no less. Do you see any puncture wounds in this photo? If you stop and think about it, who do you think actually wins that fight...a man who weighs nearly 300 pounds or a wife who's less than half his size? All I see is evidence of face-scratching from a woman with long fingernails. My guess is she was trying to fend off an overbearing, dysfunctional drunk trying to get his way.

What does this photo tell us? His gaze is elsewhere. He appears to be sad. He's smoking. He has sold the space on his apparel to at least four, tacky corporate sponsors. He bites his nails. He wears heavy jewelry. He's unshaven and obviously overweight. It would be safe to say that Big John's in psychic trouble...AGAIN. Do you think it's possible that this man, on his own, can come to the realization that his "choices" are not serving him well and to SEEK HELP! My Ex, Gaylord, who knows something about addiction, offers that all addicts suffer like John Daly and their thinking goes something like this:

Too much that seems like too little.
Big ego hiding low self-esteem.
Addicts are takers not givers.

Did you ever see, "Celebrity Deathmatch" which was a claymation parody television show that pits celebrities against each other in a wrestling ring, almost always ending in a gruesome death of the celebrity who lost the match? Wouldn't John and Sherry Daly (or Daly and O.J.) have made a great match? Look for the The Tour to call another extended "time-out" for Big John. To phrase it politely, The Tour will say that John's behavior does not present the image they want to project.

Perhaps we should start another pool to guess at the date that John tries (and fails) to commit suicide. I'm betting 2 months. Who cares about golf when such scandal fodder is present. Following the soap opera that is, "John Daly" is way too much fun. It's kinda like the headlines of the trashy newspapers at the checkout stand at the local market..."Brad Pitt Marries Squid" or Cher swearing that, "My Tits Are Real."

Oh, by the way......43 year old Woody Austin shoots 62 in the last round to win the Stanford/St. Jude golf tournament this past weekend.

The Memorial

2007-06-11T08:56:00.000-06:00

Aussie Hit by Tank

Date Written: June 5, 2007

If you happen to be leading a Tour event on the last day, shooting even par will probably not do it for you. Solid Aussie player, Rod Pampling, nursing a healthy 3-stroke lead going into round four must have felt like he got hit by a tank or some other heavy vehicle yesterday by shooting 72. Coincidentally, the eventual winner, Korean icon, K.J. Choi just happens to be known as, "The Tank" in his home country not only because of his stature but also his steely, competitive nature. To take this here army metaphor to another level, Pampling got run over not only by a "Tank" (65), but by a couple of other sharpshooters named Ryan Moore (66) and Kenny Perry (63). The "Tank" gets another record of sorts.....he comes from further back to win on the last day (5 shots) than anyone else this year. It was amazing to watch "Tank" down the stretch, especially his bunker play. Rarely does one get to see someone make EVERYTHING he needs to win and he did.

Another coincidence....Tiger, Ernie and V.J., all finished together at 9-under (T-15). Does that mean that they are all equally ready for the Open at Oakmont in two weeks? The number one ranked lefty named Lefty, did as his name suggests...he left the premises early in round one, claiming a sore wrist. Probably overuse on the range from trying to emulate Tiger's "stinger" in the hopes of hitting it straight at The Open. My fantasy pick for the Open, Mr. "Back-Off" Furyk (who I've learned to fast-forward on my TIVO when I think he's actually going to hit a shot,) finished T-23 at Jack's Memorial. Six of youse in the pool got to take a TV timeout this past weekend when your favorito, Zach Johnson, had a tummy ache after being 3-over for eleven holes. Which begs the question: have you ever heard of anyone quitting when they were 3-under? Did Zachy have to get a note from the tour nurse that allowed him to go home and sleep it off rather than gut it out?

"The Donald" pads his million-dollar-plus lead with another timely (Kenny Perry) pick. Whazzup wid dis Donald guy? Should we throw in the proverbial towel...award him first place dough and re-start for the last 12 tournaments? Jeez!

Onward to Memphis...8 NO-SHOWS this week, including "The Donald" who figured Steve Stricker would show up. Nah, nah. Time to make some hay boys and girls.

The Colonial

2007-05-29T10:42:00.000-06:00

The Mouth That Roared

Date Written: May 31, 2007

Rory "I Am The Greatest" Sabbatini, Jim "Back-Off" Furyk, and Bernhard "Das ist ja zum Verzweifeln!!" Langer dueled it out in overtime at The Colonial. The transplanted (South African) Dallas homie, Mr. Sabbatini, prevailed in sudden death....proving to the golfing planet that he can chew gum and putt at the same.

Y'all remember that this here Rory's the same guy who wasn't afraid to verbally and publicly challenge God (a.k.a. El Tigre) a couple of weeks ago? Before he shot 74 in the last round of The Wachovia and was paired with God himself, he blathered to a willing reporter from XM Radio that, "he wanted HIM (God) in the final pairing on Sunday." Can you imagine the chutzpah? This just shows to go you that most athletes should never open their mouths. With his mouth still in overdrive, Mr. Roar-y added to his idiocy by saying, "I'm going to prove my victory at Riviera (The L.A. Open) last year...was no accident. And that being "paired with Woods was like 'David vs Goliath,' jokingly referring to Woods as the underdog." Do you think this whipper-snapper's bull%#@& sat well with our God? Nooooooooo. When asked for a quote about Roar-y's loose-lips-sink-ships diatribe, God reminded his picayune friend that he's won 9 times on Tour over his last 12 events...and don't @#*% with him.

It's easy to get on Sabbatini's case. The tacky tee-shirt message worn by his wife Amy, either refers to Sabbatini's slow-play tete-a-tete last year with Ben Crane or it's a cheer for Roar-y to KEEP-IT-UP at home. It didn't help Roar-y's image that in a recent poll of tour players, he won the ignominious award as the player who most (25%) of the other guys DID NOT want to play with. That said, there is no denying that he can play.....it's just that he can't think! Like Lefty, his mouth over-swing is as bad as his driver's. Basta Sabbo.....until the next paragraph.

Rod Pampling earned a nice check for three of you fantasy players (The Donald, Kevin and Woody/Doyle) with his T-12 finish. Onward to Jack's Bash (The Memorial) where six of youse contendas have picked "Mr. Solid," Zach Johnson. Our featured poor baby, Mr. Roar-y, has decided to skip the event. He says he needs to rest because he's played 5 weeks in a row. I need a rest too....from one-dimensional, dim-witted, egotistical, gum-chewing, oversized-belt-buckle-wearing atholes.

To quote my son, that's my rant for the week.
I'm going to lay down.

AT&T Classic

2007-05-26T11:57:00.001-06:00

Michele’s Wie-Wie

Written: May 21, 2007

Matching lavender outfit: $200
New pair of French sunglasses: $100
NIKE products Endorsements: $10,000,000

Having a "special place" to hold your putter...PRICELESS!

This week's photo and "PRICELESS!" text forwarded
by "No-Show" John Manocheo.

The AT&T Classic field looked more like a Nationwide event. A covey of local Georgia college stars (Ryuchi Imada, Troy Matteson and Matt Kucher) probably had a slight advantage over the other "lessor-thans." My guess is that the threesome was more accustomed to the fast Sugarloaf track. But, as it often turns out with the younger set, they couldn't get it done down the stretch on the last nine holes of Sunday. It seemed like the only notable top player in the field was Zach Johnson (he of Masters, Iowa and See More putting fame) who was three under on the last nine and eventually prevailed in a one-hole playoff with Imada. Three of us were smart/lucky to go to the bank with "Z." The Donald leaps substantially back into first place with just over $5 mil in earnings and me and Jan Jones get off the bottom of the deck.

The Tour winds back to Texas for The Colonial and the countdown begins for the U.S. Open in three weeks at Oakmont where the conversation will probably center around non-player, Butch Harmon's influence over Lefty's overswing.

Zurich Classic

2007-05-26T11:11:00.001-06:00

Twins

Written: April 23, 2007

Either Bill Haas or Nick Watney won the N'awlins Open. I can't tell which, they like so much alike. Only their barbers know the difference.

Most of the better players took the week off so the tone of The Zurich seemed more like a Nationwide tourney. But there was still lots at stake, both money and status-wise. Down the stretch, I was rooting for old-school, Ken Duke versus new-school, Watney/Haas. Duke looked like he was almost old enough to be either's father. A two-shot swing on the par three-14th gave Nick/Bill a nice cushion and the eventual victory.

4 of us also-rans were rooting for Glover, who ran into a dull patch in round three. Otherwise, as Marlon Brando once said, "We could have been a contender."

Gripe-of-the-week department: There must have been one TV commercial per shot during the last 9 holes. I saw the same Zurich Insurance spot featuring boxes falling off a skip loader about 15 times. Avodar (The "Going Problem" medication) and Cialis (the 36 hour hard-on cure) were not far behind in the race to be most repeated. I don't need to be reminded about my "unit" this much.

Onward to Texas and the Lord Byron Open. Did I count right, seven Campbell's, 3 Donald's and 3 Wetterich's this week? Only two no-shows.

Verizon Heritage

2007-05-26T11:07:00.001-06:00

Golfing Gods

Written: April 16, 2007

Boo Weekley was definitely in touch with a Higher Power today. He must have been in church all day on Sunday while the last round of the Heritage was postponed. He prayed for a miracle and hot-damn.....he got it. He was in deep caa-caa trying to protect a slim one-stroke lead when he chipped-in on each of the last two holes for PAR to hold off Big Ernie. To add further drama, Big Ernie almost holes out from about 150 in a high wind on the difficult 18th to eventually lose by only one shot. So....if Mr. Boo doesn't make either of his biblical chipshots, it's a playoff. More likely, he should have lost another close one. Remember when our boy Boo missed a 3-footer on the 72nd hole at the Honda about a month ago? The Golfing Gods get even in strange ways. Boo we are told, is now firmly on his way to greater heavenly victories. The talking heads on TV rave about his ball striking ability. Now that he has God on his side and he's off the schnide, he perhaps can live up to their potential. Look for his name at the top of the leaderboard for the next ten years. I just wish he would stop spitting on the greens.....it leaves brown residue and one can't tell which way is "down grain".

Four of youse picked up some nice fantasy change by picking defending champion, Aaron Baddeley who finished T-10. Five more of us had the hometown favorite, DL, III who finished, "bad/good, bad/good" for a T-36.

Onward to 'Nawlins for some boiled crawfish and the Katrina Open. Fantasy record: 14 No-Shows this week. Go Glover!

The Masters

2007-05-26T11:03:00.001-06:00

Better Late

Written: April 12, 2007

Sorry for the delay....family illness to attend too. Besides, enough words have been written about The Masters. I don't need to add my perceptions except to say that even though I was one of the 12 of us who picked Tiger to win, I was really rooting for "The Kid," Zach Johnson.

Shell Houston Open

2007-05-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

The Rich Get Poorer

Written: March 4, 2007

Two of our savvy pool leaders, Donald Herron and Scott Winegar (along with Pat Moloney of Basketball Bracketology fame, who jumps from 9th to 5th) picked Stuart Appleby to repeat in Houston. They might have won the whole deal if "Brain-Dead" Stuart was thinking straight. Instead of forcing a playoff on the last hole, Appleby goes for broke from the fairway bunker and double boogies. This comes after watching the eventual winner, Adam Scott, hit his drive in the drink. Another Brain-dead award goes to Bubba Watson (T-2) who made some course management choices down the stretch that still have Johnny Miller scratching his head.

The Masters this week will probably turn out to be a routine, comic book exercise. Twelve of us (thinking like Scrooge McDuck) have picked Tiger to win. Remember in those old Donald Duck comic books when Uncle Scrooge used to dive into his money which he kept in a separate room in his mansion? Tiger's got so much Masters Money in his bank account that he just figures he'll just pay another visit to the vault this week. The only story will be: "What If he shoots 80 on day one?" Right! Just like Uncle Scrooge, every Major Tiger touches turns to cash. Chalk talks. Tiger wins. Another Major closer to Jack's record and twelve of us looking like genius's for picking him at the beginning of the year.

Lord Arthur promised to write The Master's column for this coming week. It'll be fun to read his take on the Augusta doings.

WGC-CA

2007-05-26T10:41:00.000-06:00

A Long Weekend

Written: March 26, 2007

Guess who wins another WGC? Here's a quote from the the PGA Tour website to help you figure it out:

"Woods played protectively on the 18th, which features water down the left side of the fairway and guarding the left portion of the green. He hit 3-iron off the tee, an 8-iron for his second shot and a wedge to the green, then made a good two-putt from 52 feet."

Johnny Miller and Roger Maltbie opined that it took some ego strength for God (aka Tiger) to make that choice of clubs with a 3-shot lead. Yes indeed! There's another lesson for us mortals...park your ego and do the smart thing when one swing can hurt you. One day I'm gonna learn this. As for now caddy, hand me my driver.

I must admit to watching little of the golf tournament. My rooting TV interest has been March Madness, what with my gutty, little Bruins in the final four. I'm close to winning a zillion dollars in Pat Moloney's bracket game. Dream on, teenage queen.

Little movement in the money standings. John Manocheo (Ernie Els) made the best finish with a T-11 at Doral. Moves John up a couple of spots in the middle of the pack. Remember next year dummy (I'm talking to myself what with my pick of Jeff Sluman) that all the WGC events are invitational, have limited fields and are based on world rankings.

Onward to the Shell in Houston. Only ten of us have a chance this week because a bunch of guys are practicing for the Masters in two weeks. That's why I picked the grinding Texan, Bob Estes to show up. I gotta get off the schnide.

Arnold Palmer

2007-05-25T22:54:00.000-06:00

Tiger is Mortal (and wet!)

Written: March 19, 2007

Vijay might have won it but it was way more fun rooting for Rocco the Talk-O and watching Tiger get wet. We may never see God again be more mortal than on his last nine holes. (Tiger) cats do not like water. As Johnny Miller said, "he could hardly wait to go home, which is not far away." No need to make 8,000 yard courses. Gnarly rough will do. Rocco came back nicely from his 3rd round debacle and finished second alone. Let's hear it for 40-somethings....again.

Ms. Vicki (the Data Base Queen) is tending to her friend Melinda in Pokey (that's Pocatello for all those out there that don't understand Idaho). Melinda is recovering from knee-replacement surgery, something you can all look forward to. She'll be back tomorrow and she'll forward the spreadsheet in a separate transmission. Needless to say, the best finish award for the week goes to Miss Kelli Miller who woulda won the whole she-bang if "He-Of-Loud-Pants-Fame-Sergio" could putt. In any event, she passes me in money chase...sending me further into the Cropper. So much for my wisdom. Bob Lutz's nice pick of Luke Donald leaps him 3 spots in the standings.

Back to Miami and the Doral blah, blah....another re-named, limited field, invitational tournaments that is on the WGC circuit. A bunch of no-names and famous-names get to tackle the Blue Monster. The thought occurs that we should have another category for these WGC events and call it "NI" for Not Invited. Does it matter?

The PODS

2007-05-25T22:45:00.000-06:00

“It ain’t over until the fat man sings”

Written: March 12, 2007

Say it with Italian feeling...
CAL-CA-VEC-CHIA!
Calc's about our Art's age and size and they both walk like a duck. The only difference is that Calc can swing "around" his stomach. His magical, course-record-tying, 3rd round score of 62 lept the field and allowed him to stay in front and win by one. Buying a new putter at an Edwin Watts store before his 2nd round and the fact that his caddy spent 11 years in the slammer for drug-dealing, added a bit of color to his win. I remember a couple of years ago, Calc came to Sun Valley, played a friendly round at The Valley Club (never having seen it) and set the course record of 64. Our own, Ample Art, once went to Jerome C.C. (where the cow's are allowed to roam the fairways) and having never seen the course, fired a nifty 87. Pro's are different. Yesterday, I was most impressed by Calc's confidence in his swing. He just trusts his ripping, high, left-to-right ball flight. It cemented his reputation as one of the players who is "streaky" and not afraid to "go low." His win might get him in The Masters.

In our pool, Woody/Doyle (who crept into second place) and The Wonger had a nice finish with Lucas Glover, who threatened on the last nine holes. Four others (including me) were breathing hard for K.J. who seemed to struggle on the last day.

The Bay Hill tourney this week has made a euphemistic corporate decision and changed it's name to The Arnold Palmer Invitational. Five of youse think that Robert Allenby is a slam-dunk. El Tigre's in the field, sleeping in his own bed, eating lots of protein for the up-coming bambino and warming up for The Masters.

P.S. I don't want the readership to think me insensitive to fat, old guys. I happen to be one of them. And I did get Arthur's approval before I sent this out. Besides...nothing/no one is sacred in my aging mind, so beware.