The Travelers

Mano y Mano

Date Written: June 25, 2007
Hand to hand. Punch for punch. The Kid (Hunter Mahan) and the Vet (Jay Williamson) battled down the stretch at The Travelers. The Kid builds a two stroke lead going into the last four holes and looks like a winner. Then he bogies 16 and 17 to actually relinquish the lead. The Vet hits a terrific shot to 11 feet on 18 and looks like he's gonna lift the trophy and hug the kids at the end. With everything on the line on the 72nd hole, The Kid sends a giant, rain-making 9-iron to within 7 feet and holes it to force a playoff. 15 minutes later, on the same hole in the playoff, he hits a giant wedge shot from 137 to 2 feet. The Vet is knocked-out by two, big, unlikely, game-ending, hay-making punches.

The Vet, as it turns out, played some serious hockey and baseball at nearby Trinity College. Both of those sports are supposed to "translate" well to golf. Hand/eye, blah, blah. The story goes that The Vet didn't play much golf until one year at college when the school needed a player to fill-in at a fall tournament. He did so well that he surprised himself and his coach. Voila!...a career was born. But the even better back-story is that it's been a tough road. A wife and three kids. Major doubts about thinking that he was good enough. Bouncing around on different tours. Foot problems. Well, he can probably forget all that now. He didn't win this week but he sure made a public name for himself with his pant-tugging grit. And a bunch of 2nd place cash that will, no doubt, make the family thing easier. In any event, he gets into The Buick this coming week and will probably be exempt on tour next year. Nice going Jay! The country was rooting for you....especially those of us who struggle to "get-off-the-deck."


To continue this here boxing metaphor a bit further....In our funky pool, The Wonger beats a 10-count with a nice pick of Aussie, Nick O'Hern who finished alone in third. And, but for a mediocre second round, 3 of us (me, Art and Perry) woulda scored some points with local, defending champ, J.J. Henry.


From Thomas Bonk of the L.A. Times, June 21, 2007:

..."Tim Finchem had remained steadfast in his opposition to testing for drugs on the PGA Tour, citing a lack of evidence of drug usage by PGA Tour players and also scarcity of data that would show that drugs could actually enhance performance in professional golf.However, Dr. Gary Wadler, a New York University medical school professor and advisor to WADA, said Wednesday that there are at least two instances in which drugs could help pro golfers improve their play.Wadler mentioned anabolic steroids and beta-blockers."Steroids enhance strength, which enables you to swing a club with greater acceleration," he said. "You're going to have more force and more distance. Beta-blockers calm the nerves and if you get your heart rate sufficiently slow, you could theoretically putt between heartbeats."Wadler also said that beta-blockers could treat hand tremors when putting. He said Finchem should be praised for his most recent stance."

Well...I gotta go right now. The nearby Rite-Aid opens at 8:00 A.M. and I don't want to be late. I've drained my bank account. I'm gonna buy a carload of those-there "beta-blockers." I've been suffering the "yips" for too long. Now that I know that if I take a handful of these pills (along with a bunch of Advil) and learn to "putt between my heartbeats" I might have stumbled onto the magic putting cure. On a grander scale, imagine if Ben Hogan and Johnny Miller had this information...back-in-the-day? They were the most notable "yippers" of their time and the story goes that they both had to quit playing competitive golf because of this affliction.

U.S. Open

Miniature Golf

Written: June 18, 2007
The national organization (the USGA) that tends to amateur golf has run the U.S. Open, the most prestigious tournament on the planet, for 107 years. Their stated demand is that the golf course that is selected each year to host The Open, will challenge each player to use every shot in their bag and to make "par" a difficult score to achieve. This year, as in years past, they missed their goal. The average score for the field was 5.72 over par. I thought the course set-up at Oakmont was akin to creating a miniature golf course. The only thing missing was the proverbial "clown's mouth." If the overall scores and the reaction from the majority of players doesn't prove my point, then consider the following: ridiculous pin placements on rock-hard, wildly rolling greens that read over 13 on the Stimp. If you have to guess and hit a putt or chip virtually 'sideways' to get anywhere near the hole, then my miniature golf metaphor is not far off. Players only slightly exaggerated that the greens were as fast as putting on linoleum. The primary rough was so deep that if it weren't for an army of forecaddies, it would have been impossible for any player on his own to find his ball. I'm watching this train wreck on TV and thinking that even though I carry a two-handicap at my home course, and I am basically straight off the tee, I wouldn't break ninety at Oakmont. Does that make me a 20 handicap if I played there?

Golf is supposed to be a fair game, not a joke. Errant shots should not be rewarded but good shots should not be so penal. I couldn't help but think that watching the Open at Oakmont was like going to the Indy 500....if only to watch for a spectacular, high-speed car wreck. Having a 300-yard par three, a 307-yard par four, a 500-yard par 4 and a 667-yard par five are only the obvious examples. And the USGA even tried to calm the course down on Sunday by using what they call "corrective" watering on all 18 greens.

I could go on....and I will. I don't blame the Welshman, Bradley Dredge, who took a lot of shit amongst his peers, for not even wanting to bother and try and qualify for the event. I have two suggestions: either hold next years Open on a glacier or let the professionals (The PGA) do what they do best, set up The Open course so that it is fair. There is a difference between making a course smart and difficult or just being stubborn in order to prove that they (the USGA) are the true "keepers" of the game. Methinks the leadership of the USGA always likes to think that they know more about golf than the professionals do. I don't think so. I liked Jim Furyk's comment at the end of the tournament the best. Asked how Winged Foot and Oakmont compare, Furyk replied, with noted sarcasm, "I don't know. They both stink." Major cross-dresser, Ian Poulter added that, "it's laughable."

In our funky pool we had 7 near-winners: 4 Tiger's and 3 Furyk's. Baddeley was Saddeley. He triples the first hole and then never makes a putt the rest of the way. Our Jim Brady leaps into second place and the world will have a difficult time remembering the name of the actual winner at the 2007 Open. We will probably remember only the crashes (Baddeley), the dented fenders (Woods and Furyk); and the blown engines, (Casey, Ames and Stricker).

Stanford/St. Jude

Seek Help!

Date Written: June 11, 2007

What's the old expression....A picture's worth a thousand words? The story (for me) out of this weeks tournament was not golf, per se, but the embarrassment that is known as John Daly. The TV commentators couldn't wait on day one to tell us the latest chapter in Big John's life which occurred the night before. Our big, loveable, everyman, docile, Popeye-like character claimed in a press release that his wife tried to kill him as he slept at home...with a steak knife no less. Do you see any puncture wounds in this photo? If you stop and think about it, who do you think actually wins that fight...a man who weighs nearly 300 pounds or a wife who's less than half his size? All I see is evidence of face-scratching from a woman with long fingernails. My guess is she was trying to fend off an overbearing, dysfunctional drunk trying to get his way.

What does this photo tell us? His gaze is elsewhere. He appears to be sad. He's smoking. He has sold the space on his apparel to at least four, tacky corporate sponsors. He bites his nails. He wears heavy jewelry. He's unshaven and obviously overweight. It would be safe to say that Big John's in psychic trouble...AGAIN. Do you think it's possible that this man, on his own, can come to the realization that his "choices" are not serving him well and to SEEK HELP! My Ex, Gaylord, who knows something about addiction, offers that all addicts suffer like John Daly and their thinking goes something like this:

• Too much that seems like too little.
• Big ego hiding low self-esteem.
• Addicts are takers not givers.

Did you ever see, "Celebrity Deathmatch" which was a claymation parody television show that pits celebrities against each other in a wrestling ring, almost always ending in a gruesome death of the celebrity who lost the match? Wouldn't John and Sherry Daly (or Daly and O.J.) have made a great match? Look for the The Tour to call another extended "time-out" for Big John. To phrase it politely, The Tour will say that John's behavior does not present the image they want to project.

Perhaps we should start another pool to guess at the date that John tries (and fails) to commit suicide. I'm betting 2 months. Who cares about golf when such scandal fodder is present. Following the soap opera that is, "John Daly" is way too much fun. It's kinda like the headlines of the trashy newspapers at the checkout stand at the local market..."Brad Pitt Marries Squid" or Cher swearing that, "My Tits Are Real."

Oh, by the way......43 year old Woody Austin shoots 62 in the last round to win the Stanford/St. Jude golf tournament this past weekend.

The Memorial

Aussie Hit by Tank

Date Written: June 5, 2007

If you happen to be leading a Tour event on the last day, shooting even par will probably not do it for you. Solid Aussie player, Rod Pampling, nursing a healthy 3-stroke lead going into round four must have felt like he got hit by a tank or some other heavy vehicle yesterday by shooting 72. Coincidentally, the eventual winner, Korean icon, K.J. Choi just happens to be known as, "The Tank" in his home country not only because of his stature but also his steely, competitive nature. To take this here army metaphor to another level, Pampling got run over not only by a "Tank" (65), but by a couple of other sharpshooters named Ryan Moore (66) and Kenny Perry (63). The "Tank" gets another record of sorts.....he comes from further back to win on the last day (5 shots) than anyone else this year. It was amazing to watch "Tank" down the stretch, especially his bunker play. Rarely does one get to see someone make EVERYTHING he needs to win and he did.

Another coincidence....Tiger, Ernie and V.J., all finished together at 9-under (T-15). Does that mean that they are all equally ready for the Open at Oakmont in two weeks? The number one ranked lefty named Lefty, did as his name suggests...he left the premises early in round one, claiming a sore wrist. Probably overuse on the range from trying to emulate Tiger's "stinger" in the hopes of hitting it straight at The Open. My fantasy pick for the Open, Mr. "Back-Off" Furyk (who I've learned to fast-forward on my TIVO when I think he's actually going to hit a shot,) finished T-23 at Jack's Memorial. Six of youse in the pool got to take a TV timeout this past weekend when your favorito, Zach Johnson, had a tummy ache after being 3-over for eleven holes. Which begs the question: have you ever heard of anyone quitting when they were 3-under? Did Zachy have to get a note from the tour nurse that allowed him to go home and sleep it off rather than gut it out?

"The Donald" pads his million-dollar-plus lead with another timely (Kenny Perry) pick. Whazzup wid dis Donald guy? Should we throw in the proverbial towel...award him first place dough and re-start for the last 12 tournaments? Jeez!

Onward to Memphis...8 NO-SHOWS this week, including "The Donald" who figured Steve Stricker would show up. Nah, nah. Time to make some hay boys and girls.