The Tour Championship

Tiger as God

Date Written: September 17, 2007

Now that the FedEx points business is over, we can all genuflect on Tiger's true ascension to "Golf-Godliness."

My head aches are finally starting to diminish from trying to understand FedEx points and money not actually earned. Methinks I really didn't need to re-learn the actuarial concept of the "future worth of present dollars." Because, in the end, the whole FedEx business didn't matter. Tiger (Duh!) wins. When asked during a press conference after the tournament if he thought he was in his prime,

Tiger said:

"When all is said and done, when you rack the cue and go home and retire, you can honestly say these were my best years, when I was at my peak. But when you're in it, you're always trying to improve that a little bit to get to the next level."

Tiger added that his daddy taught him that winning solves everything.

No Shit! By any standard, when Tiger enters a tournament the "field" is playing for second place. If he's not god, he's golf's first billionaire. For now, Tiger's going to take the next three months off. His offspring, "Baby Moses" (er Sam Woods) is now officially a major trust-funder, thanks to the FedEx annuity and the $100 million dollar Gatorade contract her daddy's about to sign. Watch for Tiger on your TV screens soon, sweating orange Gatorade.

Contrary to popular belief, The PGA Tour does not end with The Tour Championship. The PGA Tour has invented another segment called, "The Fall Series," whereby the "have-nots" can make some cash to keep playing next year without Tiger in the field. He's only scheduled to appear in two events for the rest of the year, next week's President's Cup and his own Target Championship in December.

Just like Tiger, I need some rest too. The leaves are doing their colorful death dance in the Northwest and it's time to start layering on the long underwear and trying to find my Winter golf gloves. Lucky you.....for a couple of months you all won't have to read my "weekly golf drivel." I'll email/fax you the PGA Tour schedule for 2008 sometime in December. Pass the word along if you know anyone who would like to join us for next year.

Congratulations to our three winners. Well done! Your checks are in the mail!

WalterGolf

BMW Championship

D-Cup Size

Date Written: September 10, 2007

Excerpted from Dave Schedloski of PGATour.Com:

"Superlatives in all the world's languages long ago were exhausted on behalf of Tiger Woods, so attempts to apply worthy adjectives to his golfing exploits seem as futile as trying to beat him."


Suffice it to say, when Tiger's in his groove and hitting it straight at the pin all day and then has his Rembrandt-like putting schwerv working, he makes the game look simple and easy. Kinda like an Oscar Robertson or Jerry West jump shot. Yesterday was one of those days. He must have thought he was putting at a hole that had a 10-foot diameter. He had 11 one-putts. When I putt, no matter the distance, the hole looks about as wide as a thimble.

It's almost mathematically impossible for anyone to overtake our fantasy pool leaders at the top three positions going into the last "real" tournament of the year. Our top three, "nose-pickers" are so far ahead that their positions won't be threatened even though they all have N0-SHOWS this coming weekend at The Tour Championship. Master Art, who's in fourth place with Sergio as a pick this week, has the slimmest chance to take over third if the Spaniard wins. The rest of us also-rans can only hope to throw better darts next year.

So, as they say in the debt collection business, "the checks almost in the mail." Based on nineteen pool players at $100 entry fee each, $1,100 goes to "The Donald" for his stellar win, $500 to Jim Brady for second place and maybe $300 to Scott Winegar for third.


WalterGolf

Deutsche Bank

Target Putting

Date Written: September 4, 2007

23-putts will do it every time. Lefty plays head-to-head with Tiger and whups 'em with the flat stick. If Tiger or Brett Wetterich could have have putt like Lefty, it might have been a different outcome. But HEY!...putting is 50% of the game. With that thought in mind, I've decided to change my company name from Target Promotions to Target Putting. My first book is on the "SECRET" of putting. The text and graphics were conceived during endless group therapy sessions with my fellow inmates at The Putting Sanitarium, located in Yip, AZ. I had to check myself in last year and admit, like any other addict, that my name was Walter and I had a problem. I'll save you the expense and the hours of therapy that led me to publish this tome. The entire book can be boiled down to seven words:

DON'T LET YOUR LEFT WRIST BREAK DOWN!

But now, back in the real world. Our esteemed pool leader, "The Donald," once again throws a dart and picks Wetterich (T-2) and wins a pile of cash to increase his money lead to almost 1 mil. What is it with this guy? Two events to go and it's a dogfight between Jim Brady and Scott Winegar for place and show dough. Brady, along with 3 other also-rans, had the cosmic good sense to pick Robert Allenby who finished 8th alone for a solid payday.

The FedEx, SchmedEx soap opera plot got thicker with the following that I excerpted from the PGA Tour website:

"Mickelson, Steve Stricker and Woods are now 1-2-3 in the first FedEx Cup playoffs, but Mickelson said he might not play in the BMW Championship in Lemont, Ill., because of an undisclosed tiff with PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem. Mickelson didn't say when he would decide if he's playing the third of four playoff events."

So....now that Phil's leading the FedEx chase for the $10,000,000 annuity (with compound interest that will probably be $40,000,000 by his retirement age,) we'll see if a little spat with The Commish is just that...little. Tiger skips The Barclays, Lefty's thinking he'll skip the BMW? I don't think the heavyweight players in the game like being told when and where to show up. Personally, I still can't imagine giving anyone but Tiger, who had the most incredible year, any giant prize. Though I don't care much anyway. I won all ways on a $3.00 Nassau yesterday from John Manocheo, and I'm feeling pretty flush.

Also from Golfweek Magazine, I have attached for your perusal: http://www.golfweek.com/business/tours-associations/story/fedexmainbiz_news_082107 , an article by Adam Schupak entitled, "Deferred Delivery." It's all about the financial workings and development of the FedEx scheme and the PGA Tours retirement plan that was implemented by former commissioner, Deane Beman. Needless to say, we don’t have to worry about the finances of our favorite players. They (or their heirs) are all going to be filthy rich!

Lastly, also from Golfweek Magazine, the report that Richard J. Ferris has resigned his position as chairman of the PGA Tour Policy Board, effective Dec. 31. His resignation ends a 20-year tenure with the Policy Board, including the past 14 as chairman. His successor has yet to be named. I wonder if it's a coincidence what with the FedEx baloney?


WalterGolf