The Buick Open

Woodhead and Bubba

Date Written: June 30, 2008

Kenny Perry's second victory of the season rested on the putters of the two "W's, "Woodhead" Austin and Watson, Bubba. Austin three-putted for bogey on the last two holes (albeit from distance) and Watson couldn't make a 12-footer for birdie on the 72nd hole to tie so Perry wins his second tournament of the year.

"I threw it away," said "The Woodhead," whose demonstrative ways led him to cup a ball and slam it against the wood board marking the seventh tee. "I didn't hit the ball close enough to the hole the last two holes to counteract my yips. I've got to figure it out or I'd better quit." In Woodhead and Bubba's good company, Dudley "The Dud" Hart collected four bogies over the last seven holes to sub-marine his chances to win.

From the PGA Tour website: "Kenny Perry, winner of yesterday's Buick Open, will honor his commitment to play in the U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee rather than the British Open. He's a former champ at Brown Deer Park, so who knows what might happen there." Which brings into focus, once again, Johnny Miller's critique of Perry's decision NOT to play at Torrey Pines in the U.S. Open. Now, Perry's supporters will have some additional explaining to do. Mr. Weenie, (er, Perry) will not appear in the British Open in a month. Not to beat a dead horse, but this is a guy who wants desperately to play international competition in the Ryder Cup? What would you rather have...a trophy from a minor tour event called Milwaukee or be known as the Open Champion for the rest of your life? No contest from this quarter.

Mikey P. jumps a few spots in the standings with a rare pick of Kenny Perry to win The Buick Open. Miracle dart-throwin' Mikey.

"Woodheads" two three-wacks cost T & A, Perry Sato and Doug B. a shot at a bunch of top money. Perry's eagle from the bunker at 14 didn't help their cause either.

On to the Tiger-less sponsored AT&T in DC. Question of the week: Why do you think that in baseball, they call these, "the dog days?"

The Travelers

'N Cink

Date Written: June 23, 2008

The word among serious journalists is that bloggers are way too harsh. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Please hear my confession. I am guilty...guilty of a lot of things including bad blogging. In my defense though, you must understand...I can't help myself. Sometimes my six year old bathroom humor gets the best of me. I know in my heart that it's cheap to make fun of another because their name happens to be weird. Take "Cink" for example. It's way too easy to conjure up all kinds of bathroom and golf analogies. Can't you see how easy it is to substitute words like tank, drain, toilet, sewer, poo-poo, flush...whatever, to describe one's golf game? 'N Cink hisself would probably be the first to admit that his inablitity to "finish" hasn't been realized. He's blown a bunch of opportunities to win in his career. Because he's been such a highly-regarded player, he must know that he has to endure the bad metaphors to his last name. Hence the photo above might represent all his missed opportunities. Despite my attempts at bad humor, I am really not alone in my opinion. A dry and sober quote from a real journalist affiliated with the Associated Press said, "Stewart Cink has a reputation as a good golfer who just can't finish off a tournament."

Well...Stewie "The Cink" tried hard to live DOWN to his reputation at this past weekend's Traveler's. He hit a couple of shots on the last nine holes that even had the TV commentators scratching their collective heads. He fatted a wedge on a par four that was 40 yards short of his target. Then, on the 72nd hole, leading by one shot, he hit a giant 365 yard, blocked drive that some estimated was 50 yards offline. Luckily, he managed to convert each frightful miscue (read "choke") into an up-and-down par, thereby avoiding a playoff with defending champ, Hunter Mahan and aging Tommy Armour, III. In one last attempt at bad, childish humor; if back-nine stress is the primary cause of hair loss, it's no wonder Mr. Cink's going bald.

T'was a nice payoff for seven of us who just missed with Mahan to repeat...Lord Kerrick being one of the astutes. Corn Beef Taco's standing in third place was also greased a bit.

Onward to the next, Tiger-less tour stop, The Buick Open in Michigan. The field looks like a Nationwide event, with most of the bigger names taking the week off. Now we can begin the countdown to The British. We are only five weeks away from their OPEN which will, obviously, be Tiger-less too. As a matter of fact, the whole next year just might be Tiger-less, given the severity of the damage to his ACL and micro-fractures to the tibia of his left leg.

In this celebrity-driven, market-oriented world, the question arises, what's an event worth without a headliner? The PGA has long known the value of Tiger as it translates to the TV engine that runs their machine. Without question, their ratings will plummet. When and if Tiger ever decides to retire, the Tour will have to renegotiate their TV contract downward. For now, we'll have to endure a different spin that will come from their publicity machine. They will try to somehow convince us that there product is still valuable to watch without Tiger in attendance. I'll just say good luck. Anybody out there want to watch 3 hours of golf to eventually see a playoff between Tim Herron and Dudley Hart?

Lastly this week, I hope Tiger comes to the realization that he doesn't need to kill himself in the gym in order to play well. Slow down pal, you've got a whole life to live. If you need a golfing fix, we've got a skins game on Sundays up here in Idaho which you could play left-handed. I can almost guarantee you can make twenty bucks a week.

U.S. Open

One-Legged Tiger

Date Written: June 17, 2008

Golf on Monday. What could be better? Maybe random sex with Michelle Pfeiffer, but short of that longshot fantasy, how about a playoff for the U.S. Open? The match-up of everyman (Rocco Mediate) against the best player who ever lived playing on one leg.

Rocco was great. Even though I was one of the thirteen in the fantasy pool who was grateful that Tiger squeaked out the win, I was secretly rooting for Rocco. Forty five years old, bad back, one-way ball flight, great attitude, ferocious competitor, shaky putter at times, terrific sense of humor, blah, blah. He was terrific. At the very least, Rocco Mediate is now a national household name.

The tour has figured out how to handicap Tiger...make him play on one leg. I thought at times that he was going to withdraw but he hung tough. Having personally survived 3 left knee operations and finally knee replacement surgery, I want to know what drugs Tiger took to make it through to the end. I would guess there was a cortisone shot somewhere between day three and day four. Roger Maltbie (Johnny Miller's, Ed McMahon) claimed he only used over-the-counter (Advil?) medication. I doubt it. If you want to read more about the possibilities for a long layoff for Tiger, click on the Thomas Bonk article:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-bonk17-2008jun17,0,4051577.column

And if you really have some extra time on your hands, read this David Brooks editorial about Tiger's focus:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/opinion/17brooks.html?hp

Remember the answer to the old golf joke, "How did you make a nine on a hole?" The answer, "Well, I missed my putt for eight" applies to San Diego homie, "Lefty Mick." He's playing the relatively easy par five thirteenth on day three. He misses the fairway with his drive and has to lay up with his second shot. Then he gets too cute with his third shot, an L-wedge to a front hole location just five paces from the edge and spins it off the green. He switches to his 64-degree wedge, but needs three more tries before getting the ball to stay on the green. He then proceeds to three-putt. Voila...NINE! Hackers could be heard harmonically rejoicing around the world.

We have now played exactly two-thirds of the pool schedule. Big time changes were effected what with the massive double money allotted to the majors. Biggest move was at the top where Lord Arthur of Kerrick and Pat Moloney are now leading at over the $7 Mil mark. Move over Vinegar Man, it was a nice run. Personally it feels good to get out of the cellar but in a perfect world I didn't want so much company.

Stanford/St. Jude

Mass Suicide

Date Written: June 9, 2008

"The Mechanic," (Justin Leonard) prevails in a three-way playoff for the Stanford/St. Jude title. Robert Allenby learns what its like to finally lose after winning ten straight playoffs in his pro career. Trevor Immelman has recovered from his all-to-hectic ("tsk, tsk") Master's TV tour. Those could have been the headlines for the week but Yours Truly is always looking for the "under story," the "fuck-up" if you will. The real headline from Memphis should have read, "Mass Suicide" or perhaps, "The Cutters." After the game, Dean Wilson, Gavin Coles, Tim Clark and Marc Turnesa were last seen in the Memphis men's locker room huddled over a package of double-edge razors, deciding who would go first. Two doubles in the last three holes for Dean-O did him in. Little Gavin Coles was just behind him in the futility department...doubling the 72nd hole to miss the playoff by two. Earlier in the day, third-round leader Tim Clark triple-bogeyed the first hole and Marc Turnesa, did him one better; he made a quad on #1. To quote Phillies baseball manager, Danny Ozark, "'Half this game is ninety percent mental."

High winds, hot temperatures, sloping greens running near 15 on the Stimp and tucked pins all added up 4-under being good enough to tie for first. You can add the TPC course in Memphis to the short list of U.S. Open-type courses. Last weeks Muirfield/Memorial was no piece of cake either. But those courses are merely hors d'oeuvres for the main meal that's coming this week, Torrey de la Pines.

So gentlemen, as they say at Indianapolis, "Start Your Engines." Oil up the remote. Make sure your TIVO's set for overtime on Sunday. We get some serious wall-to-wall television starting Thursday. Tiger has thirteen of us wondering if he's fit to go. The dummies who thought at the beginning of the year that he would be a "slamdunk" on his favorite venue, are now re-thinking after his third left knee surgery. Someone told me yesterday that Tiger was still limping. I hope not. If he is, I might have to have my best friend Guido to "rearrange" both his kneecaps...ala Tonya Harding. On a lighter side, maybe it's only fair to the field that he be "handicapped" in some way. Three dreamers will get to see if Philly Mick's up to the task in his backyard sandbox. I heard he's just bringing fourteen wedges.

No movement in the pool. Good on Bob Bruce with his T-8 pick of the pro from Yiddish C.C., Scott Verplunked.

The Memorial

Miller Lite

Date Written: June 2, 2008

Seven pool players picked Kenny Perry to win The Memorial. Nice dart throwing kiddees. Y'all pad your accounts by over a million smackers and tighten up the race for second place. Kenny joins Tiger as only the second player to win Jack's tourney three times. Quite an feat! The win will surely guarantee Kenny's presence on Paul Azinger's Ryder Cup team. "Zinger" couldn't possibly leave him off the team which will play at Valhalla in Perry's home state of Kentucky after this win. Kenny has had such a nice run over the last month, first at The Player's and then his overtime loss at the AT&T in Atlanta. Perry has clearly proven his mettle.


From Dave Shedloski, of the PGA Tour:
"Long grass and long faces. Furrowed sand in the bunkers and furrowed brows. Fast greens and blue moods. The Muirfield Village course's ankle-deep rough swallowed up errant shots and its greens were as slick as glass. Only three players broke 70 in round two. Twenty players couldn't break 80."

From Tom Lehman:
"Mr. Nicklaus is getting exactly what he's hoping for. He's got a major championship-type feel to this place. The place is like a U.S. Open. We were talking about that on the first tee. The greens, the pins, the rough, the speed of the fairways ... it's not over the top, but it's very tough."

Now campers, back to the reason that Johnny Miller's mug shot is the featured image of the week. I actually tried to manipulate my computer to graphically put a foot in his mouth but I couldn't do it...I don't have any Adobe skills. To those of us who question from time to time if Johnny's comments are suspect; I offer the following: Johnny opined at The Player's that Kenny couldn't win on any US Open type course because he's only got a right-to-left game. Johnny has proven to many over time that he sometimes doesn't know from whence he speaks. As per Tom Lehman's comments above, Muirfield was just about as tough as any course the boys have seen this year and Master Perry was flawless. So once again, Johnny's "expert" testimony comes into question.

From the college ranks:
WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. (AP) -- UCLA's Kevin Chappell shot a 76 on Saturday to wrap up the NCAA men's individual golf championship and help the Bruins hold off Pac-10 rivals Stanford and Southern California for the team title.

Locally, in the, "This Is Your Year" department: our blind-lucky pool leader, Scott Winegar of Boise fame, one-hopped a 6-iron into the eleventh hole at Elkhorn Golf Course during last week's 2-day, Sun Valley Pro-Am. This was no cheap shot...166 yards over water onto a skinny green surrounded by nearly "Muirfield" rough in semi-rainy conditions.

Six Toms, four Austin's and four Snedeker's in Memphis this coming week. Then, on to Tiger's return to Torrey.

Finally, finally: In fairness, if "Hoof 'n Mouth Miller" wanted to further pursue his "ball flight" argument against Mr. Perry, he would surely point to Kenny's postgame Memorial announcement that he has never played well at Torrey Pines and that he's going to skip it. Maybe I'm too harsh on Miller Lite?