Zurich Classic

Voodoo Time

Date Written: March 31, 2008

Artie, Lutzie, Mikey P. and Pat M. were about to make a ton of money on Woody Austin at the Zurich Classic. This caused for some creative thinking at this end because there was too much money at stake for us also-rans in the pool. I sprang into action.

I put the TV on pause and went to find Maudie, my trusted "Nawlins" voodoo doll. I found her buried deep in a hallway closet, resting upside down in her miniature pine coffin. I pryed open the coffin and found the long straight pins that allow her to do her long-distance magic. I returned to my easy chair and re-started the telecast. I waved "Maudie" three times in front of Woody Austin who was on the eighteenth tee and stuck four pins in crucial locations in her body that have long been known by voodoo experts to cause erratic behavior. May God forgive me but I had to do this.

"Woodhead," probably had no idea of the power of voodoo. He promptly though proceeded to totally butcher the tough par five. He hit one shot out of the rough a grand total of about twenty yards and then dunked his next shot in the water. It ultimately cost him and the four of you who picked him, a ton of money. I felt bad but I felt good. If "Woodhead" makes par on eighteen, y'all win about half a mil. If he makes birdie, you tie for the lead and go into a playoff with Andres Romero to potentially win over a mil. As it turns out, you end up sharing fourth place which is worth about a quarter mil. Now that ain't bad but ain't great. If you happen to run into "Woodhead" (aka Aquaman), don't tell him what I did. He thinks he just "choked his guts out." He has no idea of the power of Maudie. Worst of all for Pat M., he cost him the lead in our pool. Man! It's hard work keeping the leaders in sight.

In a more earthly comment after the telecast, David Cropper, former pool player and 2-handicapper, wondered why Woodhead just didn't hit a three wood off the tee, hit his second shot to wedge distance and maybe make a short putt to send the game into extra innings. We'll never know....but Maudie do.

I count nine Appleby aficionados, three Scott's and three Bubba's as the favorite picks among the faithful this coming week at the Shell in Houston. The Master's, double money and great theatre in less than two weeks.

WGC/CA

Le Roi est Mort

Date Written: March 25, 2008

"The King is dead, long live the King." [1] Or better yet, the streak is dead but long live the feat. It was a good run and fun to speculate on how long it would last. There was some serious talk that he could break Lord Byron's record of eleven straight. It ended being Tiger's first defeat in eight events worldwide since Sept. 3rd. That's LAST YEAR folks! His majesty just missed by in back of the ultimate winner, GOgilvy. A putt here, a putt there...blah, blah. The final leaderboard at the "Blue Weenie" looked like a major. Singh, Furyk, Goosen, Woods...the best players in the world fighting it out down the stretch.

Congrats to the astute twosome of Scott Winegar who jumps into first place and Bob Bruce into fourth place in our funky pool for their pick of GOgilvy. "Mahvelous" John Manocheo relinquishes the top spot, which he held for about ten weeks. GOgilvy, played ridiculously steady...he had only one bogie over 72 holes.

Many tour players consider the Florida part of the Tour the most difficult stretch they will face during the year. By my calculations, playing par golf in FLA during the last four weeks would have made the following dough:

Honda....... $88,000
Pods.......... $127,200
Palmer...... $31,513
WGC/CA.. $42,500
TOTAL......$289,213

Yippee Ki Yo! Arnold Palmer has agreed to host next year's Bob Hope Chrysler Classic. Good riddance to "The Mugger," George Lopez.

If you want a laugh, click on the link below forwarded by local Valley Club legends, Shawn Aicher and Dick Shelton:

http://www.golf.com/golf/video/article/0,28224,1720077,00.html?xid=forecast031008_story4

On to "Nawlins" this week. Not many of the top players in attendance. They're thinkin'..... MASTERS! Five Glover-Lovers and three Tom-Toms.


[1] "The King is dead. Long live the King!"[1] is a traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch in various European and North American countries, particularly in the United Kingdom and Canada. The original phrase was translated from the French Le Roi est mort. Vive le Roi!, which was first declared upon the coronation of Charles VII following the death of his father Charles VI in 1422. In France, the declaration was traditionally made by the Duc d'Uzès, a senior Peer of France, as soon as the coffin containing the remains of the previous king descended into the vault of Saint Denis Basilica. The phrase arose from the law of le mort saisit le vif—that the transfer of sovereignty occurs instantaneously upon the moment of death of the previous monarch.

Arnold Palmer

Ho Hum

Date Written: March 17, 2008

Tiger wins again...YAWN!

As the Jews would say, "So what else is new?"

When he was a mere seven shots behind the Veej after two rounds, was he out of it? NOPE! When he 3-putted from seven feet at ten on Sunday to drop into a tie for the lead, should we have worried? NO AGAIN! He merely had to have a brief talk with himself. He proceeded to calmly grind out par after par before draining a long putt on the eighteenth to win his fifth Palmer title. Not like he hasn't done this before. HO HUM!

I do have one minor complaint to express to Tiger when he calls me later today. I'm gonna tell him to shit-can the fist-pumping/cap-slamming act. It's not very classy.

Corn Beef Taco jumps a spot and Jan and Matt get off the deck with their astute pick of Veej. As I'm writing this weekly drivel, I'm wondering if anyone has ever done the Tiger vs. V.J., head-to-head math. Tiger seems to beat him like a drum when they are both in the mix on Sundays. Luke and Sergio disappointed a bunch of youse. Lukey, by missing the cut by one stroke. Sergio is still on his quest for a repeatable putting stroke. I can relate.

Onward to another WGC (The venue is Doral's Blue Monster course) which, of course, Tiger will win....DUH! Then it'll be on to conquer The Masters and the other majors later this Summer. It's looking more likely that he'll bat 1.000 this year. YAWN!

Walter Littenberg

The Pods Championship

A Severe Headache

Date Written: March 10, 2008

To say that golf's a "head game" is an obvious understatement. The mental part of the game is about as painful as running the last six miles of a marathon. When I step on the first tee, I can almost be guaranteed that I'll metaphorically puke over two bad decisions that I'll make during the round. Golf to me is, at the very least, a love/hate relationship. Sometimes it feels like working for a stupid boss. And then, of course, I realize that the stupid boss is ME! Now I got to figure out how to fire ME! On the other hand, it's comforting to know that I have good company. The pro's were puking all over themselves at The Pods this past weekend. Wily vet, Jeff Maggert, goes 8-under in his first 27 holes and then 10-over in his next 27 holes. Rookie of the Year, Brandt Snedeker has a four shot lead early in round three, 3-whacks from twelve feet and "unwinds." Calc breaks 3 hearts (Art, Lutzie & Corned Beef Taco) by finishing 3 over on his last 6 holes. And most suck-CINK-ly, Stewart does a nifty swan dive down the toilet on the last nine holes to hand the whole she-bang to steady, green-hitting Sean O'Hair. Sink has failed to win eight of the nine times he has been leading going into a final round. It's apparent that in order to succeed as a player at this level, one can NEVER get too high or too discouraged because the ultimate pain of the game can happen at any time. I'm reminded of the "Migraine Headache Art" feature in the New York Times about a week ago. If you have the time, click on the link below and try and visually relate to your own story of how you felt when last you hit some stupid, ill-thought-out, ego-driven shot.

http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/03/migraine-art-slideshow/?

The tough Copperhead Course at the Innisbrook Resort in Tampa didn't make it any easier. As a matter of fact, all the courses in the Florida rotation are tough. 4-under gets the job done yesterday and 6-under was good enough at The Honda last week. Last year, 8-under won for Veej at Bay Hill (Arnold's gig) which is coming up this week and Doral's renovated Blue Monster course is no piece of cake in two weeks. I'll add it up after Doral, but my guess is that if you go "even par" in FLA you make a pile of dough. And that's not counting the dreaded TPC at Sawgrass which will be played in May.

Bob Bruce gets off the deck and Scott Winegar leaps a spot near the lead with their fortunate pick of John Senden at The Pods. Senden was one of six players who tied for 2nd, two shots from tying for the win. Nice going boys. Sometimes (especially in my case), it's fun to root against the field. Five Garcia's and five Donald's this week at Arnie's. Garcia's putting like a dog and Luke's already won over a million smackers this season. Only one NS...Stenson...sorry Dougie.

The Honda Classic

The Bear Trap

Date Written: March 3, 2008

The Bear Trap comprises holes fifteen thru seventeen at The PGA National in Palm Beach Gardens and is more than just a reference to its re-designer, Jack Nicklaus and some well- placed bunkers. There's some serious-ass water in play that would bring any mortal hacker to his knees. If you think the seventeenth at TPC Sawgrass (The Players Championship) is deadly, the Bear Trap's finishing holes are worse. As a matter of fact there's water on sixteen of the eighteen holes. Might as well throw a snorkle or an aqua lung in your bag in exchange for one of your wedges if you plan to play there.

The last man standing above water Sunday was Big Ernie who garnered his first victory in nearly four years on tour. He survived "The Trap" by going only one over. Ernie burned a number of edges on the back nine with his flat stick, and he avoided the water, otherwise it would have been a runaway. Maybe now he can play back to his form of being number three in the world.

In our funky pool, Denny from Iowa gets off the deck with a nice second place pick of Luke Donald. Master Art, Jim Brady and Scott Winegar helped themselves with a T-4 from Robert Allenby and Monte Train scored with Calc. Seven of us, thinking that Camo-wearing, Boo Boo Weakly would play back to last year, were dead wrong. Boo Boo fires a nifty 8-0 on the last round. "Boo has the flu," should have been his headline. Another young Nationwide grad, Matt Jones, made his sixth straight cut of the year. You gotta give the kid credit for chutzpah. He was one down going into the dreaded par three 17th and took a line straight at a sucker pin that ballooned into the water. An easy double bogie ensued. Johnny Miller (who sees things I can't see) thinks his swing is to drool over. Matt hisself thinks he can compete at this level. We'll see.

Onward to Florida's other coast for the PODS Championship. I remember hearing somewhere that the PODS folks were ending their sponsorship next year. Maybe Public Storage or Waste Management can sign on. Nine "no shows" this week. Six of us picked KJ who is not in the field. I'm calling his agent, his wife, his caddy and his banker! Three think Calc will repeat.