EDS Byron Nelson

The Pro From Mars

Date Written: April 28, 2008

Ryan Moore has the weirdest swing I've ever seen. It's beyond, "homemade." Maybe he's really from some other planet? Do they play golf on Mars? His "action" makes Jim Furyk's "loop-de-loop" takeaway look conventional by comparison. At least Furyk has his feet aimed at the target at address. Ryan's almost "perpendicular" left. His set-up makes me wonder if he has ever suffered from the dreaded disease called, "double cross." You know that shot. The one where you aim left to hit a fade and then cross over and actually hook it out-of-bounds? How Ryan finally "gets" to the ball from the top is a minor physical miracle and how he replicates this action is equally astounding. If I had to bet, I'd put my money on someone else every time. That said, he's finished twice, four times on tour and he more than held his own before bowing to Adam Scott in a four-hole playoff at the Lord Byron Open. Way-to-technical, Peter Kostis, with his slow-action, Konica-Bizhub-Bullshit swing analyzer, had the good sense not to criticize Ryan's unique action. He did a fairly good job of explaining the swing-angle adjustments that he has to make to get square to the ball at the bottom.

One last comment on Ryan Moore's fashion choices: join Jesper and Shingo and shitcan the dippy chapeau.

Me and Cropper didn't do too well in the Oasis Best Ball in Twin Falls this past weekend. If they had a category for oldest players in the field, we would have won. As it was, we finished in the middle of the pack of 40 teams in the championship division. I'll just keep fooling myself with the explanation that it's still early in the season and my game has yet to round into form.

A bunch of Cink's and Oberholser's this week in The Wachovia. I read somewhere that Oberholser's entire body needs repair and he only played The Masters because it's what it is...The Masters. He's going to quit playing for awhile, until he's healed. And sure enough, he's a No Show and five of us are out of luck this week. How am I ever going to get out of the basement?

Toughest courses on tour???? Click on the link if you think it's Augusta:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-bonk26apr26,1,333384.story

The Heritage

Back-to-Back Boo, Boo

Date Written: April 21, 2008


Boo "The Chew" Weekley repeats at The Heritage. This is a tough thing to do, having only been done twice before by Mssrs. Payne Stewart and DL III. Mr. Boo, looks just like a compilation of the guys I used to play with in the fifty's at Rancho Park in L.A. (read Rick Reilly's masterpiece, "Missing Links" for a sense of the characters I grew up with.) Occasionally wearing army surplus pants, an oversized shirt that's definitely not on any color chart and what looks like old-style tennis shoes, Boo has set fashion back to the dark ages. Add a big wad of chew oozing sticking through his cheek and dribbling down his chin, a limited, good-ole-boy vocabulary and a strong left hand grip, and Boo will never be mistaken for the a player from the country club set. But unbeknownst to the golfing population at large, our loveable, homegrown Florida Panhandle hustler has figured out how to repeat his dippy, "shut" muni swing and beat-up on the Polo-wearing set. The truth is he has more of arrows in his quiver than most of his stuffy peers. He was mostly straight off the tee which killed half the competition. Then, he unveiled a low punch shot that he could deftly move left or right under the tall, moss-hanging trees that guarded greens as small as postage stamps. In truth, he was a tad bit lucky...chipping in twice from awkward spots on the last day to maintain his comfortable lead. But, as it turned out, he was never threatened...ahead all day long. Remember last year when he chipped in twice on the last two holes to squeek by Big Ernie? He ought to think about building another house on the course or at least buying a power boat to host a beer cruise every year in good Carolina coastal fashion.

Boating aside, Boo "The Chew" makes "Pat M." and "The Donald" almost millionaires for their heady pick of him to repeat. "The Donald" (last year's pool winner), jumps from 9th to 4th in the standings and Pat closes the gap on his associate, Scott Winegar. Artie, Monte Train and Bob Lutz hustled up the standings with a T-2 on the back of "The Aaron of Baddeley." They added nearly half mil to their totals. In my next life, I don't care how many winners I can pick, I just want to putt like Badds.

The Tour schleps back to Texas this coming week. Seven Donald's, five Sabbo's and three Campbell's are the consensus picks at the EDS-Byron Nelson at the TPC in Irving. T&A and Doc 'N Jill think the Yiddish pro, Scott Verplunked, will repeat.

Stating the obvious, yours truly, has been in a holding pattern for the entire season...DEAD LAST! "Steady as a Cropper" I've been for weeks now. Y'all remember the dreaded Cropper Bros? I used to make fun of them on a weekly basis when they were mired miles behind the pack. Oh well! My current standing is probably just cosmic pay-back for my years of witless sarcasm aimed at the them.

P.S. In the "Miracles Can Happen" category, I did learn one thing from Peter Kostis' "Konica Bizhub Swing Analysis" feature. But I'm not going to tell you in case we meet in the semi's of the club championship.

P.P.S. Anyone see Jeff Wong's name on the leader board this past week?

The Masters

Trevor Forever

Date Written: April 14, 2008

It was refreshing to watch Trevor Immelman hold off the best player on the planet and win his first major yesterday. Reams have already been written about the outcome, so I won't bore you. God missed a few short putts and finished in second place, three back. It would have been five if Trevor didn't have a brain freeze on the par three sixteenth.

Gary Player, Immelman's idol, gave him some nice advice before the last round. He told the kid to be tough! Player even went public to liken Trevor's swing to Ben Hogan's. Player's been around so long he probably played in the 40's and 50's with Bantam Ben. Still, the compliment was not trivial. Even Tiger admitted "post game" that Trevor is a fine player and should win a few majors in years to come.

Mr. Tiger's not only chasing Nicklaus' record of eighteen winning majors, but nineteen major second-place finishes. And for those that care, nine third place major finishes. Now, those are staggering numbers. Tiger's gaining in all categories. He finished second yesterday for the second year in a row at Augusta. The question of the day is...how many times now has he finished second in a major? Answer below.

In our trusty pool, eight of you, including our esteemed leader, Scott Winegar, had Tiger for a double payoff of $1,620,000. Scotty extended his lead to roughly 1.7 mil over his business partner, Pat Moloney. These two dudes run an event management business, headquartered in Boise, which begs the question, what's in the water over there? Both Scott and Pat play a decent, single digit game but they appear to be "scratch" players when it comes to picking winners. They also run a very nifty, "Boys On Tour" annual golf tournament that travels the West each year. Scotty does throw us a bone this coming week...he has Adam Scott who's a No Show. Poor Adam got a slight cold and cancelled.

Back to reality this week at the Heritage...DL III's favorite digs. Longtime golfing buddy and semi-scratch, Jeff Wong, now hangs there with the cutest Kelly on the planet. The Wonger was last seen tending bar at Sea Pines and playing a lot of golf. Mother Fudder!

In answer to the question, Tiger has been second five times in majors, including three times in the last five and four in the last 12.

The Shell Open

The "Hooters" Open


Date Written: April 7, 2008


Johnson (Two Last Names) Wagner held it together to win in Houston. He gets his first win on tour, a two year exemption and best of all, he gets to play at Augusta this coming week. What a week for the 29-year old.

Doug B's stellar (T-2) pick of Chad Campbell jumps him to over a mil in the fantasy pool standings. John M. closed the gap a bit at the top of the standings with a solid (T-11) Stricker finish. The nine of us in the pack who picked Appleby (T-26) are still waiting for him to mount a charge.

Other reports from various golf websites in italics. Author's comments in red:

• John Daly withdrew from the Houston Open on Friday after a double bogey on the par-3 16th hole, his seventh hole in the second round. Citing a back injury. Daly was playing on another sponsor exemption. He opened with a 78 and would've missed the cut. Daly was making his ninth start in an already dismal year. He backed out of the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic with a rib injury, missed four cuts and was kicked out of the Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by MasterCard after missing his pro-am tee time. That same day, he found out swing coach Butch Harmon had fired him.

And this from Dave Kaplan, AT&T Tournament Director said. "I think people want to see John, whether they are going to come to see him as a train wreck, or to see him as a golfer, that's in their minds, but I think John would add to our tournament."

I think train wreck. Is it weird that as part of the human race we have an interest in watching someone kill themselves? Ask any substance abuse veteran and they will tell you that Big John's in Big Trouble.

• Adam Scott, with a second-round 76, was 13-strokes higher than his 63 in his first round. That is the largest number for Scott since following up a 67 in Round Two of the 2006 PLAYERS Championship with an 82 in Round Three. According to the PGA, he got strep throat.

I'd get a cough too, shooting a 13-shot differential from day one to day two. Methinks he wanted to scoot over to Augusta and get in some practice licks.

• When play was called on the second day, the par-4 18th hole was ranked as the most difficult in Round Two, more so for none other than Alejandro Canizares. When he got to the 18th tee, he was 3 under for the tournament. When he left the 18th, he was 9 over for the tournament. Four consecutive balls in the water off the tee lead to a 12.

Another "mahvelous" train wreck. When I read this the first time I wondered how one could go from 3 under to 9 over on one hole. That's actually more than a twelve on the hole but rather a 12-shot swing on one hole. The author of the blurb didn't do the math. In reality, he shot 3 under (69) the first day and was 13 over (85) on day two, including his stellar 12 on eighteen, which he was playing as his ninth hole. He blew 4 shots in the water. Whatever the large number, we can all relate to a giant blow-up hole.

Buenos Suerte!