Canadian Open

El Nino

Date Written: July 27, 2009

That's me under the umbrella at The Canadian, trying desperately to stay dry. Just kidding. Doesn't it seem like there's been a lot of rain-delayed events this year on tour? Must be El Nino. I'm gonna find my old wet suit and wear it next weekend while I watch The Buick. Given the Toronto deluge, I suppose the organizers were glad to actually finish their country's championship, rue another Mike Weir finish and finally declare a winner: the little Aussie, Nathan Green.

The Goose handed Green the win with two wobbly shoves from six and nine feet in overtime. Doug B. must have felt like a yo-yo. Dougie was alone having Goose-it to win. I imagined Doug jumping up and down as his horse eagled the par five 18th to get into a playoff. Then I imagined poor Dougie splayed-out, face-down, slamming his fist into his shag carpet declaiming his lost first place dough. All in all though, a profitable week for Doug and Charlie Tuna (Kim) who jumped up a few spots in the pool...perhaps close enough where another win would put either of them in the hunt for serious fantasy pool dough.

Random player notes:

Graham DeLaet, who had a successful college career at Boise State, made the cut in his home country's championship and won some change. Read more:

http://www.idahostatesman.com/golf/story/842470.html

Mark Calcevecchia set a PGA Tour record, firing nine straight birdies in round 2. Click on the link below for a hole-by-hole breakdown of his feat:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r032/07/25/calc_birdie_chart/index.html

Tiger's apparently still driving his Buick Enclave and has deigned to appear this week. He must like the track or his Buick or the folks at GM who paid him a fortune for his endorsement. I heard the rumor that GM is not renewing it's sponsorship for this tournament in Michigan. Does that mean that GM is bailing on golf? Oh well, just another corporate sponsor going "south" in this tough economy. First Wachovia, then Stanford Financial...Chrysler??? Now Buick? In a related mess, the head of the LPGA, Carolyn Bivens, stepped down from her job because of a personality conflict AND the loss of 7 host sponsors. Click below for more sponsorship rumor:

http://www.freep.com/article/20090728/SPORTS15/907280310/1063/Tom-Pernice-Jr.-backs-off--nothing-official-on-Buick-Open-s-status

A bunch of "NO-SHOWS" at The Buick. I've got mixed feelings because three of the four top money leaders in our funky pool, including me, picked Bubba to win and he's a No Show. Good/bad?

Mitch Albom, noted sports columnist and author ("Tuesday's with Morrie") spoke for me (I'm paraphrasing here) when he said that he's still wishing that Tom Watson could go back in time and take a "mully" on his second shot on the 72nd hole at The Open. Right on, Mitch.

And lastly, if you have some time on your hands and want to read a more comprehensive and funny "take" on our boy, Tommy Watson at The British, click on: http://www.forerightbob.com/ I just finished Bob Smiley's, "Follow The Roar" and recommend it to anyone who loves a good golf book. I still can't imagine the concept of following Tiger on every hole for an entire (half) season.

The British Open

T for Tommy

Date Written: July 20, 2009

Here's my current rendition of an old country and western song:

T for Texas,
T for Tennessee,
T for Tommy,
And T for Turn ber-ry.

Everyone I know in my small world in Sun Valley was rooting for Tom Watson yesterday. Were you all too?

To quote my favorite golf writer, Rick Reilly:

"Thank you Tom Watson, for reminding us that a codger can play with a kid, and hold his own. And thank you for making us all feel so much younger this week."

Methinks but for a nuked eight-iron that appeared to be straight online on the last hole of regulation, Tommy Terrific makes sports history. I'm gonna forget that he threw up all over himself on the short second putt.

Tommy Watson, from his own heart, summarized it best of all:

"It would have been a hell of a story, wouldn't it? It would have been a hell of a story. It wasn't to be."

Then, to put the game in perfect perspective, he said later, "This ain't a funeral, you know."

I LOVE THIS GUY!

In the past, I've taken my best shots at Stewart Cink's inability to "close-the-deal." I covered his meltdown at The Travelers in a column I wrote on June 23, 2008. Going further back in time, I remember his three putt from 12 feet to miss a playoff with Retief Goosen and Mark Brooks in the 2001 U.S. Open. Well, if golf is sometimes about redemption, Cink now qualifies as Jesus.

Even though our hero, Huck, clearly ran out of gas in the playoff, one can't deny the obvious...that after all, it's a 72 hole tournament and it was as much a Cink victory as a mini-Watson tank. To me, it was the most memorable British Open of recent memory. Stewart was 3-under over his last five holes, including the dreaded eighteenth TWICE. He crushed Watson by 6 strokes in the playoff, yet it will forever be the story of what might-have-been for Tom. And lest us parishioners forget, Lee Westwood could have easily been in the mix, suffering his own personal meltdown. He bogeyed three of the last four holes, including a three-putt from distance on the final hole thinking that Watson was too experienced to bogey the dreaded 18th.

As far as the pool goes, Bob Bruce and Charlie Tuna's pick of Big Ernie's earned them solid T-8 money.

Turnberry certainly turned out to be one tough test. The R & A should be lauded for their selection and rehabilitation of this storied venue.

Finally, fourteen "homies" are rooting for Mike Weir this coming week in The Canadian, including 4 of the top 5 money leaders. Another oddity...no "No-Shows" this week.

John Deere Classic

The Tractor Open

Date Written: July 13, 2009

"On a hot summer night
He wrote Billy Bob loves Charlene
In letters 3 foot high
And the whole town said that he should have used red
But it looked good to Charlene
In John Deere green."

Remember, "John Deere Green" by Joe Diffie? I wanted to add music as you opened this blog but Miss Vicki couldn't figure out how to do it. Click on the link and scroll down to listen to music sample #9.

http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Joe-Diffie/dp/B00008PX8V/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1247538937&sr=1-1

Speaking of "John Deere Green," Steve Stricker has a bunch of it in his wallet this morning. Stevie flirted with fifty-nine in the second round and went on to win by three. During that round, he was 9-under through a stretch of eleven holes. When Stricker's on a roll, he's "dead-on" every flag with his irons and putts like a shoulder-triangulated automaton. Stricker's having a hell of a year. He won at Colonial, finished a shot back in L.A. and should have won until a last round 5-over in Palm Springs. Click on the link below for Stricker's four scorecards from the Deere. His last days 7-under wasn't too shabby either:

http://www.pgatour.com/players/00/65/27/scorecards/2009/r030.html

The best finish in our funky pool was garnered by John Manocheo with his solid T-2 pick of nearby, hometown, corndog fave, Zach Johnson.

Big week upcoming...THE OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP! Three of you (Doc 'N Jill, Doug B. and Corn Beef Taco) have saved their Tiger bullet for the British. Eight others of us have Paddy who was last seen scratching his head as he missed the cut at Bethpage. Word is that Poor Padraig was last seen scratching his head as he was trying to re-do the swing that won him three majors. Why would he do that? He should know that only God (Tiger) can re-do a swing. The rest of us mortals are doomed to repeat the "over-the-top" swing we were born with.

AT&T National

Sunday in the Park with Tiger

Date Written: July 6, 2009
Every Sunday when Tiger's in the mix, seems like just a walk in the park for him. To memorialize his 68th PGA Tour win, let's have a contest: the first person to name both the artist AND the technique he uses to paint the picture to the left, wins a sleeve of Pro-VX's. Hint...the title of the painting has something to do with the artist's name.

In a more commercial vein, the employees of Nike's marketing department must have been slapping high-fives around the water cooler at campus headquarters in Beaverton lately. From Wimbledon to Washington...Federer to Tiger...to Anothy Kim...the "Swoosh" was everywhere. Two weeks ago, the U.S. Open winner, Lucas Glover and the "comeback kid," David Duval, where "all over the bulb" wearing the most recognizable logo ever invented.

And the storyline from both the tennis and the golf worlds was eerily similar. Fifteen-time Grand Slam Champion, Roger Federer, vs. "Mr. Dead End Kid" Andy Roddick. Likewise, the golf at Congressional featured another backward, hat-wearing upstart...this one being A. K., trying to match his aggressive, "bomb-it" millenial style on Sunday against the best player who ever carved a golf ball. The head-to-head match-ups in both sports had it all: "olde school" vs. "wannabe's." Experience vs. youth. All time records vs. pipe dreams. In the golf match, Tiger was playing against the hype...his consensus heir apparent. Both telecasts had huge audiences. My guess is that about a gazillion people watched sports from morning to dusk on TV, refusing to do any chores that required them to be out of broadcast range and demanding that they have a raincheck for last week's Father's Day.

Ultimately in the end, (as it always does), form prevailed. Tiger brought his "B" game and gave his 24-year old protégé a clinic. Kim brought the yips...snapping tee shots early in the round which made him disappear faster than you can say, "Sarah Palin." As someone said, "it was only four strokes in the end but seemed like eight." The only thing worse than watching Kim's early struggle with his swing was having to listen to Peter Kostis trying to explain his errant mechanics. Kostis may be one of the world's best teachers and knows slow motion, Konica/Biz Hub ad naseum, but I can never see the swing subtleties that he's talking about. When 1/8 of an inch at impact can effect ball flight by 20 yards, why bother trying to explain? Better commentary was provided by Nick Faldo who questioned A.K.'s club selection decisions. Anyway, Tiger's back where he belongs...at the top of the money list. Now that Tiger's fixed his left knee, maybe A.K. needs to see a neurologist for some brain work.

Doug B. and I had the good fortune to pick Hunter Mahan who came from six back with a course record 62 on Sunday and lost by a single shot. Good on us, Doug. Hunter and I share a good Sunday story. I had a wedge/distance lesson from our "Super," Shawn Aicher, at the back of the range before playing our Sunday skins game and miraculously sunk a 55 yard shot for eagle on the par-5 sixteenth hole at Sun Valley to win eighty bucks. It's amazing when one can apply a lesson so quickly and then see results. My wedge shot was about the same distance of the putts that Hunter made on Sunday. For those interested in putting distance math, 140 feet of putts that Hunter made on one day would translate to ten, fourteen foot putts, or seven, twenty foot putts or any combination thereof. In our foursome, we call that "making everything you look at."

The Muffins stay in first place in our funky pool was short-lived because their nag, Stricker, failed to show. Sundali and Winegar jump back into the first two spots. They were two of five who had Kim for a nice third place payday despite Kim's jaunty waywardness. Onward to The Tractor Open (John Deere) where both The Muffins and Sundali have Kenny P, and Winegar has Chad Campbell. We all know who to root against. Two weeks to The British at Turnberry, where double dough will be awarded. Anyone down there in the standings wanna make a run at the leaders, better do it NOW or save your scheckels for next year.

Traveler's Championship

Perryfect

Date Written: June 29, 2009

From Dictionary.com:

perfection
[per-fek-shuhn]
-noun

1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.


I always thought the word perfection was over-used, like when we hear on golf telecasts, "he hit a perfect shot." I thought that perfect, in a literal sense, was when a shot went in...not just on the green, close to the hole, or hit safely out of some impossible lie. Now I am informed by the official wordsmiths of Dictionary.com, that "becoming perfect" is akin to "being perfect."

I'm not sooo stupid as to realize how unattainable it would be to shoot a score of eighteen over 18 holes, but isn't that what words are for...to get to the truth of some matter? Otherwise, what's the point? Perhaps I need to be reminded that we are imperfect people using language that is also imperfect. This week I'm going to take the linguistic liberty to apply my own, "made-up" P word to apply to our weekly subject, Kenny Perry. God knows I've used enough superlatives, including the word perfect, to his eminence, Pope Tiger, The First.

It would be easy to just assign the moniker, "Kenny P." to our hero of the day. It's popular these days amongst the younger set to assign abbreviated nicknames (A-Rod, G-Sauce, T.O., Kenny G.), but Perryfect seems to fit his recent exploits. Kenny's won five times in just over a year, the most of any player on Tour. He has 12 top-10 finishes over that span and has made every single cut. His 258 aggregate total at The Travelers ties him for the fourth-best 72-hole score in tour history. Of lesser importance, he's climbed to the top of the stupid Schmed-Ex list with about a third of the season to go. His streak is nothing short of that other "P" word (that sounds like the "F" word), PHENOMENAL! As long as I'm featuring alliterations, I think he gives us elder hackers hope. At the very least, Kenny P's on a roll for the ages.

From the AP:

There was no Masters-style meltdown Sunday for Kenny Perry. Perry shot 63 to finish with a tournament-record 258 and win the Travelers Championship by three strokes over Paul Goydos and David Toms, two other golfers in their 40s, and leap into first place in the FedExCup standings with 500 points. The 48-year old Perry, whose bogey-bogey finish at Augusta kept him from winning the Masters in April, tied a course record with a 61 Thursday and led after each of the first two rounds here. But he trailed by a stroke to Goydos heading into the final round.

"Everyone kind of asks about the Augusta hangover deal," he said. "I guess I kind of shoved that aside a little bit. So that makes me feel pretty good."

Perry acknowledged he was thinking about the Masters as he played the back nine and told himself to play aggressively. "I knew that I had to keep making birdies," he said. "I wasn't going to let up. I wasn't going to play defensive golf. I learned something from that (Masters) mistake."

I can't remember in our funky pool when there's been such a quantity of near-winning picks. The Beach had a nifty T-2 with David Toms and ten of you scored nearly a quarter of a mil with Hunter Mahan (T-4). But Bob Bruce, Doc 'N Jill and Harry of Miltenberger were not to be un-done. They threw a dead-on strike with their winning pick of Perry, adding over $1 mil and the rare, yellow, highlight color to their respective accounts.

"Around the turn and into the stretch," as they say in horse racing. A bunch of "No-Shows" (even Kenny "P" needs a rest) this week in Washington D.C. where the host course, Congressional has been the site of four major championships over the years. The consensus picks are either Anthony Kim or "Yip" Allenby. The (Toasty) Muffins inched over Bill (The Swami) Sundali (who had an M.C. with In-Cink this past week) into first place. The Muffin's position may be brief because they have a WD this week with Freddie (The Slender) Jacobson. Three of the top six leaders, Sundali, Winegar and Sato, have A.K. so the rest of us know who NOT to root for.

US Open

Who's in Charge?

Date Written: June 22, 2009

MOTHER NATURE (as seen from above as part of a hazard on an abstract golf course), will forever be remembered as the actual winner of the 109th US Open. She was not "officially" in the field but she reminded us that she's in charge. Tiger, along with half the field, had the worst of the weather draw because of HER, having to play in much more difficult conditions than those that went out later. "The leader board after the first two rounds had a big advantage," Mike Weir said. "For half the field to be able to play in nice conditions was huge."

When the rains came, Helen Ross, PGATOUR.COM Chief of Correspondents said:

"Officials hope to finish the third round by 4:30 p.m. The players will then be repaired, and competition in the final round will continue as long as possible Sunday evening and be completed Monday morning."

"Repair the players?" To a man, they did sound exhausted after all the delays over the five full days of a major on a very demanding course.

In the end, Ricky Barnes "unraveled" as most were expecting he would. The more veteran player and sectional qualifier, Lucas Glover, was the unlikely winner. In three prior Opens he had failed to make the cut. His final round 73 yesterday was just good enough to hold off the field. I was reminded by some columnist that Glover left the tour for six months last year out of frustration. To his credit, he figured out a way to not be so hard on himself. I wish I could learn that. Yesterday, he never lost the lead over the last twelve holes. Bill Dwyre of the LA Times summed it up best:

"Lucas Glover didn't just win the U.S. Open on Monday. He won golf's first Bataan Death March. This event took five days to finish, seemed like a month, and left one question burning in the minds of players and fans alike: What day is this again?"

At one point during the third round, Ricky was eleven under. He finished at two under, hanging tough after a bad first nine. He ended up tying for second with Lefty and the charming, comeback surprise of the tournament, David Duval. Welcome back David. You've told us for the longest time that you weren't far off your game. We thought you were either delusional or gonna be just an answer to a stupid Trivia question, "what was your world ranking before the Open?" (Answer, #882.)

From the "Monday Backspin" column on the PGA Tour website crafted by Lauren Deason:

"NO QUIT IN DUVAL: David Duval doesn't quit. He didn't give up over the last decade, when many people assumed he was finished in golf. Once the world's top-ranked golfer, Duval had dropped to 882nd in the Official World Golf Ranking before the week began at Bethpage Black. You heard the stats all week. Duval hadn't earned a top-10 finish since 2002. His last win came at the 2001 British Open. He had missed eight cuts in 14 starts this year. So how could he possibly have tied for second at the U.S. Open? It's easy -- perseverance, determination and a lot of confidence. It may be arrogance, but it's where I feel like I belong, Duval said after his final-round 71. I had no question in my mind I was going to win the golf tournament. Duval's hopes for major glory -- and a major comeback -- appeared to be dashed when he made a triple bogey on the third hole in the final round. But he rebounded with five birdies and just two bogeys over the next 15 holes. Of his performance after that triple bogey, Duval simply said, 'I don't quit.' He proved that more than once this week."

Bill Pennington of the NY Times wrote a charming piece on what I thought, was the biggest story of The Open...Phil's FIFTH, second-place US Open finish. Phil missed two short par putts in the final four holes to lose it. Click on the link to go into the locker room with Lefty after it was all over:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/23/sports/golf/23golf.html?hpw

Thirteen of us blew our Tiger bullet with his T-6 finish. "I striped it this week," he said. "I hit it just like I did [in the victory] at Memorial. Unfortunately, I didn't make anything. My good [putts] were not going in, and my bad ones weren't even close. I left a lot of putts short. And then when I tried to hit it harder, I gunned it past the hole. I gave myself so many chances, and made nothing." Oh well, that's golf!

Glen Marzion jumps into eighth place in our funky pool with his astute, double-money pick of Lefty that paid off like a win. I count ten of you who think that Hunter Mahan will play back to his T-2 finish last year in this coming weeks anti-climactic, Travelers Championship in CT.

Last thought: Paddy's got about a month to find his game for The British where he's going for his third straight title.

The St. Jude Classic

Bad Pants

Date Written: June 15, 2009

Current fantasy pool leader, Bill Sundali, asked me the other day between shots, how I come up with my weekly schtick and attendant photo. I told him most times it takes me through the weekend before the "topic of the week" will be revealed by my golfing muse. But when John Daly's in the field, I don't have to think at all. Some might think I'm either out to get him or I'm queer for him (like his multitude of fans), but I want to assure you it's only because he's such a rich and easy source of copy fodder. He's a perfect cartoon of "Everyman." John was reinstated by the PGA after his latest suspension for being a general embarrassment. In Memphis this week, John made the cut, tied for 59th, and got a bunch of face time and chatter in the press for his Easter-like, public resurrection.

It seems that I feature Big John's exploits in a column once a year. You can scroll back to my past blogs of April 7, 2008 and June 11, 2007 to refresh your memory where he was the main topic of the week. I think I lost a bet to someone because I said that he would be dead by the end of one of the years in question.

On a business level, I'm hoping he forgives my annual rants and picks me to be a staff writer on his new soap opera entitled, "John Daly and His Bad Pants."
I know in my marketing heart that there's big bucks involved in anything John does because in movie business jargon, he's "high concept." His endorsement tie-in with Loudmouth Pants is just more proof. But if I were his agent, I'd tell him to be a bit more careful about his choice of sponsors. He might be skating on that commercial thin ice that will land him in the cold waters called Bad Taste.

It's not a stretch to imagine Big John, after his golfing career is kaput, morphing into Dennis Rodman. The two of them could easily be imagined facing off in a tag-team wrestling match with Mickey Rourke.

When asked by a Inga Hammond of the Golf Channel if this might be his last chance, John said:

"I don't know what a last chance really is. Last chance to me is when you're six feet under. I love this game. I really do. I know deep down in my heart I may never be the No. 1 player in the world, but I know that I love golf and I love to compete. The satisfaction of having that opportunity, knowing I'm prepared to play, I've never been able to see what my best potential is."

Then when asked what motivated him to lose a bunch of weight, our dysfunctional brother replied, "I couldn't catch my breath after bending over and tying one shoe."

So...now I want to know how he did it...lose weight...right? Rather than go on a diet, he made the decision to opt for lap-band surgery. Lap-band surgery? When I first heard the expression, I thought he said "lap dance therapy," which I could immediately visualize. Rather than explain the procedure, click on the link below to learn more about losing weight the easy way:

http://www.obesitylapbandsurgery.com/tecmain.html

If only blindness or cancer could be cured so simply? But alas, Poor John still doesn't realize that what he really needs is brain surgery, not stomach surgery. Having difficulty tying his shoes is only a symptom of the bigger demons that reside between his ears...not around his waist. In my experience, pills and surgery (unless there is structural damage) are mostly palliative...oversold as a way to make us "think" that we'll get better without the work that real change requires.

Some local sage reminded me last week as we were waiting on the tenth tee, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting a different result. Given Big John's myriad, addictive tendencies, it won't be long for Big John to disconnect his lap-band in a drunken stupor. His weight will balloon back up to his normal 300 pound range. My advice to John is to forget the quick fixes, the booze, the sadness that's boiling down below...send me $29.95 for my new book, "THE BRAND NEW, REVOLUTIONARY LITTENBERG 180 DEGREE METHOD OF BEHAVIORAL CHANGE," and I'll change your life forever. Without revealing all my secrets, the gist of the book revolves around the interior stories we all tell ourselves which are mostly untrue and don't serve us well as adults. I'm going to tease you with one of the books secrets...it involves practicing the concept of "flipping your truth." Call me if you figure out what that means. If I tell you any more, you won't buy the damn book. Send cash money with the my solid gold guarantee that this book will change your life...or at the very least, you'll end up in another, less risky form of addiction.

I've got another book in the works that is essentially one line...a really simple idea for those who struggle with their weight...EAT AND DRINK LESS AND EXERCISE MORE! Brilliant! I expect to sell millions of copies of the book to John's adoring and enabling fans who think he is them. My wish is to see John in AA or as a patient in the marvelous HBO series, "In Treatment," rather than shloshing around in his favorite booth on the nineteenth hole, re-telling the same old stories.

All the Daly and Lefty's return coverage overshadowed Brian Gay's remarkable, wire-to-wire, tournament. Brian wears some weird pants too but he has quietly (contrary to Big John) made his mark on tour. Brian's average drive would be 75 yards behind Daly's average drive, but his overall game is soberly solid: middle of the fairway, middle of the green, middle of the hole. He earned an exemption to the US Open this coming week because he qualified as a multiple winner of tour. He has become, in pool parlance, "Steady Eddie."

Only three players in our pool added money to their totals this week, topped by Perry Sato's T-4 pick of the man who's recognized as one of the best ball strikers on tour but can't keep his head still when he putts, Robert Allenby. Everyone's hip to the old addage, "Drive for show, putt for dough," right? It was never more in evidence than this past week. Gay by the way...needed only 100 putts over four rounds. Excuse me for stating the obvious, but that's an average of 25 putts per round. I can't remember when I had less than 28 putts in any one round. Statistically for the year, Gay is 9th in putting and Allenby is 172nd.

It's Father's Day this Sunday. That must mean it's US Open time...double money! Thirteen of us have El Tigre in the fantasy pool. If he loses, it's an upset.

Finally...click on the link below and scroll to the June 10th entry blog written by Peter J. Sanders, founder of www.shotbyshot.com, entitled "How Tough Will Bethpage Black Be?" It's very interesting and timely reading:

http://niblicksoftruth.blogspot.com/

Happy Father's Day, hackers.

The Memorial

Roaring Tiger

Date Written: June 8, 2009

Just when the golf pundits thought Tiger was all washed up, he roars back to win the prestigious Memorial Tournament. Helen Ross, PGA Tour Chief of Correspondents, talks about the clinic Tiger taught yesterday at The Memorial:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/tournaments/r023/06/07/woods.sider.ross/index.html

Half of us have Tiger to win the US Open in two weeks. Now that order is restored in the golf universe, and Tigers leading the parade again, those of us who picked him to win months ago are feeling pretty cocky today.

I felt sorry on Sunday for Jonathon Byrd-Brain. Over the last nine holes, he missed 3 putts inside five feet, chunked an easy chip shot and doubled the last hole to confirm to the planet that the game at this level is played mainly between the ears.

Bill Sundali adds a bit to his lead in our funky pool with his Choi-pick. Scott Winegar jumps over his bunkmate, Pat Moloney into third place but has to suffer Geoff Ogilvy, "blew his wad with a quad" on the short par four fourteenth. Jack Nicklaus admittedly loves to design short par fours and the devilish fourteenth yielded the highest scoring average of any hole on the last day.

Today is the grueling, 36 hole sectional qualifying for the last spots in The Open. Click on the link below to find your favorite hometown player who made it:

http://www.usopen.com/en_US/news/articles/2009-06-05/200906051244212359846.html

Otherwise, the minions travel to Memphis for the St. Jude Classic. Eleven of youse have no one to root for because Trevor Immelmann is a no show! "Lefty" returns for this tournament as his way to tune-up for The Open. Tiger goes direct to Bethpage to practice. What do you think he's thinking? Duh!

Tah, Tah.

The Crowne Plaza

Hamlet Revisited

Date Written: June 1, 2009

To paraphrase Willy Shakespeare's Hamlet: "To be (a winner) or not to be (a winner), that is the question." If it's true that "One bad swing doth not a bad round make," then little, Timmy Clark needs a bigger lead coming home before he figures out how to win. It seems that whenever he imagines himself hoisting the trophy at days end, things go sideways. Even Lady Luck and her merry band of Fates gave him the brushoff once again at the jousting field called Colonial. Given a one shot lead going into the 72nd hole, little Timmy, the world's straightest driver, jerks it into the trees, allowing the two Steve's (Stricker, the eventual winner and Marino) to sneak into a playoff. Then, on the second extra hole, our little Timmy hits the pin flush on his second shot and instead of landing softly a few feet away for an easy birdie, the ball rattles 20 feet away. Clark misses, Stricker makes...end of story.

Methinks one day, Master Timmy might have to undergo a ritual exorcism or a stake burning to rid himself of that insidious inner voice that tells him he's not good enough to win. I seem to be repeating myself at least once a year with Timmy as the heartfelt subject. No matter what insight the commentators try to offer, he remains, "Mr. Second Place." Statistically, he wears the ignominious PGA crown of "most money ever earned without ever winning." Over a ten year, PGA career, he's earned a whopping $13.3 million with nary a win.

Personally, I can offer some solace. If it's worth anything, I'd trade him jobs. I don't like to travel much but I like the money he makes. He can take my place in my lowly foursome here in Sun Valley and I'll guarantee he'll be a winner.

The Bad News Dept: Timmy caused four pool players who picked him this week, major apoplexy. Bright and early Sunday morning, they awoke with hopeful hearts. They mapped out their day carefully. In no order, their mission was to finish all their chores by television tee time, take their phones off the hook, beat their respective wives and children, set out a nice, deli lunch..all in hopes of defying the odds and gaining a giant payday with their pick of Sir Timmy. After it was all over and their finger nails were bitten to the quick, they could only rue the million dollar payday that slipped through their grasp.

The Good News Dept: Bill Sundali, one of the lucky/unlucky ones to have Timmy, creeps over The Muffins into first place. For the record, I play with this guy, Sundali. His predictions in the pool are way better than his reverse-pivot golf swing.

Countdown to the US Open just a few weeks away. Tiger's in the field this week at the Memorial, obviously trying to sharpen his tools for Bethpage Black. Seven of us have the defending champ, Kenny Perry, four have 'Thorny' Rose, and three like the Canadien Weir-wolf. There are no, "no-shows" for the first time this year.

Finally, for your John Daly fix, comes this trivia from the LA Times:

John Daly has taken to wearing the most appallingly garish pants yet seen on a golfer, which is saying something. The Times of London recently offered a sartorial salute with a 10-photo spread, but was less enthusiastic in its commentary. Noting that the trousers come courtesy of a promotional arrangement with a California company, the newspaper said Daly has appeared in bizarre outfits in four European Tour events this year, "each time looking like an escapee from the circus."

The HP Byron Nelson

The Big "C"

Date Written: May 25, 2009

The big story this week in the sporting world was the heartbreaking news that Amy Mickelson has breast cancer. In a way, it's sad that celebrities get emotional headlines while our lowly family members, who suffer this dreadful disease by the millions, go un-recognized. If only Aunt Melinda was as photogenic and lucky to be married to one of the worlds best golfers? So much for our pop-idol culture. Look for Amy's image to be featured at the magazine rack at your local supermarket check out aisle.

Melanie Hauser, PGATour.com correspondent wrote:

In a touching scene, Winner, Rory Sabbatini, wore a pink shirt Sunday in honor of Amy Mickelson's battle with breast cancer and a good friend who's undergoing can treatment. Rory and his Amy stayed up last night making ribbons for players and spectators to wear. Sabbatini's friend, Bill Huseby, is battling Hodgkins lymphoma. Sabbatini hadn't seen him in nearly a year when Huseby came to the Masters. "He looks about 85 years old and pretty much skin and bones,'' Sabbatini said, wiping away the tears and trying to compose himself. "It really puts everything else that we do out here into perspective,'' he finally said. "It's tough. You know it's tough to see someone going through that. You know, that's why when you think about Phil and Amy Mickelson going through, what they're going through." The Sabbatini's have been in touch with Huseby -- he helped introduce the couple -- via text messages over the last few weeks and have convinced him to move to Houston to undergo treatment at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. "I just really hope and pray my buddy pulls through,'' Sabbatini said.

Sabo's game was certainly "in-the-pink," pun intended. He seemed to "gear down" a bit off his typical swing speed and his putting stroke was out of this world. A final round 64 (with a bogey on the last hole, no less) capped off a tournament record 19-under par.

All in all, the effort of the Sabbatini's to call attention to The BIG "C" perhaps took the sting out of some of the bad publicity he's gotten in the recent past. Remember the Ben Crane "slow play" affaire and unexplained WD from Tiger's Target Tourney?

Regular PGA Tour journeyman, Michael Allen, needed a special invitation from the PGA of America to get into the Senior PGA Championship because he had no status on the Champions Tour -- he's still fully exempt on the PGA Tour. Allen showed the invite was deserving as his winning score of 6-under 274 was one of only three under par and won the prestigious event at Canterbury in Cleveland. Allen has been winless for twenty years and he's probably best known for attending Q-School, thirteen times and holding the remarkable record for the most times to successfully make it....seven. "I always thought I was good enough to win," he said. "It has been a struggle, but it's a struggle I enjoy every day."

Therein lays the difference between Allen and most of us mortals. Beyond his superior athletic skills, I think the struggle to compete week in and week out at such a high level is too hard for most mortals. To keep going, year after year, with nary a sniff at a win, let alone some real cash, is either true delusion or belief. Ah, to be just turning fifty and looking forward---as someone on TV said---to being on a first name basis with your bank manager.

Update from last week: Shane Lowry, who won last week's Irish Open as an amateur turned pro last Thursday and will be playing for money this coming week at the European Open.

Mostly No-Shows and Missed-Cuts this week so no movement to report in our funky pool. The best any of us could do was a T-16 with either Justin Leonard or "Veej." The "Texas Swing" continues with The Crowne Plaza event in Fort Worth this week where Amy's husband, Phil, would have been defending champion.

Overheard from the TV tower; there's been some course changes on the venerable Colonial layout. We'll see if it's still "short-knockers" heaven. A course that only Corey Pavin and Scott Verplank could love. Four of us love Rod Pampling, four dig T. Clark and three like Stephan Ames off last year's good finish here.

Valero Texas Open

Beat Your Boss

Date Written: May 18, 2009

Six pool players picked Zach Johnson to win this past week at The Valero Texas Open and struck gold. I can't remember as many winners since a couple of years ago when a bunch of us picked V.J. to win The Mercedes and he did. Three rookies in this here pool are now leading the pack. The Muffins, have taken over the top spot, Bill Sundali slides neatly into second place, just ahead of Tobacco Road who held the lead for quite a few weeks but had a No-Show with DL III. The Muffins and Sundali have now picked the winner of an individual event TWICE. Personally, I haven't sniffed a win since 'ought 8'. I wouldn't know what it smelled like. Those of you who had Justin Leonard or Stephen Ames must have been heartbroken down the stretch at La Cantera Golf Club in San Antonio where they played the Valero. They each had their chances to win. No one, of course, picked Paul Goydos who bogeyed the last two holes to miss the playoff between Zachie and youngster, James Driscoll, by a shot.

Excerpted from Brian Wacker, PGATour.com site producer:

Lance Ten Broeck, Jesper Parnevik's caddie, but a pro in his own right, got word that he would be filling in as an alternate for ailing David Berganio, Jr. So, after caddying for Jesper in the morning in Texas, he played in the tournament itself in the afternoon. One problem. Actually, two. Ten Broeck didn't have his clubs with him. He didn't even have a pair of pants. And he wasn't about to borrow his boss' -- clubs or pants, that is -- so he drove to a nearby Dillards at the Shops at LaCantera, where he bought a pair of pants. He also secured a set of clubs from Richard S. Johnson, a putter from Tag Ridings and a pair of shoes from David Duval. He just missed the cut in Texas with borrowed clubs and clothes when asked to fill-in.

If you want to read a more complete version of, "Beat Your Boss" click below:

http://www.pgatour.com/2009/r/05/18/lance.parnevik/index.html

A few other golf news events this week:

PGA Champion and TV analyst Bob Rosburg. passed away. If you are as old as I am, you will remember his dippy, short backswing and terrific ability to get up and down. For years, "Rossie" was the "on course" recognizable voice on ABC golf telecasts.

Aussie, Michael Sim, won for the second time on The Nationwide Tour in less than a month. Three wins in a Nationwide season gets one a "battlefield promotion"...an automatic pass onto the BIG tour. And add another name to add to your memory bank: Some writer said a star was born when local Irish hero,

Shane Lowry, became just the third amateur to win on The European Tour - at The Irish Open on the third extra hole in miserable weather.

Adam Scott has been playing like a dog, and six of you have him this week at the Byron Nelson. I'll just say good luck!

Finally, Charlie Tuna sends along a remarkable YouTube of Fred Astaire tap dancing and hitting golf balls at the same time. You've got to see his remarkable timing:

http://www.stracka.com/golf-blogs/blogs_post.asp?id=3357105

The Player's Championship

Flawless

Date Written: May 12, 2009

I had this week's column all but written in my mind by the end of the third round on Saturday night. It was going to be about Alex Cejka's unbelievable 10-shot victory at The Player's. Normally, I start thinking about what I'm going to write before the weekend and jot down a few notes so I won't forget where I'm going. This week I didn't think I would have to change much because "Cejka-Slovakia" had a five stroke lead going into the last round. The theme for this week was going to be how someone ranked 267th in the world, playing one of the fastest, most difficult courses ever devised, against the best field assembled all year, could win so easily. Chejka had started Tour events 195 times without a victory. The way he was hitting fairways and knocking down putts, I'm thinking beta-blockers. On a more sober note, I'm also thinking to include some dialogue about how his victory might reinforce the theory that there are about a thousands players with a decent-enough game, who can win on the tour on any given week. Well, like all best-laid-plans, I had to trash my notes. It didn't take long into the last round for Cejka to unravel. He played back to his also-ran form and ranking with a last round 79...13 shots worse than the ultimate winner, Henrik Stenson. Imagine the peloton in cycling roaring by him like he was standing still or Wily Coyote getting flattened by a falling boulder.

Ian (The Fashion Plate) Poulter was prescient on Saturday when he suggested in a post game interview:

"It's going to be a difficult day for Alex on Sunday. He's playing with Tiger. He's got a five-shot lead. He's going to be having dinner tonight thinking 11 under par should be good enough."

Stenson lapped the field with a bogey-free, diamond-like, flawless performance that will surely rank as one of the best rounds on tour this year. When asked at the end of the round if he felt as if he had played a different golf course than the rest of the field, Stenson replied: "No, it was still Sawgrass, I promise you." If the golf course wasn't different, his game was certainly different...different substantially than all his peers.

In our funky pool, Pat Moloney and Doug B. won a pile of dough in the huge $9.5 mil purse for their astute pick of Stenson. Pat jumps all the way from tenth to second and Doug B. into sixth. Nice go'n guys. Vijay's final round 67 (T-9), allows Tobacco Road to keep his lead as we pass the halfway point in the season.

The Quail Hollow Championship

The Capitalist Open

Date Written: May 4, 2009

The tournament fka (formerly known as) The Wachovia, was a doozy this past week. A great field, a terrific course with slick, sloping greens that scared the Bee-Jesus out of the players and a stretch of holes at the end that demanded consummate precision. Thirteen guys were within four shots going into the last round, including God hisself.

Bob Harig of ESPN.com summed up Sean O'Hair's victory best. Click on the link below for an interesting take. Y'awl remember Sean's 5-shot lead collapse at Bay Hill in late-March?

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/columns/story?columnist=harig_bob&id=4130841

In our funky pool, the best anyone could do was Bob Bruce and Corn Beef Taco's pick of Jim Furyk for a T-11. Eight of youse had Benny (The Jet) Curtis (T-32) who didn't play back to last year's runner-up finish. Onward to the fifth major...The Player's...this week at TPC Sawgrass where just about everyone on the planet will watch the car wreck known as the 17th hole. Five of us like Sergio to repeat this week and there's only one no-show...Olazabal (John Flynt).

What would this column be if I couldn't make my weekly social rant? The former title sponsor, Wachovia Bank, crashed and burned as the fifth largest financial institution late last year and got swallowed up by Wells Fargo Bank. Wachovia's super-aggressive, go-go, decision-makers were a bunch of real lulus. No financial endeavor they concocted was without a unique profit angle or a wicked tax advantage. Given the backdrop of the seizure that took place here in Ketchum this week of the F.B.I. (First Bank of Idaho), I've been reading up on the on-going bank debacle, which like a giant ball of yarn, is destined to unravel even further. For now, Wachovia wins the award as being the biggest bank miscreant thus far. It's successor, Wells, has been reported by the Associated Press along with the banking behemoths, Bank of America and Citibank, as not being able to pass the government's "financial stress test" to see if they are truly solvent. Are all our banks near bankruptcy? Should you "short" their stock that you hold in your IRA....take out your deposits? The PGA Tour's marketing department scrambled to change the name of the Wachovia tournament to "The Quail Hollow Championship" which doesn't say much to the corporate world. I suppose they'll have to look for a different title sponsor next year. Maybe they'll end up calling the event the "Chapter 11 Championship" or the "FDIC Open"?

Click on the link below to read more about Wachovia:

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/business/companies/wachovia_corporation/index.html?scp=1-spot&sq=wachovia&st=cse

This whole banking debacle reminds me of the Enron scandal of 2001. If you have some extra time, "Netflix" the documentary, "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," or read the book of the same title. If there is an annual award for corporate skullduggery, the two key executives of Enron, Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, would win hands-down. They served up the most remarkable heavy topping of creamy bullshit that all but two little ladies, one of the press (Fortune) and one honest corporate underling. In the end, their proclamations were truly pitiful. But reserve your true pity for the poor employees who had their retirement invested in Enron stock, while Kenny-boy and little-Jeffrey cashed in their stock before the collapse of their worthless company. It's ironic and almost laughable that less than 10 years later, the under-regulated Wall Street boys (who add zilch to the actual, real economy) invented some new instruments called credit default swaps and derivatives which will ultimately end up costing our children about 4 trillion taxpayer dollars.

While on the topic of crooks, for good measure you can throw into my new book, "The Pantheon of Pricks," that good old-fashioned Ponzi-schemer, Bernard Madoff (ironic that his name is pronounced "Made-Off"), who bilked hundreds out of billions while our government regulators, the SEC, fiddled. The message: Don't trust ANYONE...especially large financial institutions, accountants, investment advisors and certainly not your government. I don't! I think it will take at least a generation to regain the trust of our institutions. For now, just put your money in your mattress.

Finally, on a lighter note: Because golf is such a wonderful metaphor and distraction....the following is from a David Brooks' column in the NY Times on May Day:

"The key factor separating geniuses from the merely accomplished is not a divine spark. It's not I.Q., a generally bad predictor of success, even in realms like chess. Instead, it's deliberate practice. Top performers spend more hours (many more hours) rigorously practicing their craft."

If you're not worn out from too much reading, click on the link below to read the full context of Mr. Brooks' comments:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/01/opinion/01brooks.html?em

Now I'm truly worn out but I feel better. Writing is good therapy.

Zurich Classic

The Hurricane Open

Date Written: April 29, 2009

A bunch of guys had chances on the back nine last weekend in New Orleans to win. Jerry Kelly ended up with the victory, but "Three Sticks" (C. Howell, III) could easily claim that he gave it away with two bogies over the last seven holes. It's not the first time that "III" has not finished the deal. The law firm of Sabbatini Wi Marino & Toms had their chances but fell just short.

AVONDALE, La. (AP) - Andres Romero, the defending champion of the Zurich Classic, was disqualified after the first two rounds for signing an incorrect scorecard. Romero shot what he thought was a 3-over-par 75, pushing him to 5 over for the tournament. That score would have missed the cut, projected at 1 under. Romero told officials at the scorers' table he made a five at the par-5 18th. The 2008 PGA Tour Rookie of the Year didn't remember the one-stroke penalty he received for hitting his first shot into the water.

Best showing in our fantasy pool went to Scott Winegar, of Boise (The Meeting Network) fame, who had the smarts to pick local Louisiana fave, David Toms for a T-5 showing. Bottom dwellers, R & R, had their best finish of the year (T-11) with "L.O." (the Lessor Ogilvie...Joe). No one, of course, had the surprise kid on the leaderboard, Aron Watkins, who's a Q-School graduate playing in only his 7th PGA sponsored event. Master Watkins will probably be house hunting this week or paying off his investors with the 200 large he pocketed with his T-7 finish.

AK won this coming week's event at Quail Hollow last year and only one pool player deigned to pick him to repeat this year. Were we collectively figuring he was destined for a better showing this year and picked him to win a Major? That's what I figured. Eight of youse think Benny Curtis, who was runner-up last year, will prevail this week. Go figure.

Finally, If you're like me, you need an occasional fix on the John Daly soap opera called, "In Treatment," click on the link below:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/sports_blog/2009/04/a-slimmer-john-daly-is-back-on-the-course.html

Verizon Heritage

Business-like Brian

Date Written: April 20, 2009

Brian Gay is 5' 10". Tim Wilkinson, his playing partner in the last round this week, tops out at 5' 7''...on a good day. Luke Donald and Briny Baird, who eventually finished T-2, are 5' 10" and 5' 11. None of them weighs more than 170 lbs. or have forearms that would remind you of Popeye, John Henry or J.B. Holmes.

So let's raise our glasses and toast normal-sized guys. They played the big bombers to a standstill on the short (less than 7,000 yards) Harbour Town course. What a unique concept...having to hit it straight...not getting to bomb it over every dogleg.

I loved watching this tournament, because I'm an older short-knocker who hits it mostly straight. Tight fairways, smallish greens, shortsided pin placements, and a gazillion trees. Trees...did I say trees? There are one or two giant carnivorous things that overhang every fairway at every dogleg and eat golfballs that are slightly off line. My kind of course...maybe.

It was amazing to watch Brian Gay go about his business this week. Man was he thorough....like a neuro-surgeon navigating our nerveways. He just quietly excelled at every aspect of the game, demolishing the field by an astounding ten strokes with his combination of straight driving, lights-out putting. and an over 90% scramble factor. His victory was the first double-digit triumph on the PGA TOUR since Phil Mickelson won the 2006 BellSouth Classic by 13 shots.

The most remarkable stats: Gay is 178th on tour in driving length and 4th in driving accuracy. It is surely an overstatement that his skills matched up perfectly with the venue. For further "stat" evidence of Gay's superiorty, click on the link below for an analysis from the PGATour website:

http://www.pga.com/2009/instruction/features/04/19/weaver_verizon_heritage/index.html

Mizuno and Sligo (who's clothes are obviously designed by someone in love with sherbet colors), certainly got their money's worth with Gay's "face time" this week. If I were his agent, I'd opt for a more traditional clothing deal.

"The Big Easy Open" is on tap for this coming week. Six of youse like Andres Romero and four think "Woodhead" Austin will prevail. Otherwise, there's a bunch of No-Shows (NS).

The Masters

Say You, Say Me

Date Written: April 13, 2009

Said Mickelson: "It was fun."

Said Woods: "It was terrible."

Said "Bones" Mackay (Phil's caddy): "This was the most fun I've ever had on a golf course. It was very, very cool."

Said Stevie Williams (Tiger's caddy): "I wouldn't call Mickelson a great player because I hate the . . . ."

Said Kenny Perry: "I'll be OK. Great players get it done, Angel got it done."

Said Angel Cabrera: "I do what I do." (Huh?).

Said Chad Campbell: "I kind of blew it myself."



Say you.....?

Say Me: In the spirit of "Less is More;" I am going to refrain from Masters redundancy. Suffice to say it was magnificent TV. I watched it on TIVO today (Monday), already knowing the results, of course, and it was still terrific. I was busy over the weekend slashing it around Clear Lakes Country Club in lovely Downtown Buhl, Idaho. It weren't no Augusta National or Pebble Beach but it was still fun. Young Jeff Wong knows Buhl. Jeff and I were The Odd Couple When he was living in Idaho and we had a blast playing together.

Eleven of us had Lefty who finished a solo fifth. But for the twelve hole's "sawed-off 9-iron" that he chunked and a couple of missed putts on 15 and 17, he could have easily won his third green jacket. Might have scored about 62 which would have broken the scoring record in any Major

Pool-wise, it was kind of a wash in the first, double-money Major of the year. Our current leader, Tobacco Road, (along with Harry of Miltenberger, and John Flynt), blew their Tiger bullet for the year for a lousy 485K.

Boo or Badds are the consensus picks on the tight little track called Harbour Town Golf Links at Hilton Head this week.

Shell Houston Open

Bogies are Good


Date Written: April 7, 2009

Question: When is "bogey" a good score? Answer: When the Tour is playing in Texas in April, the wind is gusting to thirty five MPH, every round is delayed by weather, and the finishing hole's a bitch. Paul Casey bogies the dreaded eighteenth twice in a row and wins.

Tobacco Road cracks the $3 Mil. mark in our funky pool with his blind-ass pick of J.B. Holmes. But Master Holmes doesn't make it easy for Tobacco. He makes a 14-foot par putt on the dreaded eighteenth to post a score. Then he has to wait nearly three hours to see if anyone can catch him. Luckily for us "also-rans," Casey's bogey on the last hole in regulation was enough to guarantee a playoff. Then J.B. rinses his tee ball on the first playoff hole (the eighteenth, of course) and Casey just needs bogey again to prevail for his first-ever, PGA Tour win. His bogies saves us other pool-players about half-a-million that Holmes/Tobacco could have earned if Holmes, had listened to his own advice and played safe on eighteen.

For those that missed the tournament, eighteen at Redstone's a brutal, long par four over water from tee to green that played to a 5.103 average during the fourth round. There were more double bogies on eighteen on the last day than there were pars. And as if eighteen weren't tough enough, I counted seven professionals who shot 80 or more on the last round. Local favorite, "Boom Boom" Couples bogeyed the last 3 holes to finish two back and cause Corn Beef Taco some major heartburn.

If "Lefty" thought Houston was going to be a good tune-up for The Masters he was mistaken. 77, 76 allowed him to catch an early flight to Augusta. Eleven of us have him to win this coming week. Let's hope he finds a swing for the first of our "Double Money Majors."

Arnold Palmer

He's Baaack

Date Written: March 30, 2009

It was just like old times yesterday. Tiger in the last foursome, so totally focused that it didn't seem to matter who he was playing against.

One could sense from the start that a five shot lead was not going to be enough for his latest victim, young Sean O’Hair. If one were looking for a sign early-on in the match, Master Sean left a few first putts, frighteningly short. Everyone in the gallery must have sensed his nervousness. A stunning graphic statistic was uncovered by an astute underling on the TV staff: of the eighty-odd times that Tiger’s played with the lead in the last foursome, he’s beaten his opponent straight-up, about seventy times. So...playing head-to-head against Tiger, (aka GOD), is not a good thing. But don’t feel too bad for Sean...he's in some good company. There’s a long list of better-known players who have thought they were up to the task.

Johnny Miller reminded us near the end of the thrashing that Tiger’s not only the best ball striker and hardest worker on the planet, he’s the best pressure putter too. Johnny also noted the difference between a champion and a challenger, "He's like the sun and you're like butter." Yes indeed...Tiger's six less putts over the last round would add up perfectly for the difference in the match.

I could only feel for fellow pool players, Perry Sato, Scott Winegar and Charlie Tuna. They had Sean picked for the week and they were looking pretty good with his lead. Fast-forward to the 72nd hole. I can imagine those three guys, in the prone position, peering at their TV’s from under their respective coffee tables as Tiger was contemplating that last putt on eighteen. The bad news was Tiger’s putt cost them about 400 G's...the difference between first and second. The good news was that the boys banked $680,000 for Sean's second place finish. One of our rookie players, Charlie Tuna,(who must think this game is easy), vaults into the money lead heading into the first of the double-money Majors at Augusta in two weeks.

If indeed, that "metaphor is everything," (and God knows, golf is filled with metaphor), I found a very clever and funny little book entitled, “Sum: Forty Tales From the Afterlives.” The Author, David Eagleman, is a neuro-scientist who teaches at Baylor Medical College in Houston. The book is a collection of his unexpected tales of afterlives that we have probably never considered. I’m gonna find his email address and offer to write a story for his next edition about playing endless golf in my next life in God’s foursome. Wouldn’t it be fun to think that when we go to our final resting place….Pebble, Pinehurst, Augusta....in the sky….and we find out that God,(picture Tiger in a long, flowing, red satin robe), has finally broken through to a single digit handicap and he can’t seem to play enough. More importantly, he tells St. Peter to give any golfnuts like us a free pass to join him in his Universal Foursome. We get to play all the famous courses whenever we want…at no expense, of course. I’ve heard there are some great tracks in the Alpha Omega Star System. Forget the idea of a soul, hell, purgatory, etc…let’s just play...for ever!

On to Houston for the warm-up to Augusta. Seven of us like Chad, of Campbell Soup fame.

Think Tiger needs any more practice for the Majors? Only Tobacco Road, Harry of Miltenberger and John Flynt thought to pick Tiger at Augusta. The rest of us probably over-thought his recovery from surgery and guessed he wouldn’t be fit by April. Now we are in double (money) trouble.

Transitions

Copperhead Credit
Date Written: March 23, 2009

You might have thought that Retief Goosen won this week at the Transitions. But I think the golf course itself was the winner. For those of us who thought Florida is as flat as a pancake, we've gotta re-think. The terrain at the Copperhead course at the Innisbrook Resort features up to 70 feet of elevation change. We should genuflect to the genius who picked out this site. Smart course architecture, small, subtle, super-fast, 13-stimp greens, tucked pins, narrow fairways, lots of varied trees, plenty of water and gnarly, sticky rough...a tasty recipe for a great potential venue for a US Open. Even though one doesn't get the true feeling of height, depth and slope watching television, it was fun to see "par" be a good score and to see the BIG BOYS struggle down the home stretch. There must have been 10 guys within two strokes on the last day, most guarding against a big number coming down the stretch. For those stat freaks, the cumulative scoring average for the week was 72.157 on the par-71 layout.

From the ESPN website:

"Retief Goosen made an amazing 55-of-55 on putts 5 feet or less for the week on greens he likened to the sinister surfaces he overcame at a place called Shinnecock Hills -- where he won the 2004 U.S. Open."

From John Maginnes of the PGATour website:

"If you think that the Copperhead course is just another Florida course, think again. It is atypical in every respect. Unlike most courses in the Sunshine State that wind their way through the flat peninsula, Innisbrook sits on a rare and special strip of land. Although it has all the elements of a typical Florida course -- wind, water and sand -- this layout features dramatic elevation changes. From the first hole, a downhill par 5, to the 18th, a sweeping, uphill par 4, every shot possesses its own unique challenge. Many of the holes feature elevated, well-protected greens that are a challenge to hit from the fairway and nearly impossible to hit from the rough."

Goosen apparently ditched his recent experiment with a belly putter just in time and went back to his old, YES! putter. If he keeps his stroke, he's a contender at The Master's in two weeks.

On the flipside of the planet, A Thai-guy named Chapchai Nirat, set what is believed to be the lowest 72-hole score in any tournament ever in this week's Asian Tour event in New Delhi, going 32-under to win by 11 shots. I don't care if you are playing Twin Falls Muni, making birdie on nearly half the holes, is something. You might add "Chap's" name to the list of "wannabe's" to watch on the PGA Tour next year...his dream is to play here.

The best any of us could do in the pool was a mere pittance...T-19 by Kevin Sutherland which allowed Rory "The Dawg" Mitchell to get out of the Dawg House. Otherwise, the course beat us all up. I can't remember there being so many Missed Cuts. Most of our consensus choice's; Senden, O'Hair, and Snoteker (I had him), didn't play back to their past performance. So much for form.

Onward to Arnold's Gig at Bay Hill in Orlando. Tiger's in the field, trying to sharpen his teeth for Augusta.

In deference to the Florida swing, I featured this week's image entitled, "Okefenokee Municipal Golf Course" by an illustrator named Loyal H. Chapman. When you are on his website, you can click on his images to enlarge them and get an idea of his illustrative skill, imagination and playfulness:

http://www.infamousgolfholes.com/OrderPosterPrints.htm

WGC/CA

Rush to Judgement

Date Written: March 16, 2009
Four chip-ins and forty two putts through the first two rounds ought to assure anyone of a win. Add in the fact that "Phil the Thrill" was driving the ball better and his short game was working well, it's no wonder he would win at Doral. Yet, in the end, he still had his hands full with "The Fresno Bulldog," Nick Watney, winning by only a single shot this week. "Fresno" weren't no slouch either. He proved his mettle earlier in the year by coming from five shots back in the last round to win The Buick Invite at Torrey Pines. Except for two shitty bunker shots and a bogey on a closing par five with a four-iron in-hand for his second shot, he could have cashed the winner's check. But alas, Lefty prevailed, despite the Bulldog's tenacity.

Lefty also wins two other subordinate awards for the week: "The Coast-To-Coast Grass Award:" for winning on Kikuyu/Poa Anna at Riviera in L.A. in mid-February and then on Bermuda at Doral this week. He also wins, "The Gut Check Award," for having to endure the stomach flu. Way to tough it out, Phil.

Jim "The Twitch" Furyk, mastered his stuttering putter routine and fired a nifty 31 on the last nine holes to garner a solo 3rd spot which allowed The Muffins to inch over Tobacco Road into first place in our funky pool. Glenn Marzion and Scott Winegar also had Furyk. Four others had Camilo (T-5 ) for a nice bit of gelt.

To quote Shakespeare (of literary, not graphite fame), "What's in a name?" Peppered at the top of the final leader board at Doral were names which we are not familiar: Jeev, Aiken, Wilson, Kjeldsen, Marksaeng, Quiros, Oosthuizen...and of course, "THE WUNDERKID," Rory McIlroy. There's no question that golf is global. And in the spirit of the acceptance of diversity, have you wondered why I de-faced the picture of Rush Limbaugh for this week's lead image? First off, because, all at once, I'm jealous, amazed and discouraged that his audience is so huge. And second of all, because I've been reading this giant book about Albert Speer; Hitler's architect and Minister of Armaments and War Production. Mr. Speer's defense at the WWII trials at Nuremburg was his disclaimer that he was so busy planning and building for The Third Reich and that he didn't know his boss, Adolph Hitler, was gassing millions or planning to conquer Europe. Talk about myopia. If there's a lesson to be learned from history, all of us must be vigilant and pay attention to those who take it upon themselves to foist their agenda/propaganda on us.

Mr. Limbaugh not only plays a lousy game of golf, he plays a lousy game of citizenship. His public wish to have our brand new President "fail" is scary and falls into the category of demagoguery. It's one thing to disagree with policy, quite another to express ill-will for our country. If Rush is "the best voice" that my Republican golfing friends have to offer, they might be inching closer to extinction...IF the electorate is paying attention. I know, I know...you're probably thinking it's bad form to mix politics with fun. But the mission of this-here blog has always been to try to weave related social metaphors into the game we love.

On a lighter note, a funny forward from my favorite golf cartoonist, Roy Doty, which should help us seniors manage our "going" problem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TvwhB_2-vs&feature=player_embedded