Date Written: January 22, 2008
First the news: Long-hitting D.J. Trahan, four down with 10 holes to play, fires a nifty 3-under on the last nine holes and cleans Justin (Mr. Robot) Leonard's clock at "The Lopez."Now the story: Justin's swing has always reminded me of Iron Byron. Before I go any further, I ought to tell y'all who are not golf equipment junkies, exactly who this character, "Iron Byron" is:
Iron Byron is actually a robot named after the great Byron Nelson, whose swing was so consistent and perfect that legend has it that only a mechanical man could replicate it. Iron Byron can be adjusted to repeat the same swing ten thousand times which is useful for comparing the relative properties of clubs and balls. If such-and-such a new model of golf ball is submitted by a manufacturer for approval by the USGA, it gets smacked a few hundred times by the machine and the average distance the ball travels forms the basis of whether it conforms to acceptable limits of carry and roll for a given swing velocity. The story goes that until the USGA moved their testing indoors, Iron Byron's swing was so consistent that they had to replace the center line of the test fairway every two years because of the turf damage caused by golf balls landing in the same spot over and over again.
So back to Justin. The "Theory of Repitivity," a term I just made up as it applies to the golf swing, goes something like this: "It don't matter what your swing path might look like, just get the club head square at the bottom and repeat it, machine-like, every time." (The actual mathematical formula for the Theory of Repitivity is YNS=2/7, but don't ask me to explain further.) Most savvy, teaching-types will tell you that the gazillion variant swings they see on the driving range which can qualify as ugly, un-athletic, un-gainly, reverse weight-shifting, mechanical, wavy, whatever; can still work, scoring-wise, if they are able to be repeated. To my eye, there's nothing smooth or graceful about Justin's swing. He looks like a linebacker who has never touched a football and has been recruited to play quarterback. Even his shoulder-driven putting stroke appears to be stiff and mechanical. It's almost as if he had his wrists and shoulders surgically fused. Justin's "robotic" action makes me wonder how he fu#ks, but that's a story for another day. I read somewhere long ago that he lines up his shirts in his closet...all headed North. Don't all our swings match our personality? Not to beat a dead robot, but have you noticed how Justin even folds his glove in his back pocket? O.K., O.K.
Like all machines, the human robot broke down yesterday. Maybe I should go back to the lab and factor emotion into my equation.
It would only be fair here to admit that my own life and my own closet looks more like Allen Doyle's backswing than Justin's closet. But my guess is that no matter their disparate swings, Allen's and Justin's mindset is the same: find the fairway off the tee, aim for the middle of the green with your second shot, sink a few putts. Duh! I understand the thinking, I just don't like the watching. It seems to lack a sense spontaneity and athletic grace. Neither would be mistaken for the smooth swing action of a Steve Elkington or Tom Purtzer. But one certainly can't argue with economic success. Justin and Allen have been consistent winners over the years and have a much better relationship with their CPA and banker than I do.
A couple of other story lines to come out of "The Lopez:" Boom Boom makes a cut, albeit finishing at the end of the pack and Dustin (Another) Johnson, the youngest kid to survive Q-School, finishes T-12. Best finish for this weeks fantasy pool pickers belongs to T & A who picked "Blondie" (Charlie Hoffman) who finished T-8. Charlie loves the low desert, having won here in '07 and majored in golf and blackjack in the high desert at UNLV.
For those ten of you who figured Justin Rose would show-up at The Lopez, I offer this quote gleaned from some busy reporter:
Tim Petrovic and his amateur partners reached the turn, went into the clubhouse, read the newspaper and sat on the porch and waited for four groups to tee off on the tenth hole. Their round took SIX HOURS! Petrovic said some of the tour players don't enter the tournament because they don't like the pro-am format.
No one I know likes slow play, especially our hometown pro and fellow pool player, Doyle Corbett. If Doyle had his wish, golf would be played in under 3 hours. Playing six hour rounds...with actors no less, has got to rival water boarding as torture. To paraphrase an old line about actors from "The Producers," you wouldn't want to eat with 'em...why would you play a six-hour round with 'em.
Six Howell's, Five Bubba's, four Calc's and one Tiger (John Manocheo) are the "chosen few" in San Diego this coming week. What's Manocheo thinking? The U.S. Open, in mid-June pays double and it's played on the same course, Torrey Pines. Maybe John's thinkin' a win's a win? Maybe he wasn't 'thinkin?
Only one no show this week...Oberholser. I read this morning that Lefty was having some breathing problems and was told by his doctor to go home and rest. He might not show up, which would break two other hearts.
Does Anyone Care Department: John Daly withdrew from another tournament...he bailed after the third round.
And finally, "The Barclay's" may or may not be played this year (August 21-24) at Westchester C.C. Click on the link below to read the PGA's vague explanation of the problems. I read where Tiger doesn't like Westchester's Poa Anna greens, so if the venue is changed, he might actually show. Remember Tiger and Lefty each chose to skip one event of last years, final-four Fed-Ex's?
http://www.thegolfchannel.com/core.aspx?page=15101&dv=7351724&select=24768
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