The Colonial

The Mouth That Roared

Date Written: May 31, 2007

Rory "I Am The Greatest" Sabbatini, Jim "Back-Off" Furyk, and Bernhard "Das ist ja zum Verzweifeln!!" Langer dueled it out in overtime at The Colonial. The transplanted (South African) Dallas homie, Mr. Sabbatini, prevailed in sudden death....proving to the golfing planet that he can chew gum and putt at the same.

Y'all remember that this here Rory's the same guy who wasn't afraid to verbally and publicly challenge God (a.k.a. El Tigre) a couple of weeks ago? Before he shot 74 in the last round of The Wachovia and was paired with God himself, he blathered to a willing reporter from XM Radio that, "he wanted HIM (God) in the final pairing on Sunday." Can you imagine the chutzpah? This just shows to go you that most athletes should never open their mouths. With his mouth still in overdrive, Mr. Roar-y added to his idiocy by saying, "I'm going to prove my victory at Riviera (The L.A. Open) last year...was no accident. And that being "paired with Woods was like 'David vs Goliath,' jokingly referring to Woods as the underdog." Do you think this whipper-snapper's bull%#@& sat well with our God? Nooooooooo. When asked for a quote about Roar-y's loose-lips-sink-ships diatribe, God reminded his picayune friend that he's won 9 times on Tour over his last 12 events...and don't @#*% with him.

It's easy to get on Sabbatini's case. The tacky tee-shirt message worn by his wife Amy, either refers to Sabbatini's slow-play tete-a-tete last year with Ben Crane or it's a cheer for Roar-y to KEEP-IT-UP at home. It didn't help Roar-y's image that in a recent poll of tour players, he won the ignominious award as the player who most (25%) of the other guys DID NOT want to play with. That said, there is no denying that he can play.....it's just that he can't think! Like Lefty, his mouth over-swing is as bad as his driver's. Basta Sabbo.....until the next paragraph.

Rod Pampling earned a nice check for three of you fantasy players (The Donald, Kevin and Woody/Doyle) with his T-12 finish. Onward to Jack's Bash (The Memorial) where six of youse contendas have picked "Mr. Solid," Zach Johnson. Our featured poor baby, Mr. Roar-y, has decided to skip the event. He says he needs to rest because he's played 5 weeks in a row. I need a rest too....from one-dimensional, dim-witted, egotistical, gum-chewing, oversized-belt-buckle-wearing atholes.

To quote my son, that's my rant for the week.
I'm going to lay down.